And The A-List Mystery Actor Playing Guy LaPointe in Kevin Smith’s “Tusk” Is… (SPOILER)

OK… last chance to keep from spoiling who the unbilled, “quirky”, well-liked A-List actor playing the detective in Kevin Smith’s body horror opus Tusk. Are you sure you don’t want to preserve the surprise?

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Mr. Johnny Depp! Just who we had hoped it would be. His daughter also appears in the movie.

This isn't necessarily him in character, just a photo of Mr. Depp. We looked really hard for one of him appearing in the movie, too.

This isn’t necessarily him in character, just a photo of Mr. Depp. We looked really hard for one of him appearing in the movie, too.

Kevin Smith’s first choice for the role was Quentin Tarantino, whom Smith says turned the part down because he’s not really focusing on acting so much these days. This may be–OK, will be– the only time in history Johnny Depp was the second choice for an acting role after the part was declined by Tarantino! Wikipedia (with Smith’s podcast as the source) says that Tusk’s starting date was delayed to November  2013 due to the filming location moving from Canada to North Carolina, “then an additional two days of filming occurred in Los Angeles for scenes involving Johnny Depp’s character Guy LaPointe”. Here’s the citation for that.

Sources:

Fangoria.com

Wikipedia

plus some guy starring in the movie names Justin Long.

Who knows, they all could be lying their asses off as part of some elaborate prank, but that would actually hurt rather than help the movie. All sources point to Johnny Depp as the unbilled actor playing a (retired) detective looking into the missing-persons case of Justin Long’s character.  We’re also going out on a limb here and guessing the detective will be killed right after he discovers that Michael Parks character has kidnapped him. A moment too late!

Here’s the first full-length trailer for Tusk, and honestly, we think it looks pretty goddamned horrifying (“fucked-up” seems to be the most used adjective by fans who caught the premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival Midnight Madness showing recently).

That’s what he gets for growing that hipster walrus mustache, huh?

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Read EW.com’s ‘Bates Motel’ Season Finale Postmortem: What’s Next for Dylan …and the New Part of Norman ‘Psycho’ Fans Will Dig – SPOILERS!

Norma Bates: [voiceover in police custody, as Norman is thinking] It’s sad, when a mother has to speak the words that condemn her own son… in the end he intended to tell them I killed those girls and that man… as if I could do anything but just sit and stare, like one of his stuffed birds…  Let them see what kind of a person I am. I’m not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching… they’ll see. They’ll see and they’ll know, and they’ll say, “Why, she wouldn’t even harm a fly…”

(From Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho, 1960)

 

Don’t read this until after you’ve watched the Season Two finale of “Bates Motel,” unless you want SPOILERS!

That final shot of this season of Bates Motel, an intentional homage to the last shot of Perkins sitting in a room at a different police station in the film Psycho, almost gave me a chill… like watching that scene in the movie does every time. Creepy, and a great season finale. If you were really into this season of Bates Motel, don’t forget to watch the after-show, “After Hours at the Bates Motel” (or it might be the other way around, but you get the idea). There are lots of cool interviews (Highmore is not the only British cast member), trivia (the actor who portrays Dylan, Max Thieriot , was unwise enough to challenge Kenny Johnson, the actor who played his father Caleb and longtime arm-wrestling champion ranked #3 in the entire US, to arm-wrestling*), and even the fairly entertaining gag reel from this season. A&E is re-running the finale and the after-show on Tuesday, I believe-check your local listings, or Comcast on Demand.

Here’s another piece from EW.com-– this one more of a “reaction piece”. Seems a lot of people were horrified by that kiss, among other things. It was a little uncomfortable, but they didn’t get that passionate (thank God) and only would have really creeped me out if it had gone on another second or so… or there was tongue.  Bleh.  Some fans seem more upset about that kiss than the fact that Dylan’s father is also his uncle.

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*I did have a good laugh in the episode this season where Norman, who looks like he weighs maybe a buck-fifty soaking wet, tried to overpower Kenny Johnson’s character Caleb and stab him. If Norman had somehow managed to best him in combat, I’m not sure if I could ever have taken the show seriously again.

The Editing Room Takes On The Prawns In District 9: The Abridged Script!

SHARLTO COPLEY

(to documentary cameras)

Hey, look, that alien has a canister of fluid I’ve never seen before. Let me point it at my face.

THE ALIEN’S FLUID erupts into SHARLTO’S MOUTH, which is a LOT LESS DIRTY than it SOUNDS.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Well, I’m sure that’s nothing to worry about.

(coughing fit)

No sense in reporting it to anyone.

(vomits black oil)

I’m going to head home to the wife.

(several fingers and his left ear fall off)

 

-From the Abridged Script by Rick Lewis

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Disclaimer: Personally, I have absolutely no complaints whatever about District 9. In fact, it is on the list of movies that I rented and completely fell in love with so much that I either paused it halfway in to go online and purchase a copy of the movie, or did so immediately after the end credits start rolling. So, I don’t agree with the gripes about the movie that Rick Lewis, writer of the ‘abridged script’ has. That being said, the Abridged Script is fucking hilarious and worth a read. Check it out by clicking below!

 

District 9: The Abridged Script  – The Editing Room.

 

BTW, I wish the phone number for “Multi-National United,” the shitty corporation in the movie, still worked. They not only had this awesome viral feature up and running, but they had a phone tree. At the time, I pressed “3” to report a (fictional) sighting of a ‘prawn’ and when they actually asked me to describe the encounter with as many details as I could on their voicemail (after agreeing they could use it for promotion without giving me any credit) I ad-libbed a complaint about my neighbors encouraging them to come onto our “human-only” property by feeding them cat food. Shit, maybe it does still work! If you can make out the phone number on the promo material/poster in the image (I can’t), what the hell, give it a shot. I didn’t even get through all the options.

Read The Variety Film Review Of ‘The Quiet Ones’ From Hammer Films (2014) – Plus a Link To Details On The “True Events”

OK, this is a mediocre review,* but it’s the first negative one I’ve read. I hope it turns out better than Charles Gant here at Variety says, because I really want the rebooted Hammer Films to be successful. I loved The Woman In Black (which the advertisements are citing “by the makers of”, but other than Hammer Films, none of the creative, writing or directing talent–and do mean talent– from that team has anything to do with “The Quiet Ones” (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on that).

I actually was looking forward to the film until this ‘stinger’ shot at the end of the TV spot for “The Quiet Ones” (it aired during The Walking Dead season finale and I haven’t seen it since; maybe they blew their whole TV advertising budget buying that slot), which had potential to be cool until you see the Syfy movie-quality CGI apparent:

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Hell, I’ll probably see it, just not in the theater.  My April 2014 movie budget will only let me see one horror film in the theater, and I’m saving that for “Oculus” (Rated R for “terror, graphic violence, disturbing images, and brief language” -not the only reason we want to see it, but honestly, it sure doesn’t hurt).

“The Quiet Ones” opens April 25th, 2014 and is rated PG-13.

 

*and I do also mean that the review itself is mediocre;  I’d like to know more reasons other than being unable to hold a flashlight and film at the same time during the ‘found-footage’ clips, and that the original experiment wasn’t interesting enough to warrant a film. Speaking of that, read more details about the real-life experiment that inspired the film here in a well-researched and interesting piece on Rhino’s Horror; since I’ve read Ryan’s article on RH, I strongly disagree that the actual study is too boring for a movie– and that it “offers little that is new or original”. Really? Got any suggestions for things you felt the movie was missing or that would have improved it? No? Then your review doesn’t exactly blow me out of the water. I got officially sick of this being used in horror movie reviews–especially from mainstream review sites who don’t exactly apply themselves when it comes to the horror genre– when I read a few reviews that said this about “The Conjuring”, and “Mama” among other films.

Hellions Horror Video Contest!

Couldn’t let this post from Ryan at Rhino’s Horror for a new contest pass without spreading the word! Can a horror short two minutes or less be scary as hell? Well, the short film “Mama” clocks in at two minutes, forty-five seconds (minus the end credits) and still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I’ve watched it dozens of times (hey, it’s a work of art) and still find it actively frightening. Horror Boom has posted plenty of Drew Daywalt’s “Fear Factory” shorts such as “Bedfellows” and “Mockingbird” that are LESS than two minutes. So yeah, I have faith that this contest will result in plenty untapped talent applying themselves, and ending up with contest entries that are the stuff of nightmares. Check out the piece for the rules and the deadline (click on “View Original” link at the bottom). What’s extra great is that the piece will actually be included (not just an extra on DVD) in the upcoming horror film Hellions (from Bruce McDonald, director of Pontypool). How cool is that?

Hellions

As all of you guys know, Bruce McDonald—director of Pontypool—is currently hard at work on his latest horror feature Hellions, which is currently in the editing stage. In their way of giving back to the indie community, the cool cats behind Hellions are hosting an awesome short film contest to help spread the work of indie filmmakers. How cool is that? All you have to do is create the scariest short film up to 2 minutes long, and if they pick you as a winner you’ll have your work not only seen by horror fans from all over, but it will actually be seen in the film itself! Below are all the details!

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CAT Scan Tells Sylvester the Mummy’s Secret: Preservation No Accident

I’ll paying a visit to Ye Olde Curiosity shop this next week and will be sure to say hello for you (if you’d like) to Sylvester the Mummy in his nice glass case. I’m also following up with a piece of the shop itself soon, so check back (or do a Google search for lots of interesting reading)! Click Ye Big Linke below to read the article – I’m glad they confirmed the guy is real (unlike, say, the Fiji Mermaid, who I was very, very happy to find out was man-made). Check out the gallery below (I don’t own the copyright to any of these, nor did I take them myself. Hopefully I’ll be raking my own pics when I visit).

But beware of Sylvester’s lady companion… less quaint and more, what’s the word, horrifying. Jaw hanging wide open and slightly askew, five feet tall and weighing twenty pounds, tufts of hair on her withered skull (the hair may or may not be legit; it’s not like they could put a Tina Turner wig or glamorous blonde wavy one on when it needed to look, well, ).  Nightmare material for sure; there’s a reason that I usually spend way less time peering at her than I do Sylvester. They found her in a cave and for being un-embalmed, experts say she held up pretty well. They’re pretty sure she died of tuberculosis. Ye Olde Curiosity shop bought her in 1970, and I bet they have to be even more cautious and careful when moving her; I could see her breaking apart like thin, brittle sticks. OK!  Ready to read about Sylvester, who they determined was clearly shot…

CT Tells Mummy’s Secret: Preservation No Accident.

 

Film Review: ‘Killers’

OK, we’re not sure whether this review is an endorsement to horror/gore fans (sounds like you damn well better be into both if you plan on seeing it) or a warning. When a review describes a J-horror slasher/action movie as “utterly depraved” and “profoundly sleazy,” that’s going to get it in our watch list. On the other hand, the VERY red band trailer on Dread Central (which you can watch here on their site, there’s no You Tube link) does look sort of torture porn-y (even very ‘cinematic and sophisticated’ torture porn, as Variety’s reviewer Rob Nelson tells us). Every female in the trailer is a victim; though men are the victims of burnings and throat-slashings, the female victim’s deaths shown are more lingering and focused, with a little bit of the what the hell is wrong with me, purposely sitting through this?‘ vibe of self-disgust that certain graphic Japanese horror movies can give you. On the other hand, when a review actually tells you (in a one-word sentence) “Beware”, and is talking about the horrifying content rather than the worthlessness of sitting through the film, we’re not going to rule it out. Since the Sundance premiere on February 1st (we’re willing to guess at least a few moviegoers were heading for the exits during the brutal opening scene), North American distribution has been picked up by Well Go USA.

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UPDATED American Horror Story Coven News! Includes Final Titles and Airdates, Links To Major Episode 11 Spoilers (‘Protect The Coven’), More!

OK! Here’s the non-spoiler, just teaser-type stuff news first… the major leaks (including photos at a funeral in which you can see who if NOT in the coffin) have a special link to them,  so you won’t get surprises ruined if you don’t click on it.

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We have the titles and air dates for the final three episodes, plus a little more.
Airing January 15, 2013: “Protect the Coven” (S3/Ep11) This one is directed by Bradley Buecker and written by Jennifer Salt. Evan Peters and Kathy Bates are both listed in the cast, so I guess we’ll get to catch up to their characters! Buecker was also responsible for directing “The Dead,” Asylum’s “Tricks and Treats” and “Welcome to Briarcliff” …and the AHS Season one finale, “Afterbirth”.  Jennifer Salt’s AHS writing credits include this season’s jaw-dropping “Fearful Pranks Ensue” and Asylum’s nasty yet satisfying, “The Coat-Hanger”.

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Airing January 22, 2013:  This is one of my three favorite titles for the season, alongside “Bitchcraft” and “Burn, Witch, Burn!”:  the penultimate episode of Coven is called “Go To Hell” (S3/Ep12). The episode is directed by the amazing Alfonso Gomez-Rejon and written by Jessica Sharzer (Murphy and Falchuck also have writing credits, but then again, the IMDB lists them as “Creator” on the writing credit for every episode). They also list an acting credit (actor: Danny Cosmo) to a character named simply  “Stinky Man”. Jessica Sharzer has written or shared writing credit on several all-time fan favorite American Horror Story episodes, including this season’s “Burn, Witch, Burn!” and Asylum’s “The Name Game” and “I am Ann Frank, Part 1.”  Gomez-Rejon has directed two of my personal favorite Coven episodes so far, “Boy Parts” and “The Replacements” (This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme, it needs a new rug.”); we already trusted him completely after discovering a year or so ago that he directed Asylum’s “I Am Ann Frank, Part 2”, “Spilt Milk,” and “Madness Ends”. Oh, and he also directed the stunning “Birth”, the penultimate, mind-blowing (and heart-breaking) episode of American Horror Season One.

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Airing January 29th, 2013: Season Finale apparently including “The Seven Wonders” (S3/Ep13)  is also directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon. The writing credit? Doug Petrie, one of our favorite TV writers of all time. Every episode he wrote for Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Season Five’s epic, Spike-centric “Fool For Love” with the Boxer Rebellion and The Subway Slayer flashback, to name one) and Angel were GOLD– not a strikeout among them. This is his first writing credit for American Horror Story other than “The Axman Cometh,” but with his pedigree, we’re not worried.

"Amen!"

“Amen!”

The cast for the finale includes a surprise appearance by yet another award-winning female A-List star …we’re not going to spoil it for you, because it’s that great (though maybe Ryan Murphy will blab about it in an upcoming post-mortem for EW.com; I’d rather have him keep it secret). If you really, really can’t wait and want to know the name of the star now, go to the S3 episode guide/list on IMDB for American Horror Story Coven; she’s credited and you’ll sure as hell know her when you see her. Great casting! Oh, and the entire cold open of the finale will feature yet another appearance/performance by the magical Ms. Stevie Nicks.

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(Begin spoiler-ish section with inks to the really big ones; safe to read if you don’t click any links)
Now! Here are some MAJOR spoilers for Episode 11 of American Horror Story Coven. Keep in mind this is the episode airing AFTER the January 8th (first after the return from hiatus) installment, Episode Ten, entitled, “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks.”

DO NOT CLICK THE LINK BELOW UNLESS YOU WANT TO KNOW! HEY! I SAID–

‘American Horror Story’ Season 3 Spoilers: ‘Coven’ Episode 11 Synopsis Leaks Online!  What Will Happen In ‘Protect The Coven’?

and…

Direct Link to Leaked Photos from Episode 11 Funeral scene (Justjared.com)
 
"Have you MET me?"

“Have you MET me?”

Deaths WILL be happening–and revealed– on this episode, and Delphine LaLaurie? Well, she has one nasty storyline.

Photo released from Ep11, "Protect The Coven" (Courtesy of FX)

Photo released from Ep11, “Protect The Coven” (Courtesy of FX)

‘Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones’: Did it scare you? (SPOILERS)

Spoiler Alert: don’t read if you don’t want to know where at least one of the big jumps is coming in this flick! If you just can’t help yourself and want to read a complete plot spoiler for the entire movie, start to finish (we stopped ourselves about 3/4 of the way through), you can go here to The Movie Spoiler to read it.  If you do want to see Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (AKA Paranormal Activity 5) in the theater, you should probably catch it next weekend; it appears from box office reports (“appears” is the key word here) that it made the most money during the Thursday late-night sneak preview showings and thus may not be lingering in theaters all month. Then again, we didn’t think Insidious Chapter Two would last long in theaters, so what do we know?

Screen shot 2014-01-04 at 1.34.26 AMIt turns out there’s confusion out there over the ‘twist’ ending (the quotation marks are there because we don’t know what it is yet, and it seems like the phrase ‘twist ending’ is over-used/misused a lot these days, and WE will be the judge of if the ending to Paranormal Activity: The Marked ones is a REAL twist ending, thank you very much), so we even found an elaborate discussion of the ending explained here, including how it ties in with the other movies in the series (and some “Easter eggs” for the series). We do know there’s some kind of  {redacted} travel involved…

Horror Boom Creepy Holiday Countdown: The 11 Most Unintentionally Creepy Christmas Ornaments!

 

“So, how can we give our little Santa figurine that extra little bit of flair?” “How about we stick a light inside his head? Like he’s … glowing with Christmas cheer or some shit? Just do it, I’m sure it’ll look fine.”
You were probably too distracted by Santa’s glowing demonic eyes there to notice what he’s sitting on: a tiny little house. And if you don’t think a gigantic Santa whose eye sockets are burning with the fiery embers of hell itself squatting on your roof is terrifying, it’s only because you haven’t seen the video of it in action yet.

-from the “11 Most Unintentionally Creepy Christmas Ornaments” article at Cracked.com

(hit the photo below to cut to the chase, or keep reading for a link at the bottom)

Nope, no serious nightmare material here!

Nope, no serious nightmare material here!

Here we go with another Creepy Holiday Countdown link. What is it, now, 8 days away? AAAAAAAAAIGH! That’s scary enough on its own. Where did that rum eggnog go?

Anyway, don’t miss this one–it’s well worth checking out! The “Snowman” with “Stocking” looks like a prop from a James Wan-directed ghost movie, the “Godzilla Santa” sounds cool until you see the photo–at which point you’ll hope no small children looked up at it and were terrified for life–and “So Apparently Terrified Infant Ornaments Are a Thing”…well, when you see it, you’ll wonder who is the hell thought it would NOT be creepy on a tree. We almost hope that one was intentionally creepy. The writing is hilarious, too-check out both pages! Click below–or on the photo of the ornament, also below, that unintentionally looks like a certain painting to read…

The 11 Most Unintentionally Creepy Christmas Ornaments (At Cracked.com).

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