Guillermo del Toro Presents Spooky-Ass First Trailer for “Mama” (2013)

A ghost is an emotion, bent out of shape. Condemned to repeat itself time and time again…

Does that sound familiar? A little J-Horror, a little Gothic, and just a little unsettling. Well, this isn’t a red band trailer, it’s not even close to being offensive (for a horror trailer, anyway) and Mama i s rated PG-13. That being said, this is a very creepy, spooky-ass trailer (and the first full-length one). If at least one of the images in the trailer doesn’t creep you the hell out, even a little, then check your pulse to make sure you still have one!

I’d seen the poster for Mama, which didn’t look that scary; looked kind of generic. Yeah yeah, creepy little girl peering out from behind a drape or something, whatever. Then, after I watched the trailer (because even the trailer was blowing people away) l I looked a little closer…

I then realized uh… I don’t think those are drapes. Look again (if you haven’t noticed it yet) and you’ll see what appears to be cloth is actually a long, scrawny, creepy non-human arm dangling. You can see the lanky, bony hand. Not sure about you, but to me, you know what a look, creepy, dangling arms reminds ME of?  A familiar face from my nightmares (and perhaps some of yours, too):

Yes, it’s the Medieros Girl as played by Javier Botet (in all three movies, by the way) AKA the pee-your-pants frightening Attic Monster from [REC].

So after I watched the trailer (while I was musing over how often I watch creepy horror movie trailers after dark when you think I’d have learned my lesson by now after what seems like 500 times and going on ten years of You Tube clips, trailers, etc.), I looked up the cast.

Guess who’s in the credits? Javier Botet! I am pretty sure I got a glimpse of him towards the end of the trailer in a quick flash (and in the thumbnail still they picked for the trailer above).  This time, crawling with terrifying and unnatural speed rather than standing upright and swinging a hammer blindly around one of the darkest, scariest attics in all horror film history. Looks like I’m in for this one.  Imagery this creepy (below) in the very first trailer?

If you look closely (I know it’s dark) you can see this is in fact TWO creepy little girls, not one. Freaked me the hell out first time I saw the trailer.

Here’s some info on the actual movie, which has a release date of January 18th, 2013. It’s a “Guillermo  del Toro  Presents” title; meanwhile while the actual director is  Andres Muschietti. The movie stars an almost-supernaturally beautiful Jessica Chastain, along with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaimie Lannister on HBO’s Game of Thrones, also easy on the eyes) and Megan Charpentier. Here’s the official plot description:

Annabel and Lucas are faced with the challenge of raising his young nieces that were left alone in the forest for 5 years…. but how alone were they?   Guillermo del Toro presents Mama, a supernatural thriller that tells the haunting tale of two little girls who disappeared into the woods the day that their parents were killed. When they are rescued years later and begin a new life, they find that someone or something still wants to come tuck them in at night.

It’s those last dozen words that give me the chills. Especially if Javier Botet is involved. Would YOU want his version of a monster to come tuck you in at night? Jesus H. Christ!  That’d be the last time  in my life I got any goddamned sleep. On the IMDB cast listing, there’s no character name after his credit, so I have a hunch he’ll be playing a monster. Quite possibly THE monster. As I mentioned above, there’s something very skinny moving rapidly towards the camera for a brief moment in the trailer, and I’m 99% sure that’s where Botet (and maybe “Mama”) come in…

More details about Mama as I get them. Since it’s not the little girls, but their “Mama” that’s dangerous, I think there’s a good chance of seeing a fresh, spooky flick!

Happy B-day, Alexander Skarsgård – Now THAT’S How You Play a Vampire!

…vampires should not ‘sparkle’ when exposed to daylight, for Chrissake! Nope, real vampires quickly start smouldering and burst into flames.

God, I can’t stand sensitive, candy-ass Twilight-style vampires. I like my vamps bloodthirsty and brutal as hell when they want to, or when hungry. From the bad-ass Hooker Clan in Kathryn Bigalow’s ground-breaking gem Near Dark (1987), to Eli in Let the Right One In (2008, though I have to admit that the 2010 American remake was good, and didn’t ruin the original),  to Eric Northman from the HBO series True Blood, played by one Alexander Skarsgård.  I was only going to post something about him turning 36 today if I could find this specific clip,  where he literally rips someone apart with his bare hands (the cracker in question had been asking for it for weeks)… and lookee here!  This was when his character stopped being somewhat boring for me, and I began to understand why he was nearly every female True Blood fan’s favorite character*.

All vamps need to do this periodically – they ARE monsters, not caring, sharing pussies you barely ever see drop fangs, let alone use them. And if they get pissed off enough at other vampires, even their bosses, well…

Also, vampires should not sparkle when exposed to daylight, for Chrissake! Nope, real vampires quickly start smouldering and burst into flames. When they get staked, or otherwise killed, it makes a horrible, very hard-to-clean-up mess.  This rant is coming from a gigantic Buffy and Angel fan, too. At least on those shows, when it was light out and it was an emergency to get somewhere, they could cover up with a thick blanket and run really fast, but they’d still start smoking. Angel tried to do the right thing (when he had his soul) but even then, he had no problem kicking ass and killing people and other vamps when they needed to die. Spike sure enthusiastically fucked up plenty of people who got in his way ( or sometimes just in the wrong place at the wrong time) and loved every minute of it. They still sure as hell preferred human blood to animal blood. Real vampires also need invitations to enter a private human residence. Not to mention, none of them could impregnate humans.  Noble, broody vamps trying to make up for evil shit they did they did to humans in the past got played out for me a while ago. Come on!  Where’s the fun in that? Anyway, happy 36th birthday greetings to Mr. Skarsgård, who always gets vampires right. Stay vicious, Viking!

*he’s not my favorite character on HBO’s True Blood, but I can definitely see where they’re coming from.