Ten Shocking Things We Learned From American Horror Story Asylum Episode Ten, “The Name Game” (Major Spoilers)

Believe it or not, no pun intended on the title. Yes, Sister  Jude was forcibly given an especially, deliberately brutal shock treatment session, but we spent the episode either with our jaws on the floor at reveal after reveal, sudden deaths,  lines and acts that I was surprised got by the FX notes department, laughing with glee, or loudly exclaiming profanities. They turned the juice up extra high on us, that’s for sure. Ole Mrs. Horror Boom here somehow took notes while simultaneously sounding like a less coherent, female version of the routine Eddie Murphy did back in the 80s about talking back to the screen in movie theaters. “The Name Game” came close to pure gold other than a couple of brief glitches that’ll be covered in the “Stray Thoughts” section to be added before the next episode, after I grab some sleep.–just wanted to make sure I got the usual list published first. So let’s go! Gabba Gabba HEY, Pepper!

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1. Our Pepper was framed! In her own words (during a really great monologue that leaves Dr. Arden shaking, his ego shattered): “Dr. Arden, you still see me as microcephalic. No-one takes a pinhead seriously. When my sister’s husband drowned her baby and sliced his ears off, he told everybody that I did it. They tied me up and paraded me in front of a judge. He took one look at the shape of my head and I was locked up for good. That’s how it works with us freaks. We get blamed for everything.”

She’s destroyed you, and now she’s destroyed me.

 

2. The cold open rockets from good to great as soon as we realize Pepper isn’t scared of Dr. Nazi. In fact, by the time the cold open is over, he’s scared of her.  Ha-ha! How’s that  feel, Hans, you cowardly prick? Our favorite pinhead calmly, evenly informs him that she has been sent back to protect Grace, and lays out how this is going to work. THEN Pepper tells him “the others” (the aliens whose intelligence he was so impressed by in Episode 9) had been watching his “clumsy experiments” and had a good hearty laugh at him and his ‘barbaric practices’ (I wish there was a way– and I doubt that I’m alone her–, that somehow this whole sequence could have lasted twenty minutes). Anyway, after destroying his ego and pride, she laid the situation out for him: “But if something happens to Grace in here, and she is harmed in any way, there won’t be anyone else to blame. They’ll take you, open up your head, and stir your brain with a fork. And when you’re returned, you’ll experience firsthand how they treat us freaks. I’ll take care of Grace. Why don’t you go to your whore nun, have her soothe your deflated ego?”

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Though Dr. Nazi lied like a rug when he hastily returned to revive Kit (“There was no visitation,” he said, but didn’t make much eye contact with Kit) and appeared composed, we see in brief flashback that by the end of the above speech, he was left slumped, panting (per the closed captions) and covering his face with shaking hands. Later in the episode, we have confirmation that yes, Dr. Nazi took her very seriously indeed, as that was the end of his experiments (we watched him prove it). Whatever scraps of his ego and hopes that Sister Mary-Demon hadn’t already damaged beyond repair, Pepper grabbed, threw on the floor and stomped on.  Also, the fact that Pepper’s been charged with protecting Grace explains why she was taken when the pattern for the others taken (Alma and Grace) was that they’d recently had sex with Kit, and she didn’t. So glad that turned out to not be a plot-hole.

“You are one. Sick. Twist.” -Kit to Dr. Thredson

 

 

3. One source of ours (who only gave us the below one tip, phew) was apparently full of shit, as their tip was:  the dirt that Dr. Arden was using to ‘blackmail’  the Monsignor was that he was a sex addict.  Speaking of “one sick twist,” we learned he was in fact a virgin, and even though he knew he shouldn’t have (vows of purity and all that) and did try to resist, she wore that all down pretty fast. Sister Mary Demon ground all over him and soon he wasn’t as emphatic while telling her, “no… I must not… stop… don’t… stop,” and he started breathing harder when Sister Mary Demon peeled off her habit and revealed that she was wearing the now-notorious red slip. OK, we want to be accurate here but not cross the line into trashy, we’ll do our best. It began when he tried to begin the traditional exorcism (“I cast thee out in the name of...”) but that ended within seconds as Sister Mary Demon shrugged him away and laughed at the joke, telling him, “Good one, father. Wanna hear mine?”  She began a dirty limerick that ended with, “His mighty dick/ was inches thick/He called it Salamander.” When he tried to clumsily continue the exorcism, Sister Mary tossed him across the room onto the bed (without touching him),  and asked salaciously, “How about yours, Father? Is yours …inches thick?”   and wasted no time  crudely seducing him and getting about as verbally graphic as FX could let the writers. The icing on the cake was Dr. Nazi walking in on them JUST as Timothy finally, despite himself (I feel like a pervert just describing this) moaned very loudly as he got off,  but with the worst possible timing for everyone. Everyone, that is, except Sister Mary Demon, who–talk about “one sick twist”– seemed to have planned the timing as she was urging the Monsignor, “Not yet… wait…” RIGHT until Dr. Nazi walked in and saw everything, including the Monsignor’s happy  (or not-so-happy) ending.  Furthermore, it’s going to take poor Monsignor years of therapy (at best) before he doesn’t associate orgasm with suddenly noticing an imposing,  bald elderly man in a doctor’s jacket standing in his line of sight, glaring venomously at him (assuming, after that icky timing, that Father Timothy ever feels like even having sex with himself, let alone another person, for the next decade or so).  I think they even made eye contact. Ugh. If Dr. Nazi had the tiniest grain of a soul, morality, or humanity left in him after Pepper tells him what a joke he really is, anything that was left died (painfully, we can hope) inside him forever at that moment. We learned that because…

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4.  Later, after the big dance number in Jude’s head, Dr. Nazi looked really  depressed as  he trudged into the Rasper Zone in the woods for a rare afternoon feeding, pushing the wheelbarrow full of large chunks of raw meat (Sister Mary Demon tagging along beside him). He half-heartedly tossed rasper-chow out, around the edges of their wooded area. All delusions of grandeur, power, and his God-complex were gone; instead his demeanour seemed closer to that of a small boy who had recently been informed his entire family had been killed in a car-wreck and he had to go live in an orphanage.  Then the raspers lurched out for their meal, and Dr. Nazi suddenly produced a gun and began joylessly executing them by shooting them in the back of the head (I counted four dead). When he started picking them off, Sister Mary-Demon looked like she’d gotten a surprise gift even as he announced to her in a lifeless voice that the experiment was over.  When he put the gun to his head, Sister Mary Demon watched with amused interest to see whether he would pull the trigger or not. Fortunately, Dr. Nazi didn’t— Ryan Murphy isn’t going to end such an amazing storyline (and character arcs that were all at once successfully swooping, fun, horrifying, and believable) without one hell of a pay-off  …and did we ever  get one at the episode’s staggering close. Instead he broke into sobs, collapsed to his knees, and asked Sister Mary Demon if she knew how much it had hurt him to lose her. She’s disgusted, tells him he’s pitiful, pushes his clinging arms away as he begs her to have pity, and it was satisfying to see him doing the begging when he’d so enjoyed making women beg him for mercy for nine episodes. He curls up, weeping and broken.


You have no secrets from me.

5.  We learned that Sister Mary’s (truncated) master plan and goal (which Lily Rabe and Ryan Murphy had both promised did indeed exist and would be revealed) included attaching herself to Monsignor (“You are mine now”) and thus rising in the hierarchy of the church …together.  Bishop…cardinal…dare we even say… POPE.  “The desires of the flesh are nothing compared to the rewards of power and ambition,” she tells a grim Monsignor Timothy. “I know you’re weak, but I’m strong enough for both of us.”  Besides the everyday chaos she enjoyed causing, Sister Mary Demon also delighted in the idea of next giving Jude (after the brutal ECT)  a trans-orbital lobotomy for *cough* therapeutic benefits, and to “crack that skull open like a walnut” (because we suppose frying half her brain like an egg wasn’t enough).

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“Ravage Me Red …Ravish Me Red…”

 

6. Speaking of that sad development, we learned Jessica Lange had another heart-wrenching monologue left in her… or rather, they had another written  for her, as I’ll never doubt her acting ability again. They write ’em for Ms. Lange, she nails them shut. This time she nearly levelled us during her visit with Mother Claudia when it became clear much of her memory and sanity had been destroyed from the abuse heaped on her. (We’ll transcribe it later). This led us to learning. that…

7.  Judy (or as Sister Mary Demon has cruelly designated her, Patient Number G2573) is clinging to the scraps of sanity she has left,especially trying to focus on matching names to faces; thank God one of the memories she retained is that Lana was unfairly locked up (by her), and she must keep trying to explain that Lana does NOT belong in Briarcliff.

“Anyone else have a bone to pick with me?”

 

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8.  In the “really  shitty news department”  we learn that Dr. T/Bloody Face (who has one of the best moments in the episode as he makes his entrance into the common room at Briarcliff to Screaming Jay Hawkins’ “I Put A Spell On You”) has changed his plans. Sister Mary-Demon must have told him that Lana’s DIY abortion didn’t take. His new, somehow more horrible plan, isn’t to kill her, not with the baby inside her–he tells her that as long as that baby is inside her, she’ll stay alive. When Lana asks if he’ll kill her as soon as the baby is born,  Dr. T explains his new plans to make sure she breastfeeds him for at least a year… no wire monkey mother for the son of Bloody Face (or so he thinks). Oh, and because that’s not bad enough, Sister Mary Demon offered him a permanent position at Briarcliff, which he was happy to accept (and yes, he reveals what we all strongly suspected–Sister Mary Demon untied him).  Later, we learn more about his new agenda.  Next goal?  To get the location of the taped confession out of Kit with the help of a straitjacket and some sodium pentothal (AKA truth serum) from Dr. Nazi’s office. Instead he follows the cries of a female in pain –you know he loves that  sound.  This leads him to discover Grace in labor (with Pepper calmly helping, telling Dr. T she’s crowning). This (understandably) catches even him off guard, but he recovers quickly enough to put this new weird discovery into play. He plans to use the son (after he’s told the father is Kit) as a bargaining chip. No need for sodium pentothal yet.  When it came to getting the information on the location of the tape reel, Dr. T. counted on Kit’s “Savior complex,” especially when it comes to women and children, being stronger than his utter hatred for Thredson. Dr. T did accurately analyze Kit at some point, apparently.  Kit  finally caved when Dr. T showed him his baby boy and gave him an ultimatum (we don’t hear the choice he gives Kit; in all fairness, he could have threatened the baby (though I doubt Pepper will let that happen, Kit didn’t know it). Thankfully, we then learned…

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9.  Lana was proactive and moved the blanket-wrapped confession reel to a new, undisclosed location, wisely not telling ANYONE where it was, to protect herself and Kit. She wanted to exonerate Kit and uncover Thredson as the real Bloody Face, but while she’d become allies with Kit, she made sure to also cover her ass… and Kit’s. She told Dr. T if he hurt Kit OR her, she’d find a way to get that tape to the police. Dr T. looks furious but also taken by surprise. “You know I can do it, Oliver. I’m goddamned plucky, remember?”  Oh HEYALL yes! That’s more like it!

“Do you know your name?”

 

10.  The Angel of Death (played by Frances Conroy) didn’t come to Timothy (who had been ‘calling’ her) to give him her kiss of death. We see a flashback to what happened right after episode 9 ended, and it’s nothing so simple. Instead…

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Monsignor, up on the cross:  Have you come for me? Why are you here?
Dark AngelI came because you have more work to do. The devil is here in Briarcliff, in your favorite young nun. You must cast her out.
M: I am too weak.
D: God will help you.
M: She’ll know.
D: Guard your thoughts. Use your rosary, each bead bears his name.

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That part about the rosary didn’t help, but she  sure dd. After Sister Mary Eunice’s innocent soul broke through briefly and begged Monsignor Timothy to be let go, he told her to let him go.  When she does, he gives her a surprisingly firm push up and over the balcony of the third floor, and she falls–released– to her death. We were in so much denial we thought she was going to change back at the last second and bite off the Dark Angel’s nose or suck out her power or something–PSYCH!  Instead, Death is able to take “both of them” to peace: Sister Mary and the Demon that had (formerly) resided in her.

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Note: I surprised myself by writing pages of ‘ stray thoughts’ about the episode, a majority of it concerning the twisted ‘love triangle’ and character arcs over the past 10 episodes of Dr. Arden/Gruper/Nazi, the human Sister Mary Eunice, and Sister Mary-Demon that concluded at the end of the episode, then seeing it was turning into a long-winded essay. So here’s the shorter version of my ‘stray thoughts’, later I’ll include a length to the ‘uncensored, uncut’ version (on the 2% chance someone might run out of  pieces written focusing on minute details and metaphors of America Horror Story Asylum to read online).  So here’s the more tidy version. Thanks!

Stray Thoughts:

  • First, let’s get the bitching out of the way. Not one, but two characters (Possessed Sister Mary and non-possessed Monseigneur) used the words “epic failure.” Not “epic fail” (because ‘fail’ is NOT A GODDAMNED NOUN OR ADJECTIVE and it would have sent me into an angry frenzy of calling out the writers in public), thank God. The first line that concerned Sister Mary Demon calling Jude’s administration of Briarcliff her “epic failure”,  took me out of the episode for a second. Everything was cruising along fine, with Sister Mary Demon being especially entertaining and evil (more on that later). It takes a LOT to take me out of this show, in fact this is the only time I can recall it happening. Later,  after Sister Mary-Demon violated the Monsigneur’s “purity” when he attempted a pretty low-key exorcism,  he went to talk to a barely-there Judy in the kitchen,  then he called his exorcism attempt “an epic failure”.  STOP THAT! On almost any other show (taking place in the 90s or earlier) two uses of that term would have caused the entire episode to a screech to a halt (and if any other show taking place back then actually used the term “Epic fail,” the entire SERIES would screech to a halt).  However, everything else in this stunner of an epic episode was pure gold, so I’ll overlook it and just bump my episode grade to A-. I can’t give any episode with a hallucinatory song/dance sequence that awesome even a B+.
  • Speaking of dialogue, other than what I let slide above, “The Name Game” had some of the best, most chilling, and perfectly delivered dialogue this season. The exchange I never get tired of watching was the one after Dr. Nazi and the Monsignor had agreed on Dr. Thredson handling the cremation personally:

Monsignor, as he prepares to leave the room: As a sign of Sanctity, sometimes God permits the dead body to emit an odor of sweet perfume. It was said that when Saint Theresa De Avila died, the smell of roses lingered in the convent for days.
Dr. Arden: What do you smell now, Monsignor?
Monsignor: Nothing but decay.

It was James Cromwell’s lifeless, yet perfect delivery of his line that gave me a serious chill.

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  • Still not sure what Dr. Thredson said to Kit to make him disclose where the tapes were hidden. I almost wonder if Kit knew they’d been moved, just not where, but Dr. Thredson had him in a straitjacket (even though for over half of his onscreen time, Kit’s wardrobe seems to consist of shackles, straitjackets, and other restraining devices that so many kinky Evan Peters fans online own up to getting them hot and bothered), and was not being gentle. We cut away before Dr. T. gave what had to be some kind of ultimatum. However, after I re-watched the scene, I saw Pepper (Grace and the baby’s bodyguard),  was in the room, and I don’t think she’d take kindly to Dr. T threatening the baby even verbally. Bugs me a tiny bit, but the “See Spot Jump” payoff was so good, I don’t really care.
  • Fans everywhere are going nuts  over the musical number; I thought I’d find that at least 1/3 of cynical viewers would call it a “jump the shark moment,” but only one person online did. It didn’t even make me mad enough to respond; for once I just actually felt bad for all the cool stuff and fun the person would be missing after they vowed to never watch the show ever again.  Jessica Lange did a great job singing, and Lana? That chick knows how to go-go dance!  Oh, and did you catch those shots of the “Dead Mexican” that Sister Mary Demon stabbed in the neck with scissors, then fed to the raspers? She looked all better, dancing away!
  • Are we the only ones feeling sort of bummed after all the raspers were unceremoniously executed? OK, Dr. Arden Nazi shot four, maybe he missed a few. Or one. It wasn’t as depressing as many other events that took place in episode ten, but still. Either way, I’m still going to finish that gallery, I’m a woman of my word. I really wanted to see them rip the throat out of a character who DESERVED it.  Maybe we’ll get that…
  • If this episode was supposed to contain a “moment” conveying the secret to S3, I’ve got a guess-based on Murphy saying it was not a line, but hinting at a shot or angle, here’s our prediction: watch as Dr. Nazi kills the fourth Rasper. The shooting style completely changes for a moment; we get one of those action-movie. or even a Western, bullet’s-POV-mode as he fires. It really didn’t fit, and we were in the hands of a great director and DP who wouldn’t just whimsically toss in something like that for no real reason. Crime drama? Western? Travelling “Wild West Show” type of carnival where one of the acts people pay to see are a sharpshooter shooting an apple off someone’s head? It’s probably nothing, just a hunch.
  • And finally,  Sister Mary Demon was at the top of her game (and entertainment value) right up until that third-floor shove. The writers must have known how much we’d miss Sister Mary, because this week, they fuckin’ went to town.  From the Great! Big! Music Box! unveiling (starting with Screaming Jay Hawkins’ kick-ass “I Put A Spell on You,” I guess all those prudes in the 1950s were right—Rock and Roll really IS ‘The Devil’s Music’!) dedicated especially to Miss Judy Martin… to going through the cells and planting (so to speak) a cucumber in Judy’s room (that looked way too big to have any… never mind).  and calling attention to it in front of the other now-giggling patients (“Take this from the kitchen? Get the idea from Shelley? We can’t have you diddling yourself all night long! …Do you think of Monseigneur Timothy?”)
  •  Speaking of diddling, Sister Mary Demon looked borderline orgasmic as she turned up the shock therapy on poor struggling, horrified Jude past 50% and scrambling her brain. For some reason, that act struck me as more evil than stabbing that poor, terrified Mexican inmate (who no-one ever gave a shit about looking for, along with Shelley and Pepper) in the neck with a pair of scissors. This was on a par with dumping poor Shelley in a playground , and with deliberately letting Dr. Thredson loose, then hiring him on when she knew everything he’d done and was going to do. Put that together what she did to Jude in The Name Game are those were her top three most evil, vile acts (I’m not counting some of the things she SAID, just her actions are in the running for the Vile and Evil Top Three).
  • I still think Arden is was as much of a monster as Bloody Face, but a tiny part of me felt a kind of grudging respect for the evil old bastard sticking to his guns and taking that shit to the grave with him. I don’t want to get into discussing religion and whether or not there is an afterlife. However, if in the “American Horror Story Asylum Universe” the devil is real (which Arthur had to have figured out around the holidays), then it means Hell is also real. Guess where Dr. Nazi’s soul is going to end up? I loved that the final shot (the whole last couple of minutes were flawless—though I would have liked to hear a little more agonized screaming from that shitbird, but no complaints either) was from a POV inside the crematorium, seeing the steel door slide down and shut out all everything else… except for the flames, which he’ll be burning in for all eternity.
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American Horror Story Asylum: Lily Rabe on Sister Mary Eunice’s Pivotal Episode, “The Name Game” (Especially The Last Two Acts Of The Episode)

I think it was perfect in its own crazy way. It was very true to the show. That was a very intense scene to shoot also. That was harder for me than the wires. I would do that any day over going into an incinerator, let me tell you.  –Lily Rabe

Thanks for being patient with the “Ten (insert adjective indicating how awesome, scary, and fucked-up the episode was here)  Things We Learned From American Horror Story Asylum, Episode Ten, ‘The Name Game’- Spoiler Alert!” usual post AHSA wrap-up/review/recap. Hope to have it up within the next 24 hours!

I was literally up all night (until I conked out around 10AM) writing after the show Wednesday, which might have worked out better if I hadn’t been up all night writing the night before as well. Need to stop keeping the sleep cycle of a vampire crack whore,  here. NOT complaining, I had fun, nice to be up all night  and have it actually be voluntary. Gonna repeat this next sentiment in its own post, but we got THREE TIMES more traffic–starting Wednesday AM– (in the 24-period the episode aired in) than we did on our absolute busiest day of 2012. Horror Boom is still racking up the hits, and I want to thank EVERYONE for their support. Would we have gotten even half that much traffic if American Horror Story Asylum hadn’t been back from their holiday break? No! Of course not. Thanks again from both of us.

We also think Lily Rabe should at least get an Emmy nod for best supporting actress (along with Jessica Lange winning Best Actress) for her work this season. She nailed it EVERY time. Hope Ryan Murphy casts her in another great role in “Chapter” (AKA Season) Three.

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American Horror Story Asylum Shockers: Ryan Murphy On “The Name Game’s” Major Character Deaths And Twists- S3 Hints -EW.com EXCLUSIVE (Spoilers)

I still can barely string sentences together, that blew me away so much. So read THIS! More from Horror Boom after our fucking heads are still spinning!

You should see my notes, if you want a good laugh. Pretty much a transcription of what I was yelling at the TV (when my jaw wasn’t hanging open). Will post those soon, THEN the usual “Ten SHOCKING Things We Learned.”

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American Horror Story Asylum – The Secret to Season 3 is in Tonight’s Episode, The Name Game, Says Ryan Murphy — EXCLUSIVE From EW.Com (Spoiler-ish)

“I don’t want to ruin it for you, but Spot jumps….”

So does that mean Season 3 will take place in a club w/60s music? A theater company? Club? Venue? Somewhere that puts on a show?  I’m still recovering from all the shocks tonight.

Holleeeee shit!  By the way, Lana sure can go-go dance!

Bet lots of people started thinking the show had gotten too goofy during that music number in Jude’s head, huh? Looks like THOSE people were fucking wrong, though, huh?  I almost never use the word “epic” as an adjective, but that was one epic ending. Lily Rave deserves an award along with Jessica Lange.  And the featured image (of Sister Mary disrobing down to that red slip in the woods… never in the episode.  My jaw dropped when Dr. Nazi started blowing away Raspers right and left in the woods (turned out he only killed three of them, but it seemed like a massacre at the time). Actually, the third one he blew away, the cinematography changed noticably;  Cromwell unflinchingly fired right into the camera (well, not directly, but you get the idea). Suddenly it briefly turned into a 90s Guy Ritchie movie (with Vinnie Jones or Jason Statham). Or… a Western? We saw Django Unchained  New Year’s Eve, and while I certainly don’t expect a Spaghetti Western with over-saturated colors, a cool twangy Morricone score, and bad-asses with never-ending supplies of bullets blowing off various villain’s  knee-caps, limbs, and entire heads (though I’d sure as hell watch that  show) for Season Three, maybe it will take place in a Deadwood-type setting and era. OK, we’re just trying to cover all possibilities so later we can say we called it, but since Murphy and Falchuck already have a show featuring performers (though this could be an acting troupe that travels around and puts on shows) maybe he’ll go with organized crime. Before this semi-mindfuck  from Murphy linking “the Season Three secret” to this episode, though, I was thinking a traveling carnival. Maybe it’d involve someone who displays his accuracy with firearms by shooting an apple off someone’s head. However, the current consensus among our friends is a travelling carnival …but it might just be wishful thinking. We do know if American Horror Story never goes with a Southern Gothic season at some point down the line, that’ll break our hearts!

We’d love to hear your thoughts, as always!

More to come!

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American Horror Story Asylum – NEW Spoilers For “The Name Game” (Episode 10) And “Spilt Milk” (Episode 11) – Plus The Finale Title! SPOILER WARNING (Naturally)!

It’s not so much that we “won’t” tell you the source of these spoilers, so much as “can’t”. They were posted anonymously and then re-posted… but they are episode descriptions and we’re pretty confident they’re genuine. Oh, Sister Jude… I’m really worried about her…

The title of the finale (which we don’t consider a spoiler), is “Madness Ends.” That could mean a lot of things.  However, highlight the below light-colored text for those spoilers we mentioned, which have not been released to major media outlets at the time of this writing. Here at Horror Boom, we stumbled on them while looking for something else American Horror Story Asylum-related that needed documenting…  these do not sound upbeat. I didn’t get a spoiler warning, but I’m giving you one more SPOILER WARNING!

Episode 10: The Name Game (Airing January 2nd, 2013)

The Monsignor resolves to help Sister Mary Eunice battle the Devil within, while the now-powerless Jude is punished severely by the possessed nun. As Dr. Arden brings his experiments to a shocking end, Lana and Kit find themselves at Thredson’s mercy once more.

Episode 11: Spilt Milk (Airing January 9th, 2013)

Sister Claudia and Monsignor Timothy confer on how to make things right… but the Monsignor, still full of ambition, has other plans. The Sister’s intervention changes everything… but happy endings may be hard to come by. Grace brings Kit devastating news about the aliens’ experiments on Alma.

We think we’ll take a  pass on speculating (for right now), but it doesn’t sound good, especially the cast deaths that Murphy promised in “The Name Game”.  We’ll add more to these spoilers if and when they come in. Speculate away, though, in the “Reply” area. You can also contact us via that form if you want to discuss spoiler-y theories.

Yikes.

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Ten Unholy Things We Learned From The American Horror Story Asylum Christmas Episode, “Unholy Night”! (Episode 8 – Spoilers)

We told you it was going to be a kick-ass holiday episode! We’re a little surprised by the Christmas tree decorations not consisting of parts of a human body, but this was sick in its own original way. So why not kick things off with…

1. The demon in Sister Mary was pretty excited about decorating the tree. This time, she just got really mean— she yelled at all the poor patients to line up, then grabbed a festive basket, and went down the line, taking what she wanted. from the wretched-looking people in line cutting off hair (above the ribbon), taking out some poor toothless old inmate’s dentures, and using those items, saying it was a lesson in Christmas being “all about giving,” which Monsignor Timothy seemed sort of impressed by. He even noticed the IV bags and bottles (all empty), though he didn’t remark on the garlands, which were either rolls of gauze, or toilet paper (maybe both; with the medical supplies hung up, I think it was gauze, which is somehow sicker than TP). Either that, or he’s getting bad vibes from her too and thought he should probably just humor her, then regroup later to snoop into things. I have to admit, putting fingers, toes, eyes, etc.  would have been nice and sick, but probably would have drawn a teeny bit more attention.

She had this… light in her. The light’s gone out.

 

2. Speaking of attention, Sister Mary Eunice was on FIRE in this episode. Almost every time she opened her mouth I got a big grin on my face or laughed. Click here to read  “Ten Of The Best Lines in the Christmas Episode, ‘Unholy Night‘ ”  In an entertaining interview I posted few weeks back (you can find it here) Lily Rabe was right. Sister Mary does have a lot of Christmas Spirit…

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You don’t know what Christmas means to me…

3. Ian McShane’s character, Leigh Emerson, was also pretty entertaining (and frightening; I wouldn’t want him coming at me in that Santa suit with his rotten teeth, matted beard and greasy hair, even if he wasn’t carrying a sharp object). We learned his back story from Sister Mary Eunice (remember, she knows all).  As a young man,  he was thrown in jail for trying to steal a loaf of stale bread (the ultimate crime!) Unfortunately for him, it was close to Christmas, and when the guards went Christmas caroling (I actually don’t blame this guy for having… issues… with Christmas after we got his back story) five men held him down and raped him. Merry Christmas! They took his virginity (well, Sister Mary points out, the first guy took his virginity), the rest stole his dignity, self-esteem, but worst of all, his Christmas spirit …and that’s only the first part of the back-story.

“There is no God… but there is  a Santa Claus!”  – Leigh to Sister Jude

4.  THEN, we learned that Leigh Emerson escaped in 1963 (or was released from prison, either way it was a very bad idea for him to get out of there six days before Christmas).  He approached a Salvation Army Santa outside a supermarket, hit him with his  Salvation Army bell, then shot him in the face, plus four more times. THEN, he put on a blood-stained Santa suit from the guy, and killed 18 people from five different families.  In the murder we saw n the cold open, a little girl named Susie, buys him as Santa even without the beard, bloodstains, and the fact he came in through a smashed window instead of the chimney. He was nice to her (that we saw, anyway, she never seemed scared of him) tied up the husband and wife with (lit) Christmas lights, yells at them for overdoing it with the decorations, and after a really raunchy comment also in the piece with quotes, shoots them. He ends up in Briarcliff by Christmas 1963 (more on that Christmas at Briarcliff in the Stray Thoughts section)*

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5.  We learned some facts that would make anyone–well, anyone with a soul– turn down a lavish Christmas gift of real ruby earrings  (big stones, set chandelier style). We learned in the same scene that Dr. Arden is still (of course) a sadistic, evil Nazi asshole with a Madonna/Whore complex, but that he had hoped for some response from Sister Mary Eunice other than delight and preening when he told her how he got the earrings. Would YOU want to try on, let alone keep, earrings that had been swallowed and shit out every day for weeks by a woman in a Nazi concentration camp, not to mention they ended they ended up killing that someone due to internal injuries (the jewels tore up her intestines, Dr. Arden/Gruper explains) who died in the wretched camp, then  were given to you by the Nazi that “retrieved them”?  And regardless of hygiene, I’d be more than a little worried about a vengeful female spirit haunting you if kept and/or sold them. That’s an onyro’s secret back story reveal from a J-Horror, K-Horror, or Thai ghost movie right there.  Talk about bad karma. We at Horror Boom saw through the ruse with Sister Jude (360 degree turnaround all of a sudden from THAT shitty guy? Just didn’t buy it, though he sold it to Sister Jude skillfully) but we think he actually was kind of down–or feeling sorry for himself, at the very least– that there’s nothing left of the Sister Mary he, er, had a …crush on.

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6. Dr. Nazi is probably more scared of Sister Mary Eunice now; he didn’t seem to take any satisfaction in setting up Sister Jude’s (botched) murder. He didn’t want to stick around as he and Sister Mary Demon listened (below the French spiral “Staircase to Heaven”) to Jude’s terrified cries and desperate calls for help and all the crashing around. After he told Sister Mary (who practically looked like she was just about to discover her G-spot) that he hoped his loyalty was proven, he said–not entirely convincingly–he found it all rather tedious and that he had work to do.

Oh, you really don’t want me to be around the others this time of year…

 

7. Sister Mary Eunice’s telekinetic powers are improving. This episode, when Sister Jude managed to sneak in the office and hold a razor to Sister Mary’s throat and says she’s figured it all out.  Sister Mary Eunice looked amused and asks, “what are you gonna do, cane the devil out of me?” then laughs as the doors of the armoire containing all the canes are yanked wide open, followed by the various canes flying out, then the record playing a Christmas carol is shattered.. on the ceiling.  Before any more mayhem could ensue, Dr. Arden intervened and had Sister Jude ‘escorted out’.

See? We all made a little sacrifice for the greater good. That’s the spirit of Christmas!

 

8. We leaned more about Bloody Face (Old Skool Bloody Face) and the good news that Lana —and Kit— finally have the upper hand (for now). We’re a little worried about Kit, because if we were Lana, we don’t know how long we could keep ourselves from beating Thredson to death. In fact, Lana wanted to kill him right then. He  doesn’t seem as pissed about her injuring him to escape, but accuses him ‘tricking’ him into being “intimate” (which must be the word he uses for ‘rape’).  He said he was going to just kind of humor her and let her talk, because hey, who would believe her story? Then he tells her he changed his mind, he’s going to kill her. The worst news (for Lana and Kit, anyway) was said he’d gone over every square inch of the basement and his house with a toothbrush, combed it for any evidence (remember, no DNA testing back them—plus did they even have rape kits in the early 60s?) and that the furnace got a lot of use,  which he’s also really pissed about. You made me kill Bloody Face!  he nearly snarls at Lana.

 

One day,  I will bury you.
-Lana to Thredson/Bloody Face

 

9.  We learned there was no doubt that Lana is pregnant.  Many fans already suspected it (and a very recent interview confirmed it).  On a TV show (even basic and pay cable), we see a woman who is capable of getting pregnant throwing up in the morning on a TV show, and she’s not a virgin, 99% of the time, that woman has discovered her pregnancy by the end of the next episode. Not sure if Lana has figured it out yet, since that is SO the least of her fucking problems at this point.  There was some not-so-subtle foreshadowing in the dialogue from Thredson—“Bloody Face had to burn so he could be BORN AGAIN from the ashes” and “Your skin with will be the beginning of a second Bloody Face.”  Maybe it will be this season’s version of the Violet reveal that was predicted by half of the fans ahead of time – but the sight of her when the reveal came actually gave me nightmares. Let’s hope they do something just as shocking with this season.

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Heads up, asshole! CONK

10. We learned that any male staff member in Briarcliff with compassionate, human feelings  towards others—not that there were a lot of them, and few females, too— might as well have an expiration date stamped on them. As we thought, Frank was completely broken up, weeping and praying over Grace’s body.  He also saw the Rasper that ripped Sister Felicity’s throat out and tells Dr. Arden he thinks they should alert the authorities. “Our former Irish cop is feeling the need to confess.” Dr. Thredson tells Sister Mary Eunice soon after. “I’ve got it under control,” she replies. RIP, Frank.  Sister Mary slices his throat later in the episode after Leigh (Insane Homicidal Santa) gets put back in ‘the hole’ after really snapping and losing his shit in the common room, Frank locks him in and turns around to see… slash.  I assume Leigh will get blamed for cutting his throat. Oh, by the way, we have a survey. With the characters dropping like flies lately, if you want to vote on who you think will get killed off in the next episode, please do; there’s a poll here. Take a second, because we wanna know your prediction!

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12/19 Poll Update- SPOILERS if you have not seen episode Nine, The Coat Hanger, yet:  This is going up soon on the poll page, too, but it’s ironic that of the eleven responses (with a free account with Polldaddy we can only have ten) we Kit out of the running–it was him or Sister Mary Demon, and we take HIM out as an option?  Naaahhhh, no way, there’s way too much unresolved business, if they do it, they’ll wait till the last or second-to-last episode.  We didn’t consider the fact he might only be dead for a minute or two at the end of the episode, and that would be one of the mid-winter finale cliff-hangers promised by Murphy (though I doubt anyone called things going down like THAT before it aired). Either way, WRONG! He died. Episode ended. He might (probably…I hope) have Dr. Nazi make it back in time to re-start his heart in Episode Ten. But other than that, it was just the hapless therapist whose penny-saver coupon brought in the last patient she would ever have a session with – Johnny Thredson (she got the most votes, BTW-good call). Remember, the Angel of Death didn’t kiss the Monsignor yet–if you’ve read the episode description for next week, or seen the nice spoilerish preview for the January 2nd episode, “The Name Game,” we know what happens there.  I’m still pissed at him for what he knowingly did to Sister Jude. You can read the FULL weekly piece, Ten Shamelessly Twisted Things We Learned In American Horror Story Asylum Episode Nine, The Coat Hanger (Spoilers) right here.

Stray Thoughts:

  • We actually thought that when Sister Jude drove something pointy into Leigh “Psycho Santa” Emerson’s neck in self-defense, it was a candy cane. Before you laugh, have you seen how sharp and pointy the ends of those get after you’ve been sucking on one end for a while? It’s like a hard-candy ice pick, or something. We know somewhere out there that HAS happened in a holiday-themed horror movie, probably one we’ve seen and just can’t place. We actually wish it had been a candy cane, but I guess that was a little too campy even for Murphy and Falchuck. We can see where they’re coming from… but still, that would have been a great, sick touch.
  • During the cold open teaser that introduces Leigh Emerson’s holiday season mayhem, was anyone else reminded of “And All Through The House…” that awesome, AWESOME Tales From The Crypt  (an anthology movie used the story from the comic first) episode where the mother –SPOILER ALERT, THE EPISODE OR AT LEAST A CLIP IS COMING UP AS A POST FOR THE HOLIDAYS, HIGHLIGHT TO READ:  kills her husband in the middle of a snowstorm on Christmas Eve, hears that a maniac dressed as Santa escaped from the local mental asylum, and it’s a very tense game of cat and mouse up until the chilling ending as she can’t really call the cops when her husband’s body is there with an axe buried in his head, blood everywhere, and her plans to drag him outside and drop him down a well become even more screwed up when she locks herself out of the house. Here’s the kicker, though, and you’ll remember it if you saw it: her little girl (who believes in Santa Claus) is awake in her bedroom upstairs because hey, what child can calmly sleep Christmas Eve? The murderous mother finally makes it in the house throw a window on the second door –wow, what a relief! However, the little girl isn’t in bed. She walks, filled with dread and shaking, to the landing of the stairs and looks down to see her little girl, smiling. Oh, Thank God she’s OK! We’re going to look it up soon, since I wouldn’t be surprised if the little girl’s name was Suzy in the comic, then sees she’s holding hands with someone. “Look, Mommy! Santa really came! He came and I let him in!” Next to her stands a grinning, large maniac dressed in a Santa suit… happy to finally be indoors. The comic ended on that last frame –Good Lord (choke)! The HBO episode ended on the evil maniac Santa asking, “Naughty… or nice?” in a gravelly voice just as scary as Ian MacShane’s, and then faded out on the woman’s hysterical screams. Robert Zemeckis directed it, which sounds like a red flag for a Tales From The Crypt  episode, but I still was on the edge of my seat even though I knew the ending… which gave me goosebumps.
  • So, fellow E.C. Comic and Vault of Horror fans, did little Suzy not being scared of Santa (even though it was six days early, he clearly entered through a broken living room window,  and had a few little bloodstains on his Santa suit) and then going to wake her parents up to tell them ecstatically Santa was downstairs, which of course ends horribly, remind you of that story? The “Unholy Night” version was way darker, obviously, but I think the parallels were there. It was even published is roughly the same time period (mid-century).
  • Who else got a big grin on their face when poor Frank grabbed a huge ladder to put the glass (or maybe tin) tree-topper up, the elaborately red-and-silver, star-shaped ornament (only with at least 20 pointy ends), and started climbing? We didn’t want Frank to get hurt (too late, sigh), so much as we saw total chaos about to break loose and thought there’s no way that star isn’t going to end up embedded in someone’s face or neck.  Didn’t expect him to fucking RUSH the ladder, knock it and  the entire giant strangely-decorated Christmas tree over, and leap on top of Frank like a wild animal, trying to smash it into Frank’s face (and actually succeeding) as not one, but two large orderlies had to sprint over to pull Leigh, in full-on homicidal maniac frenzy-mode, off of poor Frank. We’re putting up a featurette on the stunt soon, but until then, you can get a fix watching a behind-the-scenes look from FX  at how they performed the old “face-off” bite right here.  Sister Mary Demon’s casually amused reaction to the entire tree debacle, after she calmly watches: “Two steps forward, one step back.”
  • If we had been in Sister Jude’s shoes, the second we opened the double doors to her quarters/office and saw mangy, creepy, blood-thirsty Leigh lounging in her chair behind the desk, we would have turned around then and gone right out. She tried to get out fast, but she hasn’t seen as many horror movies as we have. If she’d been as big a horror fan as us,  it would have gone like this: open door, see homicidal patient let out of ‘the hole’ sitting there in a Santa suit opposite you behind the desk, immediately swivel around and step back out into the hall and close the double doors, all in one large motion.
  • There’s too many great quotes to count, but we made a list of ten OF the best (not THE ten best) quotes from “Unholy Night”, along with screencaps, and you can check that piece out here.

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Ten Reasons We’re REALLY Psyched Up For The American Horror Story Asylum Christmas Episode Airing This Week!

So, the Christmas episode Horror Boom has been looking forward to ever since we saw the title of it about a month ago airs Wednesday, December 5th on FX. We’re psyched for it for plenty of reasons, in fact, we have no trouble coming up with ten of them, almost off the top of our heads! Plus, we have a gallery of some great episode photos, too.

1. The title of the episode is “Unholy Night”.

2. The fact that one of our favorite actors, Ian McShane is not only a guest star, he’s an EVIL guest star who dresses up like Santa (I almost typed “Satan”, wonder if a character will bring up the fact those two words are easy to confuse when spelling).

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Perhaps you recall Al Swearengen (who turned out to be the most likeable character on Deadwood, and everyone loved him by the end of season one – I’m working on a few T-Shirts with his quotes). If not, here’s a little clip reel to show you what he’s capable of (not for the easily offended, though if you’re already reading this, we doubt that). If you’re as big of a Deadwood fan as we are, you’ll love it either way.

3. In an awesome interview we posted a few weeks ago (from vulture.com) with Lily Rabe, she said some REALLY exciting things about the episode. First, she spilled that Sister Mary Eunice teams up with Ian McShane to do a bunch of holiday-themed evil shit together.

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4. THEN Lily Rabe went into more detail,  and it just got better:   “She  [Sister Mary Eunice] has a lot of Christmas spirit, that’s for sure. That was one of my favorite ones to shoot, actually. Ian and I got to do some really evil things together, and I have to say it was a career highlight. He’s such a wonderful man. We had great stuff in the common room, with all of those background actors, the inmates. I can say Christmas will never be the same for me after shooting that episode. I’ll never look at a Christmas tree the same way.”

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5. This official episode description that’s now been updated to the following: A murderous Santa wreaks havoc on Briarcliff. Sister Jude faces off with the Devil. Arden has a shocking encounter in the Death Chute.  That’s pretty goddamned great already, but from the hints Ryan Murphy has dropped (it’s been confirmed Pepper the Pinhead will be back) I predict (and really, really hope) Pepper is going to show up in the Death Chute, since that’s kind of the secret entrance/exit of Briarcliff when Dr. Arden is there, and take revenge for Shelley that Ryan teased. Hmm, maybe a sharp object will be handy for her to slice HIS ears off?

6.  Exhibit A:  This photo that Ryan Murphy tweeted several weeks ago, from on set:

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7. The fact that last week, Ryan Murphy promised to deliver, in his words, “The most fucked-up Christmas episode of all time.” WE ARE SO THERE! According to Murphy in the same interview, McShane’s character was “victimized so badly in prison that he made a psychotic break and decides he’s Santa Claus and he knows who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.”

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Oh, so cannot WAIT to find out what horrible thing is inside that present!

8. The fact that he also  said she (maybe McShane will help her make the ‘ornaments’, or provide them)  will be decorating a tree. “Think of how the devil would decorate a Christmas tree,” he teased. We’re hoping it’s going to be something like the below still (from the Black Christmas remake, 2006). Just put some human inner organs on there, festoon it with some intestines, we’re good. Then he confirmed (in the EW.com interview here) what Lilly Rabe said earlier: Yeah, next week has my favorite [as far as] Lily Rabe’s character does,  where she decorates the Christmas tree. It’s sort of like, Well, how would the devil decorate a Christmas tree? So that’s just a laugh riot. And we love Murphy’s sense of humor!

This shot and the opening scene of the Black Christmas remake (2006) made it worth a watch for me.

This shot and the opening scene of the Black Christmas remake (2006) made it worth a watch for me.

9.  Exhibit B: The below HD preview of the episode, “Unholy Night”:

10. Exhibit C: The official American Horror Story Asylum Christmas/Holiday greeting card below that hit the press today:

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American Horror Story Asylum’s Lily Rabe Talks Sister Mary Eunice And The Upcoming Christmas Episode – “I’ll Never Look At A Christmas Tree The Same Way Again!”

Oooooh, this is a great read! For one thing, if you’re an Ian McShane (or a Deadwood) fan, you’ll practically go into a frenzy like I did when I read about his role in the Christmas episode, “A Very American Horror Story Christmas.” Just kidding. It’s titled (per IMDB) “Unholy Night.”  I try not to have unrealistic expectations in general, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that there is no way that a Christmas-themed American Horror Story Asylum episode could be anything less than fucking GOLD.

Click Here To Read “American Horror Story’s Lily Rabe on Seducing James Cromwell and the Upcoming Christmas Episode” On Vulture.com

Here are some of the highlights of the interview (you should still read the interview, I just couldn’t resist including them, they were so awesome):

Rabe: What’s been so fascinating as I’ve been playing possessed Mary Eunice is that it’s not just the devil on the one hand and Sister Mary Eunice on the other. It’s what’s happening between the two.
I think every script I read has something that sends me into a state of panic but that usually makes me want to do it. I can’t actually think of a job where I was relaxed the whole time. I don’t think I would want to do that job.
Ian [McShane] and I had a lot of amazing Christmas things to do together. Sister Mary Eunice has something to do with why his character is wearing that Santa suit. She has a lot of Christmas spirit, that’s for sure…

Vulture: So there will be a Christmas episode of American Horror Story?
Rabe:  Oh yes. Of course, right? That was one of my favorite ones to shoot, actually. Ian and I got to do some really evil things together, and I have to say it was a career highlight. He’s such a wonderful man. We had great stuff in the common room, with all of those background actors, the inmates. I can say Christmas will never be the same for me after shooting that episode!

Ten Things We Learned From American Horror Story Asylum, Episode 3 – ‘Nor’easter’ (SPOILERS!)

Warning about Spoiler Warnings for this weekly feature: I’m now just going to start putting a spoiler warning in the title of the post.  I think that’ll keep me from getting me yelled at. Besides, I know regular readers of Horror Boom 1. are intelligent and 2. have my back.  OK, on with the mostly horrifying things we learned – even I let out a shocked “HOAH!” loud enough to wake my husband at that last brutal reveal. Now THAT was I call a goddamned episode of American Horror Story last night!  Let’s do this!

Kit:  Run, RUN! RUN! Don’t look back, just RUN! Go GO GO! Into the tunnel! GO!

1. The last act of Episode Three, ‘Nor’Easter’ reminded us what genre of show we’re watching, that’s for sure. HORROR, and proud of it. We now know what The Raspers in the woods look like and the show runners were smart to keep behind-the-scenes pics/footage out of the media, since they’re even more horrifying than we pictured. How horrifying are the Raspers? Enough to send three patients more desperate to escape than anything in the world sprinting back full-tilt into what is probably the most wretched, shitty, frightening asylum in the TV universe, one that includes a chief administrator with deep-seated issues who will beat the shit out of you for even a slight infraction if she feels like it, and a head doctor who is a sadistic, soul-less monster who makes the aforementioned chief administrator look like Mother Teresa.


2. Speaking of the above doctor, and things we’ve learned, WE GET IT, RYAN MURPHY AND CO., DR. ARDEN HAS A MADONNA-WHORE COMPLEX!  We pretty much figured that out by the end of episode two; having a call girl dress up like a nun and take her make-up off, then turn back into a misogynistic pervert (among other hints). However, shortly after obtaining a tube of lipstick (“Ravish-Me Red”)  he really started to unravel, and smeared it onto the cheeks and lips of a pristine, white angelic statue of the Virgin Mary, then grew furious and shoved it off the pedestal it rested on so hard that it smashed to smithereens before he practically screamed “WHORE!”.  If any viewers have not been clued in to his issues by that little vignette (I doubt it), they’re not smart enough to watch the show. Please return to exploring the other, really monstrous facets of his character, such as…

3.  A man who is very likely a war criminal. I’m guessing of Nazi origin, whose birth name was probably something along the lines of Klaus Von Ardenshvitz, with a sick nickname like “The Mad Butcher of (insert name of concentration camp here)”. When he was jabbing Kit’s neck with some of the longest needles I’ve even seen (how much torture can that poor kid take?) we learned that Dr. Arden assumed the bizarre metal chip that scuttles around like a rectangular robotic beetle–Dr. A even stored it in a jar like a live specimen– was some sort of tracking device. He has apparently decided Kit is some sort of spy; he questioned him about who he was with and who sent him–Russians? East Germans? The CIA? The Jews?  

Sister Jude finally starts calling bullshit on Dr. Arden …but is it too late?

4. We also learned a lesson that poor Shelley learned far too late:  if Dr. Arden wants to have sex with you, just humor him, no matter how revolting, vile, and unfuckable he is, it’s still better than the alternative. And whatever you do, no matter how tempting it is,and how much he deserves to be made to feel like a pathetic excuse for a man, don’t laugh at or make fun of his penis size (or lack thereof). I was positive she was not going to live to see the end of the episode after that, but instead, he reminded her (and us) that you don’t have to die to go to hell.

Now we know why having Chloë Sevigny pose this way was foreshadowing… look at the legs. EEEEEEEK!

5.  The Raspers are apparently named that because of the sounds they make. We probably suspected this before, but after I watched the episode, I re-watched with closed captions, and they read [RASPY BREATHING] when we saw one of them lurking in the woods when Sister Mary Eunice fed them. Their dinner was that poor Hispanic woman who not only got stabbed to death with scissors, but was also only referred to as “That Mexican” by the staff. Speaking of that meal…

6. The demon in Sister Mary Eunice (that kind of has a cool ring to it, doesn’t it? Could be a great 60s-70s movie title: The Demon In Sister Mary Eunice) even seemed to make a choice to keep her/its distance from The Raspers.  She didn’t have her usual devilish smile,  plus she looked to be keeping an eye out –and I doubt it was because she cared if Sister Jude or another hospital staff member saw her.  After she unceremoniously dumped their fresh dinner out of her wheelbarrow and onto the ground for them, we noticed she didn’t turn her back on them – she took several steps backwards before a cutaway.

7. Sister Jude and alcohol do not mix well. Here’s my transcript of the entirety of her amazing monologue which had its hilarious moments but also showed she has a heart, and is a woman capable of feeling sadness and guilt. It started when she walked unsteadily into the makeshift movie theater completely hammered and blowing her whistle, which already sounded a tad off…

Sister Jude:  Take your seats. Take your seats! No more dilly-dally.  SIT DOWN.  SIDDOWN(brief exchange with guard about ‘missing Mexican’)
Welcome, one and all to Briarcliff Manor’s inaugural movie night! Heh. Whether this evening marks the start of a beloved tra—tradition, or just another bitter disappointment,  is entirely up to you! (Pulls out notes). Now! Settle in, relax, and return with me now to Ancient Rome as we  present the 1932 Cecile B. DeMille classic, “The Signs of the Cross”, starring Miss Claudette Colbert as the empress Pop-pia or…Pohpia, and as the Emperor Nero, the incomparable Mr. Charles Laughton, who I understand is an enormous whoopsie. (Thunder scares inmates)   No no, no! None of that! None of that. Chin up! Chin up high. Hey! (giggles, actually looks happy).  Don’t be afraid of the dark. At the end …of the storm… is a golden sky and a bright silver song of a lark… walk on though the wind  …walk on through the rain (clasp’s Pepper’s face and beams at her) …though your dreams may be tossed and blown, walk on! Walk on, with hope… in your heart… (voice breaks) and you’ll never walk alone… you’ll never …walk… (Lana and Dr. Thredson exchange concerned looks) ...but she was alone.  A tiny little fragile thing out, out in the world …in the gloaming… (continuing to unravel and losing her battle to fight back tears)  …and the storm that came was not rain and not wind, it was something… altogether else… (Even louder thunder-clap.  Sister Jude gasps and manages to pull herself back together)  LIGHTS!  I’m off to find the Mexican. (strides out)

Dr. Thredson: What the hell was that?
Lana: She’s bats, or haven’t you noticed?

That was a flawless, well-written monologue, and unsurprisingly, Jessica Lange absolutely nailed it. I needed to watch it half a dozen times to get it all down and transcribe it, and I loved watching it every time.

8. Sister Jude took her vows shortly after the hit-and-run,  and the date on the newspaper with the girl’s photo and the headline that indicated she had been “Missing Six Days” was June 28, 1949. So now we know the hit-and-run happened on or about June 26th …and that Sister Jude has been a nun for fifteen years.

Sister Jude: Movie night is at an end!
Patient: But the movie ain’t over yet.
Sister Jude: Yeah, everybody dies. Satisfied?

 

9. When we got a look at the giant thing in the hall that made Sister Jude scream and then pass out, it was obvious that unlike The Raspers, it was never human and that it might be an alien; we catch a glimpse of some long insect-like limb unfolding when we got a brief partial view. I try to write these before I read recaps, reviews, and EW.com’s post-show interviews with Ryan Murphy, but I had to check on this, and Murphy has confirmed yes, that was the alien that Sister Jude ran into. When Demon-Sister Mary wakes her, she says, “Oh my God, they’ve seen it too.”


10. And finally, we learned something most horror fans already knew: Don’t ever try to liven up your honeymoon by having sex in an abandoned mental institution that you know is supposed to be haunted and  housed a notorious serial killer. You will end up being killed. Bad idea. Actually, they were screwed when they went in there in the first place, but they were really pushing it. Jesus, what went wrong with your life where the biggest turn-on is having sex on an electroshock table in a “death chute” where you just read 42,000 people have died? There’s kinky, and then there’s just idiotic (not to mention bad karma).  Three of the Bloody Faces were guys wearing masks, Bloody Face #1  was knocked over by Leo (still trying to protect his new wife, even with one arm), then stabbed a dozen times by his bride, with that icepick-like, sharp tool used to give trans-orbital lobotomies, no less.
Just when it looked like they might make it out alive, two other “Bloody Faces” named Cooper and Devon showed up, and Devon shot both the honeymooners dead. Cooper was upset at “taking things too far”, but Devon, who appeared to be hopped up on speed, loved it and tried to justify it to Cooper by saying that was what they got “for stabbing Joey”. Then they noticed Leo’s arm had been ripped off. Uh-oh.  Now who the hell could have… practically before the sentence is out of Cooper’s mouth, the real Bloody Face (or not, he didn’t attack them yet, but the two guys looked pretty scared) shows up. We don’t know yet if the guys were out of their minds, out of their minds on meth, part of a cult, pulling a really ill-advised prank, if it was some it was some kind of freaky initiation, or some combination of all of the above. Anyway, it probably could have been avoided if the two had just taken a photo or two and left. Or never gone inside at all. Bad idea even if you’re NOT in a horror movie/series.

Sister Mary Eunice: I can’t imagine what you’re so afraid of! Get on your knees and we’ll pray it all away…

Stray Thoughts:

  • I’d buy a lipstick in a shade called “Ravish-Me Red.” Some cosmetics company should do a tie-in. They did it with True Blood  last season( though all the colors were goth and overpriced, so I didn’t pick any up).
  • I think if I had to have a choice between Dr. Arden and the Demon, I’d pick the Demon. The Demon is scary as hell, and murderous, but at least the demon has a sense of humor and you’ll probably get a quick death. Also, it hasn’t tried to rape anybody yet.
  • I love Sister Jude’s phone greeting: “Briarcliff Manor!”
  • My current theory on Dr. Arden and The Raspers  (that could be a band name. Hey, Dr. Arden and The Raspers are doing a show at The Crocodile next month. Yeah, the cover charge is 15 bucks,  you think they could put us on the guest list? ) is: Dr. Arden was indeed a Nazi and is now a war criminal due to the ungodly experiments, unusually cruel and sick, that he performed on prisoners. He’s been conducting horrible, blood-curdling medical experiments on patients at Briarcliff, probably going back to when it was a tuberculosis hospital, maybe giving them diseases like syphilis or gangrene. I think his goal (“we just have to get them through the winter”, he told Demon-Sister Mary) is to construct some kind of super-human “master race,” impervious to illness, that is very hard to kill (they did look pretty tough and chased Kit, Grace, and Lana at a very high speed).  And Shelley is his next victim, she’ll end up one of the raspers, will be way past saving, and she’ll end up killing a main character and eating them, or a main character will kill her because 1. they don’t recognize her or 2. they do recognize her and give her a mercy killing.  I also wouldn’t be surprised if they “rasp” because they survived tuberculosis and/or had their tongues or vocal chords cut out. Jesus, how did my brain come up with all of that sick shit as my theory? Guess I’ve been watching too many horror movies…