‘American Horror Story’: Ryan Murphy on the latest ‘Coven’ and teases for season 4 — EXCLUSIVE

Let’s hope they bring Tim Minear back for Season 4–we miss him steering things this season.

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Ten Horrible Things We Learned From American Horror Story Coven Episode Five, “Burn, Witch, Burn!” (Episode Spoilers)

She had a monster for a mother.

 

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Well, hot damn! This may have been the best episode yet this season. I read that Taissa Farmiga said it was the most fun she’d ever had filming anything – who can blame her? These “Ten Things We Learned on American Horror Story Coven” updates are still behind a couple of episodes (partially my fault, but this season is moving so goddamned fast that new information and events are zipping by as fast as Fiona goes through pills and packs of cigarettes), so let’s light that match fast…

None of us are innocent. No-one.

 

1.  We found out right off the bat, in another amazing cold open (this one taking place in the LaLaurie Mansion during an elaborate All Hallow’s Eve masquerade party), that Delphine LaLaurie’s relationship with her three daughters was not quite as pure as the wholesome, loving picture she painted to Fiona in her monologue at the end of “Boy Parts” back in the day.  After she scared off Borquita’s potential suitor in her Halloween “Chamber of Horrors” with authentic human eyeballs and intestines instead of the usual substitute peeled grapes and sausages, they’d gotten so pissed off they started scheming to kill their mother (“She’s horrible!”). Whether or not they would have gone through with it, we’ll never know, because very unfortunately for Borquita (the eldest, who was the one that brought up the idea of murder) and her sisters,  Delphine happened to be listening outside their door at the time. She ordered them dragged up to Delphine’s slice of Hell on earth, the attic (and true chamber of horrors),  had them chained up and tossed in her horribly small cages, and told Borquita as the ringleader she’d give her a special Christmas gift-a mouthful of shit (and her mouth sewed up after-I can think of worse Christmas presents, but not too many).  They all beg and wail apologies; Marie tells them they’d be dead if they weren’t her daughters, but not to worry–they’ll only be up there for a year!

“Begin.”

 

2. It turns out that it was sulphuric acid tossed in poor Cordelia’s eyes by that hooded figure (more on that later), as the doctor tells a near-hysterical Fiona. According to the closed captions, the first coherent thing that Cordelia wailed in the bar after being blinded with acid was “I want my mother!” They were able to save her actual eyes (even though, as Fiona says, they look like marbles) but not her eyesight. That’s bad enough, but she’s gained a new kind of sight-when someone makes physical contact with her (as far as we know, hands need to be involved) she can see their horrible secrets. Now, imagine you’ve had the worst night of your life, getting attacked out of the blue while you were minding your own business, resulting in horrifying, agonizing chemical burns that blinded you for life. THEN as you lay in your hospital bed (in what looked like a pretty shitty, ill-equipped hospital), and your husband puts his hand on you to comfort you, you get a vision of certain knowledge that he’s recently and enthusiastically banged another young woman (and done it before). Ryan Murphy wasn’t kidding when he said Cordelia would have the roughest Halloween night of any of the characters.Screen shot 2013-11-30 at 4.45.35 AM

3.  Fiona had (and probably still has) the power to bring a mother’s stillborn daughter back to life. In an episode that had more than one scene that tugged our heart-strings, this one made me the most emotional. Fiona–barely holding it together– hears the mother’s weeping and enters the hospital room. tells the young woman to pick up her dead, swaddled infant up and look at her (which takes, understandably, a lot of urging for the poor mother) and hold her close (“they’ll feel safer that way”).  Tell her ‘I love you more than the world’. Tell her how beautiful she is. Say ‘I’ll never leave you’. Tell her ‘I’ll be your mother until the day you die’. Tell her again. Then Fiona runs a hand over the infant’s head, who then turns from Wisconsin Death Trip-blue to a healthy pink, and the baby comes back to life. The woman weeps in shock and relief as she hugs her crying infant close. Loving, grateful words spill out of her between sobs, and Fiona silently makes her way out of the room and back into the hall.

 

OK, here’s a side note that can’t wait for ‘Stray Thoughts’. How shitty is your shitty, shitty, very shitty hospital care when you have the tragedy of your baby being stillborn, and they not only leave you alone in the corner of a dank, depressing, dimly lit David Fincher-esque hospital delivery room without a visible IV line in you or even a damn sheet to cover you, but also just almost casually leave the dead, swaddled, stillborn infant– whose face is a blueish purple– on top of a steel table several yards away from you (next to all the steel tools they used for the unsuccessful delivery)?  There was a “code blue” announcement over the hospital PA that sent staff rushing down the hall shortly before Fiona found the deserted room, but still. How did that work? Whoop! plop the dead baby on the table here within sight of the mother, we gotta go! “You’ll be fine on your own for a while lady, and it’s not like your blue, dead baby is going anywhere!”*  Well, on the bright side, the poor woman got her baby’s life back thanks to Fiona’s intervention.

 

This is how it ends–in flames and decay.

 

4. Hank and Fiona really, really hate each other. The insults they hurled when Hank showed up in the hospital room got so loud, ugly, and profane that the nurse stepped in from the hall to tell them one of them needed to leave or get tossed out by security. Fiona (who definitely got in the best verbal jabs) finally told Hank, with no small amount of venom, he had 15 minutes with Cordelia, and then he was going to disappear.  He could either leave on his own… or her way. “I don’t care which –although I prefer the latter,” is Fiona’s great exit line.

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5. While this is going on, “all Hell has opened up upon the doorstep” of the Academy (as a terrified Delphine puts it).  Marie Laveau did the necessary rites and then, after calmly and gracefully lying on her back on the floor, began to levitate. The genuinely horrifying voodoo-summoned zombie pack (referred to by at least one character as an “army”, though there appeared to be closer to a couple dozen of them at most, including the three LaLaurie daughters… not that it wouldn’t seem like an army to me if I’d been in the house they were converging on) stood at what seemed to be deliberate spots, scaring the shit out of everyone but Luke, who went out to tell them to get moving, they’d had their fun. A couple teenage boys picked this unfortunate time to enter the yard and check out the killer “prosthetics”, then one of the best moments of the episode arrived: floating Marie opened her eyes–that awesome white-with-no-pupils look she got in the cold open of the last episode– and intoned “Begin”.  Luke finally got the hint when the zombies started moving (maybe he caught the stench, too) and definitely when a couple of them ripped one of the kid’s guts out. Meanwhile, all the students were doing their best to prepare for the unholy assault to come.**

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6. Zoe has a new power! When her chainsaw stops working just as the heavy-set main hate-crime racist from the early 60s flashback (now in the zombie army of Marie’s) has her cornered, she holds up a hand and blurts out, “Be in your nature.” He promptly collapses, finally dead as a doornail. My speculation is that somehow, this is how Zoe will put Kyle (and maybe even Delphine) out of their misery when we’re closer to the season finale.

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7. …and Marie Laveau (who appeared just as surprised as Zoe was at the result of her words) knows it now; when the big racist zombie dropped, her levitation screeched to a halt as gravity kicked in and brought her body abruptly down to hit the floor.  When she catches her breath, Marie tells Chantal,  “I don’t know what that was, but they got some real power in that witch house now.”

The decision of this council is unanimous and final.

 

8. Delphine might have some traces of humanity left, at least to know she was a horrible mother. She voluntarily opens the door and lets in undead Boquita, murmuring,  “What has she done to you?” then realizes aloud, “No… what have I done to you?”  I’m not sure if she wanted to be close to her daughter, tell her how sorry she was, hoped that maybe Boquita could actually kill her, or some combination of the above. “Boquita… you do know me,” Delphine said with something like hope in her voice when her daughter finally met her gaze… and promptly grabbed her mother’s throat with one hand and lifted her several feet above the floor. When she finally was able to put an end to her daughter by driving a poker through Boquita’s torso before she could hurt Queenie, the way all the life (so to speak) went out of her was a little sad –though I’m not sure if anyone that didn’t have Kathy Bates acting chops could make me feel sorry for (a fictional version of) Delphine LaLaurie. “She had a monster for a mother This last act… was the only kindness I ever did for her,” she told Queenie, then collapsed onto the bigger woman’s chest,  sobbing hopelessly, and Queenie even put an arm around her.

You don’t mess with the Supreme.

 

9.  Myrtle Snow may or may not have been the one to blind Cordelia, but the Council believed it, and that along with her hidden agenda and hidden identity (which Fiona had proof of) and verbal attack on Fiona that only made her look worse, got her sentenced to be burned at the stake. Myrtle finally realizes she’s outnumbered and outgunned, and defiantly and proudly announces she accepts her sentence to be burned at the stake (good for you, Myrt, for refusing to beg like Fiona predicted you would).  She walks to her death with the dignity that only Frances Conroy can project when inhabiting a character (though she’s dressed in a plain white robe, without her  trademark cats-eye glasses and tartan/red ensemble, even losing the crimps in her red mane of hair when they’re dampened by the gasoline). Myrt burned mercifully fast before her screams abruptly came to a halt …but not fast enough for her, I’m guessing.

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10. Queenie felt very guilty about her role in the above. She went to see Fiona, who was in a reasonably good mood (for her, anyway) and told her that she helped Fiona when she asked because she owed her one (a pretty big one), but she thought Myrtle was just going to be exiled or something, not burned at the freaking stake.  Queenie’s ‘role’ in revealed after the burning; Myrtle Snow needed to have sulphuric acid burns on her hand (under her gloves, so Fiona could point it out for maximum dramatic effect at the crucial moment), so Queenie did her Human Voodoo Doll thing and burned her own hand when Fiona cued her. But hey, Queenie, don’t feel too guilty. Misty Day made a surprise appearance in the final minute of the episode, put her healing hands on Myrtle’s charred black (and red) head, and the older woman’s eyes FLEW open. She’ll be back, probably with a vengeance!

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Stray Thoughts:

  • In the opening flashback, when Delphine asked Borquita’s suitor (who was the Governor’s son–is anyone good enough for her daughters?)  if he was man enough brave a visit to her chamber of horrors, I thought she was going to take him to the SERIOUS chamber of horrors in the attic for a second. Also, one of the slaves –in fact, the one who smashed  Borquita’s leg in the door or the cage when Delphine ordered him to was Bastien (who later became Marie Laveau‘s Minotaur).
  • I love that Luke (brave and so far, a good kid) went out to scare off what he assumed were trick-or-treaters playing a prank (one that would have involved days of preparation) before it dawned on him, when he saw them rip a guy to pieces, they were blood-thirsty voodoo zombies… and ended up being rescued by the girls.
  • You didn’t throw that acid, but you might as well have, a lumpy, half-naked creepy male patient (more echoes of Asylum) tells Fiona after he grabs her while she wanders the hospital halls in a pilled-out state.  There are theories out there that Fiona was the real culprit, but that makes no sense for her character–she was clearly still sitting at the bar, and her genuinely heart-broken reaction to Cordelia’s tragedy was the real thing. Also, she had absolutely no motivation. There’s a chance it wasn’t Myrtle, but not a chance in HELL it was Fiona’s doing.
  • Zoe has some serious balls. If a horde of zombies were swarming towards your house, would YOU be brave enough to run outside banging pots and pans together yelling, “HEY! OVER HERE, YOU DEAD PIECES OF SHIT!” repeatedly at the top of your lungs to distract them? Unless it were my immediate family in danger,  I’d be hiding under a bed or something. Since she didn’t have an exit plan in place when her gambit worked, she lucked out and found a chainsaw… and kicked some serious ass; especially impressive when one considers she probably only weighed about twenty pounds more than the large chainsaw.
  • Question: why is it the tradition of the witches and The Council (even though they’ve made clear this is a rare occurrence among themselves) that convicted witches are put to death via the same method that their hate-mongering enemies have always–and continued to–use to kill them (especially when the many of them were innocent, and especially in Salem)? It’s more dramatic to watch, I guess, but it still strikes a slightly discordant note. If it’s been explained why and I missed it, feel free to fill me in, because something about it seems off.
  • I guess Madison really was the first ‘real doll’ that Spalding kept, since about the only things he knows how to do to not get caught with a dead body are to A. hide the body and B. spray Lysol all over to cover the stench of rot.  He sure doesn’t understand rigor mortis; though he was able to put her in the wholesome vintage lace dress he had picked out for her at the reveal towards the end of ‘Fearful Pranks Ensue’, he was clueless enough to jam her in a trunk before she got really stiff, then put all his weight behind pulling her out for his latest little tea-party*** by yanking on her arm (which was skinny and already looked slightly fragile before she was dead). Crunch. Riiiiiiip, OOPS! Murphy said after The Replacements episode aired that this scene (he didn’t reveal the specific scene at the time, but gave so many hints he may as well have) this was the most shocking thing they’ve shot for American Horror Story ever, and even equated it with Grand Guignol (if you’re not familiar with the term, start Googling, and you’ll have some very interesting and entertaining reading to do).  It was a good– and grotesque– moment, but sorry Murphy, I disagree on both claims from the interview.
  • Of all the hilarious lines everyone got in during the whole zombie attack on the Academy, I liked this one best:
    Zoe: (frantically running around to make sure all the windows/blinds are closed) Hey! Turn off all the lights!
    Queenie: Um, I think they already know we’re home.

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*One of my favorite all-time authors lives in New Orléans, and in an article, stated that New Orléans had one of the worst health-care systems in America and ranked lowest on patient care. I don’t know if that’s an actual statistic that’s been verified, but good LORD, that scene (though it was fiction) didn’t do much to sway my opinion in a positive way. That place looked about one or two steps away from Briarcliff Manor in American Horror Story Asylum, for Chrissakes!

**Nan was the one who insisted on carrying the wounded Luke out of the car and to safety when the zombies –remember,  these old-school Voodoo zombies can use tools, which Dr. Herbert West could tell you means “fuck it all and get the hell out of Dodge”–made it through the windshield. “I’ll just wait it out here,” he muttered when Nan told him they needed to hastily exit the car and run.  Go, Nan!

***For the record, I don’t believe that Spalding performed any necrophilia-related activities on Madison’s corpse – the nasty stuff he said in the most recent episode was just to try to sell his story to the girls.

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NEW- Read Ten BIG Secrets of Last Half Of The American Horror Story Coven Season, Spilled By Ryan Murphy (SPOILERS)!

Uh… wow. We’re not entirely sure if Ryan Murphy knows the difference between a “tease” and a spoiler. Lots of these are pretty juicy, and there’s a couple we wish we hadn’t read, or that Murphy had been a little more vague on. But of course, we read them anyway!  The link to the 10-page EW.com piece (which may or may not be an online exclusive, since the issue with the Entertainment Weekly cover story hasn’t shown in the mail yet) puts them on 10 different pages, so you have a chance to stop yourself before you read the next one.

We’ll try to keep the topics vague, but among other things, Ryan Murphy spills on:

  • Exactly how and why Stevie Nicks shows up (we had a theory on it, and now Murphy has confirmed it)
  • Witch Which core characters the last half of the season will focus on
  • If anyone has correctly guessed who the Supreme will be
  • Which character who only had a couple of scenes, then vanished, will be back with a vengeance
  • How Marie Laveau got her eternal youth/immortality (hint: ever heard of Papa Legba?)
  • Delphine LaLaurie‘s upcoming character arc
  • Who has what Murphy refers to as a “juicy midlife crisis”
  • Much more specific info about the witch hunter/s
  • The tone of the finale (which will air near the end of January)

SO, if any of those sound interesting to you and you want some BIG hints (and a couple things Murphy just blurted out rather than hinted at), click the big link below, buckle up, and check out the article! The Stevie Nicks reveal is #10, so you could always skip-click through the first 9 pages to get to it and find out, if you want.

American Horror Story: Coven :  10 Teases  – Photo 1 of 10 | EW.com.

 

And yes, there will be a Christmas break- probably longer than the current Thanksgiving break. The next episode, “The Sacred Talking”, airs on December 4th, 2013 (Eeeek!)

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Ten Unsettling Things We Learned From American Horror Story Coven Episode 3, “The Replacements” (SPOILERS)

Note: Yep, I’m aware this is the Episode 3 piece and that Episode 5 will have aired by the time I post ‘Ten Things’ on Episode 4. Better late than never, and I’m hustling to catch up to get things current, even though an avalanche of “Things We Learned’ will be crashing down all around us while I get up to date. I hope you’ll still get a kick out of some part of these slightly tardy pieces, late or not).

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The original adjective I was going to use in the title was ‘disturbing’, then I realized I’d better save it for later when things got really disturbing. Because if you know American Horror Story, then you know Murphy and Falchuck are only getting warmed up.

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The accompanying sound effect for this in a well-done comic book version would be: SSSSHHHUK!

I have a little surprise for you.

1. Fiona killed the Supreme (who also happened to be her mentor)  before her, Anna Leigh, in 1971. “As I get stronger, you …get ...weaker,“* Fiona tells her, before almost casually cutting Anna Leigh’s throat with a flick her wrist …and a very sharp knife. I’m pretty sure her facial expression didn’t even change. It turns out Spalding saw the whole thing, unfortunately (for him).

SIDEBAR:  I think they should have tried a little harder when it came to casting young Fiona. The actress has Lange’s speech patterns and manner nailed down, but doesn’t even resemble Jessica Lange when she was in her early 20s (or at any age).  They’ve got the blonde hair, but the style looks like it’s more from the present day than 1971. Lange was much more beautiful in her 20s (and 30s, and 40s, and 50s) than the actress playing her. Emma Roberts looks more feasible as a young version of Lange, and she doesn’t have much of a resemblance either. I didn’t expect a dead ringer, but they dropped the ball enough on this that it was actually distracting in all her scenes.

2. We’re pretty sure what he saw is directly responsible for him losing his tongue (episode 4 has aired since I organized this list; now we know it – though if Myrtle hadn’t enchanted his vocal chords to tell nothing but the truth, he probably would have kept his tongue).

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3. Misty Day is lonely. Early in the episode she lays on her bed with Kyle (who wears his usual thousand-yard-stare), listening to “Sara” by Fleetwood Mac —click here for the lyrics, some definitely plaintive– and comments that Stevie Nicks didn’t really find her voice until she found her tribe, and looks suddenly wistful. “That’s the thing. Can’t be your best self until you find your tribe. …I’m still looking for mine,”  she finishes sadly. Misty didn’t want Kyle to leave her, and she wanted Zoe to stay, too. Anyone else start to get nervous when it got physical and looked like they might both start pulling him in opposite directions?

What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?

 

4. Taking Kyle back to his mom (who seemed likeable enough at first, smoking a little weed and not stuck up or unfriendly) turned out to be a horrible idea–not that Zoe had any way of knowing, she was trying to be compassionate. It turned out that Kyle’s mom had been molesting him since her husband “left them”. It didn’t appear to be consensual–like, not at all— and was very hard to watch. Which leads us to…

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5. Stay out of Kyle’s “personal space”. Unless he makes the first move–like he’s done more than once with Zoe when he tentatively reached out to touch, then stroke, her hair– just stay the hell away. He got upset and made an angry animal noise when Misty got a little too touchy-feely when she was trying to get him to stay. When his mother started touching him in a very un-motherly way one too many times, he snapped and completely lost his shit; he also spoke his first word since being resurrected: NO!  Kyle ends up caving her head in (literally, her face was pretty much gone when Zoe found her body) with one of the sports trophies in his bedroom. No means no, Mrs. Spencer.

Too late for tears, damage is done.

 

 

6. If you piss off Marie Laveau, she’ll not only fuck you up, but extend it to your entire immediate family. Cordelia and Fiona (more on her later) both got very, very bad news from their fertility specialist and plastic surgeon, respectively. Fiona’s was worse, but Cordelia became desperate when she got the news that she would never, ever be able to bear children.  She called up Cornrow City and made an appointment to see Marie Laveau about a voodoo fertility rite/spell they both call the “Pochaut Medicine”. Marie, lounging casually but regally on her really bad-ass throne with her iPad, interrupts her game of solitaire to tell Cordelia that she knows who she is AND knows her mother.  She explains the steps of the spell to a very eager Cordelia. The spell (“Ain’t no picnic for anyone involved”) involves the following steps, according to Marie:

  • Pay her $50,000.00 and wait till the next full moon
  • Bring two ounces of her man’s ‘baby gravy’ in a Mason jar (eccch)
  • Add about ten of Marie’s acolytes dressed in full voodoo garb, including a few with painted skull faces)  to provide various percussion instruments, dance, and help with the goat
  • Toss jar onto fire so it appears to boil, no matter how nasty it looks
  • Take a guinea pepper “hotter than Hades” that has been roasting over hot coals for Marie to eat and swallow whole, the suffering of which will get the god’s attention
  • Two guys will pick up Cordelia and ceremonially lay her down, then pull up her red gown to show her lace underwear
  • Sacrifice some poor goat with a sharp blade–as the jar in the fire cracks open- and let the blood drain over her, specifically below the waist, as the aforementioned goat bleeds out
  • When it’s over Marie will sleep for four days and nights.

There is a 100% success rate, and wh–PSYCH! Marie laughs heartily in Cordelia’s face and tells her she will not do the spell for any amount of money, because “you the daughter of my sworn enemy!” Marie stops laughing long enough to look Cordelia right in the eye to tell her, “She done messed with the wrong witch… and she knows it. And now you know it.

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7.  Queenie is either really lonely, or even braver than we thought, or both.  When Queenie’s new maid, one Delphine LaLaurie, recognizes the monster that Marie Laveau (she calls the Minotaur “Bastian”) has sent her way and actually drops to her knees and beseeches Queenie to save her, Queenie doesn’t toss LaLaurie out the door, yell “SHE’S OVER HERE!” and then slam the door behind the evil bitch and lock all the bolts on the doors and windows.** She cuts Delphine’s hand (rather enthusiastically) to soak up some of her blood on a piece of cloth, then relatively calmly–and a little bit coyly–leads the bull away. She talks softly to the Minotaur. “She told me what you did to her daughter. You just wanted love.”  The more seductive she is, the more the bull seems to calm down, seeming thrown off at first by Queenie’s actions.*** You know, suddenly I’m not that comfortable describing what starts to happen, you saw it, but the scene ends with the Minotaur abruptly lunging at her in a blur (it was probably all FX would let the show get away with, content-wise) and Queenie’s muffled scream of pain. I’m sure that and the scenes with Kyle’s monster mom were kind of awkward to film, and hopefully they didn’t need repeated takes.

Self-preservation: it’s the most primal instinct in the human psyche. So what would it take to make a person disregard their will to survive?

 

8. The new neighbors (moving in next door to the Academy) aren’t any fun–well, the teenage son with his shirt off seemed okay (especially when he blew off Madison and was much more friendly to Nan), but his mother, Joan? Not so much.  “Hell is naked before him and destruction hath no covering,” she quotes to her son when she sees he’s taken his sweat-soaked shirt off while moving boxes. We see her causing serious problems for Fiona ahead. I’m pretty sure she’s down with burning every witch in existence at the stake, even if some of the witches are completely benign.

I wish I was as sweet as you think.

 

9. Joan pisses Madison off so much that we learn she has developed pyrokinesis to go with her telekinesis. After Fiona discovers this, she speedily develops a keen interest in Madison …and what else Madison might be able to do, and takes her out to lunch… and later, for drinks.

It’s a dance, a dance no-one ever had to teach me. A dance I’ve known since I first saw my reflection in my father’s eyes. My partners have been princes and starving artists,  Greek gods and clowns. And every one of them certain they lead. But it’s always my dance. I make the first move, which is no move it all. I’ve always just understood they would eventually find themselves in front of me. Beautiful, primitive animals, their bodies responding to the inevitability of it all. It’s my dance, and I have performed it with finesse and abandon with countless partners. Only the faces change. And all this time …I never suspected the night would come when the dance would end.

-Fiona’s ultimately heartbreaking monologue to her surgeon that kicks off Act One of “The Replacements”

10. Along with learning how desperate both Cordelia and Fiona are when they find out that their bodies have turned on them, we learn Fiona is not only desperate, but deadly.  Almost as soon as they return to the Academy, drunk and laughing, Fiona starts spilling her guts. Madison gets really giddy when Fiona tells her she will be the next Supreme, but not so thrilled when Fiona tells her that she learned recently that she has cancer. All through her. She’ll be dead in a year; Fiona’s life force is pouring out of her and into Madison (who has now stopped smiling).  Madison seems to sober up pretty quick when Fiona blurts out her murder confession (along with other regrets about her past decisions). She learns the hard way what we horror fans already know: when someone –who also appears mentally unstable, including violent mood swings–  confesses to a murder and then points out the murder took place in that very room, right where she’s standing now, right with this same weapon here that they’ve kept all these years? Now would be a good time to get the fuck out of there. Instead Madison starts to freak out (but not run–perhaps making the same mistake as Anna Leigh did in 1971: thinking Fiona wasn’t powerful enough at the time to really hurt her) when Fiona turns panicky as well, her eyes wild, beseeching Madison to kill her for the good of the coven, trying to give her the knife while Madison pushes it away. In the confusion, Madison’s throat is neatly sliced and it’s hard to say who looks more shocked (and suddenly sober) for the silent moment before Madison crumples to the floor.  Dead (and still dead, as of this writing).

This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme.  It needs a new rug.

 

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Stray thoughts:

  • I liked the way the 1971 flashback started with Fiona getting up for a midnight snack of alcohol and pills, regarding the painting of Supreme Anna Leigh, and then flashing to the real thing (in the same hair and dress). Also, that the young Fiona wore a black choker.
  • Dephine’s tearful reaction to seeing on “that magic box” that we have a “Negro” President was priceless.  So was her hiss of “LIIIEEESSSS!” to Fiona when she confirmed it. Kathy Bates is really having fun being on the show.
  • A certain popular recap of “The Replacements” referred to the episode (I think it may have even been the headline of the piece) as “Kink-tastic!” That immediately made me lose respect for the writer and their reviews. No. Not “kink-tastic” (which I assume was their cutesy, lazy way of calling it fantastically kinky). There have been scenes in the history of the series where the characters had kinky fun, but not in this episode. Really? Was it kinky fun when Kyle’s mom sexually abused her son? Do you think that in the preview for the next episode, where we saw Queenie with blood soaking the lower half of her dress, that indicated she had kinky fun? I’m definitely no prude, but that casual attitude made me sick. Still does.
  • I have no idea whether Fiona cutting Madison’s throat was planned, an accident, or a spur-of-the moment thing. For the ‘planned’ argument: We saw a shot of Fiona coldly and deliberately pouring her drink on the floor after she’d watched all the men’s eyes glued to Madison in her white bandage dress as she laughed and got noticeably hammered and played pool. Also, she didn’t exactly shed a tear for Madison; instead she sighed, took the fancy napkin Spalding handed to her (we find out in Episode 4 that he heard the shouting and came down to the Great Room to see what was going on) to wipe the blood from her hands, and calmly told him, “Bury her deep. God knows what all that shit in her body will do to the lawn when it comes up in the spring”, and casually sits down and lights a cigarette before delivering the final line.
    For the “unplanned” argument, Fiona was pretty convincing and insistent that Madison cut her throat like she cut Anna Leigh’s, and seemed shocked when the younger girl suddenly had a cut throat. She also put her hands over it for a moment, maybe to try to stop the bleeding, but that didn’t last long after she saw Spalding standing at the base of the staircase again (and after “Fearful Pranks Ensue,” we know why he helped her–both times.  I finally have come to the conclusion as of this writing –I mean literally, as I was typing this up– that Fiona had good temporary intentions of mentoring Madison as the new Supreme, but things speed up quite a bit unexpectedly after she watched Madison in the bar/pool hall and decided she was being replaced… but after watching the struggle with the knife and Madison refusing to take it, I noticed towards the end Fiona looked more furious than desperate and yelled, “Take it, you stupid girl!” into her face as Madison refused to take it. I think her temper (Fiona did have a really shitty day, worse that Cordelia’s) flared at the last second and got the better of her, then Fiona quickly added together what it would mean and decided it was for the best. “She would have made a lousy Supreme,” Fiona tells Spalding at the start of the following episode (but we’ll cover that next time).
  • Nice touch that when Fiona and Madison were out drinking and Jerry Lee Lewis singing “Whole Lot of Shakin’ Going on,” was on the jukebox, the editors decided to leave in that line about “We got the bull by the horns.”  Speaking of which, the half-hand, half-hooves were a clever and creative contribution from whoever did the Creature Design for the Minotaur.
  • Jessica Lange looked more amazing during the final scene in that chic little red dress than she has so far in any scene in the series.

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*Anna Leigh’s response to this is to call young Fiona a “vicious little gash” (damn!) and a “selfish, craven child little child” who will bring the Coven to ruin if she’s allowed to take power.

**Which is probably what I would have done once she told me who she really was Sorry, but I’m not risking my life to try to save the hide of one of the most evil bitches in history. Especially after that comment about how she’d “padlock the icebox and throw away the key” if I was her daughter.

Shit!

Shit!

***Doubt the Minotaur ever had a victim begin to act that way before. “What the hell?  Why isn’t she screaming her head off and flailing around like the other ones do when they see me approach?”

Coming up next, THIS happens in the cold open of “Fearful Pranks Ensue”:

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‘American Horror Story’: Was [SPOILER] really killed off on the latest ‘Coven?!’

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Forget Madison (though she is entertaining to watch), I’m seriously concerned about Queenie!

 

Ten Great Things We Learned From American Horror Story Coven 3.2, “Boy Parts” (SPOILERS)!

“Guess they’re trying to figure out where everything goes… hand me a saw.”

 

Almost everything we learned in “Boy Parts” was entertaining, set up some great future drama/conflict in the season, completely awesome, or all of the above. I can’t remember the last time I felt such a gleeful, happy, and probably slightly wild grin spread across my face for so much of the running time of an American Horror Story episode, which flew by even faster than usual. Half the time I forgot I had something in my lap to jot down notes, I was having so much fun. So let’s get off and running, since I’m also flirting with Episode 3  (“The Replacements”) airing before I can get this piece published*.

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1. Misty Day is alive! She was burned at the stake, but tells Violet Zoe later that Mother Nature healed her.

“You play with dead things, you’re more than likely to join them.”
“Not all dead.”

 

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2. Misty Day (played gleefully by our favorite possessed nun from AHS Asylum, Lilly Rabe) rocks.  In the beautifully shot, satisfying cold open set to Fleetwood Mac’sEdge of Seventeen,”, she gets a kick-ass introduction as two sleazy poachers incur her wrath by “killing one of beautiful creatures… so you can make them into shoes”. Using, as Cordelia called it, the power of resurgence, she brings an alligator strung up from a tree plus the one they just killed back to life; the hanging one suddenly twists and chomps down on the gun-wielding poacher’s torso while the other closes its jaws on the second poacher and drags him into the swamp by his head as he kicks and screams like a little girl.  Later, when Zoe unwittingly summons her, she takes in a resurrected, damaged Kyle back to her shack in the swamp to heal him, asking nothing in return. If you haven’t seen it yet, there’s a great interview with Lily Rabe on EW.com you should definitely check out by clicking here.

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3. Think you had a rough day? Well, poor Zoe’s day was really stressful. Her morning kicked off with two homicide detectives dropping by the Academy to question her and Madison about the bus crash. She’s clearly trying to hold in her panic and not doing a great job of it, but cracks like an egg when they produce a photo of her entering the hospital wing where she banged the rapist frat boy to death, and starts blurting out everything. Fiona is able to use a little witchcraft to salvage the situation with the cops, but tosses both Zoe and Madison through the air and into the walls, and ends her lecture with threatening both of them. “In this whole wide wicked world, the only thing you have to be afraid of… is me.”  Before she has a chance to calm down, Madison takes her to the New Orléans Morgue which includes the dead frat boys, and they aren’t in such good shape; in fact, they’re mangled and dismembered. She’s even more horrified when Madison unzips the body bag containing Kyle’s remains, revealing his body is in several jumbled pieces with his head propped up jauntily in the middle.  Zoe then has to not only help Madison assemble “the perfect boyfriend” (consisting of six different pieces, not all belonging to Kyle) with crude stitches, but go through a terrifying, trippy rite that included inhaling some smoke that makes both of them scream uncontrollably and having Madison slice her palm open. Nothing. Madison goes to wait in the car (but takes off, muttering, “Tough luck, bitch” when she thinks a passer-by might spot her with a joint) while Zoe says her goodbyes. She seems to be pulling herself together, then a security guard comes in, and she has to watch Kyle sit up and then brutally kill the shit out of  the security guard before she can stop him. Zoe then has to clumsily get Kyle (whose demeanor is that of a wild animal that got poked with a stick one too many times) out of there and into the car, which he really doesn’t like; in fact he’s grunting and flailing around that so much poor Zoe (who is also weeping and blurting out apologies) is losing control of the car. Then, as if her nerves weren’t shot to hell already, a strange woman suddenly sits up in the back seat and says, “I forgive you”. Zoe screams and almost drives off the road. That woman turns out to be Misty Day, and the ride smooths out a little after that.

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“You ain’t never gonna believe who’s back.”

 

4.  We find out what we suspected: Fiona dug up Delphine Lalaurie because she wants to get what she has, and that’s eternal life, but her real focus there seems to be on anti-aging. What we didn’t expect is how miserable Lalaurie is; in the final scene of the episode, she tells Fiona she was hoping she was a witch, that way Fiona might know how to kill her. The only real trouble she causes (in this episode) is conking Queenie over the head with a candlestick* and fleeing the Academy, but she doesn’t get far. The next time we see Lalaurie she’s slumped, defeated, on a bench outside what used to be her home and is now a historical site including a “museum of horrors.”

 

Hell is real. I’ve seen it, down in that box.

5. The fictional Delphine Lalaurie got what the real-life Lalaurie deserved. Marie Laveau gave her immortality… after murdering her beloved daughters (and less-than-beloved husband) and stringing them up outside Lalaurie’s home. Marie, surrounded by her followers, tells her that her family suffered greatly before they died, but LaLaurie will suffer far worse, bound and buried alive for all eternity.  There she lays, alive, for 180 years, seeing the faces of her dead daughters and thinking of what was done to them.***

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6. During the final scene with Fiona and Lalaurie on the bench outside the museum, we find out Fiona’s issues with Cordelia might be more complicated than we thought. After Lalaurie mutters about how she loved her daughters, Fiona looks away and replies, “Maybe it’s better. At least in death, you can’t disappoint the ones you love.” Nope, no deep-seated issues there…

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7. Speaking of Cordelia, we find out she and her husband Hank (who I doubt is going to be sticking around long– at least in one piece–after viewing the promo for episode 3) have been trying to have a baby. When fertility drugs don’t do anything but give Cordelia nasty side-effects, Hank urges her to use her magic so they conceive, but Cordelia tells him she can’t just use magic to get everything she wants, because then she’d be just like Fiona. This leads to…

8. The witchy fertility ritual for conception Cordelia and her husband perform leads to some hot, amazing sex. Cordelia, after apparently changing her min for the sake of her husband, performs a rite involving their both their blood, circles of salt, chanting, and large eggs that crack open to reveal baby snakes rapidly slithering out.  The spell was dark, like Cordelia warned the seemingly clueless Hank, but they both seemed to really have fun. Which is good, because I know this isn’t going to end well.

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9. When Mme. Delphine Lalaurie herself calls another woman an “evil bitch,” maybe you should steer clear of that woman. Fiona does no such thing and finds Marie Laveau (the evil bitch referred to) running a salon in the Ninth Ward called “Cornrow City.”  Guess what? They don’t get along so well! In a scene packed with great lines, the two women purr threats and insults at one another, though the only actual damage done is when Fiona momentarily sets a rack of wigs on fire. Laveau keeps her cool, no matter what Fiona says, even when she tells Laveau she has something that the voodoo queen wants. Later in the season, Fiona may secretly wish she’d handled things a little more delicately, because…

10.  Marie kept her lover around. You know, the one in the first scene of the season that Lalaurie shackled up in her torture attic and stuck a giant decapitated bull’s head on?  He looks much scarier and stronger now; even Marie keeps him shackled up (apparently in the back rooms of her salon, where I’m assuming she also lives). “You’ll never guess who’s back,” Marie tells The Minotaur lovingly. Then she explains they have some business to attend to…

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Stray Thoughts:

  • Sometimes dead is better.
  • Detective: Are you in charge here?
    Fiona: I’m Fiona Goode, I’m in charge everywhere.
  • Did Angela Bassett find some kind of anti-aging spell for herself? She’s 55, and doesn’t look a day over 35. Just amazing.

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*I’ll be fleshing (so to speak) this piece out and polishing it up after I get a basic version of it posted–as of this writing it’s 4:00 AM Wednesday and I need some sleep; lack of a normal sleep cycle was what cost me this posting delay in the first place. So, check back if you want to read one where I did research and fact-checking on some of the historical events, cultures, and real-life people referenced in the episode, among other additions.

**Which Ryan Murphy says there’s going to be some serious payback for coming up– having to be Queenie’s slave.

***If I hadn’t read so much about the real-life Lalaurie, I might even have felt a little sorry for her.

Ten Things We Learned From American Horror Story Coven’s Premiere, “Bitchcraft” (SPOILERS Included)!

Zoe: What do we do if we can’t get in?
Fiona: Tear the wall down.

Another season (or ‘Volume’, as Ryan Murphy said he wanted to refer to them-we think it fits and sounds awesome) of American Horror Story, an entire new twisted, fun, and scary world for Murphy and Brad Falchuck to explore and reveal to us! Hold onto your broomsticks and voodoo dolls, ’cause American Horror Story Coven is going to be one fun, fucked-up flight! So, what did we learn? Here’s ten items, dive in. Oh, and we’re adding a new feature to these weekly companion pieces: besides “stray thoughts” that Mrs. Horror Boom wanted to mention* but couldn’t squeeze into the top ten, we’re adding “Predictions and Speculations” (until we come up with a snappier name). As always, we’d love to hear your opinions on them, and your own predictions. Plus, HEADS UP! PLOT SPOILERS (spilled by Ryan Murphy and the cast to TV Guide) for upcoming episodes given at the end of this particular piece.

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1.   Hey guys, don’t have sex with Zoe until she learns to control her power, unless you’re suicidal. It’ll hurt and you’ll start bleeding from every orifice that can be shown on basic cable. I see plenty of theories (or declarations) that Zoe has teeth in a specific part of her anatomy, but since her first lover’s death was deemed a brain aneurism with no mention of “penis also apparently chewed off”, we don’t think that’s it.

“I’ll have what she’s having!”

2. Jessica Lange‘s character continues the tradition of getting all the best lines, from “Don’t make me drop a house on you” to “the world’s not gonna miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy T-shirts”. We look forward to many more.

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3.  Murphy sure wasn’t kidding when he said Taissa Farmiga and Evan Peters would once again be cast as “star-crossed lovers“.  Let’s see, she can’t have traditional sex with a male lover (and who knows if there’s a, er, workaround that’s not fatal), and he was killed by a telekinetic bus accident shortly after meeting his love interest, well before the end of the episode. We see in the previews for the upcoming episode “Boy Parts” (heh) that Madison plans to help Zoe bring him back… in a pretty messy, work-intensive method. The couple –and the writers– definitely have their work cut out for them (so to speak).

Tell us about this accident… and don’t spare us any of the gory details.

4.  Fiona will stop at nothing to get “an infusion of vitality, of youth,” as she puts it to her pet scientist in Los Angeles whose research to discover an anti-aging medication/serum she has funded with her late husband’s money. He tells her they’ll be ready for human trials as early as two years from now – Fiona tells him she wants it now.  The next time we catch up with her, she’s blasting Iron Butterfly and doing rails of coke in her very lavish, rock superstar-quality hotel suite, dancing, doing more coke**, nervously seeing a checking her appearance repeatedly in the mirror** . When she insists he visit her, we learn he’s been injecting her with it (at her insistence and probably threats to cut off funding) for five days, and “nothing, NOTHING has changed!” she yells at him despite his protests that he’s already not supposed to be giving her the drug. “Double the dosage,” she whispers, then practically roars, “GIVE ME MORE!”  He tells her human bodies are organic in nature– “We rot. We die”, then resigns. Fiona slams and locks the doors and tosses him across the room with a very mild hand gesture, then starts giving him a very passionate kiss, so passionate, in fact, that she sucks the life out of him (every review I’ve read compares the way he rapidly ages and shrivels to the scene at the end of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade where the villain drinks from the Holy Grail). She looks decades younger briefly, then sees her age returning and smashes the mirror in fury. At the tail end of the episode, she digs up Delphine LaLaurie seemingly for the sole purpose of discovering how someone who was buried alive in 1834 seemingly hasn’t aged a day.

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From Episode 2, “Boy Parts”.

5. The one thing that distracts Fiona from her coke-fueled frenzy while she not-so-patiently waits for visible results from the experimental anti-aging drugs is a news story on candlelight vigils for the young witch (her character is named ‘Misty Day’ and played by Lily Rabe) who has gone missing and rumored to have been burned at the stake–Fiona looks genuinely concerned, probably with good reason (see prediction section for more on that).

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6.  The relationship between the supreme Fiona and her ‘sole offspring,’ daughter Cordelia Foxx, is strained …at best. During a scene between them where Fiona visits Cordelia working in her absolutely beautiful, lush greenhouse/lab, Cordelia is soon calling Fiona a bitch to her face. The conflict seems to be Delia’s teaching philosophy as Headmistress; Fiona thinks her daughter should take a more direct, assertive approach and prepare the girls for the coming storm (especially with the royal blood running in her veins), instead of teaching them to ‘cower and hide in the shadows’.  Surprisingly, most of the spite seems to come from Cordelia’s end. When she turns to her mother and asks, “When are you going to die and stop ruining my life?”, Fiona is visibly hurt, but replies evenly, “I’m here. I’m staying. So why don’t we make the best of it?” We hope they do–they’re going to need everything they’ve got when a pissed-off Marie Laveau shows up looking for Delphine Lalaurie.

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7.  Things sure liven up at dinner time. Also, maybe it would be a good idea to ban sharp objects. Spoiled telekinetic movie star Madison Montgomery, human voodoo doll Queenie, clairvoyant Nan, and Zoe are served dinner by Spalding. Queenie tells Madison to be nice to Spalding (after she calls him ‘Jeeves’) because he has no tongue. Madison immediately responds by asking him if he used his tongue for something wicked, ‘or maybe you just really suck at going down’. They snipe at each other (Zoe barely gets a word in and just stares with her jaw hung open) with Queenie calling Madison a “D-list, botox bimbo,” and Madison using her mind to flip Queenie’s soup all over her shirt. Queenie jams a fork into her own hand and twists it; Madison squeals in pain as her hand bleeds. Nan has to finally talk Queenie into going for a walk to cool down after Queenie holds a huge knife to her own throat and threatening to cut it. “Well,” Madison sniffs, “that was disturbing.”

There’s a storm coming….

 

8. Fiona knows how to throw a sick field trip. (“Jesus. Go change your clothes. Wear something… black.”) She takes the current group of students–who (except for Nan) don’t know that Fiona is the Supreme until Nan mentions it and she confirms it–for a breezy stroll, filling them in on some New Orléans history and places such as the Popp Fountain that were declared a safety hazard after Hurricane Katrina and closed it off. “What do we do if we can’t get in?” Zoe asks. “Tear the wall down,” Fiona replies. In one of the few scenes where Fiona isn’t lighting a cigarette, smoking, or stubbing out a cigarette, they crash the Lalaurie Mansion tour***  after Nan hears a voice she later tells Fiona belongs to “the lady of the house” whispering help me.

“To our future together.” -Marie Laveau

9. Don’t piss off Marie Laveau. The backstory (also told by the tour guide) that ties her to LaLaurie is that one of her lovers was tortured and killed by LaLaurie. Marie pretended to offer a love potion to LaLaurie that will stop her husband’s ‘infidelities’,  and she makes the mistake of inviting Marie Laveau into her mansion and gulping down the potion, which is a potion, but not one having to do with any kind of love. After LaLaurie chokes and falls to the floor appearing to be dead, we only hear that her body was never found. That’s because Laveau had her chained up and buried alive (probably because death was too good for her), leaving her soul to burn in hell–in the preview for Episode 2, “Boy Parts”, we briefly see LaLaurie assuring Fiona that hell is real, because she’s been there.

“The light hit him  just fine.”

10. Don’t piss off any of the women on the show, or get in their way, and even if you’re another female character, watch your mouth around Fiona and sure as hell don’t call her a hag. She’ll casually flick her wrist (without even looking up) and the next thing you know, your back is slamming into a wall across the room. Don’t tell Madison she’s not “hitting her mark” if you’re directing her; she’ll cause a lighting rig to drop on your head and kill you.  Though she’s got a more even temper, we know Queenie can fuck you up. I think Nan was trying to help out in general when she clued in Fiona to the fact she could dig up LaLaurie and make her Fiona’s bitch slave. Piss Cordelia off, she can slip you a ‘restorative potion’ that would put you in a coma for a few days (or weeks) as Fiona caught her doing. Zoe has only killed one man on purpose with her, er, female power, and boy did he deserve it (as did every frat boy on the bus who participated in gang-raping Madison– I cheered when she flipped that bus over, though partially because it was such a cool, seamless effect), but I’m pretty sure she’s going to become a force to be reckoned with. All you had to do to be tortured/killed by LaLaurie was A. be the wrong color and B. show up.

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Stray Thoughts:

  • I was bummed out when it was revealed Denis O’Hare’s character has no tongue (since he got so many great lines as Larry in Season One), but Murphy has assured us that he will be speaking later on.
  • I also hope nothing horrible happens to Cordelia’s cat; Fiona didn’t seem to care for the pet much.
  • The show’s writers did their research on Delphine LaLaurie, even getting her daughter’s names and nicknames right. At the time the story takes place, she’s on her third marriage (and we wonder if the show will mention rumors that foul play was suspected in her first two husband’s deaths, adding “Black Widow” to her monstrous resume), and her husband, a doctor, was involved in her crimes. I’d go into more specifics that were depicted as faithfully as possible, but in the last two weeks I’ve read details about LaLaurie’s sadistic crimes that I sincerely wish I could UN-read as of this writing.  The Minotaur is a creation of the AHS writers–and Murphy assures us he’ll return as one of Coven’s two seasonal monsters–but may shown in the cold open of “Bitchcraft”, such as the flayed faces, oddly shaped cages containing slaves whose limbs had been broken and re-formed to resemble animals, and lips sewn shut, among others, were all too real. As I said, I’m on information overload right now from the research I did, so that’s enough of that.

Predictions/Speculations:

  • We’re pretty sure ‘Misty Day’ (the witch with the power of resurgence) will turn up again, and unburned. In the scenes we saw of her actually being burned alive, Cordelia was simply recounting her story to the students. The news report that Fiona saw (and brought her back to New Orléans)  mentioned she was missing and only rumored to have been burned alive. Also, she’s shown in some PR shots released for the October 16th episode. Keep your fingers crossed for more Lily Rabe!
  • Marie Leveau will bring back her dead lover who was killed by suffocating inside a severed bull’s head placed/sewn onto his shoulders… and that’ll be “The Minotaur” monster Ryan Murphy brought up (as this year’s Rubberman/Bloody Face), who will terrorize the Academy.
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And here’s a couple spoilers I uncovered today I just couldn’t keep to myself (source: TVGuide), so SPOILER ALERT FOR FUTURE EPISODES BEGINNING HERE!

  • Zoe is going to constantly struggle with the decision–and consequences of– bringing Kyle back from the dead in kind of a Frankenstein-like state (which I guess is better than, say, a Pet Semetary or a Monkey’s Paw-like state) over the next several episodes. Worse yet, he won’t be able to communicate verbally.
  • The group of young witches-in-training will drop from four to three when [REDACTED] is killed by {REDACTED]
  • We’re going to get Queenie’s backstory in Episode 2 (Boy Parts) and got-damn, it should be good!
  • Jessica Lange will make LaLaurie her slave, and as a sort of poetic justice, give her to Queenie as a slave. All fucking hell is going to break loose (AKA: War between witch and Voodoo royalty)  when Marie Laveau wants her ‘property’ back from Fiona. Those were just the highlights; click here to read the entire juicy article from TV Guide for plenty more yummy details and teasers.   (END SPOILERS)

There you have it…and we promise to not wait until practically the last minute before posting these from now on. Thanks for reading AND for being so patient.

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*Mrs. Horror Boom is the only one on the Horror Boom ‘staff’ (of two) that’ll watch it, after I told my husband about certain nasty plot details from Asylum last year, he got scared off… with good reason.

**I predict black nail polish is about to get even more popular, and this spring I was already seeing soccer moms at my nail salon casually getting pedicures with it.

***This tour of the interior does not actually exist, and if I missed it in my research and it does, it certainly doesn’t exist in the form shown in “Bitchcraft,” where the last stop on the tour is the ‘attic of horror’ with most of the torture chamber intact and the tour guide shares the information that Delphine Lalaurie’s beauty treatment wasn’t just slave’s blood, it was a poultice made from the pancreas of her victims–the beauty treatment and the Marie Laveau revenge are all creations of the writers… though Nicholas Cage really did purchase the home. You can read more about the history of the mansion here. Pleasant dreams…

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TV Review: ‘American Horror Story: Coven’

UPDATE: Above link not working? Try clicking here instead for the Variety review, which we would consider slightly spoiler-ish.

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Oh “torture porn” our ass, Brian Lowry. Sounds to us like American Horror Story Coven just hits the ground running. We’ll be able to judge for ourselves soon enough!

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‘American Horror Story’: Ryan Murphy on why ‘Coven’ is the best season

Like Ryan Murphy really needs to sell us on this, right? You had us at ‘American Horror Story Coven,’ dude!  Less than 48 hours left!

 

DO NOT Miss This New American Horror Story Coven Trailer! LaLaurie Horrors VS. Marie Leveau – IT’S ON!

We were wondering (and dreading) when the American Horror Story Coven teasers (besides ‘Pins and Needles’, one of the earliest) would show or even hint at the horrors Delphine La Laurie (Kathy Bates) was capable of. We also wanted to see more of Angela Basset as Marie Leveau. Here in this “Mythology” trailer, we get both…

It also looks like Lily Rabe‘s character might not make it past the pilot, witch which would explain why her name is not on any of the posters (color us seriously bummed).

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The spot starts off with these shots of Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange), in an especially beautiful and striking shot:

"There's a storm coming..."

“There’s a storm coming…”

Then LaLaurie  entering her personally-created chamber of horrors (and yes, that’s blood smeared on her face in the promo; slave’s blood as a beauty cream), holding a candle and looking full of rapture…

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Which is much more disturbing that an evil look, when you get glimpses of what sights have her so joyous…

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Pretty sure which LaLaurie victim this is by looking at the claw-like hand, but we’re not comfortable describing that particular event/torture

Pretty sure that's her doctor husband beside her, who helped out when it came to more technical things like breaking and re-forming the limbs of her victims into grotesque shapes, and you know what, that's enough speculation on that subject for now

Pretty sure that’s her doctor husband beside her, who helped out when it came to more technical things like breaking and re-forming the limbs of her victims into grotesque shapes, and you know what, that’s enough speculation on that subject for now

There’s some shots of ugly fundamentalist, hateful religious nuts that wouldn’t be out-of-place in the True Blood opening credit sequence. We also see Leveau looking ready to unleash her wrath, with Angela Basset looking beautiful and seething:

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Followed by an awesome closing shot (that just puts the icing on the fucking bad-ass cake*) of a swamp alligator snapping its jaws around what looks like the entire upper half of a man and dragging him speedily into the water.

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He probably deserved it.

BAM! TITLE CARDS! Hot Damn! Less than a week till the premiere, “Bitchcraft”, On October 9th! Who else gets a big adrenaline surge just thinking about that?  Oh YES!

KICK SOME ASS, MARIE!

KICK SOME ASS, MARIE!

Here’s the PR synopsis/pitch again for American Horror Story Coven from FX:

Coven tells the secret history of witches and witchcraft in America. Over 300 years have passed since the turbulent days of the Salem witch trials and those who managed to escape are now facing extinction. Mysterious attacks have been escalating against their kind and young girls are being sent away to a special school in New Orleans to learn how to protect themselves. Wrapped up in the turmoil is new arrival, Zoe (Farmiga), who is harboring a terrifying secret of her own. Alarmed by the recent aggression, Fiona (Lange), the long-absent Supreme, sweeps back into town, determined to protect the Coven and hell-bent on decimating anyone who gets in her way.

So, looks like it must be The Season of the Witch for American Horror Story this year, huh? (See what we did ther–Ow! Hey, who threw that?)

Screen shot 2013-08-22 at 3.17.25 AM

*It took SERIOUS self-restraint to only use the word ‘fuck’ once in this piece. Oops, that’s twice, guess we bumped this to an R-rating now. Hell!