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Happy Halloween! Five Last-Minute, Fun Time-Killers Before Things Get Kickin’!

31 October 2012

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Hey! I’m pretty sure you’ll all be busy tonight. Whether you’re waiting for your friends to come over and watch some scary 80s classics and get tipsy, taking your kids out to trick or treat, going to a party, or to pass out candy yourself,  or to watch Trick ‘R Treat   and wait for American Horror Story to come on like we are, you may have some time to kill. Here’s some last-minute suggestions.

1.  Remind yourself of the four Halloween Rules with this twisted, fun list Fearnet.com put together to promote their Trick ‘R Treat marathon last year. You can tell they had a pure blast creating them. Check them out below!

2. Have half an hour to kill and want to watch a J-Horror short movie that’ll scare the HELL out of you? Check out my earlier post on Scariest J-Horror Short of the Month (Hell, this YEAR so far) by clicking here.

3.  Want to see one last really great Grim Grinning Ghosts video (until the 2012 Halloween season, that is), this time that someone who knew their old-skool Disney put together?  Depending on your age, it may very well take you right back to your childhood. Being forty-COUGH COUGH…ahem (clearing throat) years old, I didn’t think this was still actually possible for me. If you remember watching Disney’s  Sleepy Hollow  on TV when they used to run it the Sunday before Halloween and getting the hell scared out of you by the Headless Horseman chasing Ichabod Crane over the covered bridge, this will warm (or chill) you right up. Those skeletons really know how to kick up their heel-bones and dance, too.

4. Have you heard of perhaps the scariest goddamned flash horror games on the internet, The House and The House 2? Well, if you haven’t seen them, hold off since I’ve been working on a piece for both. However, this truly frightening, interactive Halloween greeting-game from the same studios that created the aforementioned soil-yourself frightening games. When I played the flash games,  I got the suspicion they were created by a team in South Korea, Japan, or Thailand, because they had a serious Asian Horror vibe.  At the time (in between my high, girly screams and yelps caused by jump scares), I also remember thinking, There is NO WAY anyone in the US could have come up with something this fucking terrifying. Well, after I finished playing this one, a card hops up from the team that created it, and wouldn’t you know,  the studio that created all three was Sinthai studios in Thailand. Patted myself on the back for that call!

Before I give you the link to “The Halloween”, some hints:  at least three things will be swooping down or rushing past you onscreen. Just start moving your cursor around and clicking on everything it indicates you can click on. It’s not a first-person shooter game,  it takes place all in one room, (unlike, say, House or House 2) and not really a puzzle game. The closet it comes to being a puzzle game is you have to click on everything multiple times, in various orders, sometimes many times, for the sudden scares. Light switch, the corner of a piece of paper sticking out of a grate, a pumpkin, if you can click it, keep trying.Turning the lights on and off a bunch of times will give you something …but at some point when you click them on and the room is light again, something blood-curdling may be there this time. You’ll see something when the lights are off, too.
It could take you up to fifteen minutes to get to the grand finale that wraps up the game (and the biggest scare), depending on whether you’re new to this style of point and click game,  maybe less if you play these kinds of horror flash games on a regular basis. If you need hints, comment or drop me a line. If all else fails, I’ll post a walk-through, but since there’s not much exploring to do, you’ll probably get it. You’ll discover just how brave you are, based on knowing you have to click the same item a dozen or more times before it activates the next big scare. Oh, and don’t bother scanning the code with your smart phone, it just takes you to the Sinthai company’s URL–nothing much to see there. Well, you CAN get the URL, I’m just saying it’s not a missing puzzle piece or extra to the game. I believe at the end some kind of thank-you note from the creators pops up with a friendly message and Halloween wishes. I’m sure as hell not going to play the game NOW to find out.

Brave enough to click until the game is completed? If you are and it’s after dark and you’re alone, I’m impressed. Oh yeah… here it is: the link for “The Halloween”. BTW, this is a very safe, trustworthy site, you don’t have to register (though I did), and I’ve gotten zero junk mail or newsletters since I registered. Not too shabby for a free site.

5. Watch the last five minutes of Halloween – Season of The Witch   (AKA Halloween 3 )  below:

…and there you have it. Enjoy your night!

Heads Up!

Heads Up! It’s That Time of Year Again!

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Name That (Horror) Frame – Week of 10/21/12 – Special J-Horror Edition!

22 October 2012

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Ten more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween (Silver Shamrock)!  I actually saw Halloween 3 – Season of the Witch  in the theater with my mom. I was young enough that my memory is kind of fuzzy, but I remember the evil mask scene and the ending pretty well. That jingle got stuck in my head for life! Anyway…

Okay, first of all, none of these are from Ju-On/The Grudge   (I’ll have a new gallery for Ju-on   coming up soon, though – check out my last one if you’re in a Kayako-kinda mood). These are all J-Horror, but they’re not all from the same horror movie – just the same franchise. There’s three installments. All three of them have pretty goddamned scary scenes, but the first is still my favorite. Anyway, if you’re a fan of any of the installments, I think you’ll be able to figure it out –comment away! Those DVDs (all in great condition) are still waiting on a winner…

First up, here’s a scary-ass thing to see talking on the phone… especially if the other person blows you off!

Oh, stop kidding around! There’s nothing behind me…

You’ll REALLY recognize the franchise fast if you recognize this one. Also, if you saw it and don’t remember it …you must have missed this scene!

and finally…

You know, the picture quality is not one is kind of rinky-dink, so here’s a bonus photo (same franchise):

So! Put your guesses in the comments section – and by the way, a shitty US remake was made of the first installment of the series. They managed to somehow take a great set-up and just destroy it. Oh well, if they can fuck up a remake of Shutter,  I guess it’s no big shocker.

Happy Monday!

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Bonus Scary Short Horror Film of the Week – “Suicide Girl”

22 October 2012

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Well, it’s getting closer to Halloween, so I figured I’d toss in a bonus scary short film (since I can’t really say there are TWO  “Scariest Short Horror Films of the Week”).  This was in my private stash I save for future Scariest Shorts; I like to have a few lined up in advance for security, plus I set the bar kind of high and now it can take me sitting and sifting through a dozen of them until I find one that’s nightmare-worthy. Shit, I’d post one a day up until Halloween if I wasn’t worried about running out.

This bonus film is also from the old Daywalt Fear Factory, and it’s called Suicide Girl.  No, not the trashy kind who looks like she fell down a flight of stairs carrying an open tackle box (sorry, not a fan), the kind who is just sad and had all she could take. It’s also always nice to see someone in one of those shorts get what he or she deserves… turn the lights off, the sound up, and check this out…

This is not only creepy and scary as hell, but could also work as a nice anti-bullying public service message! This was written and directed by Drew Daywalt. I need to start checking out his ongoing web series, Camera Obscura.

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Ten Things We Learned from American Horror Story: Asylum Episode S2/Ep01- “Welcome to Briarcliff” (SPOILERS!)

18 October 2012

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 “There is no God. At least no God that would create the things I saw.” —Kit, to Sister Jude

WOW, we learned quite a bit on the Season 2 Premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum (aired 10/17/12) last night! Some of it was pretty goddamned disturbing. Warning: this article CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE EPISODE. Consider yourself spoiler-alerted!

1.  Perhaps I spoke prematurely when I insisted Adam Levine would play a larger role. I’m not sure how long he can make it with an arm ripped off inches below the shoulder, even with that tourniquet, before bleeding out. It doesn’t look like his arguably slutty (actual lines from the episode: “You can totally  put it in my ass right now”, and “No, I want to know what’s in there! Do it again and I’ll blow you.”), wild new wife is going to be able to get medical help quite  as planned (classy).

2.  Kit Walker, played by Evan Peters, has been sent to Briarcliff due to the accusation of being the notorious serial killer Bloody Face, whose MO is skinning his victims alive, from the feet up, and wearing their flesh as a mask.

“A ferret…delightful creature. I used to keep one as a pet. Until it bit me, then I broke its neck.” -Dr. Arden

3.  They weren’t kidding about the aliens. Unless Kit really is  Bloody Face (and completely psychotic), he and his wife are attacked in their home, and Kit is abducted and poked with sharp objects (in places that will make you wince). A fellow patient tells him, after admission, his African-American wife was skinned alive. “I guess you didn’t like her color,” he sneers at Kit,  right before they get in a fist-fight.

4.  They also weren’t kidding about the nuns being kinky. Sister Jude bends poor Kit over her desk roughly and whacks his bare ass with a cane or large ruler, hard enough to leave visible welts. Furthermore, Sister Jude isn’t the only “troubled” nun in residence. Later on, Sister Mary Eunice, weeping, goes to open a HUGE cabinet of canes and spanking devices and pulls out a wooden cane easily the size of a pool cue, bends over Sister Jude’s desk (the same spot Kit got bent over earlier), pulls up her robes  to reveal nothing underneath and begs Sister Jude to punish her (to her credit, sister Jude refuses to smack her more than once (“I don’t have time for this”), and instead tells her, “If you ever hear you call yourself stupid again,  I’ll cane you bloody.”

“Something’s been living  in here.” –Sister Jude

5. Sister Jude seems to be the most uptight, frigid, prude on the show (yes, even for a nun in 1964). Yet during a montage of her cooking dinner for her and the monsignor, she wears a lacy red slip under her and lets her hair down before donning her penguin suit again. She also clearly knows she needs to stay away from alcohol. When the monsignor clasps her hand to make a point when they dine together, she’s visibly moved and imagines removing her nun’s habit to let her hair tumble out and removing her robe sensuously to reveal the sexy red slip, then sitting on his lap and leaning in close to him before she catches herself and snaps back to reality. Troubled past, indeed.

6. Two of the most impressive pieces of Pino Donaggio’s ’s score featured in Brian De Palma’s Carrie  (1976) are used in key scenes of this episode. When Sister Eunice goes out to the woods with the buckets of meat, becoming more and more frightened, the score is the same as the suspenseful  build-up to the prom ‘crowning’ scene when Sue Stern sees the ropes leading to the bucket of blood hanging in the rafters, puts it together too late, tries to warn Miss Collins, but gets thrown out and the gym doors slam closed right before the bucket of blood drops. The music while Kit is brought out of the police vehicle in shackles and led inside the hospital, followed by Lana the reporter, is the same heart-wrenching refrain played after Carrie’s mother stabs her in the back after the prom while they’re saying the Hail Mary together and Carrie tumbles down the stairs, gasping and wounded.

7.  Poor Kit was  thisclose  to getting a lobotomy (without anesthetic) until Dr. Arden discovers what seems to be a black metal alien tracking device implanted in his neck and removes it with a scalpel. Freakier yet, it sprouts six very thin insectoid legs and scuttles out of frame. Looks like this discovery gave him a temporary reprieve.

“She drowned her sister’s baby and then sliced her ears off.”  -Sister Eunice to Lana after Lana calls Pepper (the pinhead she encounters outside the asylum, who has just sweetly handed Lana a rose) “harmless”.

 

8. Either Bloody Face is still alive (doubtful) or the kinky honeymooners are trapped in some kind of time loop from Hell after they snuck into the Asylum to get it on.

9. The secret underground tunnel (the “death chute”),  wasn’t just used to shuttle out bodies during the tuberculosis epidemic. Sister Eunice sneaks around through there to visit the woods (containing, I assume, the raspers) and toss out buckets of offal and raw meat to feed them.

10. Sister Jude may be scary as hell, resort to cruel blackmail, and rule with an iron fist (or a wooden cane) , but she’s on to Dr. Arden, coming as close to calling him on his shit as a nun can, asking him pointedly why of the four patients he claimed have disappeared under his supervision, have ‘died ‘and been cremated (including a fifth the night before), none had family, no one to grieve or ask questions. “I think you’re lying. I’ve dealt with far bigger monsters than you. Let me give you clear warning. I’ll always win against the patriarchal males.” You go, Sistah!

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Name that (Horror) Frame – Week of 10/14/12 – Special Creepy Insane Asylum Edition!

15 October 2012

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Well, American Horror Story: Asylum is coming along in a couple days, so I picked frames from horror movies taking place in haunted –or at least creepy– insane asylums.

First up… it won’t take long to recognize this, but the trick is picking the RIGHT movie, as there’s lobotomy scenes in quite a few horror movies set in or around asylums.

Second up… sorry for the less-than-stellar photo quality, but if you’ve seen the movie, it won’t take long to recognize:

and finally… oh hell, it’s going to be hard enough to identify these as it is, so I’ll flat-out tell you that the third and final frame below is from the same movie as the first image. A little more, what’s the word, memorable,  though…

This isn’t even the most horrifying image from the scene, either. GAH!

OK, so who’s ready for the American Horror Story: Asylum season premiere Wednesday at 10:00PM on FX?  I just wish it was two hours, or even ninety minutes. Watch for plenty of pieces focused on the show all week!

Matteawan Asylum for the Criminally Insane (NY)

Matteawan Asylum for the Criminally Insane (NY) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Sick Horror Short “T is for Talk” Packs a HELL of a Wallop (From “The ABCs of Death” Contest)!

12 October 2012

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The stand-outs so far (according to several sources) were Xavier Gens (who made the brutal Frontier/s  and The Divide;  his name always gets dropped, and rightly so, when people mention ‘New French Extremist Horror’) and his segment called “X to XXL”, where a woman, “takes the ultimate action to reduce her body size”.

“T is for Talk” (2011), directed and co-written by Peter Haynes, was a top vote-getter in the “26th Director” ABCs of Death  contest. Of course, that was back when the voting window for the contest was still open, which I managed to totally miss, thus this series to share the best other shorts with a wider audience. I’m pretty sure you’ll see why; it packs a hell of a wallop into four minutes.  This is definitely one of the most intense entries, and isn’t something you should watch if you’re NOT in the mood for something dark, nasty…and very original. Oh, and if you have a pounding headache, I recommend waiting until your head’s back to normal (you’ll see why pretty fast).  Check out the very NSFW, intense “T is for Talk”, from New Zealand, below!

Damn!   A prequel to that short could be interesting in the right hands. Anyway, that’s eighteen down, seven to go (I think. I’ll do the math later). You can go back and read the first three posts, each with five picks either embedded or linked–some were only on Vimeo or the official voting contest page via the ‘related’ links below, or you can watch the first five entries (plus the introduction) here, the second batch of entries here, and the third bunch of five entries—which has one of the sickest entries in the series– here. I also went and posted a link (I couldn’t embed it) to one that I meant to post, but missed, a couple of weeks ago back in September, which you can check out here. Enjoy, and expect the last eight entries by the time of the full-length movie’s release, which should give me plenty of time since the release date got bumped way the fuck back to January 31st for VOD, and motherfucking March for a limited theatrical run (sigh). I read three reviews from sources I trust, and they said it was kind of a mixed bag; some were more toilet humor/gross-out* than scary or gory (or worth four minutes of your time).

Anyway, now that reviews are coming in, the reviewers said there were some great segments that made The ABCs of Death  worth sitting through. The stand-outs so far (according to several sources) were Xavier Gens (who made the brutal Frontier/s  and The Divide;  his name always gets dropped, and rightly so, when people mention ‘New French Extremist Horror’) and his segment called “X to XXL”, where a woman, “takes the ultimate action to reduce her body size”. My guess it she does a little whittling down at home, taking matters into her own hands by using a sharp blade.**  Another standout is supposed to be “L is for Libido,” dealing with (I am not making this up) a psychotic masturbation contest (worse than a biscuit party, I assume) –gee, how could THAT go horribly wrong in an unrated horror movie?–that ‘ends with sick and deadly results.’  I’m not proud of admitting this, but …SOLD!

Right now, I really  want to see what Banjong Pisathanakun (half the team from Shutter  and  Alone ) does with his four minutes …and with what letter of the alphabet and title. N is for Natre? S is for Siamese Twin? 

Well, that’s seventeen down and eight to go! More to come, definitely before the holidays (and probably sooner).

NO REPEATING

*I wonder if any of them had to (or needed to for the purpose of rating them, no-one held a gun to my head making me watch all of them, it was just too late in my project to back-pedal by then) sit through “T is for Testosterone Replacement Therapy”, “T is for Tentacle Rape“, or “T is for Tampon”? Those weren’t anywhere near scary, they didn’t have a plot, two out of the three were so misogynistic I felt like punching whoever was responsible for them in the teeth, and they didn’t even try to be entertaining –on any level. I got the feeling they only made the films because they had some serious issues and/or really filthy sexual fetishes to work through. Through the years, I’ve picked up on the fact that self-indulgence usually doesn’t make for an end product entertaining for anyone but the artist. Consider yourself warned if you’re somehow still compelled to watch them …especially if you’re eating at the time.

**For a while now, I actually have been fleshing out (no pun intended, I should get of my tired ass and take a stab  at grabbing the thesaurus before half my comments sound like The Cryptkeeper introducing a story, boils and ghouls ) an outline for a short horror story, where a woman with some serious issues hates her body  –and doesn’t have the money to go pay for lipo or another medical procedure. At the end, she really goes over the edge and tries the do-it-yourself approach with craving knives and maybe a vacuüm cleaner or other suction device. The scariest part? I’m afraid if I Googled or otherwise researched this, there will turn out to be not one but a ton of cases of people who already tried to do it. Self-surgery, not writing a short story about it, I mean. There’s no way that’s going to end well…

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Watch the First 5 Minutes of American Horror Story: Asylum – RIGHT NOW!

11 October 2012

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Having sex in all twelve of them? Where 46,000 people died in this last stop alone? Purposely in the most evil, ghastly spots, does anyone really think that’s a good idea (especially on American Horror Story)?  Are they TRYING to rack up the worst karma possible? 

First things first! Watch the first sick five minutes of American Horror Story: Asylum below – including the disturbing new opening credits! Same soundtrack, new hideous images. If you weren’t quite sold before, if you’re a horror fan, these sick (in the best way) five minutes will sell you.  They actually make the first five minutes of Season One look tame (and the first five minutes of American Horror Story Season One weren’t too shabby. But this, THIS stuff,  is terrifying and twisted and dirty and disturbing and extremely NSFW, and I love every freaky minute of it. There, I said it. Somebody had to say it! So, check THIS  crazy, scary, and fun footage out — what are you waiting for? We’ve been waiting all year!

Last stop on the “haunted honeymoon tour”.  46,000 people died there?  Her ideal honeymoon is having sex with her new husband in the twelve most haunted places in the world? I wouldn’t even want to go NEAR them, except maybe during a guided tour in the daytime. The closest we got on our honeymoon was The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.*

Having sex in all twelve of them? Purposely in the most evil, ghastly spots, does anyone really think that’s a good idea (especially on American Horror Story)?  Are they TRYING to rack up the worst karma possible (and that’s at best, assuming none of these places are really haunted, and there’s no squatters or any kind of cult living there). Yes, having sex on an old electroshock therapy table and laughing about it, then sticking your hand into a slot in the cell wall where the most ‘famous inmate’, a notorious serial killer who liked to skin his victim’s faces (yes, I know what his bride’s little reward for that was), even though it’s pitch black. How could THIS go wrong? Enjoy that kinky sex while you can, happy young couple, because something tells me it’s going to be the last time you ever have fun again…

HOAH! They’re not screwing around in the title credits this season.

I’m working on a gallery from the opening credits. But I know one thing. If I could pick one word to describe what this season is going to be like for horror fans and fans of the show, that word would be:

Fun FUN! Oh, baby…

*Uh, I should clarify …NO, we did not have sex in, on, or around The Haunted Mansion. Not only would we probably get arrested and never get to go on the ride again, but it would have been hard to look around and see all the awesome Haunted Mansion sights. Also, it’d be hard enough to manage sex in a “Doom Buggy”, but with the Haunted Hitchhikers in there, it’d definitely be too crowded!

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Ten Reasons We’re So Psyched for American Horror Story: Asylum to Premiere October 17th!

10 October 2012

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Well, it’s about a week or so until the big night arrives the season premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum on Wednesday, October 17th. Now that’s gonna be a looooooong week for us AHS fans! Here’s ten reasons why.

REALLY looking forward to the things in the woods that Sister Jude went to feed in that very early promo. and there is no way that’s not raw meat in the buckets. Plus, is that part of a human arm I see on the ground?  I heard a rumor the creatures are the result of hideous medical experiments gone horrible wrong…

1. This season takes place in 1964. How about a S4 Mad Men crossover? Just have Don Draper or Joan Harris, circa 1964, stroll into frame for a few seconds? Of course that’s not going to happen, but the period mid-60s detail style will be incredible.

2. The return of half the actors from American Horror Story S1, including Jessica Lange as Sister Jude, Sarah Paulson as Lana (a lesbian reporter), Evan Peters as Kit,  Zachary Quinto  as Dr. Thredson, Lily Rabe as Sister Eunice, and Frances Conroy (though they haven’t specified as yet what part she’ll play, I was psyched to see her name).

3. Sister Jude’s dark, perverted back-story —or “troubled past” as I’ve heard it referred to in the press materials.  Speaking of that, you know else had a “troubled past” on American Horror Story last year? Dr. and Mrs. Charles and Nora Montgomery, for one! During the early episodes, it was referred to as a “troubled past”, but boy, what an understament. Their back-story that shocked the hell out of me (and created “the Infantata”,  and made me giddy it was so over-the-top and cool old-school horror. Oh and hey, know who else had a troubled past? Tate Langdon! Surprise surprise, that didn’t go so fucking well for anyone unlucky enough to be involved or get in his way.

4.  A really horrifying serial killer housed in the Asylum known as “Bloody Face”, who Ryan Murphy tweeted about saying he’s ‘this year’s Rubber Man’. I’ve seen photos of Bloody Face in the makeup chair and I’m about twenty times more scared of him than Rubber Man.

Suddenly, Rubber Man doesn’t look so scary…

5. Hopefully finding out what the ‘Easter Egg’ Ryan Murphy described in the S1 episode “Birth” is, and what it has to do with this season. He will not tell ANYONE. Or he could have just been fucking with us. Murphy has also (allegedly)  indicated that, some lingering questions from season 1 may get answered in season 2. Like oh, I don’t know… the ANTICHRIST?   “Now what am I going to do with you? “ Constance asks the unholy toddler lovingly after she came home and discovered he had cut open his nanny’s throat and apparently has had himself a little snack. Maybe that’s why he looked so happy…

6.  Lots of practical effects! Again, I’ve seen photos… the below photo was in also in  Entertainment Weekly when they did a cover story on AHS:Asylum at the end of August …

 

7. The things in the woods that Sister Jude went to feed in that very early promo. I linked to the Entertainment Weekly directly just now because it has a photo with a little more detail, and there is no way that’s not raw meat in the buckets. Plus, is that part of a human arm I see on the ground?  I heard a rumor the creatures are the result of hideous medical experiments gone horrible wrong (at least I HOPE it wasn’t intentional) by…

8. James Cromwell’s character, Dr. Arden. I am now quoting directly from EW.com:  the not-so-good doctor is behind one of the season’s newest frights: the Raspers. The mutated humans lurk in the forest outside of the institution and are a product of Arden’s diabolical experiments on Briarcliff’s inmates  (end quote)  Raspers.  Just that name for them is ghastly!  Raspers (and how they got that way ) show some serious  promise!

9. Some of the talent they’re bringing in as guest stars. Let’s see, among others we got Clea Duvall as the lesbian partner of the reporter played by returning cast member Franke Potente  (Run Lola Run, The Shield, two Bourne movies) Eric Stonestreet (he played a patient terrified of an urban legend about “The Pig Man,” in the season 1 episode “Piggy Piggy” and only lived through the last act of that episode), Chloë Sevigny as Shelley (an inmate committed for her nymphomania–though the 1964 definition/diagnosis was quite different back then), who I miss watching riding the crazy train on Big Love ), and Uncle Ring-a-Ding AKA Hector “Tio” Salamancas himself from Breaking Bad, Scarface, and Oz. Sorry, though, as a diehard Breaking Bad fan, he’ll always be Uncle Ring-a-Ding to me! And I sure wish they’d brought back Denis O’Hare, but when there’s not a schedule conflict, I bet he’ll show up in another role at some point. This just in: Ian McShane, who, as a hardcore Deadwood Fan, I’ll probably always remember as Al Swearagen, is signed for a guest spot. Welcome to the fuckin’ Deadwood Asylum!

10. (SEMI-SPOILER ALERT- highlight to read, though this bit of info was from the EW cover story on AHS, so maybe many people know. I’m just going to err on the side of caution, though). A giant spider-like alien (as also described in that Entertainment Weekly cover story). How cool would it be if they used a mix of  practical and CG effects on that? Or just practical? SOTA could probably come up with it. Maybe we’ll be extra lucky and  (as shown in Mega-Spider, which SOTA effects did some pretty cool spec work for) it’ll have a defense mechanism where it could spray someone with an acidic substance that burns into and melts away human flesh! I was concerned that nun all in white except for her black eyes* (they used her image on the first teaser promo poster, and it’s hard to miss her in those creepy teasers) was the alien. Actually even if she is the alien, or related to that story thread, I still have total faith in Ryan Murphy to make it work. He said in the EW article that spiders scare the hell out of him, which is why he chose the creature design.

* “Black eyes, lifeless eyes, like a doll’s eyes”… (Quint from Jaws  )

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Stitches is One Bad Clown & He’s Got the Quad One-Sheet to Prove it!

9 October 2012

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Personally, I’m not big on evil clowns. They don’t scare me the way they do some people; perhaps because I never had a bad experience at a circus where one suddenly ran out of the darkness at me, or got up in my face. I also haven’t ever been to Cirque De Soliel on ‘shrooms, (or been anywhere near CDeS at all, or ever tried ‘shrooms for that matter). I’ve noticed that Tim Curry‘s portrayal of Pennywise the Clown from the TV miniseries adaptation of Stephen King’s novel It  makes a lot of “Top Ten Scariest”-type lists on You Tube.

Stitches  is one movie with an evil clown that sounds like a fun, fresh premise …made by horror fans for horror fans.

Doesn’t scare me anywhere near as much as, say, almost any Asian ghost-woman with long black hair her in her face creeping towards me with weird crab-like movement that violate the laws of physics, or discovering a substantial spider (or even a medium-sized) one in any part of our house. I wouldn’t want to find a clown (evil or otherwise) hiding in the back seat of my car, or standing across the street glaring at me in the same spot every morning when I go out to get the paper or anything, but they’re just not that creepy to me like they are to Kramer from Seinfeld,  Jesse Eisenberg’s character in Zombieland,  or any of those afflicted with …what’s the actual psychiatric condition for a phobia of clowns?

Who’s THIS fucking clown?

‪Coulrophobia‬ is an actual documented psychological condition, it’s even got a diagnosis code to prove it: DSM-IV Code 300.29).[3] . I’m not going to make fun of anyone’s phobias, I’ve got my own fears that probably sound stupid to most people. The worst thing a spider can do is bite you (which can be potentially dangerous depending on the style of spider) but there’s a local bar we like that has a stuffed, mounted bird-eating tropical spider the size of a fucking dinner place, mounted in a glass display case, clearly not only deceased but placed so high on the wall a grown man would need to get out a ladder to move it. I still can barely look at it and basically pretend it’s not there, no matter how many drinks I have.

Stitches  is one movie with an evil clown that sounds like a fun premise, made by horror fans for horror fans. Oh, and it’s supposed to be plenty gory. I love the back-story (you can read more in the actual re-press link below) and hear it’s supposed to be gruesome and fun …plus even scary for people like me who have clowns downgraded towards the bottom of their list of intrinsically scary things.

One more thing—I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my pick for the most nightmarish scene involving a clown.  When we saw Romero’s Diary of the Dead  in the theater, almost everyone in the audience, including me, exclaimed “HOAH!”  in various volumes. This was just part of the genius of George Romero, who almost seemed as though he tried to come up with a scene that would scare even those of us non-‪Coulrophobia‬cs. Check it out below, now THAT poor kid–even if she escapes– is never going to be okay with anything remotely clown-like the rest of her life.

Now check out the below link for an awesome story from anythinghorror.com to find out much more on the UK horror flick  Stitches!

Stitches is One Bad Clown & He’s Got the Quad One-Sheet to Prove it!
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Name That Horror Frame Contest – Week of 10/7/12 – Special Thai Horror Edition

8 October 2012

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OK, trying a little something new here to see what happens. These aren’t just from a Thai horror movie. They aren’t just from a Thai supernatural  horror movie. They are all actually from the same  Thai supernatural horror movie!

I don’t even know if I should give you more hints than that.  This one is hard to find to rent; I had to watch it online (though if I can find a region 1/PAL version, I’ll probably just buy it). If you’ve seen it, though, you’ll know the answer, and I’m all for giving out a horror DVD to anyone who has also seen this excellent, frightening, fun Thai horror movie.

OK, you know you shouldn’t have hitched a ride in this truck to Bangkok (actually, that sounds like a terrible idea in the first place–I’d take my chances sitting on the roof of the vehicle) when the contents turn out to be anything like the below–

Second up, any sort of explanation for the below frame would take up way too much space. That’s blood, by the way. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of a horror movie from Thailand that had used CGI use so well and discreetly that it wasn’t slightly distracting, and I’m coming up with zero. And I’ve not only seen an extensive amount of Thai horror movies, I’ve seen every one I heard was good (or at least had one really good scare in it) and could get my hands on.

and finally, I’m sure this next one will look familiar if you’ve seen more than two horror movies from Thailand with ghosts in them. But if you recognize the above panels and FACE! YOUR! FEARS! (hint hint), you’ll know how it fits in:

That’s it for this week. If you don’t know what movies these are from and just REALLY want to see them, contact me and I’ll tell you. By the way, the  theatrical trailer for the movie all these frames are from hasn’t been posted yet, but I have it in my “Ten MORE Trailers to Keep You Awake” list, so you’ll know the movie in a month or so, regardless.

Any guesses?

Thai Language Camp Petchabon province

This photo is NOT from a Thai horror movie, I just thought I should show something beautiful from Thailand as well as all the horrifying Thai ghosts! This is a photo from Thai Language Camp, Petchabon province (Photo credit: Daffydus)

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