Variety Calls ‘The Pyramid’ A “Likably Lame-Brained Egypto-Horror Exercise” – Read The Review Here!

Correctly ascertaining that auds will be less interested in the outcome than in the obstacles along the way, Levasseur plants and executes the pic’s exclamation-point scares with grinning, squelching gusto. It matters little that most of the jolts have been lifted from previous movies, given that much of the borrowing is from films (a Hammer Horror curio here, Renny Harlin’s “Deep Blue Sea” there) that were once cut-rate knockoffs themselves: Such hand-me-downs are still cheaply effective, and all the more endearing for their familiarity. The sight of a character impaled on an old-fashioned bed of wooden stakes, nibbled at by screeching Sphynxes, is somehow revolting and reassuring all at once.

Late in this echoic narrative, however, writers Nick Simon and Daniel Meersand do pull off one disorienting reveal: While this particular pyramid appears to be a mummy-free zone, a climactic literalization of ancient Egyptian theology is as luridly unexpected as it is patently ludicrous. Quite how alien invasion figures into the folklore, however, is a mystery for sharper minds than those presented here. (One scientist’s guileless response to the identification of dried blood on a spear: “What does that mean?”)

-From the Variety.com review by Guy Lodge

Wow, that first paragraph started out so promising, and then the second talked us out of going out of our way (i.e. leaving the house) to see The Pyramid.  We’d hoped it would be worth it due to Alexandre Aja being involved, but it doesn’t sound like the good outweighs the bad, and we’ve read several reviews; this is one of the more positive ones. We will warn you up front that this is the most spoiler-ish review we’ve read in terms of plot details, so skip it if you (still) plan on plunking down money to see this one and want to preserve as much surprise as possible. It doesn’t give away the ending, and most reviews mention the impalement scene, but they are pretty casual about a couple of reveals.
To read the entire Variety review, click “View original” in the lower left.

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Paleyfest 2014: Ryan Murphy Lauds ‘American Horror Story Coven’ Cast as “Most Amazing Group of Women Ever on TV”

Featured photo above: Ryan Murphy (left) laughing in our faces when we asked him how any suspense or dramatic stakes can be maintained if any character killed off can be brought back to life and/or patched back together whimsically,* including a decapitated main character with one hand being put back together offscreen, which is barely mentioned other than a throwaway line.  Meanwhile, Kathy Bates (middle)  and a woman who appears to be a young, strangely friendly Naomi Campbell Angela Bassett (right) are good sports and laugh at how much fun they had playing fictional versions of Delphine LaLaurie and Marie Laveau while wiping the floor with certain younger cast members –without even trying –no matter how goofy or nonsensical their plot-lines got.

Okay, uh, moving on a bit, to the Paleyfest 2014 panel that actually took place…

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It is our firm hope that whoever she is cast as (in American Horror Story -Freak Show), Frances Conroy still has as much of a blast playing as she clearly did when she played Myrtle Snow.

 

Well, Coven started OUT feminist, anyway… the women in American Horror Story Asylum went through way more pain, suffering, and heartbreak–mostly at the hands of men–but we thought that all in all (other than poor, wretched Chloë Sevigne’s character Shelly, whose fate was so horrible that several fellow female friends of mine said was the reason they decided not to watch the rest of Asylum as it was “too disturbing” for them, and actually gave me a rare nightmare or two) the women in the show prevailed. However, that’s another article.  Plus, the Coven cast really did kick ass. Click “View original” in the lower left to read the entire Paleyfest article… and check out the beautiful Ms. Angela Bassett (and friend), looking thirty-five tops, not fifty-five, below (and not looking too bad in the featured image, either)! Let’s hope she gets to have just as much fun on “Freak Show”, which will premiere in October 2014.

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*including a decapitated main character with one hand being put back together offscreen, which is barely fucking mentioned other than a throwaway line because, you know, witches …then telling us “Don’t be a hater, dear,” when we express valid disappointment in the last 1/3 of the season or ask for clarification on plot holes we could drive a frat party bus through, and then laughing heartily while patting himself on the back at his own clever reference to a line of dialogue on the show.  Later, Murphy howled with laughter when asked to define the term feminism, then  soon after composed himself and changed the subject when another audience member pointed out that feminism is comprised of more than women characters deciding to use the majority of their time and supernatural powers by hurling physical abuse, bitchiness, and actual intentional slaughter at other women on the show, rather than having man-on-woman violence.  Wow, I would have no problem writing a fictional version of the entire panel like this, but hopefully I got it out of my system for now.

Also, in the interest of honesty and full disclosure, I freely admit that I would have KILLED to be an audience member at that panel, no matter how much of a let-down the back half of “Coven” was (I’d only kill if the seats were really good, though).

American Horror Story Coven’s Newest Teaser, “Coffin” Is Here – So Are New Plot Points!

This a creepy one… watch American Horror Story Coven teaser #5 right here!

What secrets do we keep that you thought were asleep?

 

Better yet, an official synopsis has been released, and it’s a fucking doozy… wrap your mind around how awesome THIS will be!

Over 300 years have passed since the turbulent days of the Salem witch trials and those who managed to escape are now facing extinction. Mysterious attacks have been escalating against their kind and young girls are being sent away to a special school in New Orleans to learn how to protect themselves. Wrapped up in the turmoil is new arrival, Zoe (Taissa Farmiga), who is harboring a terrifying secret of her own. Alarmed by the recent aggression, Fiona (Jessica Lange), the long-absent Supreme, sweeps back into town, determined to protect the Coven and hell-bent on decimating anyone who gets in her way.*

You’re goddamned right she will! It’s also being called a Voodoo VS. Witchcraft showdown.

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Mark those calendars: “American Horror Story: Coven” will premiere on Wednesday, October 9th at 10pm.

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*(source: http://www.joblo.com/horror-movies/news)

Watch Unsettling Teaser #2 For American Horror Story Coven – Hint About LaLaurie Storyline?

YIKES. This one is titled “Pins and Needles”.  We’re guessing it’s hinting at the very hideous real-life Delphine LaLaurie storyline and what’s in her attic (although many areas of the LaLaurie mansion were very dangerous, scary places to be, especially if you were a slave – she kept her kitchen slaves chained to the stove). Watch below… be warned, this one’s unnerving.

The third season, (or Volume Three, as Ryan Murphy refers to the seasons) premieres on October 9th, 2013. The season premiere is titled “Bitchcraft”. Jessica Lange plays a witch named Fiona, Sarah Paulson plays her daughter Cordelia*, Angela Bassett plays Marie Laveau, and Kathy Bates plays Delphine LaLaurie. Oh, and Alexandra Breckenridge (Young Moira from Season One) will also be making a return appearance–as a new character, of course. Damn! This just keeps getting better and better… more teasers are sure to follow soon!

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Damn RIGHT, viewer discretion advised!

*a reference to King Lear, rather than Buffy/Angel’s Cordelia Chase. I miss that Cordelia.

English: The LaLaurie residence in 1140 Royal ...

The LaLaurie residence in 1140 Royal Street, New Orleans, photographed in September 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)