Think the Teaser For THE EVIL DEAD Re-boot Was Sick? ‘Till You Watch The NEW Full-Length NSFW Red Band Trailer Here, You Ain’t Seen NOTHIN’ Yet! (Disturbing Image Warning)

Hmm, the above image looks familiar…

Screen shot 2013-01-05 at 2.01.51 AM

But THAT’S definitely new…

The EW.com article we very recently re-blogged was an in-depth analysis for THIS nasty, wicked, sick new full-length red band trailer. We’re worried this trailer contains ALL the gore in the movie, because we don’t know how they can top plenty of what is seen here. Shit, we don’t know how they’ll even get away with it. What we meant to do was read the EW.com piece, re-blog it, then watch the trailer at the very end of the piece after writing something enthusiastic yet graceful. What we should have done was follow that plan. What we did instead  was get two pages (tops) into the 12-page EW.com piece, then what little willpower and professionalism we began with suddenly went crashing out through the window all at once, as the only thought barging into our brains screamed ENOUGH WAITING, FUCK THAT! WATCH IT NOW! NOW!  and we did so immediately.

Jesus, dude!

Jesus CHRIST, you guys!

I don’t know how this movie is going to get away with an R-Rating, even this red band trailer had us stunned, wincing, and (rarer yet), momentarily speechless.  Just try watching through to the end without wincing and protectively grabbing your mouth/jaw. We still can’t do it! So put down anything you’re eating or drinking* (even water, who knows, you could do a spit-take) and watch this full-length, gruesome, filthy, WONDERFUL trailer below (in HD) now! We won’t spoil the end… until after the jump.

Screen shot 2013-01-05 at 1.01.00 AM

When the first red band “teaser” trailer (with a little more conversation and a little less action) was released and we posted it in Fall 2012, we made a huge-ass collection of screen caps for a slideshow to post later. Then ADD kicked in (maybe that was about the same time they released the first five minutes and the new opening credits for American Horror Story Asylum) and it didn’t happen.

Screen shot 2013-01-05 at 1.59.51 AM

Oh, did we say grabbing our JAW? We forgot to mention our EYE. Actually, not 100% sure I want to know what the story behind this screen grab from the full-length trailer even IS.

Well, we just started taking screen-shots of this one, so look for a nasty slide show coming up (though probably not before the finale of American Horror Story Asylum at the end of January, that’s pretty time-intensive)

Screen shot 2013-01-05 at 1.57.11 AM

“Okay, I am fucking drawing a line in the sand here, DO NOT READ THAT!”

The Evil Dead  opens in April of 2013!

*Especially if it’s warm and red, you’ll know the footage we mean when you see it.

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