American Horror Story: We’ve Got Titles and Episode Summaries for The Final Two Episodes (SPOILERS!)

Man, this season went too fast. The pacing has been a little, what’s a nice way to put this …uneven; some episodes nothing really happened except maybe Elsa being bitchier than usual and others went zipping around all over the place. We’ve still enjoying it much more than Coven, and the recent episode “Orphans” did more for us than the entire third season. Freak Show hasn’t actively pissed us off yet with plot holes and lazy writing, it’s just made us realize chances are that anything coming up in the last two episodes of this season and future seasons will never be as scary as Asylum and even Murder House (hey, one episode–“Smouldering Children”– gave me nightmares, and the “Infantata” scenes actively frightened me). I still hold out a tiny bit of hope, though. What with the new character being introduced, we wish they’d caught up sooner, or had a few more episodes to wrap up, because we love spending time with these characters, in this beautiful setting, with these amazing actors.

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Here are the titles, if you want to read something that is spoiler-free and then stop…

Episode 12, airing next Wednesday January 14th, is titled “Show Stoppers”. Uh-oh.

Episode 13, the finale, is Titled “Curtain Call,” and airs on January 21st.

Ok, here comes the spoiler section. It won’t ruin everything, but it’s also not too hard to fill in some blanks that are probably supposed to be surprises.

SPOILERS FOLLOW!

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Show Stoppers:
Dandy gives the Twins troubling information about Chester. Maggie vows to prove her loyalty to Jimmy. The Freaks enforce their harsh code of justice. (yeah!)

Curtain Call:

The Freaks rebel against new management. Dandy prepares for his début performance. Elsa arrives in Tinseltown.
Our speculations are as follows…

The “troubling information” Dandy gives the Twins about Chester will be that he is completely batshit, and probably that he murdered his wife and her lover, but is convinced the doll /dummy did it. There is a theory being tossed around online that Chester is actually the dummy (“Nutcracker!”) and she is real, which is interesting but would seem impossibly given the other character’s interactions with him. Maggie will probably prove her love to Jimmy by telling him everything that Stanley has done, and her role in it. The freaks enforcing their harsh code of justice? Stanley’s freakishly large penis will end up in a jar in the Morbidity Museum, and not attached to him. We still have hope that he will get the Todd Browning Chicken Lady treatment, or at least die very slowly, painfully, and gruesomely. Though we would really love it if Stanley got his dick chopped off, sold, then was mutilated to the point where he is turned into some kind of horrible monstrosity (with his tongue cut out, too) that ends up being a new “act” that patrons of the Freak Show will pay to see.
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Freak Justice, Todd Browning-style.

We also think Danny Huston will be back as the doctor who carefully crafted and made Elsa her gorgeous wooden legs, and that he’ll make new hands for Jimmy. Not sure how well they’ll function, but at least they’ll appear to be hands. Maybe he’ll be the one to take care of Stanley.
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As far as the finale? It looks like what Pepper (as above) saw on the cover of LIFE magazine in 1960 (I think that was the year) was not some kind of dream, and Elsa actually gets the career she has lusted after most of her life. It’ll be a lonely life for her, though. Chester won’t be the new management, since he’s not in the finale. That leaves Dandy.  No-one likes him. Hopefully Maggie will remember his voice, or someone will put something together in time for him to get his before the show ends. His big début? Now that’s going to be something pretty grisly… and we hope, unexpected. Also, Dandy needs to die horribly. Oh yeah, Ryan Murphy also promised us we’d see Twisty again, though we have no idea how he’d fit in.

Let’s also keep our fingers crossed for a 90-minute finale!
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