2012 November 06 « HORROR BOOM

Four of us from work got together and went inside the hospital to test our courage. I got separated from the rest of them…
…I think I saw something red… –Anonymous source

I swear, I’ve been sitting through WAY too many J-horror shorts lately to make sure I have enough ‘scariest short horror film of the week’ entries for the next couple of months. At this point, I’ve got almost a dozen stand-out scary ones. Now would be a smart time for me to stop watching the creepiest ones I can find, and quit while I’m ahead!

Right off the bat, this one begins with more of a statement than a warning: The images that follow have reportedly driven many viewers to insanity or suicide. Since it’s a very cleverly put-together found footage ‘mockumentary’, we don’t have to worry about that*, but when you’re watching dozens of these after dark, in a fairly jittery mood (presidential elections do that to me, though this isn’t as bad as 2004) it slows you down just a tad. I wasn’t scared, but it sure as hell got my attention fast. At the very least, they’ve got balls to start with it right out of the gate. BAM!

Spirit photographs are creepy enough (especially if you’ve seen the original Shutter ). When you’re watching “Haunted Hospital” and you get to a card that says THIS:

…and even the tiniest part of your brain speaks up in a polite, cautious voice, asking uh, do you really want to watch this? Unless there’s a warning about animal violence, if I’m watching horror deliberately (which is 99.9% of the time, I don’t watch horror accidentally) this usually never slows me down for a second. Now that’s what makes an impression on us horror fans. Not too shabby!

*though many comments on You Tube from younger (well, I hope they’re younger) viewers of this piece swear it’s real – from reading the comments, they’re not trying to start anything troll-ish , they really seem convinced. Though I suppose if you watch past the part warning that people who have seen these images have gone insane and/or blind, some doubt exists (that or they’re really, really bored and decide to take their chances). If I thought it was real (on really scary short movies, the majority of people on You Tube, including me, scan the comments to make sure we’re not wasting our valuable minutes) from reading comments that repeatedly said so, seeing a message that The images that follow have reportedly driven many viewers to insanity or suicide would make my brain call Whup! Time out. How about you sleep on that and maybe check back in the daytime? Actually, Brain, that’s a good idea. Thanks.

Celebrate Halloween With The Scariest J-Horror Short of the Month – “‪Rattle Rattle” AKA Katakata (カタカタ)‬ (horrorboom.com)
Scariest Horror Short of The Week – “Cleansed” (2008). (horrorboom.com)
Scariest Short Horror Film of the Week, “Mama” is Same Short That Inspired the Scary-Ass Upcoming Movie… (horrorboom.com)
Bonus Scary Short Horror Film of the Week – “Suicide Girl” (horrorboom.com)
Scariest Short Horror Film of the Week – “Spoon” Starring Christa Campbell (horrorboom.com)

Now THAT is what I call a STUMP speech, fright fiends!

I just wish this was longer. I can’t get enough of the Crypt Keeper (or Tales From The Crypt, period), I even have several dolls/action figures of him; you pull a string and get a HACK-y pun, followed by his cackles of laughter. That guy nearly DIES laughing at his own jokes. He just SLAYS me! My husband bought me three, I think, in the mid-90s (whenever it was they were really cranking up the merchandising. I need to DIG THEM UP so I can take photos of them to post here. I had them on a shelf in our bedroom before we moved in 2008 As I recall, I got three because there were different outfits available, one has him looking snazzy in a top hat and tuxedo, and I’m pretty sure the third has him dressed up in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, with a lei around his neck. He might have even been holding a tourist-like camera in one rotting hand. They’re skele-TONS of fun! At the very least, I should TAKE A STAB at showing off my collection, even if I have to really PICK MY BRAIN to remember where they are.

Tales from the Crypt (radio series). I have this on cassette, but not CD. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve got a boxed set of every Tales From The Crypt comic HOOK, a Tales From the Crypt hardbound COFFIN-table book, and a boxed set collecting all the seasons except the final season. They weren’t exactly KILLING THEMSELVES getting out quality episodes that last season – including at least one (“The Mask”) that was way, way gorier and more shocking in the comic than the HBO episode on the show. I almost DIED of boredom and the lost potential drove me BATS! I really wanted HEADS TO ROLL for fucking up the story. Other than that, it’s awesome; if you decide to pick them up, keep your EYEBALLS PEELED for the episode that the Crypt-Keeper even does a KILLER commentary! We simply HOWLED through the whole thing. My husband is so awesome when it comes to gift-giving – now he’s a BETTER HALF to DIE FOR!

I’m totally out of puns, so I should put this piece to bed- a DEATH BED, in fact!* So HEX-ercise your right to vote, kiddies. You’ll be all CHOKED-UP for not casting your ballot if we end up stuck with Mitt ZOMBIE!