Evil Dead: The Abridged Script – Another Horror Flick We Hoped The Editing Room Would Parody!

FIVE YOUNG ADULTS arrive for an isolated trip together. FIVE BILLION REFERENCES to the original “Evil Dead” arrive slightly before them.

JANE LEVY

I’m a heroin addict. I’d be dead due to a previous O.D. if a lucky adrenaline injection hadn’t saved the day. I’m quitting drugs forever.

NOT BRUCE CAMPBELL

I’m your brother, here with your friends to make sure you stay put during withdrawal. Screw hospitals and rehab, this is how to break an addiction!

JANE LEVY

Whatever, David.

SHILOH FERNANDEZ

“David?” That’s my character name? Not Ash? Whew, I was worried I’d have to live up to these impossible standards from fans.

BOOK

Do not say the words “Klaatu Verata Nicto.”

LOU TAYLOR PUCCI

Klaatu Verata NiCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH. Close one!

Outside, the DEMON is AWAKENED!