Horror Boom’s Ten Scariest Asian Horror Movies Ever Made – #8 – “Uzumaki” AKA “Spiral” (2000)

First up: Disturbing image warning.

We’re slowly but surely working our way up the list of our picks for the ten scariest Asian horror movies ever made. This is a good time to point out that Uzumaki (AKA Spiral) isn’t #8 on the list because it’s less scary of a film that any of the others.  They’re all scary as hell (though we would rate, say, Shutter over Three… Extremes; then again, Shutter is in the our Top Ten Scariest Movies ever made PERIOD, list), we’re just not listing them in order of importance/scariness.  This J-horror pick for the Top Ten list is based on a manga by one of the most popular and terrifying names in horror manga, Junji Ito (more on that later), so there’s a whole new type of media to augment and expand the fright generated by Uzumaki. I wrote this up for the IMDB in 2011 and to this day, I stand by my 9/10 stars rating. Watch the trailer below (it’s short, but long enough to give you a pretty good idea of how the movie ended up on this list):

If you had told me* fifteen years ago that I would be so frightened I would be on the verge of a panic attack merely by watching a horror movie whose plot centers on a small town being terrorized by a geometric concept, I probably would have laughed in your face. Well, that was before Fangoria magazine recommended a horror movie from Japan called Uzumaki (possibly in the same issue as Ringu) and I finally found a copy to rent. This one I unwisely made the decision to watch after dark (after deliberately watching several like A Tale of Two Sisters in the daytime), when I was the only one in the house still awake; all the lights on the whole upper floor of the house were off except the one from the TV. As disturbing and frightening as the manga of the same name that the movie is based on (and if you’ve read ANY of the three books that comprise the manga, you know that is no easy task) this one-of-a-kind J-horror flick also has images I still can’t quite get out of my head, and I watched the movie in 2008.

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I then watched Uzumaki again in Fall of 2011, this time making the equally stupid decision to watch it on a good-sized flatscreen. All the images I recalled were every bit as scary–just as much bang for your buck (or yen). Not only that, but there was one shot, a VERY disturbing, brief set-piece (and arguably the most bloody), that I only recalled about two seconds before it happened. The entire movie is so increasingly unnerving –not a lot of rests between scares, and little comic relief –that I suppose my brain wiped the scene out because it was just too much for my central nervous system to take in all at once.

Also, in between viewings, I read the complete manga– I’m not sure whether to recommend the movie or the graphic novels first. The series of graphic novels’ tone is even darker- WAY darker, and the movie’s not exactly happy-go-lucky to start with. I picked up the manga (which has won an impressive and lengthy list of notable awards and honors that were absolutely earned) after I saw the movie the first time–which at least warns you what you are in for–out of morbid curiosity. I was so blown away (and actively horrified, almost to the point of trauma; perhaps reading them all in a row beginning around midnight was not the smartest goddamned thing I’ve ever done) I went and rented the movie again to compare the two, and can report that other than excluding some storylines** that would’ve made the movie very hard to be released and marketed for all but adult audiences (and possibly too scary even for a J-horror movie, at least in 2000), the movie captures the tone and spirit of the graphic novels dead-on. Screen shot 2014-08-01 at 3.47.53 AMMany of the best-known, most fucking bloodcurdling haunting scenes from the manga are recreated perfectly, even when said scenes and setpieces in the manga would seem to be impossible to stay true to in a live-action format. if you do see the movie version –and don’t get so freaked out you have multiple borderline panic attacks like I did when I tried to sleep the next couple nights–and want more, buy or borrow the manga to get the full experience. If you do, that almost guarantees you’ll want another viewing of the movie. 

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By the way, there’s a really cool site out there called Mangashare.com. If you want to read Uzumaki  -Spiral Into Terror by Junji Ito online, free (and translated into English), you can begin scaring the shit out of yourself by starting the series using this link here. Reading these before bedtime isn’t advised, because here’s just a few images from the sheer nightmare of a manga written and drawn in vivid detail by Junji Ito:

Be glad they’re not in color.  So! After spending over an hour searching for and scanning the manga for the above handful of images, I’m not getting any sleep tonight! How about you guys?

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*Before I discovered Asian horror, that is; after that, I wouldn’t have been surprised at all to hear how disturbing the creators could make this. Especially based on a Junji Ito series.

**Here’s an interesting –and important– tidbit of trivia I found on IMDB when double-checking some facts for this re-write: “The movie was filmed before the manga had completed its run, and reveals a different ending and origins storyline than that featured in the manga.”  If they ever made a version of Uzumaki that follows the storyline and especially the original ending of the manga, it’d probably take me, oh, four or five fucking years to work up the nerve to see it.

This movie is not only a must-watch for fans of Asian horror; if you need your appetite killed for a few hours or more, this worked for me.

This movie is not only a must-watch for fans of Asian horror; if you’re trying to watch what you eat and need your appetite killed for a few hours or more, this worked for me.

 

 

 

 

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Kathy Bates Cast As Delphine LaLaurie In American Horror Story Season Three? We Think So! Read Why (Disturbing Content)

This is a re-blog from March, and here’s why: We saw this hit the newswires and flipped out, because we had figured last week that the copiously researched piece we wrote with our best guess on Kathy Bates casting as a ‘real life figure’ on S3 of American Horror Story Coven might have been off-base. Yay! We can’t believe we called it! I recommend a re-read of this article if you want to know more about her character …unless you have a weak stomach, or your nerves are not what they used to be, because this is extremely disturbing, graphic stuff. Learning new horrible historical facts can be upsetting, especially if it’s after dark, you’re alone, and you already are feeling a little …off. We’re still surprised (though still patting ourselves on the back) we were right, because Ryan Murphy is almost impossible to second-guess; almost all our predictions on how story-lines would wrap up on American Horror StoryAsylum were wildly off-base. More updates from the TCA announcement/presentation coming very soon!

HORROR BOOM

AUG 3rd UPDATE: Holy shit! We actually called it! Back in March!  During FX’s presentation at the Television Critics Association today, Tim Minear announced some major casting–including the official news that Kathy Bates WILL indeed play Delphine LaLaurie!  Yay Mr. White Horror Boom. This character will put the Horror into American Horror Story: Coven. Read on for more gory, disturbing details (after the self-congratulatory logo we inserted) in the original piece!

 

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So. Have you heard the very, very, VERY horrifying historical facts about her? Newspapers at the time called her, “a demon in the shape of a woman”. You know, the wealthy New Orléans socialite and notorious part-time torturer and murderess of slaves in her ‘employ’ in the 1830s who went by the name of Madame Delphine LaLaurie? No?

Are you SURE you want to?

Even if this ends up not happening, I doubt I’m alone in imagining…

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Cannes Film Review: ‘Nothing Bad Can Happen’

If this was the most horrifying movie at Cannes this year, as reviewer Scott Foundas states in his review (see Heli , among others), then we can’t decide to put it on our watch list, or just play it safe and back off on this one.

“Convinced that Benno is in fact a test from above meant to strengthen his fate, Tore sticks around, which only puts him in line for more grievous harm, the nature of which ultimately leads “Nothing Bad Can Happen” into full-blown “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”/“Last House on the Left” territory. By then, the pic’s initially intriguing ideological clash between a true believer and a heretic becomes little more than a catalogue of human behavior at its most depraved…”

And the downside to that taking place in a movie is…? Just kidding (sort of). Looks like Drafthouse will be releasing the film in the U.S. as Nothing Bad Can Happen, rather than the original English-language title “Rising.”

 

Kathy Bates Cast As Delphine LaLaurie In American Horror Story Season Three? We Think So! Read Why (Disturbing Content)

AUG 3rd UPDATE: Holy shit! We actually called it! Back in March!  During FX’s presentation at the Television Critics Association today, Tim Minear announced some major casting–including the official news that Kathy Bates WILL indeed play Delphine LaLaurie!  Yay Mr. White Horror Boom. This character will put the Horror into American Horror Story: Coven. Read on for more gory, disturbing details (after the self-congratulatory logo we inserted) in the original piece!

 

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So. Have you heard the very, very, VERY horrifying historical facts about her? Newspapers at the time called her, “a demon in the shape of a woman”. You know, the wealthy New Orléans socialite and notorious part-time torturer and murderess of slaves in her ‘employ’ in the 1830s who went by the name of Madame Delphine LaLaurie? No?

Are you SURE you want to?

Even if this ends up not happening, I doubt I’m alone in imagining it likely that Kathy Bates, now officially signed as a Season 3 lead –who will play the most evil character on American Horror Story “ever” according to Ryan Murphy— could end up portraying the vile, cruel, evil actual c-word woman (who has even made it to a few “top ten evil humans in history” lists, click this link for one of them). The more tiny bits of info on Season Three of American Horror Story are revealed, the more our theory seems to fit.

Before we present our case, though, let me back up a little.

I’ve heard LaLaurie’s name before, mainly because reading about some of the most haunted places in American also gives you some really horrible and blood-curdling historical facts for the back story.  On serious sites written by sane, intelligent people, they inform you (along with documentation, usually in the form of news stories and even photos to reference their knowledge) of whatever tragic atrocity or cruel twist of fate—often in the form of mother nature—occurred.  One of these back-stories was on the notorious LaLaurie Mansion, still standing, and officially the most haunted building in New Orléans. Think of all the horrifying, miserable things that have happened in the area that go back centuries …and this mansion still managed to make it to the top of a list.

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Supposedly, you can see terrified ghostly figures running around in fear, the most well-known was the ghost of a little girl who this awful bitch kept as a slave. When she was brushing Delphine’s hair, she hit a snag by accident. Delphine beat her with a whip until she ran for her life, with Delphine close behind. The little girl ended up on the roof (there’s plenty of photos of the actual site of the death) and either slipped, was pushed, or just jumped off just on instinct to put some distance between she and her attacker. I’m guessing it’s one of the last two. Stories claim on certain nights you can see the poor thing’s apparaition make an appearance by jumping off the roof and hitting the ground. That was about all I learned about the background of the mansion and all the atrocities that took place there, courtesy of Delphine. I would gladly be a servant to Countess Bathory than LaLaurie. Elizabeth Bathory just bled you do death. Still pretty horrible, but what ‘Ms. Bathory’ did almost seems quaint in comparison to the torture and living hell Delphine subjected her slaves to.

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I regretted it when I looked for more online, because I found out more than I want to know. If you really want to know, here’s one of the LESS blood-curdling accounts.  It’s still upsetting, though; you have officially been warned. What that crazy bitch did to her ‘servants’ she kept in an attic room is shockingly graphic and brutal; I’m linking to it because I don’t want to describe it. It takes a lot to turn my stomach, but this fucking nightmare of a story did it, and would have even if it was presented as fiction. Speaking of nightmares, you may be in for some really bad dreams tonight. If you decide to rifle around on Google for some of the more detailed descriptions, they’re not too hard to research …but again: we warned you.

Here’s a little more about the mansion itself, focusing less on the murder and torture.*

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OK, now we’ve got the actual true-life background. Here’s some reasons why (and a couple why not) Murphy may have cast Bates as LaLaurie, with some hints that Ryan Murphy dropped in January and some recent news…

  • A fairly recent article in The Huffington Post revealed Season Three in not only set in New Orléans, but also will in fact film there. This was confirmed by Frances Conroy herself (who will have a bigger role in S3- bring that ON!)
  • When dropping hints in January, Murphy said it would be shooting in a specific location in America “where true horror has been” Check and CHECK.
  • When the story broke that Bates would be featured in Season Three, it reported she was playing an actual ‘true-life’ evil woman, in a story that ‘really happened’. Check.
  • Reasonable physical resemblance -see above and featured image (though Delphine may have been slightly younger when she was run out of New Orléans, it’s close enough), other than this horrifying wax museum depiction (hope they have enough sense to have that exhibit age-restricted)
  • As far as Dylan McDermott saying Bates is “perfect” for the part, maybe he’s thinking of Misery, where Bates as Annie Wilkes kept someone against their will and made SURE he didn’t go anywhere (though he was already pretty fucked up below the waist from the car wreck, but she was capable of doing some serious damage… and had planned to kill him after the book was finally finished and she’d read it, at least in the novel …which was much more brutal than the movie).**
  • Murphy said (also in January) there was going to be (as referenced above) the most evil, horrible female character he’d even written as the villain of the season. Read the story? Can’t argue with the description.
  • Bates has also been revealed to play first Lange’s “best friend”, who would become her “nemesis”.  Lange has been repeatedly described as playing a very glamorous character. Delphine was a very wealthy woman who threw plenty of fancy parties entertaining other wealthy socialites, so the guests here everyone dressed to the nines. No-one else except her husband was privy to the “attic chamber of horrors”, or, I’m guessing, the female slaves she kept chained to the stoves in the kitchen to cook. The other residents of the area did not take the news lightly after the horrifying, graphic report hit the papers, and angry mobs gathered, many ready to burn the mansion to the ground. So, I’m guessing she didn’t have a whole lot of friends left.

Here’s some facts against our theory –though we’re still betting on Delphine being a part of the story AND Kathy Bates playing her…

  • When E! asked McDermott if he thinks Kathy Bates is “perfect” for the upcoming season, he said, “She really is. All the witches of Salem … there’s plenty of them!” Huh. Well, now we know they’re shooting in N’awlins. Did he maybe confuse magic with voodoo?
  • Characters in American Horror Story Asylum unlucky enough to be locked up somewhere and against their will were also mangled by a horrible individual, and one of them begged for death. Also, Delphine LaLaurie was married to a doctor. Too much of the same?
  • Murphy  has reassured us this season will be much less dark and depressing (since everyone involved needs a change of pace after Asylum).  The events surrounding Delphine were pretty goddamned brutal and I have trouble thinking how they could be played off as ‘campy’. However, we don’t know how large a role Bates will be playing- maybe the torture and atrocities that took place in the Delphine mansion are not the center of the story.

We’ll be adding any ammo we can find to back up our theory (or destroy it) as it develops. Watch this space!

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*Here’s another about ‘the hauntings’. Most are probably bullshit. That being said, I’m sure as hell not going near that goddamned place at night even in a tour group. Ever.

**in which she chops off his entire foot with an axe, cauterised it with a blowtorch, and later uses an electric carving knife to cut off his thumb (no real reason other than her being in a bad mood that day) then later made a cake for him and stuck his thumb in calling it a special candle, telling him if he was good and finished the cake, he wouldn’t have to eat the candle.  Sounds somewhere in the ballpark of Delphine LaLaurie.

For use in article Delphine LaLaurie. Black an...

Photograph of copper plate found in St. Louis Cemetery #1 by Eugene Backes in the late 1930s. Text reads: “Madame Lalaurie, nee Marie Delphine Maccarthy, decedee a Paris, le’ 7 decembre, 1842, a l’age de 6 –.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Review: Grotesque グロテスク(2009) – When Horror Fans Hate Themselves

Please note that in this instance, when I say “When Horror Fans Hate Themselves”, I mean “This movie made me hate myself.”

Wow, Netflix sure has some nasty, nasty movies for rental. I’ve never checked to see if they carry porn (probably because no-one in our household watches porn, no-one that I know about, anyway), but if it’s twisted, Asian, and makes you feel vaguely ashamed of yourself, they probably have it. I see they have a few of the Guinea Pig movies, so there you go. They used to have Guts of a Virgin,(or was it Entrails of a Virgin, maybe Guts of An Angel? not much difference) which I tolerated –barely– almost to the half-hour mark before I snapped, thought no amount of Asian gore is worth this horrible misogynistic bullshit, and kicked it out. I’d like to add that I was pissed off at Netflix’s ‘rating system’ because if I gave Grotesque (グロテスク) one out of five stars, it would probably recommend less Asian horror, and if I gave it three out of five stars I’d sprain something in my own internal taste preferences, so I didn’t get the satisfaction of giving it the one-star rating it barely deserved (goddamnit).

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Have you ever sat through a certain movie—usually when you’ve seen but ignored multiple, urgent red flags —and been almost as infuriated at yourself as you were by whoever was responsible for the movie?  I’m pretty sure most people reading this—along with those who watch many more movies than the average person—have finished viewing a movie (say, for example… oh screw it, I’ll  just jump on the ‘Uwe Boll should not be allowed to make money from his movies’  bandwagon*, not that I wasn’t already on board), and wanted to kick whoever ruined the movie and just wasted their valuable time down a flight of stairs.  I certainly didn’t want to throw myself down a flight of stairs, or even one stair, after I sat through Grotesque, but I did feel that I had been asking for the tooth-grinding headache it gave me.

Notice I corrected their shitty spelling. That’s APPETIZER, you lazy, too-cheap-to-hire-a-proofer hacks…

I rented this due to a combination of morbid curiosity (more on that later) and because I’m strongly anti-censorship and saw it was banned in Britain due to extreme gore. I also saw American poster art proclaiming  Saw and Hostel Were Just Appetizers, which gave me only a short pause before I willfully ignored it (my first in a series of stupid decisions involving this movie).

Of course, in general, when I see comments/user reviews about a controversial movie saying this like, ‘Whoever made this DISGUSTING so-called MOVIE should be THROWN IN JAIL!!!’, and ‘OFFENSIVE, DO NOT RENT this GARBAGE  if you have ANY DECENCY!’ I instantly make a mental note of the movie title. Note to self: remember to look into that movie that offended everyone. The clincher is often outraged comments from church groups and/or, right-wing conservative media, usually with some name that is a variation of “Families For Kids”. Chances are the name of the group contains one or more of the words America, parents, families, safe, Christian, values, and/or decency*, (and there’s no animal violence) I rent it and watch it if for no other reason to piss off people who don’t think the public should be allowed to decide on their own whether this FICTIONAL movie is suitable to watch or not.  If I hear good buzz on the movie’s entertainment value, overall quality, plus confirmation that yeah, it’s shocking, I’ll really step up my game to find it and see it ASAP.

The closest I can get to relaying the entire first act that the nameless torturer/doctor  (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) for at least ten minutes while (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) in close-ups that don’t leave much to your imagination until (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) then does the a variation of the same to (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) and with both there’s a (DEFINITELY TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) involved.

Now, I’m not above admitting that my motivations to watch a movie containing something I feel like I’m not supposed to are only partially due to personal politics. If I hear something like “most disturbing horror movie ever made,” I hastily go out of my way to locate it, probably because I grew up in the 80s and wasn’t allowed to see movies like Alien, Friday the 13th, Full Metal Jacket, or The Omen even though my mother and sister discussed the shocks in the movie less than a yard away.

OK, I  can write a more well-thought-out piece on why I’m still consistently drawn to controversial, fucked-up horror along with regular horror, or one on the topic  Why People See Horrifying Movies  another time. Back to this gawd-awful waste of horror fan’s time.

Now THERE’S a shot you never see in a torture-porn horror movie…

I saw the cover art, connected it with a bunch of disgusted pro-censorship groups condemning society for releasing movies like this, did some fact-checking to make sure the warnings about violent, disturbing content were based in truth and that the BANNED! and UNCUT VERSION! featured in PR for the movie was backed up by fact. Under “Trivia” for Grotesque on the IMDB, it stated:

Distributors of this movie had hoped to be given an 18 certificate for the film, which involves torture such as amputation and eye-gouging. But the British Board of Film Classification said the film featured sexual sadism for its own sake. [Documentation also stated that ] giving the film a rating would involve a “risk of harm” to those viewing it. Therefore no classification was given and selling or supplying the film would now be illegal.

Unfortunately, and again stupidly, my brain glossed over the  ‘sexual sadism for its own sake’ phrase, and jumped on to amputation and eye-gouging and no classification was given and selling or supplying the film would now be illegal. No-one was going to tell ME what I couldn’t watch, by God! Also, if it were THAT torture-porn-y, I would have already heard something and made a mental note to think twice before watching it, right?  So let’s DO this!

Surprise surprise, this didn’t go so fucking well. I hated myself after watc—wait, closer to about 15 minutes in (when I first felt like taking a shower). I didn’t feel sick because it was gory, but because the gore had been deliberately blended with really, really icky sexual content that would be a bad idea for all parties involved for me to describe …or feel anywhere approaching comfortable describing in the first place without a strong drink in me (and a strong drink in whoever I was describing it to). It’s past the point of even me being able to say, “don’t look at me, I’m just documenting this.” The female lead is known for her work in Japanese VOD porn, yet I still feel embarrassed for her. The closest I can get to relaying the entire first act that the nameless torturer/doctor rapes (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) for at least ten minutes while (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) in close-ups that don’t leave much to your imagination until (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) then does the a variation of the same to (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) and with both there’s a (DEFINITELY TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) involved. I had to fast-forward through the last half of it, I rented this to see gore, not get the icky, creepy feeling that whoever wrote and shot these scenes got off on it.

Guys, that cheap CGI blood isn’t fooling anyone…

That nauseous feeling got a significant boost via the added exceptionally crisp, overdone, and sorry, just plain disgusting (soon I’m going to have to grab my thesaurus, as I’m running low on adjectives to express how foul Grotesque gets ) accompanying sound effects. Just as stomach-turning is the leering shooting style where you get the impression that every attempt was made to film it in what they thought was an erotic way, as if it were an episode of Red Shoe Diaries (the most fucked-up episode in the show’s history), or… just… GAH.***   If anyone watching the above did NOT immediately feel like they wouldn’t be able to even want to have sex again until they’d erased those scenes from their mind, I don’t ever want to meet them, or even know about them.
When it comes to the gore/torture, I have to admit Grotesque is pretty unflinching, and at least they use mostly practical effects (though as a seasoned splatter movie-watcher, I’ve seen worse). The gore didn’t make it difficult to watch (though at least one instance of bad CGI blood was insultingly unconvincing , as I said, it was the vile undertone of sexualizing torture that was hard to stomach. There’s a torture-porn movie titled Scar (2007) that I haven’t seen, but know of via this awesome Movie Censorship website,  (the always-ballsy Angelina Bettis is in it-there’s a 3D and a 2D comparison on the site). I read about the sick concept, where the killer’s MO is  that two friends or a couple are strapped to tables, and one is tortured/mangled to see how far they will go to keep their friend alive. In other words, see who can hold out the longest before breaking and asking them to hurt/kill their loved one located a few feet away instead. Make that a married couple, add sexual abuse and ratchet up the gore through the roof, and there’s your basic ‘plot concept’ to Grotesque. …and that’s about as creative as this movie gets. At one point a cha… oh fuck it. I’ve spent more time typing this plot description than it deserves.

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I use the term plot description very loosely. This is only a rung above the Guinea Pig movies because it has a very vague suggestion of a storyline that could possibly resemble something of a plot (and dialogue, though it is minimal with a very low grade of talent).   There is a microscopic bit of suspense involved in the last act, and some characters said/did things I didn’t think were going to happen. I had zero expectations left by that point, though, so the bar was set pretty low.

Speaking of disturbing,  I am sorry to report that I just double-checked some facts before publishing this piece, and cannot wrap my brain around the fact that Grotesque was directed by Shiraishi Koji. This man directed, among other above-average J-horror, the excellent critical and popular success (especially among Asian Horror enthusiasists, and even just plain horror enthusiasts) 2005’s Norio: The Curse  (hard to obtain, but well worth it). He also directed Carved: The Slit-Mouth Woman. Now Carved (you may recall this piece I wrote about it) is not the best or most frightening J-Horror ever made, or in the top ten, but I usually recommend it to friends as worthy of a watch/rental, and has a few decent scares. Both of those two —Norio in particular—have little blood and gore, and rely instead on atmosphere and that general J-horror creepiness for suspense and terror. The discovery that he directed Grotesque is so wildly incongruous that I’m going to need to look into it ASAP to try to find out what could have gone horribly wrong. Did he lose his damned mind, or what? Hope to find out.

You don’t want to know.

So take it from me—you don’t want to see this. It’s not shocking, just disgusting. It’s not scary, just depressing. There’s no resolution, no character development, no hint of a back story. It doesn’t really end, it just stops. With only three characters, one setting, and next-to-no dialogue, that’s no easy task, even if they were making an effort at any of the above (they’re not). I’d go so far to say it gives J-Horror a bad name. It has better production values than, say, Red Room, and while I don’t recommend Red Room either, at least that torture-porn movie manages to build suspense (the plot’s better, too). Grotesque is less misogynistic than Red Room or the aforementioned Entrails of a Virgin or Guts of an Angel, but only because the man and the woman being tortured get equal amounts of sexual assault and bloody cruelty dealt out to them. OK, clearly I’ve run out of positive things to say about the movie, and I was already flailing around blindly to find any in the first place. Oh!  I know: it is only seventy-three minutes long (but that’s still over 63 minutes too many).

NO no no.

You can easily find another movie that shocking and gruesome that won’t make you want to dive in the shower and scrub every part of your body with detergent. I’d be more than happy to name a few; off the top of my head, try Hong Kong’s 1988 absolutely brutal war atrocity drama Man Behind the Sun (even more nihilistic, but has much more going for it), a really sick Thai horror/thriller flick called 13: Game of Death  AKA 13 Beloved (yup, Netflix has it, but I highly recommend you do not eat while watching past the opening credits-consider your gag reflex officially warned), Jack Ketchum’s Offspring, or if you want something lighter and less emotion-heavy, there’s always the R-rated but absolutely, outrageously gore-soaked Piranha 3D (2010). I’d have a much harder time recommending banned movies that were more disgusting and pointless than Grotesque (oh, I could do it, I’d just have to sit down and apply myself awhile) than I would recommending movies that have been banned at one time or another and are worth sitting through. I love to give  personal recommendations, just aaaaaask away!

Yep, Mrs. Horror Boom… that’s me!

Have a fun, lazy August weekend. I’ll be posting something soon to give you chills to beat the heat —promise! Meanwhile, I cannot recommend the aforementioned  http://www.film-censorship.com (AKA Movie Censorship) enough. Seen an R-Rated movie and wondering how much more gore there is in the Unrated or NC-17 version? They have a huge, multi-national database, so there’s a pretty good chance you can find out there. Furthermore, they don’t just have horror movies on the site, comparisons of Unrated and R-Rated releases of comedies like Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, and the American Pie franchise. They also document their info-packed reports with comparison photos between the two versions – the attention to detail is exceptional. Hours and hours of entertainment —this can be one addictive site!

You REALLY don't want to know.

You REALLY don’t want to know.

*I almost wrote that he shouldn’t be allowed to make movies, but my personal belief is that everyone should be able to make a movie if they want to (as long as no animals are hurt or killed just to make the movie, and that everyone else involved is a consenting adult) but on their own time and money–you know, like a lot of broke independent film-makers with a vision who work their ass off to do because they’re passionate, dedicated, and driven. I also am of the opinion that everyone should be allowed to release their movies, too. However, film-makers like oh, Tom Six–and why not use Uwë Boll again– should own the print but have to raise any sort of distribution funds from scratch, and if they want others to see it, they should be solely responsible for convincing an audience it’s worth sitting through, or for getting funding to release it themselves. There, that’s my manifesto on that subject. I’m not trying to self-righteously preach or convert anyone, just stating my opinion for the record.
**I’m concerned that at some point down the road I’m going to see a group named “Patriotic American Families and Parents Crusading for Censorship: Safe Christian Values and Decency in Media”  with Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, or Rush Limbaugh as the spokesperson, and then my head will just spontaneously fucking explode.

***Should your morbid curiosity get the better of you (happens to the best of us), and you REALLY want more detail, look at the plot keywords page for Grotesque on the IMDB.If it convinces you not to sit through this movie, than hey, you’ve done yourself a favor. Now that I think of it, I’m also a little concerned about whoever lavished such attention to detail on the Plot Keywords page. Bleckkh.

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