The Editing Room Roasts “Funny Games” (The American Re-make)

BRADY CORBET

So Michael, what’s the point of running through all the major beats of a bog-standard thriller, while also trying to make it abundantly clear that this isn’t supposed to be one?

MICHAEL PITT

In order for us to challenge people’s expectations, silly! Let’s see, what’s next on the list of clichés…

Suddenly DEVON escapes! Despite having a brief chance to act with a modicum of intelligence, and actually subvert thriller movie convention as opposed to indulging in pretentious twaddle, he instead elects to try and HIDE in the nearest EMPTY HOUSE.

Wow, they (well, this was written by Owain B. for The Editing Room) REALLY let this ill-advised (and ill-made) remake have it. WHY did Michael Haneke feel the need to remake Funny Games? Click the big red link below to check it out for a good laugh! Oh, and if you want to read our review of the original Funny Games, you can find it here.

 

Funny Games: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room.

 

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Seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes? You’ll Probably Laugh Your Ass Off At The Abridged Script From The Editing Room

Saw this on premium cable several months ago when I was stuck in bed with a virus. Didn’t help my headache any – unfortunately, no matter how seamless the effects were,  never completely forgot I was watching a bunch of CGI – I did start to grin a little when the apes got really, really pissed off and attacked the Golden Gate Bridge. Anyway, even if you have NOT seen the movie, this is the funniest Editing Room script I’ve read for a… well, since I posted the last one. It’s got a great Trinity Killer reference, too.

Check it out, and that American Horror Story Asylum “Unholy Night” piece is coming soon, promise!

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

House at the End of the Street: The Abridged Script From The Editing Room – Guaranteed More Fun Than The Movie!

WOW, am I glad I stayed away from this turkey in theaters (and I’ll be skipping it on DVD)! Ugh, sounds TERRIBLE.

Fortunately, the movie was at least good for a hilarious Abridged Script. Read on! Click the link OR the image below to read the parody. Elisabeth Shue needs a new agent, she’s better than this…  save your hard-earned money and check this script out instead!

House at the End of the Street: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room.

Psycho: The Abridged Script From The Editing Room (1998 Remake)

Well well, Rod Hilton does it again! I was checking his site, The Editing Room: Abridged Scripts for Movies  and what do I come across but a very funny abridged script for the arguably uncalled-for, ill-advised shot-for-shot remake  of Hitchcock’s Psycho directed by Gus Van Sant in 1998, in keeping with the Psycho theme of today’s previous post!

I really can’t bitch and moan too much about the movie, since I rented it when it came out on DVD. No, VHS, it was released on DVD a little less than a year before we got our first DVD player. I guess I have the half-hearted excuse that I’d thought Vince Vaughn was sexy as hell as a charming, sociopathic killer in Clay Pigeons (an opinion which I still stand by– if only he hadn’t run his good looks into the ground five years later from partying and not taking care of his health*) and I thought he might bring that vibe to the Psycho  remake, but it turned out to NOT be worth seeing the remake for.  If you really liked it, then good for you, I’ve got no quarrel and am happy some movie-goers got enjoyment out of it. Occasionally, I may put down some movies when I write about them here (though I try to keep things at least 90% positive) but I try to make it a policy never to put down the fans of whatever movie I’ve been talking shit about.  Yes, I realize I am so Caucasian that I almost glow in the dark and that I’m well over 30 years old , but I’m still using the motto  don’t hate the player, hate the game  …and I try to keep Horror Boom relatively hate-free. God knows at least half the internet–especially when discussing the entertainment industry– drips disdain, dislike (at best), and negativity.**  I don’t want that elitist bullshit here, and I get the feeling you agree!

Psycho (1998 film)

Psycho (1998 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OK, anyway, back to the Psycho  remake. My experience was that there was nothing in the movie that stayed in my mind for longer than thirty minutes after the credits rolled the movie In fact, I found reading this hilarious script about ten times more entertaining than the actual remake. Hope you find it amusing too!

While we’re on the word “psycho,” by the way, I’m losing my damn mind knowing the American Horror Story: Asylum  premiere is less than 48 hours away! OK, deeeeeeeeep breaths… no need for an adrenaline surge when I’m trying to wind down and fall asleep. If this waiting-for-Christmas-morning-in-elementary-school feeling doesn’t subside, I’ll end up having to go pour myself a glass of wine or something to get rid of the fight-or-flight response my brain sends out when I’m excited about an upcoming event.  Now here’s that script!

Psycho: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room.

*I’ll still stand by that, too. He’s still funny (though the last time I really laughed hard at a performance was in Old School  ) but due to some (legal) vices over the years, it’s actually depressing. If  I did one of those ‘scared straight’ photo progressions for him over the years (like I’ve seen as scare tactics for meth and heroin where they show a series of ten mug shots over the space of ten years or less where the woman starts out looking fine–if not completely wholesome, anyway– then by the last mug shot look so frightening that they might make small children cry) it’d be clear how far downhill his good looks went since the late 90s to now. I’m in no way implying VV uses meth or coke or any kind of drug at all, by the way, when I use that analogy.

**and that’s not even counting trolls going out of their way to ruin someone’s day or evening, sadly.