Yes, we’d like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy Horrorday Holiday! Sorry things have been a little sparse as the holiday grows closer, it snuck up on us this year and we got really busy as it zoomed closer. Also, did Your Old Pal The Cryptkeeper send this guy by to see if you’ve been naughty or nice?
Oookay. We’re really hoping it’s not Beth. For one thing, Maggie seems to have completely gotten over her already which we have been pissed about since, oh, the mid-season premiere of S4. She also won us over singing “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up” back in the prison to baby Judith. Before the episode she sang it in was even over, though (and it was towards the end), we were strongly concerned it was foreshadowing. We don’t want to see Carol go for the same reasons everyone else does, and we really don’t want to see another black character killed off. They threw some not-too-subtle hints about Father Gabriel our way during last week’s episode (titled “Crossed”), and since he only showed up recently it’s possible. But come on, they already killed off a black character, and we were getting really attached to Bob. We hope Noah sticks around (because he actually went out of his way to be genuinely kind to Beth in a building full of varying degrees of selfish assholes). They better not even think about killing off Tyreese; his character has a way to go and he’s very easy on the eyes. Would they really heap Abraham losing Rosita on top of having his (remaining) hopes and dreams ripped out of him and burned to the ground (The Walking Dead: Where Hopes Goes To Be Sodomized), at least this soon? Probably.
Ok, let’s face it… we don’t want to see anyone die yet in the list EW.com gives, really. The only ones we did predict before the actual episode started were tied in with the comics — either the character died in the comics and there was no way they could keep them alive because they’d done too much horrible shit or were a threat (The Governor) or we saw one character clearly replacing another in a specific comic story arc (Herschel, Bob).
COMICS SPOILER AHEAD: If Carol does go, at least she will have lived longer, done way more good, and died a less hideous, blood-curdling death than she did in the comics.
As far as how someone could die, there has been a ton of speculation online (most of it sensible and backed up by good points) about zombies coming back as a threat in a big way. Only one character (who was a regular, anyway) was killed by a zombie –Bob apparently got bitten or badly scratched in that fucking horrible watery pit in the food bank by one of the zombies that were rotting like a “Ghastly” Graham Engels sketch in an E.C. comic, only way messier. He did more or less get a chance to go out on his own terms, though …less one leg, that is.
Click “View original” in the lower left to read the entire article by Dalton Ross on EW.com, and definitely be sure to take the poll and see how the voting has gone so far (people are pretty sure they know who it is). The only character not to have a single vote from anyone thinking she was in danger of being on the kill list? Our girl Michonne.
I brought up the ominously titled “And All Through The House…” when I wrote about American Horror Story Asylum’s Christmas Episode, A Very American Horror Story Christmas (OK, that joke has now played out) “Unholy Night”. The scene in the cold open where a little girl finds murderous Ian McShane in their living room six days before Christmas wearing a Santa suit, but isn’t scared of him because she thinks he’s Santa, definitely brought this comic AND this episode in mind. It’s 22 minutes long (kind of short for a cable drama) and well worth your time… especially the ending, which still creeps me out (a perfect reveal). The TFTC episode is also much closer to the original comic than the version starring Joan Collins that was in the 1970s anthology movie. Check it out below…
The “featured image’ in the header is the first page of the comic; so is the artwork below. Johnny Craig preferred the slightly more subtle stories and left the really blood-curdling stuff to “Ghastly” Graham Ingels (whose horrifying depictions sometimes even caused me trouble falling asleep as an adult) or to our personal favorite, Jack Davis (who moved on to the next EC venture, MAD Magazine.)
Now THAT is what I call a STUMP speech, fright fiends!
I just wish this was longer. I can’t get enough of the Crypt Keeper (or Tales From The Crypt, period), I even have several dolls/action figures of him; you pull a string and get a HACK-y pun, followed by his cackles of laughter. That guy nearly DIES laughing at his own jokes. He just SLAYS me! My husband bought me three, I think, in the mid-90s (whenever it was they were really cranking up the merchandising. I need to DIG THEM UP so I can take photos of them to post here. I had them on a shelf in our bedroom before we moved in 2008 As I recall, I got three because there were different outfits available, one has him looking snazzy in a top hat and tuxedo, and I’m pretty sure the third has him dressed up in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, with a lei around his neck. He might have even been holding a tourist-like camera in one rotting hand. They’re skele-TONS of fun! At the very least, I should TAKE A STAB at showing off my collection, even if I have to really PICK MY BRAIN to remember where they are.
Tales from the Crypt (radio series). I have this on cassette, but not CD. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I’ve got a boxed set of every Tales From The Crypt comic HOOK, a Tales From the Crypt hardbound COFFIN-table book, and a boxed set collecting all the seasons except the final season. They weren’t exactly KILLING THEMSELVES getting out quality episodes that last season – including at least one (“The Mask”) that was way, way gorier and more shocking in the comic than the HBO episode on the show. I almost DIED of boredom and the lost potential drove me BATS! I really wanted HEADS TO ROLL for fucking up the story. Other than that, it’s awesome; if you decide to pick them up, keep your EYEBALLS PEELED for the episode that the Crypt-Keeper even does a KILLER commentary! We simply HOWLED through the whole thing. My husband is so awesome when it comes to gift-giving – now he’s a BETTER HALF to DIE FOR!
I’m totally out of puns, so I should put this piece to bed- a DEATH BED, in fact!* So HEX-ercise your right to vote, kiddies. You’ll be all CHOKED-UP for not casting your ballot if we end up stuck with Mitt ZOMBIE!
Tales from the Crypt (comics) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
*God, I’m really bad at this tonight. Good Lord (Choke!)
I’m laughably broke right about now. Perhaps partially because a couple of years ago, I bought my husband and I VIP passes to attend a special cocktail party/fireside chat with George Romero–and there were only fifty spots, so I didn’t think about the insane high price when I was practically spraining my fingers getting out my credit card for a reservation.
I keep trying to write about meeting Mr. Romero, but every time I do, I just geek out and go into blurt mode. The ‘Don of the Dead’ could not have been nicer or more real. Anyway, things are lean, so I’m more than happy to support this project by spreading the word about it. Maybe I’ll have a couple of bucks left after Halloween, but until then, I’ll pass it on! Please do the same if this sounds as awesome to you as it does to me!
Evans City cemetery in 2007, a filming location for George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Welp, looks like it’s that time of the week again. So, here’s Part Three of Horror Boom’s Top Twenty The ABCs of Death Contest Entries for the letter T! don’t think I’ve mentioned this before now, so as an aside: I tried to avoid feedback before I watched almost every entry. I’m not being self-righteous about that fact, I actually regretted doing it after I watched too many lazy, shitty, hateful four-minutes wastes of time. Well, since it’s too late now and I can’t get the time back, I CAN at least say that I watched every single entry–over a hundred and seventy– that was available to me (perhaps a dozen were un-watchable because they’d been taken down, or made private).
OK, I’ve got one of the most NSFW picks on this week’s list, so be warned! I’ll put it at the end, and give you an additional heads-up! Hope you have fun —and find at least one entry with a “Holy Shit” factor. I’m pretty sure one of the picks will make you gasp.
First up was one of the top vote-getters, and for good reason. This one is also pretty gruesome in parts …but also ultimately satisfying, and it’s easy to see why it was in the top ten. Turns out it really is based on a true story, but I want to avoid spoilers so I’ll put it far after the video (just the first line is a spoiler). I think it’s safe to say it’s NSFW.
T is for Tamales (photo above), was directed by Lex Ortega & Sergio Tello from Mexico City, MX. The female’s lead’s acting was a definite standout. Because it’s from Vimeo, I can’t embed it like a can content from You Tube. I can assure you, though that T is for Tamales is well worth the extra mouse click.
Next up? T is for TV Casualty. This film, self-described as “an axe murderer has a Case of the Mondays” is directed by Jeff Nugent/Rob Neilson. Here’s a pic or two first (great attention to detail):
Love the Lil’ Abner jug of moonshine simply marked “XXX”.
from “T is for TV Casualty”, directed by Jeff Nugent/Rob Neilson
and here’s the link to watch T is for TV Casualty on Vimeo. According to the directing duo, they “had to resort to the digital blood sadly, we tried to do some blood FX on set, but the air compressor we had up there was not up to the task!” Could have fooled me; I never would have known it wasn’t a practical effect. This one is a little shorter, but it’s another (oddly) satisfying entry, and one of the ones I laughed out loud at on first (and second, and third) watch. Wish it’d gotten a few more votes – but you can still see it right here, just use the link above!
For the third entry, we have “T is for The Third.” See what I did there? Actually, I didn’t connect the dots till I was typing that a few seconds ago.
Creepy image from the below entry, “T is for The Third, ” Written and Directed by Scott Biddle. Filmed by Brett Thomas.
Apparently, some viewers had trouble sleeping the evening after they watched this. It is one of the scarier entries, and I found it kind of refreshing after all the gross-out and torture-porn entries. Watch the end credits for some out-takes. Starring Ellen Gorrell and Mike Biddle, effects by Scott Biddle, and audio by Scott and Mike Biddle.
Finally, here’s the surprisingly nasty one, and this is an official heads-up. Hey, here’s a good way to tell if you’re going to be offended by it –check out the screen caps below for “T is for Thermometer”
Does any of the above offend you? Then “T is for “Thermometer” is NOT for you! Didn’t make you cringe in horror? Check out the short film, then!
“T is for Thermometer” was directed by Rafael Andrés Becerra. I love the split-screen technique the film-maker uses …good way to pick up the pace and give you the information you need to know. The result is a fast-paced, tight little film that I couldn’t second guess. Definitely NSFW – but if you’re feeling brave and/or very mellow, give it a watch.
Serious gut-punch of an ending …and sorry, I fucking love it!
Still pissed at me for picking this entry? Try the “Runner Up” short film below. Love the vibe, especially at the ending.
The only reason it didn’t make the top twenty is I found one of the actor’s performances a little lacking, but the story is great. This is another one with an EC comics vibe, though I’d say I get more of a Creepshow vibe (especially the final images). I had a feeling about who was going to die, which was correct, but it happened in a manner I never would have thought of.
Here’s the “true story” that Tamales was based on. I cannot find the author’s name, so if you see this, and want your props, drop me a line. I translated the story from Spanish to English (as you can see from my stilted, awkward writing.
In July 1971 c Portales, a lower middle class neighborhood created a more twisted stories from Mexico City.
Mares Trinidad Ruiz lived with psychological violence and abuse from her husband, was the classic man remained alone that it kept scrubbing your partner, which to tamales to keep afloat the meager family income, husband, Pablo Days. Besides beating his wife, he also began to beat the children, which many assume was the straw that finally broke the fragile patience of Trinity.
In Mexico, if women have something, they can often hold out …but hurting her children wakes up a sleeping murder instinct in every woman.
That day had begun badly. Paul had taken money that Trinity had been saving to pay the monthly bills. When she tried to ask for the money back, he responded with the usual abuse. This time, however, he was not content with beating her and began to also beat his eldest son. Ms. Ruiz, unable to defend him, kept her temper while she waited for him to pass out from the alcohol he’d been guzzling …the same booze he’d spent the money on.
When he was sure he was fast asleep, she took a bat and unleashed all her hate out on him. She dealt his head one hard blow after another until h gf
Although the evidence pointed to her husband’s actions as motivation, as she remained stoic and claimed responsibility for the crime.
She made her confession: she’d broken his legs and arms with the bat. She used the large knife that used to cut meat from tamales to finish cutting off his head.
She took the torso and limbs put them in the pot for tamales and put them to cook, to make tamales to sell that morning. The next night, she put the rest of his body in the car he used to sell tamales, then threw what was left of him in a field near his home. Her husband’s head, however, was kept in a pot under her bed to be found by investigating officers.
And this is where the myth begins. Despite health warnings issued, no one reported to testify or claim they’d eaten the perhaps ashamed to be publicly named as a customer of the “tamalera killer.”
She says they asked the authorities to sentence her to 20 to 40 years for the crime committed. Her defense asked for the acquittal because of the high degree of abuse and stress that was inflicted to by her husband. She was acquitted.
I don’t have time to look on Snopes, and I will, but some facts on here are pretty specific for this to not have SOME basis in truth. I’ll keep you posted!
Hopefully for the final 10 coming up, I’ll be able to embed more, rather than make you click on a link to watch the entry. Hope some of the extra images make up for it. These are all worth that extra click. Enjoy… and watch out for that thermometor…