Review: All the Boys Love Mandy Lane digs its own grave

Yeah… I couldn’t drum up much excitement for All The Boys Love Mandy Lane either.

 

Jonathan Levine’s All the Boys Love Mandy Lane has finally gotten a release Stateside after what felt like an eternity. Now that horror fans can get their hands on Levine’s teenage slasher, will it live up to the hype? There’s a lot of things that All the Boys Love Mandy Lane tries to do right but it unfortunately falls under a curtain of cliches and terrible characters that it ends up digging its own grave that only gets deeper and deeper as the movie goes on. The film follows a group of high-schoolers who invite Mandy Lane, “a good girl” who becomes the object of everyone’s affection after returning from summer break, to a weekend party on a secluded ranch. While the festivities rage on, the number of revelers begins to mysteriously drop one at a time.

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First Look: Machete Kills Amber Heard and Gets a Lapdance! (Dread Central)

Just to clarify,  Machete doesn’t actually kill Amber Heard. Even on the off-chance he does ending killing her character, we’re pretty sure her she doesn’t give him a lap dance AFTER she’s dead.* We thought we’d seen other stills from Machete Kills (behind-the-scenes ones and about 6 seconds of B-roll footage, featuring Trejo and Columbian sex bomb Sofia Vergaragentlemen, start your engines) but this must be the first official one.  Wow, Machete sure is popular with the ladies! Click on the big red link below to check it out.

First Look: Machete Kills Amber Heard and Gets a Lapdance! | Horror Movie, DVD, & Book Reviews, News, Interviews at Dread Central.

 

Bom-chicka-bom bommm…

We loved reading quotes Mr. Trejo gave during interviews promoting Machete (2010) talking about his female co-stars  (sure wish we could find the one we’re gonna repeat). He said Lindsey Lohan was a complete professional and never late (I’m not a huge fan of hers, but somehow it was sort of refreshing to hear someone who worked with her say positive things), knew her lines, etc. He spoke of Jessica Alba‘s stunning beauty but damn near waxed poetic when it came to Michelle Rodriguez (as “Shè) .. “Michelle …she is like a tear from God’s eye.”

Can't argue with Mr. Trejo on that one.

Can’t argue with Mr. Trejo on that one.

Machete Kills had a release date in July, but last we heard, it has been bumped back to September 13th due to that stupid fucking lawsuit. We’ll let you know if we hear different, though!

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*Unless the plot descriptions we’ve read so far are wildly inaccurate, or we missed some BIG plot element that announced zombies would be involved.  She doesn’t look dead to us.

**of course, I think Lohan shot all her scenes over a few days since it was sort of an ensemble cast. Didn’t mind her in Machete, though!