Godzilla 2014 VS. The Editing Room – Read The Abridged Script Here!

AARON gets free and makes himself busy realizing the monster is RIGHT BEHIND HIM, UH-OH! He spots BRYAN on a CATWALK just as the KAIJU DESTROYS IT! BRYAN plummets forty feet to the GROUND and despite it being a summer blockbuster, is actually MORTALLY WOUNDED!

BRYAN CRANSTON

(dying)

I know this sounds weird coming from me, son, but you gotta do whatever it takes… to protect your family.

AARON TAYLOR-JOHNSON

Like fail to warn anyone, save anyone, or change anything from happening how it would have anyway?

BRYAN CRANSTON

Oh, fuck you.

(dies)

-From the Abridged Script By Alex W. (on Jun 12th, 2014)

OK, so The Editing Room didn’t like it as much as we did, but the script is hilarious (and we admit, makes some good points). Also, look for at least one other Breaking Bad reference besides the one above! Click below to check it out and get a good laugh.

Godzilla 2014: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room.

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Horror Boom’s Ten Scariest Asian Horror Movies Ever Made: #9: “Three Extremes” (2004)

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Straight up: do not watch the first segment of this movie, Fruit Chan’s “Dumplings”  if you’re pregnant (this may even be a bad movie for men whose wives/girlfriends are pregnant—though there is beautiful Bai Ling to look at). In fact, if a list existed of terrible movie choices to watch when ‘expecting’, I’m pretty sure it’d be in the top 10, along with Inside. Don’t eat while you’re watching it unless you have a very strong stomach. Though if you DO decide to eat, just make sure you are not eating …dumplings.*

Here’s the trailer for Three… Extremes:

Here’s a scene from “Dumplings”, though it could be spoiler-ish and isn’t exactly crystal-clear quality…

There’s a clip of the disturbing final scene on You Tube, but not only will it spoil the movie, it’s not as disturbing out of context. Just watch the entire film, it’ll earn the pay off.

Don’t expect much from the Park Chan-Wook segment, which is the only piece of cinema he wrote and directed that wasn’t spellbindingly above-par. I guess even the most talented, skillful, and hard-working among us drop the ball once or twice in their careers. Most reviews—by fans and critics alike—point to “Cut” as the weakest of the three films.  The fake-out opening was great, there was a twist or two, but it became a little too torture porny-y for my tastes. I’ll have to check and see if his longtime DP collaborated with him on this one, as it didn’t have the usual beauty and composition nearly every shot of a Chan-Wook Park film has.

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The Miike segment (“Box”) managed to scare me the most -and there was barely any blood. Replacing gore (though there is some disturbing imagery, it’s nothing compared to Miike’s usual bloodbaths), is a creeping dread that builds and builds until you get to a scary mental place where, if you’re not covering your eyes, you’ll want to. I’ve had to cover my eyes in two other features directed by Miike, but for different reasons. During the intense torture scenes in Imprint (the “censored segment” from Showtime’s Masters of Horror series) and Audition,**  I was covering my eyes out of squeamishness. In “Box,” I was covering my eyes because I was actively frightened of what I *might* see. Just the goddamned screen cap below from the trailer makes me feel uneasy.

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*Especially ones that crunch delicately when you bite into them.

**it is worth noting that Imprint‘s torture scene is definitely harder to watch than the notorious torture scene in Audition, though the latter’s sequence did make me briefly wince and cover my eyes protectively. If there’s anyone out there that can watch Imprint and remain perfectly calm and composed inside and out through the entire running time… then I don’t think I want to meet that person at all, let alone in a dark alley.

 

Film Review: ‘Rigor Mortis’ (2013) – Justin Chang Wasn’t Impressed, But Other Critics Were

Exactly what happened to drive Yeung Fang mad is revealed, sort of, in one of many violent flashbacks — several of which also bedevil Chin, whose suicidal impulses likely stem from his separation from his wife and son. But Mak, who seems to have interpreted the concept of “hopping vampires” as an excuse to jump between subplots as haphazardly as possible, doesn’t seem especially interested in investigating his protagonist’s psychological wounds. The director appears far more taken with the two demonic twin sisters haunting Chin’s apartment, their long, face-masking hair and bloody tendrils showing the clear influence of one of Mak’s fellow producers, J-horror maven Takashi Shimizu (“The Grudge”).

-From Justin Chang’s review in Variety.com of “Rigor Mortis”.

Have you ever read a pretty unenthusiastic review for a movie you were really looking forward to seeing, and find your desire to see it has only lessened by about 5%? Well, that happened for us in the case of this pretty tepid review for Juno Mak’s Rigor Mortis, which boasts an amazing trailer, clips, credentials, and set-up. We’re still going to see it (though hearing a scary movie described as ‘tedious’ usually is a buzz-kill). We maybe won’t go way out of our way to see it, just wait for the rental fee to go down (of course, we managed to miss it at SIFF, unintentionally).

You might want to check out this review at Beyond-Hollywood.com, which basically said it had the same problems but that the good outweighed the bad. So there.

Reviews For ‘Godzilla’ Are Coming In- Read Variety’s Snarky One Here (Along With Pissed-Off Fan Reactions)

Godzilla movies, like wrestling matches, are ultimately judged by the quality of the mayhem, and Edwards excels at blowing things up. Though some of the first visual effects we see onscreen (the Filipino mine, the Japanese nuclear plant) look phony, especially projected in post-converted 3D, the creature effects are terrific, using phosphorescent accents — glowing gold for the MUTOs, blue fire for Godzilla — to make the monsters look even more menacing after dark. And though the film banishes most of their fighting to the background, basing their movement on motion-captured performers represents an inspired way of updating the lo-fi, B-movie tradition in which audiences charitably forgot that they were cheering for a guy in a rubber suit stomping through a cardboard city.

-from the Variety review of Godzilla by Peter Debruge

You know, this is only the second ‘mixed’ review I’ve seen (Dread Central loved it–said it wasn’t perfect, but any flaws could be forgiven just for the sheer joy fans will get seeing this Godzilla actually breathe fire) but people responding to the reviewers who take jabs at the reboot are ANGRY.  Also, they make some good points. Other than the above quote, the tone of this review is snotty, and dripping with such disdain that I don’t think the reviewer really understands or knows how to enjoy a monster movie. Also, when it comes to insulting Bryan Cranston’s acting, my advice would be …to tread lightly.  If the reviewer was in a nuclear plant going into meltdown mode and was separated from his wife, I think he’d hyperventilate too. Bitch, please.

Click on “View original” in the lower left to read on– and check out the comments from readers (34 as of this writing).

Berlin Film Review: ‘The Midnight After’

“As the characters disperse and regroup, Chan exploits the mass-panic scenario for farce as well as terror, with an original mash-up of epidemic/zombie/sci-fi horror elements that makes “Contagion” and the “REC” franchise look square by comparison. Dream sequences and spooky visions further add to the surreal atmosphere, and the revelation of each character’s dark side culminates in a highly political message about the loss of morality and compassion following a critical transition, as symbolized by their passing through the tunnel. Chan leavens the heavier dialogue scenes with a few punchy action sequences en route to a big-bang finish at once funny, sad, allegorical and provocatively open-ended.”  -From the Variety review by Maggie Lee.

 

Well, I’m not sure if it’s practical to see anything that makes [REC] look “tame”. If you’ve seen [REC] (and [REC 2] isn’t especially soothing to your nerves either) I’m sure you’ll understand; the former consistently makes our Top Ten Scariest Movies Ever Made list (and I’d have to be in a brave mood to see something that’d knock it off the list). Director Fruit Chan’s Dumplings (2004) would probably make it to another Top Scariest list, just a longer, more-inclusive one. Despite that, we cannot WAIT to see The Midnight After.  Let’s all cross our fingers that all the positive buzz that this Berlin film festival showing is getting means that The Midnight After gets snapped right up for US distribution rights FAST! Read on.

Film Review: ‘Tales From the Dark Part 1’

Even though Fruit Chan‘s entry, “Jing Zhe,” is supposed to be the best segment (remember “Dumplings” from Three Extremes? If you don’t, you didn’t see the movie), we can’t wait to see the other two – the set-ups sound great to us. Hopefully we won’t have to wait more than, oh, a year (SIGH) to get a look at Tales From The Dark, Part 1 (let us know if you have any leads, because we can’t wait)!

 

Nope, I do NOT mind waiting for the fresh popcorn.

Why ‘Pacific Rim’ is a good movie for geek girls

Well, this Geek Goddess hasn’t seem the movie yet, but we DO have an interesting piece coming up focusing on the kaiju (I feel like that word should be capitalized, for some reason.) but we’ll probably go if we can, since it’s playing on the most awesome one-screen theater in Seattle, the historic Cinerama. Everyone at Horror Boom is The Conjuring-crazed right now, though, so it’s kinda hard to focus on anything else.

INTERVIEW: PACIFIC RIM’s Guillermo del Toro on Remaking Classic Japanese Monster Movies (Cinemovie)

GDT: I’ve been doing special effects since I was a kid. I did them professionally for over a decade. I know every tool… The tragedy is to use them as a shortcut creatively and as an end all, like “the solution has to be a digital effect,” no. We use miniatures.  We use incredibly elaborate physical effects in the movie. Not only are there pilots shaking, but the boat is in a gigantic gimbal.  The street where Mana is was rigged with hydraulics. The whole street: the pavement, the lampposts; the cars, the sidewalk, everything. Every time the kaiju took a step, the whole street jumped every time and she reacted to that because the whole set jumped… We built one hundred physical sets in this movie, and completely overtook Pinewood Studios in Toronto and spilled over into two more studios.

-from the interview

Damn, Pacific Rim is just sounding better and better! Click on the big red link below to read an awesome and very entertaining new interview on Cinemovie.com with Guillermo del Toro on a bunch of cool shit, including what kind of monster scares him (we agree with his answer), digital VS. practical effects in big budget movies, and his favorite monster flicks.

INTERVIEW: PACIFIC RIM’s Guillermo del Toro on Remaking Classic Japanese Monster Movies / Interviews.

Review: Grotesque グロテスク(2009) – When Horror Fans Hate Themselves

Please note that in this instance, when I say “When Horror Fans Hate Themselves”, I mean “This movie made me hate myself.”

Wow, Netflix sure has some nasty, nasty movies for rental. I’ve never checked to see if they carry porn (probably because no-one in our household watches porn, no-one that I know about, anyway), but if it’s twisted, Asian, and makes you feel vaguely ashamed of yourself, they probably have it. I see they have a few of the Guinea Pig movies, so there you go. They used to have Guts of a Virgin,(or was it Entrails of a Virgin, maybe Guts of An Angel? not much difference) which I tolerated –barely– almost to the half-hour mark before I snapped, thought no amount of Asian gore is worth this horrible misogynistic bullshit, and kicked it out. I’d like to add that I was pissed off at Netflix’s ‘rating system’ because if I gave Grotesque (グロテスク) one out of five stars, it would probably recommend less Asian horror, and if I gave it three out of five stars I’d sprain something in my own internal taste preferences, so I didn’t get the satisfaction of giving it the one-star rating it barely deserved (goddamnit).

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Have you ever sat through a certain movie—usually when you’ve seen but ignored multiple, urgent red flags —and been almost as infuriated at yourself as you were by whoever was responsible for the movie?  I’m pretty sure most people reading this—along with those who watch many more movies than the average person—have finished viewing a movie (say, for example… oh screw it, I’ll  just jump on the ‘Uwe Boll should not be allowed to make money from his movies’  bandwagon*, not that I wasn’t already on board), and wanted to kick whoever ruined the movie and just wasted their valuable time down a flight of stairs.  I certainly didn’t want to throw myself down a flight of stairs, or even one stair, after I sat through Grotesque, but I did feel that I had been asking for the tooth-grinding headache it gave me.

Notice I corrected their shitty spelling. That’s APPETIZER, you lazy, too-cheap-to-hire-a-proofer hacks…

I rented this due to a combination of morbid curiosity (more on that later) and because I’m strongly anti-censorship and saw it was banned in Britain due to extreme gore. I also saw American poster art proclaiming  Saw and Hostel Were Just Appetizers, which gave me only a short pause before I willfully ignored it (my first in a series of stupid decisions involving this movie).

Of course, in general, when I see comments/user reviews about a controversial movie saying this like, ‘Whoever made this DISGUSTING so-called MOVIE should be THROWN IN JAIL!!!’, and ‘OFFENSIVE, DO NOT RENT this GARBAGE  if you have ANY DECENCY!’ I instantly make a mental note of the movie title. Note to self: remember to look into that movie that offended everyone. The clincher is often outraged comments from church groups and/or, right-wing conservative media, usually with some name that is a variation of “Families For Kids”. Chances are the name of the group contains one or more of the words America, parents, families, safe, Christian, values, and/or decency*, (and there’s no animal violence) I rent it and watch it if for no other reason to piss off people who don’t think the public should be allowed to decide on their own whether this FICTIONAL movie is suitable to watch or not.  If I hear good buzz on the movie’s entertainment value, overall quality, plus confirmation that yeah, it’s shocking, I’ll really step up my game to find it and see it ASAP.

The closest I can get to relaying the entire first act that the nameless torturer/doctor  (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) for at least ten minutes while (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) in close-ups that don’t leave much to your imagination until (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) then does the a variation of the same to (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) and with both there’s a (DEFINITELY TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) involved.

Now, I’m not above admitting that my motivations to watch a movie containing something I feel like I’m not supposed to are only partially due to personal politics. If I hear something like “most disturbing horror movie ever made,” I hastily go out of my way to locate it, probably because I grew up in the 80s and wasn’t allowed to see movies like Alien, Friday the 13th, Full Metal Jacket, or The Omen even though my mother and sister discussed the shocks in the movie less than a yard away.

OK, I  can write a more well-thought-out piece on why I’m still consistently drawn to controversial, fucked-up horror along with regular horror, or one on the topic  Why People See Horrifying Movies  another time. Back to this gawd-awful waste of horror fan’s time.

Now THERE’S a shot you never see in a torture-porn horror movie…

I saw the cover art, connected it with a bunch of disgusted pro-censorship groups condemning society for releasing movies like this, did some fact-checking to make sure the warnings about violent, disturbing content were based in truth and that the BANNED! and UNCUT VERSION! featured in PR for the movie was backed up by fact. Under “Trivia” for Grotesque on the IMDB, it stated:

Distributors of this movie had hoped to be given an 18 certificate for the film, which involves torture such as amputation and eye-gouging. But the British Board of Film Classification said the film featured sexual sadism for its own sake. [Documentation also stated that ] giving the film a rating would involve a “risk of harm” to those viewing it. Therefore no classification was given and selling or supplying the film would now be illegal.

Unfortunately, and again stupidly, my brain glossed over the  ‘sexual sadism for its own sake’ phrase, and jumped on to amputation and eye-gouging and no classification was given and selling or supplying the film would now be illegal. No-one was going to tell ME what I couldn’t watch, by God! Also, if it were THAT torture-porn-y, I would have already heard something and made a mental note to think twice before watching it, right?  So let’s DO this!

Surprise surprise, this didn’t go so fucking well. I hated myself after watc—wait, closer to about 15 minutes in (when I first felt like taking a shower). I didn’t feel sick because it was gory, but because the gore had been deliberately blended with really, really icky sexual content that would be a bad idea for all parties involved for me to describe …or feel anywhere approaching comfortable describing in the first place without a strong drink in me (and a strong drink in whoever I was describing it to). It’s past the point of even me being able to say, “don’t look at me, I’m just documenting this.” The female lead is known for her work in Japanese VOD porn, yet I still feel embarrassed for her. The closest I can get to relaying the entire first act that the nameless torturer/doctor rapes (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) for at least ten minutes while (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) in close-ups that don’t leave much to your imagination until (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) then does the a variation of the same to (TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) and with both there’s a (DEFINITELY TOO VILE FOR PUBLICATION) involved. I had to fast-forward through the last half of it, I rented this to see gore, not get the icky, creepy feeling that whoever wrote and shot these scenes got off on it.

Guys, that cheap CGI blood isn’t fooling anyone…

That nauseous feeling got a significant boost via the added exceptionally crisp, overdone, and sorry, just plain disgusting (soon I’m going to have to grab my thesaurus, as I’m running low on adjectives to express how foul Grotesque gets ) accompanying sound effects. Just as stomach-turning is the leering shooting style where you get the impression that every attempt was made to film it in what they thought was an erotic way, as if it were an episode of Red Shoe Diaries (the most fucked-up episode in the show’s history), or… just… GAH.***   If anyone watching the above did NOT immediately feel like they wouldn’t be able to even want to have sex again until they’d erased those scenes from their mind, I don’t ever want to meet them, or even know about them.
When it comes to the gore/torture, I have to admit Grotesque is pretty unflinching, and at least they use mostly practical effects (though as a seasoned splatter movie-watcher, I’ve seen worse). The gore didn’t make it difficult to watch (though at least one instance of bad CGI blood was insultingly unconvincing , as I said, it was the vile undertone of sexualizing torture that was hard to stomach. There’s a torture-porn movie titled Scar (2007) that I haven’t seen, but know of via this awesome Movie Censorship website,  (the always-ballsy Angelina Bettis is in it-there’s a 3D and a 2D comparison on the site). I read about the sick concept, where the killer’s MO is  that two friends or a couple are strapped to tables, and one is tortured/mangled to see how far they will go to keep their friend alive. In other words, see who can hold out the longest before breaking and asking them to hurt/kill their loved one located a few feet away instead. Make that a married couple, add sexual abuse and ratchet up the gore through the roof, and there’s your basic ‘plot concept’ to Grotesque. …and that’s about as creative as this movie gets. At one point a cha… oh fuck it. I’ve spent more time typing this plot description than it deserves.

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I use the term plot description very loosely. This is only a rung above the Guinea Pig movies because it has a very vague suggestion of a storyline that could possibly resemble something of a plot (and dialogue, though it is minimal with a very low grade of talent).   There is a microscopic bit of suspense involved in the last act, and some characters said/did things I didn’t think were going to happen. I had zero expectations left by that point, though, so the bar was set pretty low.

Speaking of disturbing,  I am sorry to report that I just double-checked some facts before publishing this piece, and cannot wrap my brain around the fact that Grotesque was directed by Shiraishi Koji. This man directed, among other above-average J-horror, the excellent critical and popular success (especially among Asian Horror enthusiasists, and even just plain horror enthusiasts) 2005’s Norio: The Curse  (hard to obtain, but well worth it). He also directed Carved: The Slit-Mouth Woman. Now Carved (you may recall this piece I wrote about it) is not the best or most frightening J-Horror ever made, or in the top ten, but I usually recommend it to friends as worthy of a watch/rental, and has a few decent scares. Both of those two —Norio in particular—have little blood and gore, and rely instead on atmosphere and that general J-horror creepiness for suspense and terror. The discovery that he directed Grotesque is so wildly incongruous that I’m going to need to look into it ASAP to try to find out what could have gone horribly wrong. Did he lose his damned mind, or what? Hope to find out.

You don’t want to know.

So take it from me—you don’t want to see this. It’s not shocking, just disgusting. It’s not scary, just depressing. There’s no resolution, no character development, no hint of a back story. It doesn’t really end, it just stops. With only three characters, one setting, and next-to-no dialogue, that’s no easy task, even if they were making an effort at any of the above (they’re not). I’d go so far to say it gives J-Horror a bad name. It has better production values than, say, Red Room, and while I don’t recommend Red Room either, at least that torture-porn movie manages to build suspense (the plot’s better, too). Grotesque is less misogynistic than Red Room or the aforementioned Entrails of a Virgin or Guts of an Angel, but only because the man and the woman being tortured get equal amounts of sexual assault and bloody cruelty dealt out to them. OK, clearly I’ve run out of positive things to say about the movie, and I was already flailing around blindly to find any in the first place. Oh!  I know: it is only seventy-three minutes long (but that’s still over 63 minutes too many).

NO no no.

You can easily find another movie that shocking and gruesome that won’t make you want to dive in the shower and scrub every part of your body with detergent. I’d be more than happy to name a few; off the top of my head, try Hong Kong’s 1988 absolutely brutal war atrocity drama Man Behind the Sun (even more nihilistic, but has much more going for it), a really sick Thai horror/thriller flick called 13: Game of Death  AKA 13 Beloved (yup, Netflix has it, but I highly recommend you do not eat while watching past the opening credits-consider your gag reflex officially warned), Jack Ketchum’s Offspring, or if you want something lighter and less emotion-heavy, there’s always the R-rated but absolutely, outrageously gore-soaked Piranha 3D (2010). I’d have a much harder time recommending banned movies that were more disgusting and pointless than Grotesque (oh, I could do it, I’d just have to sit down and apply myself awhile) than I would recommending movies that have been banned at one time or another and are worth sitting through. I love to give  personal recommendations, just aaaaaask away!

Yep, Mrs. Horror Boom… that’s me!

Have a fun, lazy August weekend. I’ll be posting something soon to give you chills to beat the heat —promise! Meanwhile, I cannot recommend the aforementioned  http://www.film-censorship.com (AKA Movie Censorship) enough. Seen an R-Rated movie and wondering how much more gore there is in the Unrated or NC-17 version? They have a huge, multi-national database, so there’s a pretty good chance you can find out there. Furthermore, they don’t just have horror movies on the site, comparisons of Unrated and R-Rated releases of comedies like Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, and the American Pie franchise. They also document their info-packed reports with comparison photos between the two versions – the attention to detail is exceptional. Hours and hours of entertainment —this can be one addictive site!

You REALLY don't want to know.

You REALLY don’t want to know.

*I almost wrote that he shouldn’t be allowed to make movies, but my personal belief is that everyone should be able to make a movie if they want to (as long as no animals are hurt or killed just to make the movie, and that everyone else involved is a consenting adult) but on their own time and money–you know, like a lot of broke independent film-makers with a vision who work their ass off to do because they’re passionate, dedicated, and driven. I also am of the opinion that everyone should be allowed to release their movies, too. However, film-makers like oh, Tom Six–and why not use Uwë Boll again– should own the print but have to raise any sort of distribution funds from scratch, and if they want others to see it, they should be solely responsible for convincing an audience it’s worth sitting through, or for getting funding to release it themselves. There, that’s my manifesto on that subject. I’m not trying to self-righteously preach or convert anyone, just stating my opinion for the record.
**I’m concerned that at some point down the road I’m going to see a group named “Patriotic American Families and Parents Crusading for Censorship: Safe Christian Values and Decency in Media”  with Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, or Rush Limbaugh as the spokesperson, and then my head will just spontaneously fucking explode.

***Should your morbid curiosity get the better of you (happens to the best of us), and you REALLY want more detail, look at the plot keywords page for Grotesque on the IMDB.If it convinces you not to sit through this movie, than hey, you’ve done yourself a favor. Now that I think of it, I’m also a little concerned about whoever lavished such attention to detail on the Plot Keywords page. Bleckkh.

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