SHARLTO COPLEY

(to documentary cameras)

Hey, look, that alien has a canister of fluid I’ve never seen before. Let me point it at my face.

THE ALIEN’S FLUID erupts into SHARLTO’S MOUTH, which is a LOT LESS DIRTY than it SOUNDS.

SHARLTO COPLEY

Well, I’m sure that’s nothing to worry about.

(coughing fit)

No sense in reporting it to anyone.

(vomits black oil)

I’m going to head home to the wife.

(several fingers and his left ear fall off)

 

-From the Abridged Script by Rick Lewis

Disclaimer: Personally, I have absolutely no complaints whatever about District 9. In fact, it is on the list of movies that I rented and completely fell in love with so much that I either paused it halfway in to go online and purchase a copy of the movie, or did so immediately after the end credits start rolling. So, I don’t agree with the gripes about the movie that Rick Lewis, writer of the ‘abridged script’ has. That being said, the Abridged Script is fucking hilarious and worth a read. Check it out by clicking below!

District 9: The Abridged Script  – The Editing Room.

BTW, I wish the phone number for “Multi-National United,” the shitty corporation in the movie, still worked. They not only had this awesome viral feature up and running, but they had a phone tree. At the time, I pressed “3” to report a (fictional) sighting of a ‘prawn’ and when they actually asked me to describe the encounter with as many details as I could on their voicemail (after agreeing they could use it for promotion without giving me any credit) I ad-libbed a complaint about my neighbors encouraging them to come onto our “human-only” property by feeding them cat food. Shit, maybe it does still work! If you can make out the phone number on the promo material/poster in the image (I can’t), what the hell, give it a shot. I didn’t even get through all the options.