Here’s Some Comic Relief! Read Orphan: The Abridged Script from Rod Hilton’s The Editing Room

I kept hearing how great this movie was, so I finally broke down and rented it from Netflix. It wasn’t that great. It wasn’t even that good,  actually. Instead, I should have just stuck to reading this “Abridged Script” from The Editing Room, because it’s much more entertaining (and doesn’t take 100 minutes of my time). Click the below image or the link to read. Enjoy!

Orphan: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room.

Why the character dressed like this, is never explained.

 

Advertisements

Horror Boom Halloween Treat – Grim Grinning Ghosts (From Disney’s House of Mouse Episode “House Ghosts”)

As the moon climbs high o’er the dead oak tree,
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree.
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes,
Start to shriek and harmonize.
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize!

I can’t believe this FIRST aired in 2003 (according to this great Disney Wikia);  it looks so old-school –AND SO COOL! “House Ghosts” was the 50th episode of House of Mouse, originally aired on Toon Disney‘s New For You! Show on October 10, 2003. Plot: It’s Halloween, and Pete unleashes some grim grinning ghosts onto the club to try to scare everyone away. This is definitely the highlight of the episode! OK, I haven’t seen the entire epiode, just this, but I find it hard to believe anything could top this show-stopper. Oh, and I forgot all about the Disney character “Pete” until I saw this. Among others, look for an appearance from Constance, AKA the Ghost Bride, who resides in the attic section of the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. She had a fun back story; a “black widow” who had chopped off, I think, her last six husband’s heads!

“I do!” CHOP

I don’t know who did the vocals used on this re-recording of the “Grim Grinning Ghosts” song (© Original music by Buddy Baker and lyrics by F. Xavier Atencio), but it’s one swinging wake. Expect more special Halloween treats to pop up here soon.I’ve got five of them, and will post the final one on Halloween. I’ll toss in as many extras as I can along the treat countdown, too; we horror fans know that Halloween is the real  “most wonderful time of the year”  Enjoy!

-Mrs. Horror Boom

Maybe this is a tribute to the rare “Hatbox Ghost” from the attic. The mid-60s-looking Herman’s Hermits/Brian Jones shag hairstyle threw me off.

Yep, I think that’s him. Either way, both these guys are beyond cool-looking!

OK, I actually stumbled on the whole 8-minute “House Ghosts” episode, and it had so many great references, including appearances by James Woods   Hades (and his demo reel), the Devil in Night on Bald Mountain, and …more than I can count. Worth watching just to see the cameo by Mr. T alone! Nope, I am not making that up. Check it out  below!

 

Bonus Scary Short Horror Film of the Week – “Suicide Girl”

Well, it’s getting closer to Halloween, so I figured I’d toss in a bonus scary short film (since I can’t really say there are TWO  “Scariest Short Horror Films of the Week”).  This was in my private stash I save for future Scariest Shorts; I like to have a few lined up in advance for security, plus I set the bar kind of high and now it can take me sitting and sifting through a dozen of them until I find one that’s nightmare-worthy. Shit, I’d post one a day up until Halloween if I wasn’t worried about running out.

This bonus film is also from the old Daywalt Fear Factory, and it’s called Suicide Girl.  No, not the trashy kind who looks like she fell down a flight of stairs carrying an open tackle box (sorry, not a fan), the kind who is just sad and had all she could take. It’s also always nice to see someone in one of those shorts get what he or she deserves… turn the lights off, the sound up, and check this out…

This is not only creepy and scary as hell, but could also work as a nice anti-bullying public service message! This was written and directed by Drew Daywalt. I need to start checking out his ongoing web series, Camera Obscura.

Ten Things We Learned from American Horror Story: Asylum Episode S2/Ep01- “Welcome to Briarcliff” (SPOILERS!)

 “There is no God. At least no God that would create the things I saw.” —Kit, to Sister Jude

WOW, we learned quite a bit on the Season 2 Premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum (aired 10/17/12) last night! Some of it was pretty goddamned disturbing. Warning: this article CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE EPISODE. Consider yourself spoiler-alerted!

1.  Perhaps I spoke prematurely when I insisted Adam Levine would play a larger role. I’m not sure how long he can make it with an arm ripped off inches below the shoulder, even with that tourniquet, before bleeding out. It doesn’t look like his arguably slutty (actual lines from the episode: “You can totally  put it in my ass right now”, and “No, I want to know what’s in there! Do it again and I’ll blow you.”), wild new wife is going to be able to get medical help quite  as planned (classy).

2.  Kit Walker, played by Evan Peters, has been sent to Briarcliff due to the accusation of being the notorious serial killer Bloody Face, whose MO is skinning his victims alive, from the feet up, and wearing their flesh as a mask.

“A ferret…delightful creature. I used to keep one as a pet. Until it bit me, then I broke its neck.” -Dr. Arden

3.  They weren’t kidding about the aliens. Unless Kit really is  Bloody Face (and completely psychotic), he and his wife are attacked in their home, and Kit is abducted and poked with sharp objects (in places that will make you wince). A fellow patient tells him, after admission, his African-American wife was skinned alive. “I guess you didn’t like her color,” he sneers at Kit,  right before they get in a fist-fight.

4.  They also weren’t kidding about the nuns being kinky. Sister Jude bends poor Kit over her desk roughly and whacks his bare ass with a cane or large ruler, hard enough to leave visible welts. Furthermore, Sister Jude isn’t the only “troubled” nun in residence. Later on, Sister Mary Eunice, weeping, goes to open a HUGE cabinet of canes and spanking devices and pulls out a wooden cane easily the size of a pool cue, bends over Sister Jude’s desk (the same spot Kit got bent over earlier), pulls up her robes  to reveal nothing underneath and begs Sister Jude to punish her (to her credit, sister Jude refuses to smack her more than once (“I don’t have time for this”), and instead tells her, “If you ever hear you call yourself stupid again,  I’ll cane you bloody.”

“Something’s been living  in here.” –Sister Jude

5. Sister Jude seems to be the most uptight, frigid, prude on the show (yes, even for a nun in 1964). Yet during a montage of her cooking dinner for her and the monsignor, she wears a lacy red slip under her and lets her hair down before donning her penguin suit again. She also clearly knows she needs to stay away from alcohol. When the monsignor clasps her hand to make a point when they dine together, she’s visibly moved and imagines removing her nun’s habit to let her hair tumble out and removing her robe sensuously to reveal the sexy red slip, then sitting on his lap and leaning in close to him before she catches herself and snaps back to reality. Troubled past, indeed.

6. Two of the most impressive pieces of Pino Donaggio’s ’s score featured in Brian De Palma’s Carrie  (1976) are used in key scenes of this episode. When Sister Eunice goes out to the woods with the buckets of meat, becoming more and more frightened, the score is the same as the suspenseful  build-up to the prom ‘crowning’ scene when Sue Stern sees the ropes leading to the bucket of blood hanging in the rafters, puts it together too late, tries to warn Miss Collins, but gets thrown out and the gym doors slam closed right before the bucket of blood drops. The music while Kit is brought out of the police vehicle in shackles and led inside the hospital, followed by Lana the reporter, is the same heart-wrenching refrain played after Carrie’s mother stabs her in the back after the prom while they’re saying the Hail Mary together and Carrie tumbles down the stairs, gasping and wounded.

7.  Poor Kit was  thisclose  to getting a lobotomy (without anesthetic) until Dr. Arden discovers what seems to be a black metal alien tracking device implanted in his neck and removes it with a scalpel. Freakier yet, it sprouts six very thin insectoid legs and scuttles out of frame. Looks like this discovery gave him a temporary reprieve.

“She drowned her sister’s baby and then sliced her ears off.”  -Sister Eunice to Lana after Lana calls Pepper (the pinhead she encounters outside the asylum, who has just sweetly handed Lana a rose) “harmless”.

 

8. Either Bloody Face is still alive (doubtful) or the kinky honeymooners are trapped in some kind of time loop from Hell after they snuck into the Asylum to get it on.

9. The secret underground tunnel (the “death chute”),  wasn’t just used to shuttle out bodies during the tuberculosis epidemic. Sister Eunice sneaks around through there to visit the woods (containing, I assume, the raspers) and toss out buckets of offal and raw meat to feed them.

10. Sister Jude may be scary as hell, resort to cruel blackmail, and rule with an iron fist (or a wooden cane) , but she’s on to Dr. Arden, coming as close to calling him on his shit as a nun can, asking him pointedly why of the four patients he claimed have disappeared under his supervision, have ‘died ‘and been cremated (including a fifth the night before), none had family, no one to grieve or ask questions. “I think you’re lying. I’ve dealt with far bigger monsters than you. Let me give you clear warning. I’ll always win against the patriarchal males.” You go, Sistah!

Here’s 13 Essential Tools for Surviving a Zombie Outbreak…

Hey, I had to post something  in consideration of the fact that The Walking Dead Season Three premiere, titled “Seed”, is less than 24 hours away– now with 100% more MICHONNE!

Yep, it’s good to have moleskin on hand, but in my book, I’d take one blister over ten zombies (see the statement that “One Blister Is More Dangerous To You Than Ten Zombies” in the guide below). Unless the blister was caused by stepping on a zombie’s mouth in your bare feet (or you’re such an idiot that you don’t pay attention to it until your foot is rotting off with gangrene, in which case you probably weren’t going to make it long anyway with such shitty survival skills and no common sense), that’d be SO the least of your problems if ten zombies shamble up to you. What’s the worst thing that can happen with a blister without moleskin? It’ll get infected, and I’ll have to use the hydrogen peroxide I’d carry with me in my little first aid I keep in my glove compartment even when the zombie apocalypse hasn’t happened? How is that more dangerous than ten hungry zombies? Worst case, you drain it and put a band-aid over the blister.

Worst case with ten zombies, though? Oh, I don’t know, maybe if they corner or outnumber you when you’re alone and out of bullets, they rip into with their bloodthirsty, decayed, zombie-virus-carrying mouths and teeth, and end up awkwardly pulling you apart, as you slowly die watching them eat your insides, then you come back as a zombie who’ll never get any food because your brain wasn’t destroyed and you’re just a rotting torso making horrible noises, THEN the best case scenario is some compassionate human with a loaded gun or a heavy/sharp tool stumbles over your pathetic, weakly flailing upper half and feels sorry enough for you that they shoot you in the head and put you out of your misery. But God forbid you if have a blister!   Don’t worry about those ten zombies, they’re not as dangerous.  Take care of that blister and apply the moleskin immediately, that’s your top priority. Then you can worry about ending up like “Bicycle Girl,” or some having a pack of cruel, bored human survivors see what happens if they cut off your head and put it on a stick for entertainment, bounce empty beer cans off your forehead, and laugh when you make pathetic attempts to bite them when they hold their hands just out of reach of your mouth. A sore on your foot would be much worse, though!

I’m just kidding.  Either way,  I still thought this was creative on REI’s part, so enjoy this entertaining piece from The Blackened Skull. Their blog rocks. I love the fact that  Dead Alive  is on the “Zombie Research Materials” list. Someone in REI’s marketing department knows their zombie movies!

10/15/12 UPDATE! Here’s the link to watch the (fast-paced and gory as hell) Walking Dead Season 3 Premiere, “Seed”, on AMCTV.com.  It’s only available until Halloween, though.

Blackened Skull

13 Essential Tools for Surviving a Zombie Outbreak

View original post

American Horror Story: Asylum – Over 100 Images of Creepy Shots In New Opening Credits!

Well, if you’re reading this, I assume by now you’ve seen my post that had a You Tube video embedded in it of the first sick, creepy, and fun five minutes of American Horror Story: Asylum (if not, click here). Tuesday evening (well, Wednesday morning, it was definitely after midnight), the only link to the new five minutes was on Facebook, and guess what? It didn’t work (turns out I was not alone)! I was ready to turn in around 5:00 AM, but ended up staying up till after 8:00AM fiddling around with the goddamned thing to get it to work. I finally got so sleepy I decided to say the hell with it and grab some shut-eye. When I logged in today, I wasn’t really expecting anything, but ta-dah! Thus the aforementioned post. That was a pretty cool way to start the day.

Though some people didn’t like Adam Levine and what happened to him (he’s NOT DEAD, upset Adam Levine fans, he’s signed for the whole season) everyone lost their got-damn minds (all at the same time, apparently, judging from the various messages/boards almost bursting into flames.  about the new opening title credits sequence. They –and I — LOVED it. You probably noticed some quick blink-and-you-miss-them moments; flashes of raw, visceral images. I was curious and ended up getting screencaps for as many of those as I could for you to enjoy (I do NOT own them, nor do I own the copyright, they’re here for entertainment only) There’s a few clues –and verification of hints we already got– in there… if you’ve read anything about the upcoming season, you probably noticed them too. If you have theories, share them in the comments section. These filled in a few blanks for me too, I’ll post on it later–nothing that’ll spoil the thrills, though. More to come!

Check THESE out… and enjoy!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

Ten Reasons We’re So Psyched for American Horror Story: Asylum to Premiere October 17th!

Well, it’s about a week or so until the big night arrives the season premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum on Wednesday, October 17th. Now that’s gonna be a looooooong week for us AHS fans! Here’s ten reasons why.

REALLY looking forward to the things in the woods that Sister Jude went to feed in that very early promo. and there is no way that’s not raw meat in the buckets. Plus, is that part of a human arm I see on the ground?  I heard a rumor the creatures are the result of hideous medical experiments gone horrible wrong…

1. This season takes place in 1964. How about a S4 Mad Men crossover? Just have Don Draper or Joan Harris, circa 1964, stroll into frame for a few seconds? Of course that’s not going to happen, but the period mid-60s detail style will be incredible.

2. The return of half the actors from American Horror Story S1, including Jessica Lange as Sister Jude, Sarah Paulson as Lana (a lesbian reporter), Evan Peters as Kit,  Zachary Quinto  as Dr. Thredson, Lily Rabe as Sister Eunice, and Frances Conroy (though they haven’t specified as yet what part she’ll play, I was psyched to see her name).

3. Sister Jude’s dark, perverted back-story —or “troubled past” as I’ve heard it referred to in the press materials.  Speaking of that, you know else had a “troubled past” on American Horror Story last year? Dr. and Mrs. Charles and Nora Montgomery, for one! During the early episodes, it was referred to as a “troubled past”, but boy, what an understament. Their back-story that shocked the hell out of me (and created “the Infantata”,  and made me giddy it was so over-the-top and cool old-school horror. Oh and hey, know who else had a troubled past? Tate Langdon! Surprise surprise, that didn’t go so fucking well for anyone unlucky enough to be involved or get in his way.

4.  A really horrifying serial killer housed in the Asylum known as “Bloody Face”, who Ryan Murphy tweeted about saying he’s ‘this year’s Rubber Man’. I’ve seen photos of Bloody Face in the makeup chair and I’m about twenty times more scared of him than Rubber Man.

Suddenly, Rubber Man doesn’t look so scary…

5. Hopefully finding out what the ‘Easter Egg’ Ryan Murphy described in the S1 episode “Birth” is, and what it has to do with this season. He will not tell ANYONE. Or he could have just been fucking with us. Murphy has also (allegedly)  indicated that, some lingering questions from season 1 may get answered in season 2. Like oh, I don’t know… the ANTICHRIST?   “Now what am I going to do with you? “ Constance asks the unholy toddler lovingly after she came home and discovered he had cut open his nanny’s throat and apparently has had himself a little snack. Maybe that’s why he looked so happy…

6.  Lots of practical effects! Again, I’ve seen photos… the below photo was in also in  Entertainment Weekly when they did a cover story on AHS:Asylum at the end of August …

 

7. The things in the woods that Sister Jude went to feed in that very early promo. I linked to the Entertainment Weekly directly just now because it has a photo with a little more detail, and there is no way that’s not raw meat in the buckets. Plus, is that part of a human arm I see on the ground?  I heard a rumor the creatures are the result of hideous medical experiments gone horrible wrong (at least I HOPE it wasn’t intentional) by…

8. James Cromwell’s character, Dr. Arden. I am now quoting directly from EW.com:  the not-so-good doctor is behind one of the season’s newest frights: the Raspers. The mutated humans lurk in the forest outside of the institution and are a product of Arden’s diabolical experiments on Briarcliff’s inmates  (end quote)  Raspers.  Just that name for them is ghastly!  Raspers (and how they got that way ) show some serious  promise!

9. Some of the talent they’re bringing in as guest stars. Let’s see, among others we got Clea Duvall as the lesbian partner of the reporter played by returning cast member Franke Potente  (Run Lola Run, The Shield, two Bourne movies) Eric Stonestreet (he played a patient terrified of an urban legend about “The Pig Man,” in the season 1 episode “Piggy Piggy” and only lived through the last act of that episode), Chloë Sevigny as Shelley (an inmate committed for her nymphomania–though the 1964 definition/diagnosis was quite different back then), who I miss watching riding the crazy train on Big Love ), and Uncle Ring-a-Ding AKA Hector “Tio” Salamancas himself from Breaking Bad, Scarface, and Oz. Sorry, though, as a diehard Breaking Bad fan, he’ll always be Uncle Ring-a-Ding to me! And I sure wish they’d brought back Denis O’Hare, but when there’s not a schedule conflict, I bet he’ll show up in another role at some point. This just in: Ian McShane, who, as a hardcore Deadwood Fan, I’ll probably always remember as Al Swearagen, is signed for a guest spot. Welcome to the fuckin’ Deadwood Asylum!

10. (SEMI-SPOILER ALERT- highlight to read, though this bit of info was from the EW cover story on AHS, so maybe many people know. I’m just going to err on the side of caution, though). A giant spider-like alien (as also described in that Entertainment Weekly cover story). How cool would it be if they used a mix of  practical and CG effects on that? Or just practical? SOTA could probably come up with it. Maybe we’ll be extra lucky and  (as shown in Mega-Spider, which SOTA effects did some pretty cool spec work for) it’ll have a defense mechanism where it could spray someone with an acidic substance that burns into and melts away human flesh! I was concerned that nun all in white except for her black eyes* (they used her image on the first teaser promo poster, and it’s hard to miss her in those creepy teasers) was the alien. Actually even if she is the alien, or related to that story thread, I still have total faith in Ryan Murphy to make it work. He said in the EW article that spiders scare the hell out of him, which is why he chose the creature design.

* “Black eyes, lifeless eyes, like a doll’s eyes”… (Quint from Jaws  )

 

Name That Horror Frame Contest – Week of 10/7/12 – Special Thai Horror Edition

OK, trying a little something new here to see what happens. These aren’t just from a Thai horror movie. They aren’t just from a Thai supernatural  horror movie. They are all actually from the same  Thai supernatural horror movie!

I don’t even know if I should give you more hints than that.  This one is hard to find to rent; I had to watch it online (though if I can find a region 1/PAL version, I’ll probably just buy it). If you’ve seen it, though, you’ll know the answer, and I’m all for giving out a horror DVD to anyone who has also seen this excellent, frightening, fun Thai horror movie.

OK, you know you shouldn’t have hitched a ride in this truck to Bangkok (actually, that sounds like a terrible idea in the first place–I’d take my chances sitting on the roof of the vehicle) when the contents turn out to be anything like the below–

Second up, any sort of explanation for the below frame would take up way too much space. That’s blood, by the way. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of a horror movie from Thailand that had used CGI use so well and discreetly that it wasn’t slightly distracting, and I’m coming up with zero. And I’ve not only seen an extensive amount of Thai horror movies, I’ve seen every one I heard was good (or at least had one really good scare in it) and could get my hands on.

and finally, I’m sure this next one will look familiar if you’ve seen more than two horror movies from Thailand with ghosts in them. But if you recognize the above panels and FACE! YOUR! FEARS! (hint hint), you’ll know how it fits in:

That’s it for this week. If you don’t know what movies these are from and just REALLY want to see them, contact me and I’ll tell you. By the way, the  theatrical trailer for the movie all these frames are from hasn’t been posted yet, but I have it in my “Ten MORE Trailers to Keep You Awake” list, so you’ll know the movie in a month or so, regardless.

Any guesses?

Thai Language Camp Petchabon province

This photo is NOT from a Thai horror movie, I just thought I should show something beautiful from Thailand as well as all the horrifying Thai ghosts! This is a photo from Thai Language Camp, Petchabon province (Photo credit: Daffydus)

Grave Encounters 2 is Available On Demand 10/2/12 – New ‘Leaked Clip’ and More!

Well, a clip has been released leaked from Grave Encounters 2;   our friends at Dread Central have the article and the clip that arrived mysteriously in their email inbox from someone with the username DeathAwaits.  Hmmm, that sounds familiar, the kind of username that would be in a press kit… let’s see here.

Click here for the full story (and the same clip) on DreadCentral.Com!

That’s strange. He looks as though he may have a bloodshot eye… or is that actual blood in the inner corner?

I wish I had some reviews to link to, but none of the IMDB links work at the time of this writing; they all take me to an error page of some kind. I hope that’s some kind of creative marketing gimmick and not because they ordered all the less-than-positive advance reviews pulled. I think they’ll be positive, though (I trust Uncle Creepy here). Actually, I don’t even know if they could do that (have reviews pulled, that is), so I guess I might actually have to go into a movie clean for once! I don’t have the kind of willpower to avoid reviews of a movie I’ve been excited about for months, even if it’s going to be available to watch in 48 hours.

However, Back To The Movies has posted an exclusive interview (audio) with the director of Grave Encounters 2,  John Poloquin:

Oooo, prosthetics! I’m sure certain shots couldn’t be done without CGI, but I’m really happy they are using practical effects whenever possible. That’s all the new info I’ve got for you for Grave Encounters 2  as of this writing.  However, in anticipation of the On Demand premiere being around the corner, I do have a little ‘photo gallery’ from the original  Grave Encounters  (2011)!  I snapped them the last time I rented it and watched on our flat screen*, and turned the closed captions on (otherwise they wouldn’t be very interesting). I do NOT own the copyrights to any of these images,  I’m posting them here for entertainment purposes only (I’ve got a full disclaimer about copyright issues on this page to cover my ass). If you haven’t seen Grave Encounters  yet, and plan to, you might want to skip the gallery, because several are spoilers as to the fate of certain characters …and BIG jump moments …especially towards the end.

You’d be surprised how many of the shots I took have this exact closed caption. I love how there’s about eight exclamation points, in case the viewer might not get the idea…

I seemed to get a lot of those. I could put up ten photos from different scenes in the movie, and the captions would all be:  [screams] Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!   We see plenty of scream-worthy things in Grave Encounters,  but I ended up capturing an equal number of verbal reactions, some of which didn’t have any distinct image to go with them like the shot above. Example:

And here’s about as minimalist as those shots get for you:

Well,  the below “Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!”  is  in color. Shout out to the top commenter on my Grave Encounters -themed pieces,”Lobotomy Jack” — I bet you can tell which scene this is from!  (10/1 update: he could)

Well, at least that one’s in color. I seriously could put up a dozen of them (plus, the CCs use the caption “Raaaaaar!” for several scary creatures shrieking/roaring).  There’s also a bunch that are captioned with very realistic reactions (I know I’d be yelling the same things at the top of my lungs in their situation at some points):

And I’d be saying/yelling THIS more or less non-stop if I was trapped in that fucking hell-hole:

OK, I’ll get to the gallery/slideshow (however you want to view it) now. I basically picked the shots that were most memorable, as well as lines that strongly evoke the spirit (so to speak) of the movie– the reason why it haunts many of us devoted Grave Encounters  fans. Here we go…

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Is it Tuesday yet?

*As I often do with really cool horror movies, especially if I’m going to write about them. If I’m too tired, taking notes isn’t always fast enough for my horrible short-term memory and ADD, so I get out the camera. The bonus is, though, cool pics for postings and galleries!

Nightmarish First Trailer for “The Bay” (2012) Shows Found-Footage Horror Can Be Fun Again

Do you ever watch a trailer for an upcoming movie and sort of hope it won’t be that  good, because you know if it is, you’re going to have to wait what seems like forever to see it?*

Well, with The Bay, I saw the poster (above)  and thought OK, bland title, but it looks interesting. Body horror! Maybe even a creature feature! As soon as the trailer started I thought, oh shit! Not more  found footageMy current opinion on found-footage horror movies, based on sitting through one too many of them, is that for every great, entertaining found-footage horror movie there’s about ten boring, forgettable, frustrating, or just downright shitty ones, now that everybody has cashed in (or at least tried to) on it.

…seems like a fresh breath for found footage horror. Actually, a pretty fresh breath for a medium-to- wide-release horror movie, whether it’s found footage or not. Contagion was very effective, but did the virus manifest itself in the form of parasites eating the infected ‘from the inside out,’  including their tongues?  No, it did not!

The trailer for The Bay RAINED found-footage clichés.*  Opening of trailer consists of transcript of a woman calling 911, the operator calm but the female caller crying and panicking? Check. Title card describing vague mysterious incident that happened in specific location on specific date? Check. Title card informing us that the US government/military/CDC has held back this footage (…Until Now )? Check. Someone earnestly talking to the camera about how important it is that this footage gets out? Check. Screams, crying, other incoherent sounds of people seriously losing their shit off-camera/out of frame? Check. Security-camera footage integrated? Check. Shaky-cam? Check. Night-vision? Check. Skype? Check. Sound of police radio, walkie-talkie or other static-y communication device indicating the situation is deteriorating/ escalating (“…repeat,  we have a code blue, request back-up immediately…”)? Check. Picture suddenly going into static/pixels right after jump moment? Check.

From what I’ve read, the horrible thing is this is actually a very early stage of the virus…

I’m going to stop listing them now out of compassion for you, the reader, but it’s safe to say we hit the majority of them here. However,  there’s not nearly enough clichés to make me roll my eyes and forget about it the second the trailer ends. Check out the trailer for The Bay  below…

Did that  look boring? Nope! Here’s what the trailer has going for it that I think most horror fans, even those that found-footage has just about worn out their welcome with as much as me, will make a mental note NOT to miss The Bay  for:

  • What seems like a fresh plot for found footage horror. Actually, a pretty fresh plot for a medium-to- wide-release horror movie, whether it’s found footage or not. Contagion  was very effective, (I’m not even a mild germaphobe, but it made my blood run cold more than once) but did the virus manifest itself in the form of parasites eating the infected ‘from the inside out,’  including their tongues ? No, it did not!
  • ‘Body horror’. Someone involved in the creation of The Bay has to be a Cronenberg fan.
  • Also, gory medical horror is all but guaranteed from the trailer.
  • Since the novelty of found footage dissolved, I’ve found the smaller number of characters it focuses on, the less excited I get about seeing it. The Bay seems to have an ensemble cast and a larger scale.
  • The ‘Miss Crustacean’ Beauty Pageant is already fun as hell – imagine adding body-eating parasites into that scenario. Hopefully during a Fourth of July parade.
  • Certain moments in the trailer gave me a genuine feeling of dread.
  • A strong “Don’t Screw With Mother Nature” theme
  • The sense that we might get we may get an ‘all hell completely breaking loose resulting in total fucking gory chaos everywhere’ scene. When the film-makers get it just right, I practically levitate and forget everything and everyone around me, including the fact I’m sitting in a theater… and when really done right, repeat viewings give me the same high, and just as pure.  I realize that it sounds like I’m talking about uncut Heisenberg-formula blue crystal meth cooked up by Walter White and Jesse Pinkman themselves when I try to describe my visceral reaction to these kind of scenes …but I’m pretty sure there’s no narcotic in the world that could make me feel as great as I did watching, say, the last act of The Cabin in the Woods.
  • OK,  I admit it– The Bay  had me at “eating them from the inside out”.

You can find the official website for the upcoming flick here, though as of this writing, all it has is a trailer and the words, “Coming Soon”.

Always, ALWAYS check the back seat!

*Now all the reviews from TIFF are coming in, and everyone has more or less raved about the movie. The word “skin-crawling” comes up a lot in the reviews. The only complaints are that it’s too gruesome, and OH GODDAMNIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT TILL NOVEMBER 2nd? THAT’S OVER A FUCKING MONTH!   OK… breathe…

**Let’s see, where’s that list for my Found Footage Horror Movie Drinking Game™ I was putting together? I’m not joking. I’ve been jotting things down and I still plan to post it once I add some more clichés, then figure out a way to lay out the rules so no-one ends up passing out halfway through the movie.