Name That (Horror) Frame – Week of 8/28/12 – Halloween Edition

So, probably not a big shocker what “Halloween Edition” means… these are all from horror movies that take place on Halloween, or in the days leading up to it, with at least the last act taking place on Halloween. You won’t see Michael Myers, but John Carpenter is in the mix here. Actually, once I started in with the screen caps I was having so much fun I had trouble stopping… Anyway, check this out. Look familiar?

Hey! No white shoes after Labor Day! BITE

I only own one of these movies, and I’m re-considering that right now.  Second, I own the special edition of this flick and boy is it worth it:

Ginger is looking good …for now!

and finally… I think anyone who saw the movie will pick up on this one…

Hint: we’re in flashback/back-story mode.

OK, that’s it! Now I have to force myself to toss the rest of the grabs on my desktop. More Halloween goodness coming soon, so I better get to writing it. Plus, you guys remember there’s a prize for this, right? 

No need to guess this, I just really liked it and wanted to put it in here!

 

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Nightmarish First Trailer for “The Bay” (2012) Shows Found-Footage Horror Can Be Fun Again

Do you ever watch a trailer for an upcoming movie and sort of hope it won’t be that  good, because you know if it is, you’re going to have to wait what seems like forever to see it?*

Well, with The Bay, I saw the poster (above)  and thought OK, bland title, but it looks interesting. Body horror! Maybe even a creature feature! As soon as the trailer started I thought, oh shit! Not more  found footageMy current opinion on found-footage horror movies, based on sitting through one too many of them, is that for every great, entertaining found-footage horror movie there’s about ten boring, forgettable, frustrating, or just downright shitty ones, now that everybody has cashed in (or at least tried to) on it.

…seems like a fresh breath for found footage horror. Actually, a pretty fresh breath for a medium-to- wide-release horror movie, whether it’s found footage or not. Contagion was very effective, but did the virus manifest itself in the form of parasites eating the infected ‘from the inside out,’  including their tongues?  No, it did not!

The trailer for The Bay RAINED found-footage clichés.*  Opening of trailer consists of transcript of a woman calling 911, the operator calm but the female caller crying and panicking? Check. Title card describing vague mysterious incident that happened in specific location on specific date? Check. Title card informing us that the US government/military/CDC has held back this footage (…Until Now )? Check. Someone earnestly talking to the camera about how important it is that this footage gets out? Check. Screams, crying, other incoherent sounds of people seriously losing their shit off-camera/out of frame? Check. Security-camera footage integrated? Check. Shaky-cam? Check. Night-vision? Check. Skype? Check. Sound of police radio, walkie-talkie or other static-y communication device indicating the situation is deteriorating/ escalating (“…repeat,  we have a code blue, request back-up immediately…”)? Check. Picture suddenly going into static/pixels right after jump moment? Check.

From what I’ve read, the horrible thing is this is actually a very early stage of the virus…

I’m going to stop listing them now out of compassion for you, the reader, but it’s safe to say we hit the majority of them here. However,  there’s not nearly enough clichés to make me roll my eyes and forget about it the second the trailer ends. Check out the trailer for The Bay  below…

Did that  look boring? Nope! Here’s what the trailer has going for it that I think most horror fans, even those that found-footage has just about worn out their welcome with as much as me, will make a mental note NOT to miss The Bay  for:

  • What seems like a fresh plot for found footage horror. Actually, a pretty fresh plot for a medium-to- wide-release horror movie, whether it’s found footage or not. Contagion  was very effective, (I’m not even a mild germaphobe, but it made my blood run cold more than once) but did the virus manifest itself in the form of parasites eating the infected ‘from the inside out,’  including their tongues ? No, it did not!
  • ‘Body horror’. Someone involved in the creation of The Bay has to be a Cronenberg fan.
  • Also, gory medical horror is all but guaranteed from the trailer.
  • Since the novelty of found footage dissolved, I’ve found the smaller number of characters it focuses on, the less excited I get about seeing it. The Bay seems to have an ensemble cast and a larger scale.
  • The ‘Miss Crustacean’ Beauty Pageant is already fun as hell – imagine adding body-eating parasites into that scenario. Hopefully during a Fourth of July parade.
  • Certain moments in the trailer gave me a genuine feeling of dread.
  • A strong “Don’t Screw With Mother Nature” theme
  • The sense that we might get we may get an ‘all hell completely breaking loose resulting in total fucking gory chaos everywhere’ scene. When the film-makers get it just right, I practically levitate and forget everything and everyone around me, including the fact I’m sitting in a theater… and when really done right, repeat viewings give me the same high, and just as pure.  I realize that it sounds like I’m talking about uncut Heisenberg-formula blue crystal meth cooked up by Walter White and Jesse Pinkman themselves when I try to describe my visceral reaction to these kind of scenes …but I’m pretty sure there’s no narcotic in the world that could make me feel as great as I did watching, say, the last act of The Cabin in the Woods.
  • OK,  I admit it– The Bay  had me at “eating them from the inside out”.

You can find the official website for the upcoming flick here, though as of this writing, all it has is a trailer and the words, “Coming Soon”.

Always, ALWAYS check the back seat!

*Now all the reviews from TIFF are coming in, and everyone has more or less raved about the movie. The word “skin-crawling” comes up a lot in the reviews. The only complaints are that it’s too gruesome, and OH GODDAMNIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAIT TILL NOVEMBER 2nd? THAT’S OVER A FUCKING MONTH!   OK… breathe…

**Let’s see, where’s that list for my Found Footage Horror Movie Drinking Game™ I was putting together? I’m not joking. I’ve been jotting things down and I still plan to post it once I add some more clichés, then figure out a way to lay out the rules so no-one ends up passing out halfway through the movie.

Name That (Horror) Frame – Week of 9/23/12 – Masters of Horror Edition!

The  Masters of Horror series doesn’t get near the amount of recognition it deserves. And yes, the best episodes truly are the stuff of nightmares.

Now would be an appropriate time for me to repeat I do NOT own the copyrights for any of the images here, nor own them in any way–I put them here for entertainment purposes only!

Well, if you’re anywhere near as big a fan of the Mick Garris-produced Showtime series Masters of Horror,  you’ll be in luck this week.  Those shows (OK, most of them, they got pretty hit-or-miss in the final season) were very, very memorable.  Just the opening credits (the frames above, and directly below) were a disturbing work of art. Actually, I’m not sure why I’m using the past tense …they still creep me out.

Yep, that’s someone burying an axe is someone else’s head.

So, if you can name these episodes, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll win a DVD. I’m working on a list of the top ten episodes of Masters of Horror, but I’m having serious trouble narrowing it down. Hell, I own more than ten of them. I might just have to spotlight the best ones and forget lists. By the way, I definitely count the unaired Takashi Miike-directed “Imprint” as an official episode. So much sick shit went down on the series that I still wonder if it was a publicity stunt Showtime pulled, or something.. I’ll have to look into that. There’s a torture scene in that episode that makes the notorious one towards the end of Miike’s Audition look tame.  I still have to cover my eyes with my fingers for most of the “Imprint” scene, it’s that hard to watch.

But I digress. The photos below are all from different episodes… feel free to comment if you just want to know which episodes they are! The Masters of Horror  series doesn’t get near the amount of recognition it deserves. And yes, the best episodes truly are the stuff of nightmares.

I believe the above frame took place during the opening credits of the episode…

And below, what the last thing you’d want to see written on a wall when you woke up at the bottom of a pit?

and finally, thanks to the genius of Greg Nicotero’s make-up and FX work… what a shot.

That’s it (for this game) until next week. Don’t forget, American Horror Story Season One comes out on DVD and Blu- ray Tuesday. Expect at least one piece on it this week!

Imprint (Masters of Horror)

Imprint (Masters of Horror) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Chrissie's Last Swim

It’s the JAWS Drinking Game!

So!  I got the coveted Jaws Blu-ray as a wedding anniversary gift from my husband earlier in the week. I suppose I could write about how great it is, and why, plus my memories of seeing it in the theater as a kid, but vacation-brain, remember? Instead (for now) I came up with a drinking game. Of course, if you’re not of legal drinking age where-ever you’re located,  just drink some milk or V-8 or fruit punch (red, of course, reminiscent of blood diluted with ocean water) or an energy drink, heh heh. If you’re healthy, not under the legal limit, drink socially, and don’t plan to be driving or operating heavy machinery any time soon after the movie, knock yourself out (so to speak)! How about a case o’ home-made apricot brandy? No? Good choice.

OK! Here’s how it works! Regular version: you got five choices. Pick either Brody, Hooper, Quint, Jaws himself, or the miscellaneous column  (I’m not being lazy, that’s the actual title of the category).  If  more than one person calls Quint, either play Shark-Blood-Harpoon Rock-Paper-Scissors, or arm-wrestle (hey, it is Quint). Also, I don’t want to be held responsible in any way if anyone vomits all over their flat-screens, so watch which category/character you pick if you’re a lightweight! Start with Jaws/Bruce. High alcohol tolerance? Try Quint—he has a pretty high tolerance too!

Simple Version: If there’s a trailer on the DVD, watch it (one of the ones with dialogue, not just a voice-over ‘teaser trailer’) before viewing the feature film. Proceed to drink when a line from the trailer is spoken in the movie (“Michael? Did you hear your father? Out of the water, NOW!” or “This was no boat accident.”)

High Tolerance Version of above– also drink once for a shot/moment that appears in the trailer (like the push-in on Brody showing his reaction to his realization to the Alex Kinter attack), or ‘Chrissie’s Last Swim’) occurs in the movie.

Brody
1 drink when:
  • He mentions that he hates the water (or another character calls him on it)
  • Goes through an entire scene with his cigarette in his mouth
  • Swears (high tolerance? Add religious exclamations like “Jesus!”, etc.)
  • Gets reminded by Mayor that Amity is a ‘Summer Town’, meaning closing the beaches or issuing some kind of proactive
    warning will cost the town too much money
  • Looks like he wants to punch Mayor Vaughn in the face
  • DA/PDA (includes shoulder rub) w/Mrs. Brody
  • Tells someone he used to be a cop in New York, and took this job because of the peacefulness and he kind of wanted a more stress-free, less hazardous position  in this quiet beach town of Amity

slowaheadchumsomeothisshit_jawsjump.jpg

Hooper —
1 drink when:
  • Uses some aquatic or shark-related lingo that goes over most townspeople’s heads
  • Someone refers to him (to his face) as a college kid/city boy (extra drink if it’s not Quint)
  • Tries to nicely explain to the Mayor (or other authority figure) that a shark is going to attack and eat someone unless they take action/close the beaches
  • Explains less nicely when he gets blown off over and over when he tries to warn them about how dangerous sharks are
  • Makes fun of Quint (when he’s not looking)
  • While underwater in scuba gear, gets terrified (usually by making an abrupt, ghastly discovery, or by encounter with a  three-ton shark) and panics, causing bubbles to burst out of his nose/mouth, close up on his eyes bugging out in shock/fear
  • Laughs/giggles loudly when nervous, or someone says something idiotic. High tolerance version: also drink when he laughs at his own joke.

    OH SHIT

    See bullet point 6 under “Hooper”

Quint
1 drink when:
  • Bellows boisterous sea shanty
  • Croons ominous sea shanty
  • Basically calls Brody or Hooper a pussy to their faces
  • Uses boating/sea hunting lingo
  • Barks directions/orders at the top of his lungs when The Orca is in crisis mode (“Goddammit, lad, MOVE!” etc.).
  • Doesn’t seem overly concerned when part of boat is on fire, motor dies, or boat is clearly taking on water
  • Performs a monologue lasting more than one minute*
JAWS himself (AKA ‘Bruce’)
1 Drink when:
  • Has his meal just baaaarely missed when someone gets to safety at the last possible second
  • Snout/teeth break the water’s surface (sorry, fins don’t count)
  • Makes a horrifying noise that is probably zoologically inaccurate (such as a low roar or a hiss), but it’s so goddamned cool no-one cares about it
  • Bruce’s POV sequence as he cruises underwater while his theme music is played
  • has meat stuck between his 700 teeth after a meal
  • appears to be impervious to bullets or very sharp knives, not even slowing down (unless he’s setting up a trap)
  • successfully eats a human being – drink twice (only four of these).
    Alex Kintner's Last Swim
Miscellaneous –
1 drink when:
  • Dead body –or part of one– pops out and scares the shit out of everyone (audience and/or characters)
  • Any combination of the three lead characters (Brody and Hooper, Hooper and Quint, or all three) get visibly hammered over drinks together (speech is a least a little slurred)
  • Remains of shark victim’s body (on or off-screen) cause a character/s to look like they might puke or faint
  • Anyone trying to kill the shark and get the initial $3000 bounty gets greedy and makes a really stupid, rash decision
  • Mayor (up till third act of movie) announces to everyone there’s no danger of a shark attack, it’s PERFECTLY safe to go in the water!
  • Clusterfuck stampede at beach when someone yells, “Shark!”
  • Any time a classic Jaws line that even people who’ve only seen the movie once remember is delivered (“You’re gonna need a bigger boat”), toast and drink.
Have fun!

 

Imagine THAT breath.

*and of course, Robert Shaw delivers the speech so perfectly that he just levels everything and everyone else on the motherfucking set.

 

 

Name that (Horror) Frame Contest- Week of 8/12/2012!

OK, Here’s the round-up for this week! Besides the other DVDs in the giveaway, I’ve new added the UNRATED, Uncensored, uncut version of Adam Green‘s Hatchet  to the mix. Best place to put your guesses/answers is in the comments section.

First up,  I’m hoping this looks familiar to someone (I think it may have even been in the theatrical trailer, so there)!

This one isn’t too complicated (at least I HOPE not)! Major theatrical release.

Okey dokey… this one’s a bit harder…

To be fair, this is from an alternate ending, but you SHOULD be able to recognize her and the movie title if you know your J-horror!

And last but not least: Most will remember Mr. Carl Rimbaldi as the FX wizard who won as Oscar for creating E.T. and a second one for Special Effects for  the original Alien (I believe it was mostly for all the work done on  the animatronic head, with the additional set of sharp teeth, the mouth/jaw within-a-mouth)!  However, we genre fans may also be more likely to recall his work in Dario Argento’s Deep Red (Profoundo Rosso). I actually recall the first time I saw a Dario Argento film–Deep Red, in my case–more clearly and even more fondly than when I saw E.T.*   Mr. Rimbaldi was also responsible for the makeup/FX in another horror movie –the one that the below still is from (late 1980s). Can you identify it?

This one is a tribute to the memory of Carlo Rimbaldi, who passed away at his home in Italy a few days ago (as of this writing). RIP, Mr. Rimbaldi.

He also received a special Academy Award for the visual effects in  King Kong (1976). That award was shared with Glen Robinson and Frank Van der Veer. Mr Rimbaldi will be missed!

Any takers?  Remember those DVDs you can win! Happy Monday, if that’s not an oxymoron.

*My main memories of seeing E.T. in the theater are that I went on what my very naïve young mind thought was my first date. I was so young I hadn’t started crying at movies yet. I remember that, during the scene in the evil shitty government agency that had taken E.T. where E.T. is very, very weak and sad, I looked over and saw with unease that my “date'”was crying so hard that he was wiping snot from his nose (and he’d hit puberty, too). The scene was pretty sad, I’m not a sociopath, but I was old enough to know the movie was going to have a happy ending because half the audience in the theater was under age 10. Great special effects, though, enough so it didn’t sit there wondering how they did it …just watching it and buying into it completely so I could focus on the movie.

Trailer of the Day- Grabbers (2012)

 

Grabbers apparently opens in the US on August 10th. Just the plot synopsis from the movie makers (though they already had me at “Irish Creature Feature”) sounds awesome:

Short Version: When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive. Starring Richard Coyle, Ruth Bradley and Russell Tovey. Directed by Jon Wright and written by Kevin Lehane.

Longer Version (from the official site):

Ciarán O’Shea, the handsome though washed up policeman of sleepy Erin Island, has a daily routine consisting mainly of hanging out at the pub with the local drunks and various other charmingly eccentric characters. But his day is about to go horribly wrong.

Teamed up with the unwanted help of Lisa – an uptight workaholic policewoman from the Irish mainland – they suddenly find themselves dealing with dead whales, decapitated fishermen and weird alien creatures or “grabbers”. Like a giant squid with tentacles, fanged jaws and a three-foot barbed tongue, they’re making mincemeat of the locals.

Faced with another imminent attack, O’Shea and Lisa figure out that the only person to survive the last onslaught only did so because he was so drunk his blood was literally toxic to the monsters. So there is only one thing for it: They have to get the entire village as drunk as possible in order to survive the night … a task that the villagers apply themselves to with gusto.

But one person must remain sober so for the first time in years O’Shea has to face up to things without a drink. When things don’t go to plan, an extremely drunk Lisa and a very sober O’Shea have to reconcile their differences and somehow save the day.

That sound like fun? It sure as hell does to me! Here’s the trailer, check it out…

And a clip that was recently released; ir looks pretty promising:

So far, all the buzz is good. The movie has won numerous “Audience Awards” at various competions.  As of now, there’s no official website, but a Twitter page has been created for all the latest news: https://twitter.com/GrabbersMovie . This one looks fun!

 

The Millenium Bug- Trailer of the Week

I’ll have to add to the this post later, since I have plans I’m already running late on, but this looks AWESOME.  What looks like a movie that might just be hillbilly torture-porn turns into a creature-feature PACKED with gore, and? AND! No CGI.

More coming up, but I’ll be doing whatever I can afford to do to help this fun indie get released. “Whatever I can afford”  is less than a dollar, so I guess I’ll just have to spread the word.

If anyone remotely connected with the movie is reading this, NEVER GIVE UP on getting a release of this on DVD. Please. It’ll happen. If there’s anything I can do to help that does not involve money, drop me a line. I can’t wait to see your movie …and I know I’m not alone!

There’s several “behind the scenes” featurettes on YouTube (they have their own channel) and I was forced to quit on a couple just because there were too many spoiler-y shots. Here’s one that doesn’t give away as much, while also being proudly claimed to be a  RED BAND (NSFW) featurette. Wish I could watch all of them, but I don’t want too much given away–especially because there seem to be some REAL jaw-droppers.*  I discovered The Millenium Bug when I was doing a Google image search for “inbred movie gore FX” this week and a very attention-getting gore shot from the movie came up in the results. Once I started reading about it, I got my mind off how rabid I am so see Inbred. Now I’m jones-ing for both of them! Here’s that NSFW featurette (consider yourself warned, those of you trying to eat and/or easily offended).  How they got this insanely off-the-hook beautiful actress to look as unattractive as she did in the movie is proof enough of their makeup FX skills right off the bat! Check it out.

And you can get the best, most up-to-date news from the goodie-packed official Millenium Bug website. Just wish I’d seen the IndieGogo information before the time ran out! If I saw the below crowdfunding video, I would have been getting my credit card out two minutes in**. You had me at “No CGI” and “The original version of The Thing”

If anyone remotely connected with the movie is reading this, NEVER GIVE UP on getting a release of this on DVD. Please. It’ll happen. If there’s anything I can do to help that does not involve money, drop me a line. I can’t wait to see your movie …and I know I’m not alone!

*I meant to connect to an image on their website of a ripped-off segment of a face,  including a jaw, but that’s not the way the gallery is set up. The whole gallery is great, though, and worth checking out!

**Don’t worry, Rick. Not going to happen!

Seen the Red Band Trailer For Playback? You’ve Seen the Movie!

Heard about the movie Playback (2012)? WHOA WHOA WHOA,  STAY WITH ME HERE!

I was doing my online rounds around the holidays and happened to see our trusty old friend Dread Central had news, and the first Red Band trailer for a movie called Playback was up. Huh. I overlooked the fact that Christian Slater had star billing, because the description sounded cool. Also, it was being released by Magnet, who I can usually trust. There’ve definitely been a few clunkers, but because of their release of several exceptionally entertaining and original indie and foreign horror/thriller movies (South Korean, Spanish, Danish), I’ve discovered some real gems. A few crummy ones, but they’ve been the exception rather than the rule.  Without even needing to look online, I can name (as the gems that come to mind first) I Saw the Devil, Hobo With a Shotgun, Chaws, Trollhunter, REC 2, Splinter, Tidal Wave, and one of the most entertaining documentaries about movie-making I’ve ever seen, Not Quite Hollywood.  Several of those I now own copies of. Sure, for every Tucker and Dale VS. Evil, you might turn over a rock and find a S&MAN, but after hours upon hours of sheer joy and entertainment, who the fuck cares ?

OK! You have now seen everything the movie has to offer. The gore/kills, and I mean nearly every single one. That includes back-story, sense, an explanation of the fates of several main characters, or jump scenes. In fact, I think the trailer even actually shows the majority of the (brief) nudity in the movie…

Slasher movies aren’t my favorite sub-genre of horror movies, but I grew up on as many of them as I did supernatural or monster movies, so if they’re something special, I’ll check them out.  I’ve seen some very memorable slashers (mostly either 80s, or purposely made in the spirit of the 80s ‘dead teenager movies’.  Hmmm, this here new trailer and description for Playback sounds a little close to slasher territory, and it involves teenagers… but hey, this plot description mentioned a curse! Sounds kind of like it has elements of Asian Horror …there is a cursed videotape (or camera, or footage, a curse, at least) that can cause a demon to possess you, Magnet Releasing (via Dread Central)*?  Perhaps there is a dark secret behind all this (there’s that Asian horror touchstone again), and maybe a cool reveal! What’s that, you say? That this movie is gruesome, Magnet? Tell me more!

(From the official Magnet Website) ABOUT THE MOVIE: Julian (Johnny Pacar) enlists his friends to film a reenactment of the town’s gruesome Harlan Diehl family murders for a school project. He asks social outcast Quinn (Toby Hemingway), an employee at the local news station, to assist with video equipment and research. During Quinn’s examination of raw video footage of the Diehl family farm, an evil spirit is unleashed with a menacing agenda. As Julian’s friends start disappearing, local police officer, Frank Lyons (Christian Slater), receives the order to investigate. As the secrets of the past are unveiled, the dark entity threatens to consume everyone in its way.

Here’s an alternate plot summary from the IMDB: When a group of high school students dig into their town’s infamous past they unwittingly unlock an Evil that corrupts and destroys them. Possessing its victims through video playback and using them for malevolent purposes, it closes in on one specific soul, threatening to expose the town’s deepest, darkest secret.

Then I watched the Red Band trailer below. I’m putting up the one I got from Dread Central (now via You Tube) because I’m not sure if the Magnet page has the Red Band trailer or not.  OK, here’s the point of this post. You see this Red Band trailer, you get to see everything the movie has to offer, without having to sit through the POS itself. Plus, You Tube even says this one is age-restricted (rare with them), so I’ll categorize this as NSFW (depending on how mellow your workplace atmosphere is, of course).

Okay! You have now seen everything the movie has to offer. The gore/kills, and I mean nearly every single one. Well, I’m not positive you see  [SPOILER  ALERT] Slater’s head being blown off, though it may be in the super-fast montage of shots at the end that many American horror trailers seem to practically require the last several years. Christian Slater is not the star, the trailer is misleading about many things, but that’s first and foremost. He’s not even a detective investigating the crimes, his only connection is paying “Quinn” for naked jailbait perv-cam tapes from the high-school girl’s locker room. Not a likeable character. Definitely not the lead character, or even close; he’s simply the ‘biggest name’ in the cast. Despite my snarky comment above, I don’t have any real quarrel with his film roles; he can even be pretty goddamned entertaining. Hilarious in Heathers, the Assault on Precinct 13 reboot, and Pump up the Volume, other times he ever played a romantic lead  in one movie that I distinctly recall (Marisa Tomei was his love interest) made me cry my ass off at the time that my then-boyfriend, now-husband and I saw in the theater. Here, he does his job as best he can with the weak material he’s been given. I know he was alimony and child support to pay, and probably can’t afford to be picky. It’s probably the way the marketing portrays him as the central figure and hero of the film: this is a pack of lies. not that if he had a more prominent part he could have saved the movie, not at all. The screenplay is a hot cold mess, chock full of plot holes, terrible decisions (among the characters, that is … well, the film-makers too, now that I think of it), and characters you not only don’t care about, you don’t even feel enough hate towards some of the more vile characters to care if they get what’s coming to them. That’s saying something.

Oh, I don’t have the energy to stomp on Playback anymore, there’s plenty of other online reviews like this one and this one from Dread Central itself,  if you want more articulate, traditionally structured info on why and how the movie completely wastes your time than I can muster up. I tried to focus, I really did, but kept picking up my Kindle Fire to see  if there was a new Angry Birds update.

I posted the Red Band trailer out of compassion for any fellow horror fans who thought the movie would be worth watching streaming (or God forbid, purchasing for more than a nickel). If you trust me at all, trust me on this: you will not find anything worthwhile in the movie you won’t find in the trailer. That includes back-story, sense, an explanation of the fates of several main characters, or jump scenes. In fact, I think the trailer even actually shows the majority of the (brief) nudity in the movie.**

So enjoy the trailer (not that it’s a non-stop thrill ride, but it is far more enjoyable and time-saving than sitting through the actual movie Playback, and if you’re going to watch something from Magnet Releasing, you could do much, much better. On that note…

Since I prefer to wind any post I can up with some positive vibes, here’s the trailer for the very original creature-feature Splinter (2008) a movie that I highly recommend you check out. It’ a great DVD rental, packed full of extras. Check out the official website, too. If you have the budget and want to support low-budget indies that worked their asses off to successfully deliver the best movie possible to the audience,  I even recommend you buy it (like I said, if you watch it online, you won’t get to see all the cool extras). There’s also a VERY original–and scary– monster concept. THIS is how it’s done!

*that I in no way blame Dread Central for. I trust their reviews 9 out of 10 times, and that’s even more than I can say for Fangoria magazine. Sure as hell not blasting Fangoria, either;  if a couple of their DVD of the months turned out to be kind of a letdown, Fangoria’s earned every right.

**If you’re really worried you might miss one worthwhile thing, watch the flurry of images towards the end in freeze frame/step forward mode (don’t feel guilty, I’ve done it for many a movie, not to mention teasers and previews shown for the next episode of Breaking Bad, True Blood, The Shield, Spartacus, Battlestar Galactica (when it was still called the Sci Fi Network and seemed to actively care what they aired), and many more.

A First -Trailer of the Week is promoting a mainstream release!

Now, I ‘m trying not to get my hopes up for this upcoming horror flick (though I guess they’d rather we called the genre “Supernatural Thriller” or “Action Thriller”, oh please God no) that’s getting a mainstream release. I hope they give it the push they gave Insidious about this time last year (2011). Now, that’s going to be either a really, really long piece or a series of articles*. I distinctly recall (among other involuntarily actions that probably wasn’t a picnic for Rick, whom I only got to see Insidious with me by paying for both our tickets) my gut-reaction to the first HUGE jump about halfway through**- I let out a scream so loud I was dimly aware feeling my chin hit my upper chest.  I’d recently accidentally discovered, during a showing of Quarantine (the REC remake, watered-down, but close enough to the original when viewed in a pitch-dark theater) a new talent of mine: screaming like a top-tier professional Scream Queen.***

…His mother, Luisa (Pilar Lopez de Ayala), worries that her son’s fertile imagination is fueling the vivid and increasingly alarming dreams that disrupt his sleep each night (Intruders)

OK, where was I? I first discovered the existence of this movie several months ago when Entertainment Weekly magazine did a piece “grading” the best and worst movie posters of the upcoming year. They gave Intruders an F. I remember thinking, great, nice vague title that I’m pretty sure has been used before, plus –wait, that’s CLIVE OWEN? What kind of idiot covers up Clive Owen’s face on a poster when one of your target demographics is heterosexual women? Not to mention, even if Owen wasn’t sexy as hell, that  you don’t want want to market a movie with an established, likeable, A-list actor and quite possibly a box-office draw in his or her self, don’t make them unrecognizable.

I forgot about it until I saw a trailer, which looked like the movie had some potential. Then Fangoria did a feature article on it, and it looked and sounded creepy as hell-and also interesting.  I started looking for other trailers – or better yet, a red band trailer.

Here’s the trailers for you–you tube had a “red band” trailer (though it doesn’t seem especially red band-y) and the regular one back-to-back.

Here’s the HD version:

Apparently, Clive Owen’s character has never seen a single scary movie in his life, because none of us horror fans say things like,” Don’t worry. It definitely won’t come back,”  let alone, “It’s over. The nightmare is finally ove–” CHOP

 Then again, I was positive Eight-Legged Freaks would be beyond awesome; it was a no-brainer. Instead, they managed to fuck up a giant spider movie… So I’m aware I might turn out to be wildly wrong about Intruders.

Here’s one or two of the recently-released new promo stills/art. I don’t know what type of promotion the second is for, but my closest guess is that the art (not a photo, but created by an artist, the old-fashioned pen and paper-way before Photoshop, vectors and more technology came along) to be used as a bonus on some upcoming Ultimate Collector’s Set as a special limited-edition bonus (perhaps as alternate DVD art, or a small poster).  I know one thing:  it’d make a better (not to mention much cooler) movie poster than what is basically the equivalent of a 2-D version of Audience Repellant they’re using now. Click the hyperlinks above to see them.

Finally, here’s the official press-kit plot description:

In Madrid, Juan (Izán Corchero) is a ferociously bright 8 year old who loves to tell stories. His mother, Luisa (Pilar Lopez de Ayala), worries that her son’s fertile imagination is fueling the vivid and increasingly alarming dreams that disrupt his sleep each night. But for Juan, the gruesome faceless creature that enters his bedroom in the dead hours is terrifyingly real.

In London, Mia (Ella Purnell), an 11 yeared-old girl on the brink of adolescence, discovers the power of storytelling as she captivates her classmates with a disturbing tale of a blank faced ghoul called Hollowface who tries to steal the features of children as he craves contact with the human world [awww, the guy’s lonely]. Mia, too, becomes convinced that her story has crossed over from the realms of imagination into reality and that she has unwittingly unleashed a malevolent force into the world…

I’d consider seeing Intruders with an unknown male lead (though Clive Owen is a nice bonus, giving me a little more interest in going to see the film) anyway, because,  AS OF THIS CURRENT WRITING****, I’m excited to see it now that I know more plot details –such as an “Urban Legend ad/or An Old Ghost Story (or Folk Myth) That’s Been Around for decades”. The star in question of Ye Olde Folktale is called “Hollow Face”. and I think his staple terrifying goal is stealing the faces of their victims, preferably children.

*A featured piece about Insidious, that is. Writing about this gem of a movie reminds me that Tarantino went on my movie-related shit list (at the bottom slot, but still on it) when he had the balls to put Insidious on his “Worst Movies of 2011” official list …over The fucking Green Hornet, and? AND! The Hangover Part 2. (full disclosure: Green Hornet and Hangover 2 are on his “Other Greatest” List, since he only has 11 “Top” slots). Leave it to Tarantino to refuse to edit himself or not know when to shut up. I might not be one to cast stones on the “never knowing when to shut up” peronality trait (especially when I get all excited and geek out), but even hardcore Tarantino fans will admit he can be annoyingly self-indulgent at times. I still dig him enough to call myself a fan …but not only putting Insidious on his “Worst of 2011 List” (perhaps because it was PG-13 and thus only allowed one “fuck” per entire movie, and Cretin Quentin Tarantino didn’t care for the fact no-one got shot in the face) All that while giving honors to The Green Hornet and Hangover 2? No amount of alcohol in your bloodstream could make either of those movies entertaining or amusing.

**and possibly the biggest jump in the movie; while the entire last act of Insidious scared the ever-loving shit out of me, and had some other big, big PG-13-rated haunted house movie-jumps (think Poltergeist) the first one I did NOT see coming.

*** there were two moments from the last act (set in the scariest attic shy of the one in the Saeki family residence) where I screamed like it was my JOB. I do some voice-over work now, but it’s pretty rinky-dink (I do it freelance, which means way less pay, and haven’t gotten around to seeking out an agency yet). I might as well been called to audition as a screamer and told: “this is a very high-profile movie, our female lead/final girl just can’t sell it.  Give me the best, most terrified, loudest scream you can and we’ll give you $1000,00, plus you’ll have a contract providing enough regular work to pay off your mortgage and retire in a few years. Now, on my count, three, two, one, GO FOR IT!”  I overheard a guy several rows and an entire section away muttering, “Jesus, lady!”  I knew both jumps were coming, too. Oh, and about the original REC, (made in Spain–they should have just released that one) another entire novella-length post is being crafted, as REC is not only one of the ten (maybe five) scariest horror movies I’ve seen in my life,  it was on of the few, few, very few horror movies to give me nightmares. The cliche kind where you half-sit up in bed suddenly, heart pounding, like they do in TV and movies when a character is having a dream get very scary. OK, I wasn’t panting and covered in sweat, and/or sitting bolt upright and gasping for air, but it was a low-key version of that. That  horrifying, blood-curdling, disturbing attic monster still makes a cameo appearances in my dreams from time to time. In fact, I felt my pulse quicken much more fan I prefer it to just pulling up the mental image of that tall, stringy, freakishly unevenly-long-limbed albino THING crashing around that pitch-black attic as seen through a night-vision lens. Yet oh dammit, I can’t resist adding this youtube slideshow of fairly unsettling unused concept art for the final monster. Only one image of the monster was used (I won’t tell you which one) along with one or two other images of the ‘infected’ from the film. Helpful Hint: if you are in an easily-creeped-out mood, hit “mute” on your keyboard.

But I digress (even more than usual.)

****then again, Eight-Legged Freaks seemed like it was so awesome it was a no-brainer.  Greenish toxic waste seeps into a river leading down to a local “Exotic Spider Farm/Museum”?  I am fuckin’ ON BOARD. 100% sold.  WHOA! Look at all the cool shit in the trailer! The lead-in! Oh AWESOME!

Do you hate spiders?  (beat)

Do you …REALLY hate spiders?  (beat)

Well…  (beat)

THEY DON’T LIKE YOU EITHER!

OH HELL YEAH! Looks like some practical effects mixed in, and the CGI sure as hell ain’t bad! How could this possibly not be the most–(sound of record needle being yanked off)

Instead, they managed to fuck up a giant spider movie. Who the hell fucks up a giant spider movie? How? WHY? I’m still resentful over a decade later …and yet I still remember the sweet, pure adrenaline rush I got when I saw the first full-length trailer online (that I then watched half a dozen times back-to-back before I even sent anyone the link to share it). I got almost as big of a rush re-watching it when I was grabbing the you tube link (I say ‘almost ‘because now I know that the movie didn’t exactly deliver on the roller-coaster promise of this initial trailer). Since I posted the trailer HERE I watched it another dozen times.

There’s a second trailer for 8LF that’s  twice as long  (after they decided to bump the Campy B-Movie-factor up several notches), but I still think the first is a hell of a lot more fun.

Here’s the initial one that made me lose my got-damed mind: Enjoy!

Oh Eight-Legged Freaks trailer, you had me at EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS! Especially when the hero yells it at the top of his lungs while blasting away at them as all hell breaks loose.

Discovering The Host (Gwoemul)

…the memories are there, fresh as that night five years ago, when I forgot about everything that was not The Host for the two hours I watched, even the fact that I was sitting in a theater.

Five years ago on this very night*, I discovered the South Korean monster movie The Host. Five minutes ago, I accidentally deleted an elaborate, thoughtful post, because apparently I STILL haven’t learned my goddamned lesson about composing posts in RTF or MS Word format and ‘saving early and often’ before I post them.  I’ll add my post, because this is not only an amazing, flawless, highly entertaining horror movie, it has sentimental value for me on many different levels. For one, it led to me discovering that some of the finest films ever made were South Korean.

But enough of that for now, before I delete this too. Hey! Here’s the trailer!

Great Trailer- STILL Doesn’t Do the Movie Justice

Fun Fact:

Director Bong Joon-ho and the designer of the creature nicknamed it Steve Buscemi, based on the actor’s screen persona and the way he acted in the movie Fargo. ** (OK, the scene I linked to isn’t a great example, but I’ve seen that clip 100 times and it’ still gold every time.)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468492/trivia?tab=tr&item  :

Not-So-Fun Fact:

The event described in the beginning of the film is based on an actual event. In February 2000 at a US military facility located in the center of Seoul, a US military civilian employee named Mr. McFarland was ordered to dispose of formaldehyde by dumping it into the sewer system that led to the Han River, despite the objection of a South Korean subordinate. The government attempted to prosecute Mr. McFarland in court, but the US military refused to hand over the custody of Mr. McFarland to the South Korean legal system. Later, a South Korean judge convicted Mr. McFarland in absentia. The public was enraged at the government’s inability to enforce its law on its own soil. In 2005, nearly five years after the original incident, Mr. McFarland was finally found guilty in a court in his presence. However, he never served the actual prison sentence, and there have been no sightings of a mutant creature in the Han River …yet.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468492/trivia?tab=tr&item=tr0663591 :

Though one of my least favorite qualities in a person and especially in myself is cynicism, I actually figured something along these lines had happened before I discovered the actual facts. One of the main complaints on message boards about this movie (not a valid one, as far as I’m concerned, but it’s up there, sadly) is that it is “Anti-U.S. Military”. Riiight, because there’s certainly no history of the US Military (especially during the Bush administration) making cowboy mistakes that result in going to other countries and ruining them over mis-information that no-one bothered to do much research on, then making up some total bullshit fabricating information to save face.

…and that’s not the worst news.

More to come soon.  It’ll also help add a little flavor to this post when I dig up my copy of the movie to watch it, but as I said (or DID before the fucking post vanished, grrr), the memories are there, fresh as that night five years ago, when I forgot about everything that was notThe Host for the two hours I watched, even the fact that I was sitting in a theater.

Uh-oh.

*March 19, 2007 – which happened to be one of the absolute shittiest months of my life, other than the evening I watched this kick-ass movie.

**Oh, screw it. One of Buscemi’s funniest lines in the movie (and every line he had was funny) that I doubt other Fargo fans will mind watching again: