Besides the fact that this is the first in the “Scary Movie” series to not only omit Anna Farris (she had a good ‘out’ at the time, pregnancy), other cast members from the previous films, like Regina Hall, Kevin Hart and Anthony Anderson were offered roles but opted not to return. RED FLAG! (or rather YET ANOTHER RED FLAG!) This is the only film in the entire Scary Movie franchise that does not feature any main characters from the previous films, Cindy Campbell (Anna Faris) or Brenda Meeks (Regina Hall). Now that we’ve effectively driven anyone away toying with the idea of seeing this in the theater (we doubt you were there to start with), we also noticed some very familiar scenes parodied in the second theatrical trailer (released about a week ago).
Turns out, additional footage recordings and reshoots occurred between January and February, 2013 with ADR sessions taking part in March. This trailer wisely takes focus off The Black Swan (the recent target audience for the Scary Movie franchise doesn’t have that long of a memory) and focuses a little less on the Paranormal Activity series. The “Inception” bit is still there and they even tossed in a bizarre Fifty Shades of Grey (not a scary movie, not even a movie yet) spoof with Jerry O’Connell listed in the IMDB credits as Christian Grey, and added Mike Tyson to that whole mix (FOOTBALL FIELDS OF RED FLAGS). Actually, there’s WAY worse Tyson, Lindsey Lohan, and Charlie Sheen in the movie (two words: Big Angie).
BUT, the Mama spoofs in the trailer were amusing if you’ve seen the commercial and/or the movie (they had those TV spots for Mama on pretty heavy rotation, even we were sick of them). It looks like all they had time for to parody from The Evil Dead (2013) were the trailers (you’ll see). Oh, and when I say “amusing”, I’m not counting the toilet humor. Maybe when it’s on Netflix streaming, we’ll take a look, but just to see Snoop Dogg/Lion in the Mama parody. Check out the new trailer below…
Also, the new poster art features Evil Dead and Mama prominently, with her long skinny arms reaching around the cast while Snoop exhales weed in her ugly face:
Scary Movie 5 opens Friday, April 12th. Wheeeeeee.
OK, because 24 hours from now we’ll have seen the gory, fun, roller-coaster ride of a flick, we somehow controlled ourselves and stopped watching half-way through the B-roll footage. You WILL be spoiled! It’s not boring, either. We’re talking chopped-up but still possessed bodies being buried, things on fire, Deadites on fire… you’ve been warned.
We also get to see the beautiful Ms. Lucas getting her missing chunk of face-makeup prosthetics applied. FUCK YEAH, PRACTICAL EFFECTS! Sorry, this is like trying to calm down and try to fall asleep when you’re a kid all hyped up on Christmas Eve.
Actually, all the female cast are beautiful. I didn’t recognize Jane Levy out of make-up at the premiere. I’m not that familiar with her work since according to her bio she was born after I graduated from high school (SIGH, but hey, we got to grow up in the 80s Horror Boom, so who’s REALLY lucky?) and we don’t watch Subpugatory (great title, though). Yeah, she looks fucking horrifying as a Deadite, but in the footage and stills of her being chased, getting more or less raped by a couple of evil trees, and the scenes of shaking with fear and whispering to her brother We… have… to… get… OUT… of… here, I still don’t know how the made the stunning, wholesome redhead look as unhealthy and exhausted as she does in the first part of the movie. See below:
Well, they do have excellent make-up talent on board.
We’ll make another post soon with some screen grabs that aren’t too spoiler-y if you don’t want to ruin anything by watching B-roll footage, etc. You probably already had this idea occur to you, but check theater listings. If you can’t wait till Friday (we sure fucking couldn’t) there seem to be a TON of Thursday showings, some starting at 10:00PM and then again at midnight. A good half-dozen theaters in our area code did!
There’s some shots in here even WE didn’t notice, they flash by so fast. Then again, there’s some you’ll recognize… but if you’re as hungry to see this as we are, you’ll want to check them all out! Click on any of the images to enlarge it.
Oh, and there’s a few from the first teaser last Fall (also a blood-bath) and the “Green Band” trailer. Only a few tasteful ones, though…
Fuck, where do we start? The guy pulling the broken-off hypodermic needle from WAY too close to his bloodshot eye, skin trying to come with it? The possessed chick with the geyser of blood flying out of her mouth and onto Olivia’s face? The chick slicing into her tongue with the box cutter? Angry molesting trees that take things to the next level? The disturbing drawings in the Necronomicon, not to mention notes saying things like “HE IS WATCHING” and what looks like “BURN BITCH“? Hell, we don’t know, all we DO know is the guy with the glasses better have a DAMN good reason for ignoring all very clear warnings (the Book of The Dead was tied closed with barbed wire and clearly bound in what looks like human flesh; two red flags that anyone with common sense would heed). Oh, and we do NOT own the copyrights to any of these screen caps, or claim any right to them. There, covered our asses, I hope. Enjoy!
We also recommend reading the comments after the article (there’s a couple haters, but most make good points). This news ROCKS! You’d be surprised (or maybe you already know) what you can do with a good composite shot.
This isn’t exactly a breaking newsflash, but we hadn’t seen these yet. While we’re bummed out that there’s no gnarled scabby human face (or what WAS a human face at some point) on it, the inside looks pretty scary. Hope all the characters smoke a bunch of weed like in the original before they play the reel-to-reel recording (if it’s set in the 70s-early 80s –if not, read it, I guess) because if they decide to bust out a book like this with very succinct, blunt warnings including DON’T SAY IT. DON’T WRITE IT. DON’T HEAR IT. DON’T SHARE IT, then I’m going to have serious problems having any sympathy for them.* Not to mention, no-one in it is half as goddamned gorgeous (or funny) as Bruce Campbell was in the originals, so there’s no distraction to let a few things slide. OK, where were we? I realize this is a “re-boot”, but come on… having a female heroine saw off her “possessed arm”–give us a little more than that. It’s not like the old-school Necronomicon looked goofy, it was pretty disturbing, and the Raimi/Tapert team did a really amazing job constructing it with such limited funds (as with all aspects of the series). So let’s see more of the inside…
*maybe it’s because we’ve seen enough horror movies, but no matter what dose or kind of alcohol and narcotics were in our systems, we’d take one look at that thing and say, “Welp, that just about does it for me,” then put it back right where we found it, and go start looking for somewhere else to spend the night that didn’t contain a book bound in human flesh and inked in blood in the first place.
The EW.com article we very recently re-blogged was an in-depth analysis for THIS nasty, wicked, sick new full-length red band trailer. We’re worried this trailer contains ALL the gore in the movie, because we don’t know how they can top plenty of what is seen here. Shit, we don’t know how they’ll even get away with it. What we meant to do was read the EW.com piece, re-blog it, then watch the trailer at the very end of the piece after writing something enthusiastic yet graceful. What we should have done was follow that plan. What we did instead was get two pages (tops) into the 12-page EW.com piece, then what little willpower and professionalism we began with suddenly went crashing out through the window all at once, as the only thought barging into our brains screamed ENOUGH WAITING, FUCK THAT!WATCH IT NOW!NOW! and we did so immediately.
Jesus CHRIST, you guys!
I don’t know how this movie is going to get away with an R-Rating, even this red band trailer had us stunned, wincing, and (rarer yet), momentarily speechless. Just try watching through to the end without wincing and protectively grabbing your mouth/jaw. We still can’t do it! So put down anything you’re eating or drinking* (even water, who knows, you could do a spit-take) and watch this full-length, gruesome, filthy, WONDERFUL trailer below (in HD) now! We won’t spoil the end… until after the jump.
When the first red band “teaser” trailer (with a little more conversation and a little less action) was released and we posted it in Fall 2012, we made a huge-ass collection of screen caps for a slideshow to post later. Then ADD kicked in (maybe that was about the same time they released the first five minutes and the new opening credits for American Horror Story Asylum) and it didn’t happen.
Oh, did we say grabbing our JAW? We forgot to mention our EYE. Actually, not 100% sure I want to know what the story behind this screen grab from the full-length trailer even IS.
Well, we just started taking screen-shots of this one, so look for a nasty slide show coming up (though probably not before the finale of American Horror Story Asylum at the end of January, that’s pretty time-intensive)
“Okay, I am fucking drawing a line in the sand here, DO NOT READ THAT!”
The Evil Dead opens in April of 2013!
*Especially if it’s warm and red, you’ll know the footage we mean when you see it.
HORROR BOOM 