John Dies At The End (2012) Gets Another Wild Trailer – And a Release Date!

Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can’t.

How about the release date first? Magnet Releasing picked up the film several months ago (good news all around) and the Don Coscarelli-directed  John Dies At The End  is set to hit On Demand December 28th, with a theatrical release date to follow on January 25th. Here’s that second trailer in HD – and it’s even more trippy than the first one!

The hilarious plot synopsis:

Soy Sauce. It’s a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can’t.

I still haven’t finished the novel yet; not because it doesn’t hold my interest, but because if I read it before bedtime, I get really, REALLY weird dreams, and my dreams are already weird enough without assistance!

In case you missed the first teaser trailer,  check it out below in HD! It’s just as entertaining.

 

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Sick Horror Short “T is for Talk” Packs a HELL of a Wallop (From “The ABCs of Death” Contest)!

The stand-outs so far (according to several sources) were Xavier Gens (who made the brutal Frontier/s  and The Divide;  his name always gets dropped, and rightly so, when people mention ‘New French Extremist Horror’) and his segment called “X to XXL”, where a woman, “takes the ultimate action to reduce her body size”.

“T is for Talk” (2011), directed and co-written by Peter Haynes, was a top vote-getter in the “26th Director” ABCs of Death  contest. Of course, that was back when the voting window for the contest was still open, which I managed to totally miss, thus this series to share the best other shorts with a wider audience. I’m pretty sure you’ll see why; it packs a hell of a wallop into four minutes.  This is definitely one of the most intense entries, and isn’t something you should watch if you’re NOT in the mood for something dark, nasty…and very original. Oh, and if you have a pounding headache, I recommend waiting until your head’s back to normal (you’ll see why pretty fast).  Check out the very NSFW, intense “T is for Talk”, from New Zealand, below!

Damn!   A prequel to that short could be interesting in the right hands. Anyway, that’s eighteen down, seven to go (I think. I’ll do the math later). You can go back and read the first three posts, each with five picks either embedded or linked–some were only on Vimeo or the official voting contest page via the ‘related’ links below, or you can watch the first five entries (plus the introduction) here, the second batch of entries here, and the third bunch of five entries—which has one of the sickest entries in the series– here. I also went and posted a link (I couldn’t embed it) to one that I meant to post, but missed, a couple of weeks ago back in September, which you can check out here. Enjoy, and expect the last eight entries by the time of the full-length movie’s release, which should give me plenty of time since the release date got bumped way the fuck back to January 31st for VOD, and motherfucking March for a limited theatrical run (sigh). I read three reviews from sources I trust, and they said it was kind of a mixed bag; some were more toilet humor/gross-out* than scary or gory (or worth four minutes of your time).

Anyway, now that reviews are coming in, the reviewers said there were some great segments that made The ABCs of Death  worth sitting through. The stand-outs so far (according to several sources) were Xavier Gens (who made the brutal Frontier/s  and The Divide;  his name always gets dropped, and rightly so, when people mention ‘New French Extremist Horror’) and his segment called “X to XXL”, where a woman, “takes the ultimate action to reduce her body size”. My guess it she does a little whittling down at home, taking matters into her own hands by using a sharp blade.**  Another standout is supposed to be “L is for Libido,” dealing with (I am not making this up) a psychotic masturbation contest (worse than a biscuit party, I assume) –gee, how could THAT go horribly wrong in an unrated horror movie?–that ‘ends with sick and deadly results.’  I’m not proud of admitting this, but …SOLD!

Right now, I really  want to see what Banjong Pisathanakun (half the team from Shutter  and  Alone ) does with his four minutes …and with what letter of the alphabet and title. N is for Natre? S is for Siamese Twin

Well, that’s seventeen down and eight to go! More to come, definitely before the holidays (and probably sooner).

NO REPEATING

*I wonder if any of them had to (or needed to for the purpose of rating them, no-one held a gun to my head making me watch all of them, it was just too late in my project to back-pedal by then) sit through “T is for Testosterone Replacement Therapy”, “T is for Tentacle Rape“, or “T is for Tampon”? Those weren’t anywhere near scary, they didn’t have a plot, two out of the three were so misogynistic I felt like punching whoever was responsible for them in the teeth, and they didn’t even try to be entertaining –on any level. I got the feeling they only made the films because they had some serious issues and/or really filthy sexual fetishes to work through. Through the years, I’ve picked up on the fact that self-indulgence usually doesn’t make for an end product entertaining for anyone but the artist. Consider yourself warned if you’re somehow still compelled to watch them …especially if you’re eating at the time.

**For a while now, I actually have been fleshing out (no pun intended, I should get of my tired ass and take a stab  at grabbing the thesaurus before half my comments sound like The Cryptkeeper introducing a story, boils and ghouls ) an outline for a short horror story, where a woman with some serious issues hates her body  –and doesn’t have the money to go pay for lipo or another medical procedure. At the end, she really goes over the edge and tries the do-it-yourself approach with craving knives and maybe a vacuüm cleaner or other suction device. The scariest part? I’m afraid if I Googled or otherwise researched this, there will turn out to be not one but a ton of cases of people who already tried to do it. Self-surgery, not writing a short story about it, I mean. There’s no way that’s going to end well…

Red Band Trailer of the Week – [REC] 3: Genesis!

First, a fast heads-up. If you haven’t seen [REC] or [REC] 2, and plan to, this post could contain some spoilers. If you plan to see them, now would be an excellent time. Just don’t count on getting a full night’s sleep, and there’s a chance what sleep you did get won’t be free of nightmares!

 [REC] is an outbreak movie, not a zombie movie.  Just because the non-human attackers LOOK horrifying, very hungry, and suddenly come running up at you  (which should be a hint right there …. If you’re a fellow devoted Romero fan,  I’m positive I’m preaching to the converted on that note),  try to bite you, and if the infection is passed that way, DOES NOT MAKE THEM A GODDAMNED ZOMBIE! Okay, I’ll stop shouting.

Well, this one is great for many reasons. It’s another [REC] movie, but it’s not really a sequel; it takes place around the same time of the events in the first movie (someone at the wedding shows up with a dog bite that will sound familiar). I’ve even heard some of the film-makers call it a prequel (hence the ‘genesis’ added to the title, I presume). It’s definitely different–mostly in style– from the first two entries; the first half is shown as cut-together ‘found footage’ (via all the wedding professionals hired to make the wedding video, and possible some footage from other guests) and the second half does a totally new style for the series— regular shooting, non-documentary style. I’ve heard from those who’ve been lucky enough to see it early on that it’s still scary as hell, but has a more festive tone, with an over-the-top Dead-Alive vibe. DONE and DONE!  They had me at [REC] 3, so this is icing on the blood-soaked wedding cake. Check out the latest HD Red Band trailer below—it contains a lot of new footage AND gore!

Here’s the official English-language summary: A couple’s wedding day turns into a horrific events as some of the guests start showing signs of a strange illness. The action now takes place miles away from the original location and partly in broad daylight, giving the film an entirely fresh yet disturbing new reality. The infection has left the building. In a clever twist that draws together the plots of the first two movies, this third part of the saga also works as a decoder to uncover information hidden in the first two films and leaves the door open for the final installment, the future ‘[REC] 4 Apocalypse.’

I have absolute trust in Paco Plaza at this point.  I’d read that both the writing and directing were split between Paco Plaza  and Luiso Berdejo …now where did I read that again? Oh, yeah–on the tagline listed on the IMBD! Tagline: Two radically different films from Paco Plaza and Jaume Balagueró.  That’s catchy. I have to look into this more, since I’ve read different “intel” on the Spanish site. Also, the IMDB lists Plaza as the sole director, and only shows the writing credits split. I’ve also seen the tagline The Infection Has Left the Building, which definitely has more flair than the first one.

Well, at least she and Pablo got some pretty impressive footage.

Here’s some more shiny [REC] 3 goodies for you. If you’re anything like me and have basically been stalking the movie online for the past six months or more, as soon as it became official and there was a teaser trailer, you may have seen most of them. Or, you may be a big [REC] fan and heard about the new movie, said, hey, that’s really cool! and then patiently looked forward to the release of the movie in a rational manner (unlike very impatient me) and just seen the occasional news item when it comes up, then you’ve got some fun stuff to check out in preparation for the movie’s release date on August 3, 2012 On Demand and DTV, and September for theatrical release.  I assume the theatrical release is limited; either way, no way in HELL will I able to wait. I’ll probably be looking for it Thursday (after midnight, so I guess VERY early Friday) On Demand.

Here’s a very short clip that’s also very bloody. Oh, it’s in Spanish, but it’s not a really dialogue-heavy scene…

Wondering whether la Niña Medieros, AKA the Medieros Girl, AKA the Attic Monster, makes an appearance in this movie? Looks like we’re in luck (and good news: yes, Javier Botet, the original actor from the first and second installments, is playing her/it – so it will be creepy).  You can find out how in this possibly spoiler-ish clip. Well, it might not be TOO spoiler-y if you don’t speak Spanish. I thought it was a clever, believable way to make sure we fans got to see her/its return. I also love that Mr. Botet appears to have gotten third billing, right after the two leads playing Clara and Koldo, the very, very unlucky bride and groom. As you can see, I do not own the copyright to this clip (courtesy of fanaticosderec.blogspot.com).

Before I forget: speaking of spoilers*, avoid the Wikipedia page for the film, which gives a complete plot summary from start to finish. I didn’t even realize till I was halfway through that it WAS a complete synopsis rather than an elaborately detailed description to set up the plot.  You may just want to stick to the links I give you, but obviously, it’s your judgement call. I went into both movies knowing VERY little other than the set-up (especially [REC] 2, which I’d only seen a brief teaser trailer for before I watched it) and it turned out to be the right call.  I sure as hell didn’t want to know everything that happened from start to finish (though I knew it wouldn’t end well; real found-footage horror films end up with every one of the characters dying, or very clearly totally fucked). I got some big surprises and even bigger jumps along the way.

Angela, I’m afraid I have some VERY bad news for you and Pablo…

Here’s another bit of advice: ignore any review or comment from someone referring to the infected as zombies. The series is an outbreak movie, not a zombie movie.  Just because the non-human attackers LOOK horrifying and come running at you looking hungry (which should be a hint right there …I’ve seen exactly one movie that used sprinting zombies that enhanced the movie,  rather than hurt the movie. If you’re a fellow devoted Romero fan,  I’m positive I’m preaching to the converted on that note) and try to bite you, and if the infection is passed that way, DOES NOT MAKE THEM A GODDAMNED**  ZOMBIE! Okay, I’ll stop shouting.  It’s established in the first 15 minutes of [REC]2 that it is not a zombie virus, but a contagious demonic possession. Well, a lot of people filled in the blanks and figured that out during the finale of [REC], but I was too busy being scared shitless of the attic monster to pick up on what most people (who unlike me, weren’t so completely terrified that they couldn’t think straight) probably figured out from the newspaper articles and the recording Angela and her one remaining camera-man found that the threat was supernatural.

Concept art for The Medeiros Girl, AKA The Attic Monster, AKA That Thing That Shows Up For a Guest Appearance in My Nightmares An Average of Twice a Year or So

I will be adding more [REC] (and of course, REC 2 and REC 3: Genesis) links, pics, and other cool shit to this post later. I only got what I’ve written so far in one post because I had the brilliant idea of popping in my new copy of the DVD that came in the mail today of Frontier(s) around 1:00 AM, which made me very un-sleepy. In the meantime, though, I have good news and (possible) bad news. While stalking [REC]3 online, I stumbled upon an amazingly detailed, cool, fun [REC] series fan site. Bad news is it’s in Spanish, but don’t  let that stop you. I just said the hell with it and used a free online Spanish-to-English translator to translate chunks that I’d cut and pasted. It’s packed with information and photos and clips. If you’re a fan of the series, check it out now!

See anyone familiar in that mirror?

* and don’t even get me started on the stupid promo for the weak U.S. remake, Quarantine, which shows THE VERY LAST SHOT OF THE MOVIE ON THE POSTER. Even if you didn’t see the TV spots or trailers, that show the moment for the ubiquitous tag–on jump after the very end, you’d walk by the posters on your way in to the theater at some point. Really? Really? Not just the final shot, but one of the biggest jumps? Are you fucking kidding me? Would you show a shot of… OK, sorry, I said I wasn’t going to get started on the promo. Actually, don’t even get me started on the very unnecessary Quarantine in the first place. The sequel to Quarantine is acceptable, because they more or less start from scratch on the mythology (including ditching the found-footage format altogether) and it’s self-contained, and even has a few memorable moments. OK, rant over… for now…

**though the victims of the outbreak in the [REC] series are literally damned by God.

Claymation Horror Short of the Month – Lee Hardcastle’s T is for Toilet

Wait wait whoa whoa whoa! Give me a chance to explain.

A little over 24 hours ago I discovered a movie that’ll be released in October from Magnet Releasing, called The ABCs of Death. Hold up, is that as sick as I think it sounds? Why YES. I read the description from the  twisted but very entertaining, and even addictive, official site for the movie…

FROM THE DIRECTORS OF
HOUSE OF THE DEVIL
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN
A SERBIAN FILM
TOKYO GORE POLICE
YOU’RE NEXT & Many More
COMES THE GENRE EVENT OF 2012

Twenty-six directors. Twenty-six ways to die. The ABC’s OF DEATH is perhaps the most ambitious anthology film ever conceived with productions spanning fifteen countries and featuring segments directed by over two dozen of the world’s leading talents in contemporary genre film. Inspired by children’s educational books, the motion picture is composed of twenty-six individual chapters, each helmed by a different director assigned a letter of the alphabet. The directors were then given free rein in choosing a word to create a story involving death.

Provocative, shocking, funny and ultimately confrontational, THE ABC’s OF DEATH is the definitive vision of modern horror diversity. Drafthouse Films, Magnet Pictures and Timpson Films are proud to present this alphabetical arsenal of destruction orchestrated by what Fangoria calls “a stunning roll call of some of the most exciting names in horror across the world.” 

They are not fucking around, trust me. The trailer alone was the goriest trailer I’ve seen in over a year. Maybe more, I’ll add it at the end of this post, so you have plenty of warning NOT to watch it if you’re eating something, are easily offended, and can’t stand violent trailers. Even  I was saying, out loud, ” Jesus fucking Christ!!”  at higher than normal volume for when my husband is trying to get some sleep next to me. I’m surprised my husband slept through my reaction.

Don’t take the adjective ‘disturbing’ lightly! Oh, and  several YouTube comments strongly advised “Do not watch if you’re high“. I didn’t feel the slightest urge to test this theory out, but I’m still 100%  sure it’s great advice. This is hands down the goriest claymation short I’ve ever seen…

So there’s that. Then I read about their contest for the letter “T”. It was an open call for short horror films lasting less than five minutes, the prize being the short getting to be included in this fucked-up anthology, with plenty of cool directors attached –the winner would be the 26th director. I am really sorry I missed voting on there, even the entries that I thought would be more appropriately titled, “T is for Torture Porn” had good production values, good effects, and it was clear that the directors took pains to craft the best short film they could. I have a dozen or so more entries I’m either going to post or include in a playlist on You Tube. There are a few ones less worth your while than other ones; I’ll try to limit my playlist to the ten best, entertaining, most effective ones  (okay, maybe twenty, but no more), not necessarily all of them. If by some miracle I can exercise enough self-control to keep it down to ten, I’ll post ’em here for you to watch.

I also watched maybe… pffffft …15-20 entries in a row, which did not have a beneficial effect on my sleep cycle. I had nightmares not about any of the images in the movie, or the movie itself, and I can only half-remember said nightmares. You may be familiar with those. I do remember it was one of those dreams that was so stressful and/or wretched that I made a deliberate, and successful effort to say, OK, this is horrible, I think I’ll wake up now. Even going without enough sleep I can live with, since it’s better than this God-awful dream. Unless you need to stay awake and can’t find coffee, I recommend NOT watching ten of the contest entries in a row after dark.

You Tube description : Very disturbing, not for children. Humorously creepy clay-mation horror that tells the story of a little boy who is a bit uncomfortable about using the toilet.

Don’t take that disturbing part too lightly! Oh, and “Do not watch if you’re high,” several YouTube comments advised. I didn’t feel the slightest urge to test this theory out, but I’m pretty sure it’s great advice. This is the goriest claymation short I have ever seen. Even though there were DOZENS of entries, at least half of them out-standing,  the below short is the one than won the contest call to be included in the movie. I assume the claymation gave them an angle–as well as it should, since it probably took a long, looong time and hard work to create, then execute the concept. I’ll share some of the finest coming up.

OK, you have NOW BEEN WARNED! Plus if this is too gruesome for you, DEFINITELY don’t watch the seriously Red Band gore-fest trailer that I’ll post last.

Nasty little twist at the end, too, that really nails it shut!

Here’s the goriest trailer I’ve seen in years. I think the last real jaw-dropper was a trailer for “Summer Massacre,” but I’m not 100% sure that’s an actual feature film that has now been completed. Again, don’t say I didn’t warn you! BEWARE …unless you’re a gore fan, or curious. VERY NSFW!

Well, I warned you! More shorts from the contest entries coming soon!

Red Band Trailer of the Day- V/H/S (2012)

 

I’d been previously informed that V/H/S was a found-footage torture porn film, at which point I mentally scratched it off my ‘must-see’ list. Then I found out that I’d been misinformed. Still, I was getting lazy about posting this, until I saw Wednesday’s “Attack of The Show” (we’ve been watching the show this week for the first time to see guest host Marc Maron) wherein one of the two grating, shrieky-voiced, bony chicks who pretend to be edgy pop-culture geeks* and appear to have been born in 1999 (the blonde one) proudly presented the “first look” at the V/H/S trailer.

I’ve been getting burned out on found footage movies. However, an anthology format of five, helmed by five different directors,  plus what I’ve heard is a pretty decent framing story from a sixth director?  You’re on!

So that gave me the kick in the butt to quit being lazy and post the first red band trailer for the found-footage anthology film V/H/S. I discovered it yesterday but was a little unsettled by this new version. Some new imagery was enough to make me decide that maybe it might be a good idea to go ahead and wait until it was light out to delve into it more…

Honestly, I’ve been getting burned out –just a little, but still–on found footage movies. However, an anthology format of five of them, helmed by five different directors (several whose work I’ve enjoyed, decent odds) plus what I’ve heard is a pretty decent framing story from a sixth director?  You’re on!  Suddenly, I can’t wait till it’s released this fall. Here’s the summary, directly from the official V/H/S website:

When a group of petty criminals is hired by a mysterious party to retrieve a rare piece of found footage from a rundown house in the middle of nowhere, they soon realize that the job isn’t going to be as easy as they thought. In the living room, a lifeless body holds court before a hub of old television sets, surrounded by stacks upon stacks of VHS tapes. As they search for the right one, they are treated to a seemingly endless number of horrifying videos, each stranger than the last.

Bringing together some of the top filmmakers in the game today, this wickedly conceived horror anthology sends the viewer through a gauntlet of suspense, terror, shock, and downright brutality—instantly distinguishing itself from a sea of lackluster found-footage horror flicks. The diverse and deviously creative minds behind V/H/S shatter any preconceived notions about the genre, making it feel inventive and captivating once again.

OK,  V/H/S,  sold!

Eeeeeek…

If you’re out there reading reviews, beware The Hollywood Reporter review from Sundance, as the reviewer blurts out nearly the entire content of the first two stories, including jump scares and twists. Not so much as a retroactive spoilers warning!

*Yeah, I have PMS. So what? When I have a headache and am not feeling too glamorous, I have less patience than usual with seeing two motor-mouthed valley-girl sounding model-hostesses apparently trying to out-shriek (and out-cute) each other. They’re good at reading teleprompters energetically, and good at… uh…  drawing a blank here! The highlight so far for me was when Robert Kirkman finally told the brunette (politely) to stop interrupting him.  Ahhh,  that was as refreshing as a cold drink on a hot summer day; I seriously felt like someone had been blowing a kazoo in my ear for 45 minutes.