Ten Horrible Things We Learned From American Horror Story Coven Episode Five, “Burn, Witch, Burn!” (Episode Spoilers)

She had a monster for a mother.

 

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Well, hot damn! This may have been the best episode yet this season. I read that Taissa Farmiga said it was the most fun she’d ever had filming anything – who can blame her? These “Ten Things We Learned on American Horror Story Coven” updates are still behind a couple of episodes (partially my fault, but this season is moving so goddamned fast that new information and events are zipping by as fast as Fiona goes through pills and packs of cigarettes), so let’s light that match fast…

None of us are innocent. No-one.

 

1.  We found out right off the bat, in another amazing cold open (this one taking place in the LaLaurie Mansion during an elaborate All Hallow’s Eve masquerade party), that Delphine LaLaurie’s relationship with her three daughters was not quite as pure as the wholesome, loving picture she painted to Fiona in her monologue at the end of “Boy Parts” back in the day.  After she scared off Borquita’s potential suitor in her Halloween “Chamber of Horrors” with authentic human eyeballs and intestines instead of the usual substitute peeled grapes and sausages, they’d gotten so pissed off they started scheming to kill their mother (“She’s horrible!”). Whether or not they would have gone through with it, we’ll never know, because very unfortunately for Borquita (the eldest, who was the one that brought up the idea of murder) and her sisters,  Delphine happened to be listening outside their door at the time. She ordered them dragged up to Delphine’s slice of Hell on earth, the attic (and true chamber of horrors),  had them chained up and tossed in her horribly small cages, and told Borquita as the ringleader she’d give her a special Christmas gift-a mouthful of shit (and her mouth sewed up after-I can think of worse Christmas presents, but not too many).  They all beg and wail apologies; Marie tells them they’d be dead if they weren’t her daughters, but not to worry–they’ll only be up there for a year!

“Begin.”

 

2. It turns out that it was sulphuric acid tossed in poor Cordelia’s eyes by that hooded figure (more on that later), as the doctor tells a near-hysterical Fiona. According to the closed captions, the first coherent thing that Cordelia wailed in the bar after being blinded with acid was “I want my mother!” They were able to save her actual eyes (even though, as Fiona says, they look like marbles) but not her eyesight. That’s bad enough, but she’s gained a new kind of sight-when someone makes physical contact with her (as far as we know, hands need to be involved) she can see their horrible secrets. Now, imagine you’ve had the worst night of your life, getting attacked out of the blue while you were minding your own business, resulting in horrifying, agonizing chemical burns that blinded you for life. THEN as you lay in your hospital bed (in what looked like a pretty shitty, ill-equipped hospital), and your husband puts his hand on you to comfort you, you get a vision of certain knowledge that he’s recently and enthusiastically banged another young woman (and done it before). Ryan Murphy wasn’t kidding when he said Cordelia would have the roughest Halloween night of any of the characters.Screen shot 2013-11-30 at 4.45.35 AM

3.  Fiona had (and probably still has) the power to bring a mother’s stillborn daughter back to life. In an episode that had more than one scene that tugged our heart-strings, this one made me the most emotional. Fiona–barely holding it together– hears the mother’s weeping and enters the hospital room. tells the young woman to pick up her dead, swaddled infant up and look at her (which takes, understandably, a lot of urging for the poor mother) and hold her close (“they’ll feel safer that way”).  Tell her ‘I love you more than the world’. Tell her how beautiful she is. Say ‘I’ll never leave you’. Tell her ‘I’ll be your mother until the day you die’. Tell her again. Then Fiona runs a hand over the infant’s head, who then turns from Wisconsin Death Trip-blue to a healthy pink, and the baby comes back to life. The woman weeps in shock and relief as she hugs her crying infant close. Loving, grateful words spill out of her between sobs, and Fiona silently makes her way out of the room and back into the hall.

 

OK, here’s a side note that can’t wait for ‘Stray Thoughts’. How shitty is your shitty, shitty, very shitty hospital care when you have the tragedy of your baby being stillborn, and they not only leave you alone in the corner of a dank, depressing, dimly lit David Fincher-esque hospital delivery room without a visible IV line in you or even a damn sheet to cover you, but also just almost casually leave the dead, swaddled, stillborn infant– whose face is a blueish purple– on top of a steel table several yards away from you (next to all the steel tools they used for the unsuccessful delivery)?  There was a “code blue” announcement over the hospital PA that sent staff rushing down the hall shortly before Fiona found the deserted room, but still. How did that work? Whoop! plop the dead baby on the table here within sight of the mother, we gotta go! “You’ll be fine on your own for a while lady, and it’s not like your blue, dead baby is going anywhere!”*  Well, on the bright side, the poor woman got her baby’s life back thanks to Fiona’s intervention.

 

This is how it ends–in flames and decay.

 

4. Hank and Fiona really, really hate each other. The insults they hurled when Hank showed up in the hospital room got so loud, ugly, and profane that the nurse stepped in from the hall to tell them one of them needed to leave or get tossed out by security. Fiona (who definitely got in the best verbal jabs) finally told Hank, with no small amount of venom, he had 15 minutes with Cordelia, and then he was going to disappear.  He could either leave on his own… or her way. “I don’t care which –although I prefer the latter,” is Fiona’s great exit line.

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5. While this is going on, “all Hell has opened up upon the doorstep” of the Academy (as a terrified Delphine puts it).  Marie Laveau did the necessary rites and then, after calmly and gracefully lying on her back on the floor, began to levitate. The genuinely horrifying voodoo-summoned zombie pack (referred to by at least one character as an “army”, though there appeared to be closer to a couple dozen of them at most, including the three LaLaurie daughters… not that it wouldn’t seem like an army to me if I’d been in the house they were converging on) stood at what seemed to be deliberate spots, scaring the shit out of everyone but Luke, who went out to tell them to get moving, they’d had their fun. A couple teenage boys picked this unfortunate time to enter the yard and check out the killer “prosthetics”, then one of the best moments of the episode arrived: floating Marie opened her eyes–that awesome white-with-no-pupils look she got in the cold open of the last episode– and intoned “Begin”.  Luke finally got the hint when the zombies started moving (maybe he caught the stench, too) and definitely when a couple of them ripped one of the kid’s guts out. Meanwhile, all the students were doing their best to prepare for the unholy assault to come.**

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6. Zoe has a new power! When her chainsaw stops working just as the heavy-set main hate-crime racist from the early 60s flashback (now in the zombie army of Marie’s) has her cornered, she holds up a hand and blurts out, “Be in your nature.” He promptly collapses, finally dead as a doornail. My speculation is that somehow, this is how Zoe will put Kyle (and maybe even Delphine) out of their misery when we’re closer to the season finale.

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7. …and Marie Laveau (who appeared just as surprised as Zoe was at the result of her words) knows it now; when the big racist zombie dropped, her levitation screeched to a halt as gravity kicked in and brought her body abruptly down to hit the floor.  When she catches her breath, Marie tells Chantal,  “I don’t know what that was, but they got some real power in that witch house now.”

The decision of this council is unanimous and final.

 

8. Delphine might have some traces of humanity left, at least to know she was a horrible mother. She voluntarily opens the door and lets in undead Boquita, murmuring,  “What has she done to you?” then realizes aloud, “No… what have I done to you?”  I’m not sure if she wanted to be close to her daughter, tell her how sorry she was, hoped that maybe Boquita could actually kill her, or some combination of the above. “Boquita… you do know me,” Delphine said with something like hope in her voice when her daughter finally met her gaze… and promptly grabbed her mother’s throat with one hand and lifted her several feet above the floor. When she finally was able to put an end to her daughter by driving a poker through Boquita’s torso before she could hurt Queenie, the way all the life (so to speak) went out of her was a little sad –though I’m not sure if anyone that didn’t have Kathy Bates acting chops could make me feel sorry for (a fictional version of) Delphine LaLaurie. “She had a monster for a mother This last act… was the only kindness I ever did for her,” she told Queenie, then collapsed onto the bigger woman’s chest,  sobbing hopelessly, and Queenie even put an arm around her.

You don’t mess with the Supreme.

 

9.  Myrtle Snow may or may not have been the one to blind Cordelia, but the Council believed it, and that along with her hidden agenda and hidden identity (which Fiona had proof of) and verbal attack on Fiona that only made her look worse, got her sentenced to be burned at the stake. Myrtle finally realizes she’s outnumbered and outgunned, and defiantly and proudly announces she accepts her sentence to be burned at the stake (good for you, Myrt, for refusing to beg like Fiona predicted you would).  She walks to her death with the dignity that only Frances Conroy can project when inhabiting a character (though she’s dressed in a plain white robe, without her  trademark cats-eye glasses and tartan/red ensemble, even losing the crimps in her red mane of hair when they’re dampened by the gasoline). Myrt burned mercifully fast before her screams abruptly came to a halt …but not fast enough for her, I’m guessing.

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10. Queenie felt very guilty about her role in the above. She went to see Fiona, who was in a reasonably good mood (for her, anyway) and told her that she helped Fiona when she asked because she owed her one (a pretty big one), but she thought Myrtle was just going to be exiled or something, not burned at the freaking stake.  Queenie’s ‘role’ in revealed after the burning; Myrtle Snow needed to have sulphuric acid burns on her hand (under her gloves, so Fiona could point it out for maximum dramatic effect at the crucial moment), so Queenie did her Human Voodoo Doll thing and burned her own hand when Fiona cued her. But hey, Queenie, don’t feel too guilty. Misty Day made a surprise appearance in the final minute of the episode, put her healing hands on Myrtle’s charred black (and red) head, and the older woman’s eyes FLEW open. She’ll be back, probably with a vengeance!

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Stray Thoughts:

  • In the opening flashback, when Delphine asked Borquita’s suitor (who was the Governor’s son–is anyone good enough for her daughters?)  if he was man enough brave a visit to her chamber of horrors, I thought she was going to take him to the SERIOUS chamber of horrors in the attic for a second. Also, one of the slaves –in fact, the one who smashed  Borquita’s leg in the door or the cage when Delphine ordered him to was Bastien (who later became Marie Laveau‘s Minotaur).
  • I love that Luke (brave and so far, a good kid) went out to scare off what he assumed were trick-or-treaters playing a prank (one that would have involved days of preparation) before it dawned on him, when he saw them rip a guy to pieces, they were blood-thirsty voodoo zombies… and ended up being rescued by the girls.
  • You didn’t throw that acid, but you might as well have, a lumpy, half-naked creepy male patient (more echoes of Asylum) tells Fiona after he grabs her while she wanders the hospital halls in a pilled-out state.  There are theories out there that Fiona was the real culprit, but that makes no sense for her character–she was clearly still sitting at the bar, and her genuinely heart-broken reaction to Cordelia’s tragedy was the real thing. Also, she had absolutely no motivation. There’s a chance it wasn’t Myrtle, but not a chance in HELL it was Fiona’s doing.
  • Zoe has some serious balls. If a horde of zombies were swarming towards your house, would YOU be brave enough to run outside banging pots and pans together yelling, “HEY! OVER HERE, YOU DEAD PIECES OF SHIT!” repeatedly at the top of your lungs to distract them? Unless it were my immediate family in danger,  I’d be hiding under a bed or something. Since she didn’t have an exit plan in place when her gambit worked, she lucked out and found a chainsaw… and kicked some serious ass; especially impressive when one considers she probably only weighed about twenty pounds more than the large chainsaw.
  • Question: why is it the tradition of the witches and The Council (even though they’ve made clear this is a rare occurrence among themselves) that convicted witches are put to death via the same method that their hate-mongering enemies have always–and continued to–use to kill them (especially when the many of them were innocent, and especially in Salem)? It’s more dramatic to watch, I guess, but it still strikes a slightly discordant note. If it’s been explained why and I missed it, feel free to fill me in, because something about it seems off.
  • I guess Madison really was the first ‘real doll’ that Spalding kept, since about the only things he knows how to do to not get caught with a dead body are to A. hide the body and B. spray Lysol all over to cover the stench of rot.  He sure doesn’t understand rigor mortis; though he was able to put her in the wholesome vintage lace dress he had picked out for her at the reveal towards the end of ‘Fearful Pranks Ensue’, he was clueless enough to jam her in a trunk before she got really stiff, then put all his weight behind pulling her out for his latest little tea-party*** by yanking on her arm (which was skinny and already looked slightly fragile before she was dead). Crunch. Riiiiiiip, OOPS! Murphy said after The Replacements episode aired that this scene (he didn’t reveal the specific scene at the time, but gave so many hints he may as well have) this was the most shocking thing they’ve shot for American Horror Story ever, and even equated it with Grand Guignol (if you’re not familiar with the term, start Googling, and you’ll have some very interesting and entertaining reading to do).  It was a good– and grotesque– moment, but sorry Murphy, I disagree on both claims from the interview.
  • Of all the hilarious lines everyone got in during the whole zombie attack on the Academy, I liked this one best:
    Zoe: (frantically running around to make sure all the windows/blinds are closed) Hey! Turn off all the lights!
    Queenie: Um, I think they already know we’re home.

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*One of my favorite all-time authors lives in New Orléans, and in an article, stated that New Orléans had one of the worst health-care systems in America and ranked lowest on patient care. I don’t know if that’s an actual statistic that’s been verified, but good LORD, that scene (though it was fiction) didn’t do much to sway my opinion in a positive way. That place looked about one or two steps away from Briarcliff Manor in American Horror Story Asylum, for Chrissakes!

**Nan was the one who insisted on carrying the wounded Luke out of the car and to safety when the zombies –remember,  these old-school Voodoo zombies can use tools, which Dr. Herbert West could tell you means “fuck it all and get the hell out of Dodge”–made it through the windshield. “I’ll just wait it out here,” he muttered when Nan told him they needed to hastily exit the car and run.  Go, Nan!

***For the record, I don’t believe that Spalding performed any necrophilia-related activities on Madison’s corpse – the nasty stuff he said in the most recent episode was just to try to sell his story to the girls.

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New American Horror Story Coven Poll – Who Do You Think Will Be The New Supreme? Vote Now!

Ryan Murphy has stated that we won’t find out who the new Supreme is until January, when the last couple of episodes–or maybe even the Coven finale–air. Lots of guesses are floating around. Strangely, I see a few up-to-date polls that list Madsion (just a couple percentages away) equal to Zoe, and much over Misty Day. Let’s find out what you fellow fans of American Horror Story Coven have to say. Oh, and you can vote twice. I’ll be keeping this poll open for several weeks, or until we officially find out. You can vote more than once, because with every episode, we get more clues, reveals, and misdirections that might make you change your vote. Dig in-and don’t be shy with your write-in votes, either!

‘American Horror Story: Coven’: Marie Laveau’s Zombie Army in ‘Burn, Witch, Burn,’ -Check It Out! (Spoilers)

How’s the above for a Before-And-After shot?  Zap2it has a great piece featuring an interview with the actor —Brian Oerly –who played the horrible racist lynch mob leader in “Feature Pranks Ensue” (AKA American Horror Story Coven Halloween Episode Part One) and “Burn, Witch, Burn!” (AKA… you get the idea). Stop reading now if you haven’t seen either of the above episodes yet as fearful spoilers ensue…

Remember that last fat heavy-set zombie who came after Zoe after her chainsaw finally sputtered out? She held up a bloody hand and called out something that upon first viewing I thought was Latin, but that the Closed Captions later pointed out was “Be as you were!” The interview is with that actor, who spilled some spoilers (for the Halloween episodes) and revealed some alternate versions that were shot, but not used (cross your fingers they’ll be on the DVD/Blu-ray). Click below for the Zap2it piece to read more…

‘American Horror Story: Coven’: Marie Laveau’s zombie army in ‘Burn, Witch, Burn,’ teases actor Brian Oerly – Zap2it.

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Ten Things We Learned From American Horror Story Coven’s Premiere, “Bitchcraft” (SPOILERS Included)!

Zoe: What do we do if we can’t get in?
Fiona: Tear the wall down.

Another season (or ‘Volume’, as Ryan Murphy said he wanted to refer to them-we think it fits and sounds awesome) of American Horror Story, an entire new twisted, fun, and scary world for Murphy and Brad Falchuck to explore and reveal to us! Hold onto your broomsticks and voodoo dolls, ’cause American Horror Story Coven is going to be one fun, fucked-up flight! So, what did we learn? Here’s ten items, dive in. Oh, and we’re adding a new feature to these weekly companion pieces: besides “stray thoughts” that Mrs. Horror Boom wanted to mention* but couldn’t squeeze into the top ten, we’re adding “Predictions and Speculations” (until we come up with a snappier name). As always, we’d love to hear your opinions on them, and your own predictions. Plus, HEADS UP! PLOT SPOILERS (spilled by Ryan Murphy and the cast to TV Guide) for upcoming episodes given at the end of this particular piece.

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1.   Hey guys, don’t have sex with Zoe until she learns to control her power, unless you’re suicidal. It’ll hurt and you’ll start bleeding from every orifice that can be shown on basic cable. I see plenty of theories (or declarations) that Zoe has teeth in a specific part of her anatomy, but since her first lover’s death was deemed a brain aneurism with no mention of “penis also apparently chewed off”, we don’t think that’s it.

“I’ll have what she’s having!”

2. Jessica Lange‘s character continues the tradition of getting all the best lines, from “Don’t make me drop a house on you” to “the world’s not gonna miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy T-shirts”. We look forward to many more.

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3.  Murphy sure wasn’t kidding when he said Taissa Farmiga and Evan Peters would once again be cast as “star-crossed lovers“.  Let’s see, she can’t have traditional sex with a male lover (and who knows if there’s a, er, workaround that’s not fatal), and he was killed by a telekinetic bus accident shortly after meeting his love interest, well before the end of the episode. We see in the previews for the upcoming episode “Boy Parts” (heh) that Madison plans to help Zoe bring him back… in a pretty messy, work-intensive method. The couple –and the writers– definitely have their work cut out for them (so to speak).

Tell us about this accident… and don’t spare us any of the gory details.

4.  Fiona will stop at nothing to get “an infusion of vitality, of youth,” as she puts it to her pet scientist in Los Angeles whose research to discover an anti-aging medication/serum she has funded with her late husband’s money. He tells her they’ll be ready for human trials as early as two years from now – Fiona tells him she wants it now.  The next time we catch up with her, she’s blasting Iron Butterfly and doing rails of coke in her very lavish, rock superstar-quality hotel suite, dancing, doing more coke**, nervously seeing a checking her appearance repeatedly in the mirror** . When she insists he visit her, we learn he’s been injecting her with it (at her insistence and probably threats to cut off funding) for five days, and “nothing, NOTHING has changed!” she yells at him despite his protests that he’s already not supposed to be giving her the drug. “Double the dosage,” she whispers, then practically roars, “GIVE ME MORE!”  He tells her human bodies are organic in nature– “We rot. We die”, then resigns. Fiona slams and locks the doors and tosses him across the room with a very mild hand gesture, then starts giving him a very passionate kiss, so passionate, in fact, that she sucks the life out of him (every review I’ve read compares the way he rapidly ages and shrivels to the scene at the end of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade where the villain drinks from the Holy Grail). She looks decades younger briefly, then sees her age returning and smashes the mirror in fury. At the tail end of the episode, she digs up Delphine LaLaurie seemingly for the sole purpose of discovering how someone who was buried alive in 1834 seemingly hasn’t aged a day.

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From Episode 2, “Boy Parts”.

5. The one thing that distracts Fiona from her coke-fueled frenzy while she not-so-patiently waits for visible results from the experimental anti-aging drugs is a news story on candlelight vigils for the young witch (her character is named ‘Misty Day’ and played by Lily Rabe) who has gone missing and rumored to have been burned at the stake–Fiona looks genuinely concerned, probably with good reason (see prediction section for more on that).

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6.  The relationship between the supreme Fiona and her ‘sole offspring,’ daughter Cordelia Foxx, is strained …at best. During a scene between them where Fiona visits Cordelia working in her absolutely beautiful, lush greenhouse/lab, Cordelia is soon calling Fiona a bitch to her face. The conflict seems to be Delia’s teaching philosophy as Headmistress; Fiona thinks her daughter should take a more direct, assertive approach and prepare the girls for the coming storm (especially with the royal blood running in her veins), instead of teaching them to ‘cower and hide in the shadows’.  Surprisingly, most of the spite seems to come from Cordelia’s end. When she turns to her mother and asks, “When are you going to die and stop ruining my life?”, Fiona is visibly hurt, but replies evenly, “I’m here. I’m staying. So why don’t we make the best of it?” We hope they do–they’re going to need everything they’ve got when a pissed-off Marie Laveau shows up looking for Delphine Lalaurie.

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7.  Things sure liven up at dinner time. Also, maybe it would be a good idea to ban sharp objects. Spoiled telekinetic movie star Madison Montgomery, human voodoo doll Queenie, clairvoyant Nan, and Zoe are served dinner by Spalding. Queenie tells Madison to be nice to Spalding (after she calls him ‘Jeeves’) because he has no tongue. Madison immediately responds by asking him if he used his tongue for something wicked, ‘or maybe you just really suck at going down’. They snipe at each other (Zoe barely gets a word in and just stares with her jaw hung open) with Queenie calling Madison a “D-list, botox bimbo,” and Madison using her mind to flip Queenie’s soup all over her shirt. Queenie jams a fork into her own hand and twists it; Madison squeals in pain as her hand bleeds. Nan has to finally talk Queenie into going for a walk to cool down after Queenie holds a huge knife to her own throat and threatening to cut it. “Well,” Madison sniffs, “that was disturbing.”

There’s a storm coming….

 

8. Fiona knows how to throw a sick field trip. (“Jesus. Go change your clothes. Wear something… black.”) She takes the current group of students–who (except for Nan) don’t know that Fiona is the Supreme until Nan mentions it and she confirms it–for a breezy stroll, filling them in on some New Orléans history and places such as the Popp Fountain that were declared a safety hazard after Hurricane Katrina and closed it off. “What do we do if we can’t get in?” Zoe asks. “Tear the wall down,” Fiona replies. In one of the few scenes where Fiona isn’t lighting a cigarette, smoking, or stubbing out a cigarette, they crash the Lalaurie Mansion tour***  after Nan hears a voice she later tells Fiona belongs to “the lady of the house” whispering help me.

“To our future together.” -Marie Laveau

9. Don’t piss off Marie Laveau. The backstory (also told by the tour guide) that ties her to LaLaurie is that one of her lovers was tortured and killed by LaLaurie. Marie pretended to offer a love potion to LaLaurie that will stop her husband’s ‘infidelities’,  and she makes the mistake of inviting Marie Laveau into her mansion and gulping down the potion, which is a potion, but not one having to do with any kind of love. After LaLaurie chokes and falls to the floor appearing to be dead, we only hear that her body was never found. That’s because Laveau had her chained up and buried alive (probably because death was too good for her), leaving her soul to burn in hell–in the preview for Episode 2, “Boy Parts”, we briefly see LaLaurie assuring Fiona that hell is real, because she’s been there.

“The light hit him  just fine.”

10. Don’t piss off any of the women on the show, or get in their way, and even if you’re another female character, watch your mouth around Fiona and sure as hell don’t call her a hag. She’ll casually flick her wrist (without even looking up) and the next thing you know, your back is slamming into a wall across the room. Don’t tell Madison she’s not “hitting her mark” if you’re directing her; she’ll cause a lighting rig to drop on your head and kill you.  Though she’s got a more even temper, we know Queenie can fuck you up. I think Nan was trying to help out in general when she clued in Fiona to the fact she could dig up LaLaurie and make her Fiona’s bitch slave. Piss Cordelia off, she can slip you a ‘restorative potion’ that would put you in a coma for a few days (or weeks) as Fiona caught her doing. Zoe has only killed one man on purpose with her, er, female power, and boy did he deserve it (as did every frat boy on the bus who participated in gang-raping Madison– I cheered when she flipped that bus over, though partially because it was such a cool, seamless effect), but I’m pretty sure she’s going to become a force to be reckoned with. All you had to do to be tortured/killed by LaLaurie was A. be the wrong color and B. show up.

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Stray Thoughts:

  • I was bummed out when it was revealed Denis O’Hare’s character has no tongue (since he got so many great lines as Larry in Season One), but Murphy has assured us that he will be speaking later on.
  • I also hope nothing horrible happens to Cordelia’s cat; Fiona didn’t seem to care for the pet much.
  • The show’s writers did their research on Delphine LaLaurie, even getting her daughter’s names and nicknames right. At the time the story takes place, she’s on her third marriage (and we wonder if the show will mention rumors that foul play was suspected in her first two husband’s deaths, adding “Black Widow” to her monstrous resume), and her husband, a doctor, was involved in her crimes. I’d go into more specifics that were depicted as faithfully as possible, but in the last two weeks I’ve read details about LaLaurie’s sadistic crimes that I sincerely wish I could UN-read as of this writing.  The Minotaur is a creation of the AHS writers–and Murphy assures us he’ll return as one of Coven’s two seasonal monsters–but may shown in the cold open of “Bitchcraft”, such as the flayed faces, oddly shaped cages containing slaves whose limbs had been broken and re-formed to resemble animals, and lips sewn shut, among others, were all too real. As I said, I’m on information overload right now from the research I did, so that’s enough of that.

Predictions/Speculations:

  • We’re pretty sure ‘Misty Day’ (the witch with the power of resurgence) will turn up again, and unburned. In the scenes we saw of her actually being burned alive, Cordelia was simply recounting her story to the students. The news report that Fiona saw (and brought her back to New Orléans)  mentioned she was missing and only rumored to have been burned alive. Also, she’s shown in some PR shots released for the October 16th episode. Keep your fingers crossed for more Lily Rabe!
  • Marie Leveau will bring back her dead lover who was killed by suffocating inside a severed bull’s head placed/sewn onto his shoulders… and that’ll be “The Minotaur” monster Ryan Murphy brought up (as this year’s Rubberman/Bloody Face), who will terrorize the Academy.
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And here’s a couple spoilers I uncovered today I just couldn’t keep to myself (source: TVGuide), so SPOILER ALERT FOR FUTURE EPISODES BEGINNING HERE!

  • Zoe is going to constantly struggle with the decision–and consequences of– bringing Kyle back from the dead in kind of a Frankenstein-like state (which I guess is better than, say, a Pet Semetary or a Monkey’s Paw-like state) over the next several episodes. Worse yet, he won’t be able to communicate verbally.
  • The group of young witches-in-training will drop from four to three when [REDACTED] is killed by {REDACTED]
  • We’re going to get Queenie’s backstory in Episode 2 (Boy Parts) and got-damn, it should be good!
  • Jessica Lange will make LaLaurie her slave, and as a sort of poetic justice, give her to Queenie as a slave. All fucking hell is going to break loose (AKA: War between witch and Voodoo royalty)  when Marie Laveau wants her ‘property’ back from Fiona. Those were just the highlights; click here to read the entire juicy article from TV Guide for plenty more yummy details and teasers.   (END SPOILERS)

There you have it…and we promise to not wait until practically the last minute before posting these from now on. Thanks for reading AND for being so patient.

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*Mrs. Horror Boom is the only one on the Horror Boom ‘staff’ (of two) that’ll watch it, after I told my husband about certain nasty plot details from Asylum last year, he got scared off… with good reason.

**I predict black nail polish is about to get even more popular, and this spring I was already seeing soccer moms at my nail salon casually getting pedicures with it.

***This tour of the interior does not actually exist, and if I missed it in my research and it does, it certainly doesn’t exist in the form shown in “Bitchcraft,” where the last stop on the tour is the ‘attic of horror’ with most of the torture chamber intact and the tour guide shares the information that Delphine Lalaurie’s beauty treatment wasn’t just slave’s blood, it was a poultice made from the pancreas of her victims–the beauty treatment and the Marie Laveau revenge are all creations of the writers… though Nicholas Cage really did purchase the home. You can read more about the history of the mansion here. Pleasant dreams…

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American Horror Story: Coven Premiere Post Mortem: 12 Burning Questions Answered!

Watch for our “Ten Things We Learned from the American Horror Story Coven Premiere” coming up soon. In the meantime, this should hold you over. Reading Ryan Murphy‘s takes and explanations–and of course, his teasers–is always a (sick) treat!

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TVLine

American Horror Story Coven SpoilersAmerican Horror Story: Coven no doubt left you with visions of bull-head-wearing slaves and soul-sucking witches dancing in your head. So, before you try nodding off after viewing such nightmarish images, allow us to present you with a cauldron full of spoilery, jaw-dropping twists to come this season, courtesy of scoop-happy executive producer Ryan Murphy.

QUESTION | The premiere feels a bit lighter than anything seen in Horror Story seasons past. Was that intentional?
Last year was so dark and grim and hard, but I loved it. But this year was designed to be scary, make no doubt, but more fun. I heard a lot last year, ‘I love it but it’s hard to sit through.’ So I wanted this year to be easier to sit through. A little more light in tone.

QUESTION | What’s the dynamic between Jessica and Kathy’s characters moving forward?
Jessica plays this great…

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DO NOT Miss This New American Horror Story Coven Trailer! LaLaurie Horrors VS. Marie Leveau – IT’S ON!

We were wondering (and dreading) when the American Horror Story Coven teasers (besides ‘Pins and Needles’, one of the earliest) would show or even hint at the horrors Delphine La Laurie (Kathy Bates) was capable of. We also wanted to see more of Angela Basset as Marie Leveau. Here in this “Mythology” trailer, we get both…

It also looks like Lily Rabe‘s character might not make it past the pilot, witch which would explain why her name is not on any of the posters (color us seriously bummed).

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The spot starts off with these shots of Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange), in an especially beautiful and striking shot:

"There's a storm coming..."

“There’s a storm coming…”

Then LaLaurie  entering her personally-created chamber of horrors (and yes, that’s blood smeared on her face in the promo; slave’s blood as a beauty cream), holding a candle and looking full of rapture…

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Which is much more disturbing that an evil look, when you get glimpses of what sights have her so joyous…

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Pretty sure which LaLaurie victim this is by looking at the claw-like hand, but we’re not comfortable describing that particular event/torture

Pretty sure that's her doctor husband beside her, who helped out when it came to more technical things like breaking and re-forming the limbs of her victims into grotesque shapes, and you know what, that's enough speculation on that subject for now

Pretty sure that’s her doctor husband beside her, who helped out when it came to more technical things like breaking and re-forming the limbs of her victims into grotesque shapes, and you know what, that’s enough speculation on that subject for now

There’s some shots of ugly fundamentalist, hateful religious nuts that wouldn’t be out-of-place in the True Blood opening credit sequence. We also see Leveau looking ready to unleash her wrath, with Angela Basset looking beautiful and seething:

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Followed by an awesome closing shot (that just puts the icing on the fucking bad-ass cake*) of a swamp alligator snapping its jaws around what looks like the entire upper half of a man and dragging him speedily into the water.

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He probably deserved it.

BAM! TITLE CARDS! Hot Damn! Less than a week till the premiere, “Bitchcraft”, On October 9th! Who else gets a big adrenaline surge just thinking about that?  Oh YES!

KICK SOME ASS, MARIE!

KICK SOME ASS, MARIE!

Here’s the PR synopsis/pitch again for American Horror Story Coven from FX:

Coven tells the secret history of witches and witchcraft in America. Over 300 years have passed since the turbulent days of the Salem witch trials and those who managed to escape are now facing extinction. Mysterious attacks have been escalating against their kind and young girls are being sent away to a special school in New Orleans to learn how to protect themselves. Wrapped up in the turmoil is new arrival, Zoe (Farmiga), who is harboring a terrifying secret of her own. Alarmed by the recent aggression, Fiona (Lange), the long-absent Supreme, sweeps back into town, determined to protect the Coven and hell-bent on decimating anyone who gets in her way.

So, looks like it must be The Season of the Witch for American Horror Story this year, huh? (See what we did ther–Ow! Hey, who threw that?)

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*It took SERIOUS self-restraint to only use the word ‘fuck’ once in this piece. Oops, that’s twice, guess we bumped this to an R-rating now. Hell!

‘American Horror Story: Coven’: Watch the new main titles — VIDEO

OH HELL YEAH! Check out the very unsettling and brand new American Horror Story Coven main credits right here, baby! We’ll give you a break-down later, but for now? Get ready for the creepy perfection, and try not to think about needles and pins. If it’s after dark, though, you might wanna turn the sound down…

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‘American Horror Story’: See Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett in ‘Coven,’ plus plot details — EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS

Well,Ms. Horror Boom was sick last Friday the 13th, witch which can be the only explanation for missing this item a week ago (too sick to go see Insidious Chapter 2 opening night/weekend = too sick to notice a HUGE story like this on American Horror Story Coven, witch which we’ve been deliberately combing the internet for–and still are). Regardless, here are all the plot details thus far. Let’s hope Marie Leveau kicks LaLaurie’s evil ass back to hell where her soul deserves to burn for all eternity. Creator Ryan Murphy embellished the real-life horror story with the blood-as-wrinkle-cream idea (damn!) but if you have the stomach to read (or have already read) about what Delphine LaLaurie‘s real-life crimes entailed, you’ll be cheering on Angela Bassett as Leveau before she even shows up. Actually, we were already cheering for her anyway, she looks so damn cool. The costumes and period detail are gorgeous so far– and that’s just the icing on the cake!

 

Fight or burn! Watch the new trailer for ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ — VIDEO

Just what we need after a week of rain here! Angela Basset has gotten to play Tina Turner AND Marie Leveau in her career – how fucking cool is THAT?

 

TVLine Items: AHS: Coven Witches Revealed In New TV Spot!

We saw this during the second commercial break in the Sons of Anarchy premiere (did you?), and while that was entertaining, seeing the familiar faces of the American Horror Story repertoire cast–ending with those last famous three–had us on our feet. We’re pretty sure the two of us weren’t the only ones, too. American Horror Story Coven premieres on FX October 9th – FUCK YEAH!

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TVLine

Plenty of familiar faces populate the new teaser for American Horror Story: Coven — making it pretty clear who’ll be counted among the FX’s creepsterpiece’s witchy women — but a certain bovine one may be starring in your nightmares for the rest of the week.

The network has unveiled a new 30-second trailer titled “Initiation” and it looks like AHS vet Jessica Lange, along with newcomers Angela Bassett and Kathy Bates, will be Coven‘s chief cauldron-stirrers.

Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson, Gabourey Sidibe and more also pop up in the new campaign. AHS: Coven premieres October 9 at 10/9c.

Ready for more of today’s TV dish? Well…

TVLine has learned that 24 alum Annie Wersching has landed a juicy guest-starring role on CBS’ midseason spy series Intelligence, playing a CIA analyst with a secret. The Josh Holloway-fronted drama debuts Feb. 24, 2014; Wersching appears in Episode 6.

PHOTOS…

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