Ten Ways To Kill Time Till American Horror Story: Asylum Premieres Tonight at 10:00 PM!

Well, if you’re anything like me, it’s pretty hard not to count down the hours till the Season Premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum  (AKA American Horror Story Season Two – Season One was self-contained)* tonight –that’s Wednesday, October 17th –on FX!  Let’s see, as of this writing, that’s… OK… about sixteen hours from now! The “countdown” clock I set with my Word Press widget doesn’t count down the hours in a timely manner, but at least it has the day right.  Also, if you’re anything like me, you’ve read everything you could find and watched everything you could. I’ll try to vary my suggestions so at least SOMETHING on this list is new for you, to make the time pass faster.


1. Watch the First Five Minutes (including new credit sequence) – embedded in this earlier post here.

2.  Did you see Season One? Do you have any idea of how twisted– and fun– American Horror Story can get? Here’s a suggestion:  stay semi-spoiler-free and just look into the back story of one Dr. Charles Montgomery (and his wife Nora, though his story alone shows the most freaky showmanship), who actually built the “Murder House” for his family in 1922 with the money he made being a ‘surgeon to the stars’. It didn’t take long for tragedy on a shocking level and for horrible event to pile upon even more horrible event, until the final reveal knocked it out of the fucking park for we horror fans.  I remember going insane every week, because it took quite a few episodes until you found out the complete back story of the doctor and his heartbroken wife. In fact, all the pieces didn’t fit into place 100% (back-story-wise) until the penultimate episode (and his last appearance on the show) “Birth”.  I would figure his story was over, then just when I thought the surprises were done with, the role he played in the notorious, unsolved, haunting real-life case The Black Dahlia was revealed. The doctor and his wife produced an offspring that was… well… read the well-written, comprehensive summary of the whole Montgomery family on the American Horror Story Wikia here.  Note: if you plan on watching Season One, but haven’t yet, and want to go into that season 100% clean, skip this! If you’re worried that American Horror Story is too fun sick, twisted, and shocking for you, this should steer you in the right (or wrong) direction.

“Have you made an appointment for a procedure?”

3. If you haven’t yet, click here to take the unsettling admittance test to see if you qualify to be admitted to Briarcliff Hospital on this site that FX put together. Hint: there are no answers you can give to avoid being committed. This was actually part of a contest FX ran for the show; FX partnered with GMR Marketing, an agency that specializes in “experiential” marketing (more on that later).  I ended up deciding I was too much of a pussy to go through with the contest–I’m pretty sure if I really got creative and applied myself, I had a decent shot. The “exam” is still there, though.  It shouldn’t take you long (and will give you a different psychiatric diagnosis almost every time – I think I went six times. OK, seven counting tonight. This time it was Diagnosis: Acute Existential Disorder With Undifferentiated Dyssomnia. What… the.. fuu–

Uhhhh… Yeah, I decided not to take this test after all, so I’ll be going–hey, why are all the doors locked? Help! HEY!

4.  Read my post (not as spoiler-ish for Season One) of  Twenty of the Best Quotes From American Horror Story Season One.  I’m pretty sure it’ll do the trick!

5. Watch the below video where a patient viewer edited together every single one of those creepy-ass teasers for this season– there’s about twenty, maybe more–after they finally ran the final one (including the longer trailers).  That’ll kill five minutes, and you’ll see a couple that they didn’t show on TV because the were too extreme. I remember kicking back with my husband, watching Louie calmly, and the one with the “raspers” rushing through the trees making my heart rate skyrocket. I remember starting to say, “I think this might be a new promo for– fuck! 

6. Couldn’t really see much during the opening credits for American Horror Story: Asylum (not that they aren’t scary as shit either way)? I put together this slideshow (for which I do NOT claim any ownership or copyright for, this is just for entertainment)that consists  of over 100 of the most disturbing new title credits images/stills in this recent post – check it out here!

Bloody Face, I presume?

7. There’s a PDF document that looks to be for press (though said to be for fans). Either way, it’s TOTALLY worth a download and is packed with information to read. It’s titled “Fan Guide “and you can find it here on the official site under “Downloads”

8.  Read my piece “10 Reasons We’re So Psyched** for American Horror Story” via this link –  I’m pretty sure you’re sold on it already, but if not? This should do the trick!

9. There’s a recent promo that’s closer to a trailer, this time. You can watch an extended, blood-curdling version of  the trailer titled “Atheist” below!

10. I suggest checking out the official American Horror Story: Asylum You Tube channel.  It has the longest “behind the scenes” selection of “Inside the Asylum” footage.  See it below…

So, those are my suggestions. The only thing left to do is buckle up, because when this roller coaster that is American Horror Story jumps the tracks, you’re in for a hell of a ride!


*Which pissed a lot of people off.

** See what I did there? Oh how very clever of me.

Check out Horror Artist Joshua Hoffine’s Making JACK THE RIPPER!

Hell, just check out Joshua Hoffine, for starters. His still photography is some of the most creative– and downright nightmarish– imagery I’ve ever seen outside of a horror movie. I’ve been following Joshua Hoffine since an article in Fangoria a few years back did a feature on his art that just fucking blew me away. I’ve been keeping tabs on his work through his website on a regular basis ever since. His new projects never cease to amaze and frighten me; JACK THE RIPPER is no exception. I’ll be sure to share more content from his blog and site with you.  While I admire his entire portfolio, I especially enjoy his pieces that draw inspiration from childhood nightmares (the monsters waiting under your bed, in the dark space of a closet or under the basement stairs), or urban legends (the maniac escaped from a mental institution who just so happens to be hiding in your house …and has almost made his way to grabbing range of you).

Don’t miss it …but at the same time, remember much of what you see will be burned into the inside of your eyelids for years!

-Mrs. Horror Boom

Joshua Hoffine | Behind The Scenes

This is my new photo project titled JACK THE RIPPER.

It is a 2-panel diptych.

Put together, JACK THE RIPPER 1 & 2 depict the moments “just before” and “just after” a grisly alleyway murder.

What makes Jack the Ripper so compelling is that nothing is factually known about him.  Because he was never caught, we have no information about who he was or why he committed his gruesome crimes.  We do not possess a historical or biographical portrait, but instead share a communally imagined idea of Jack the Ripper as an aristocratic predator.  As a boogeyman, he graphically symbolizes the idea of the wealthy preying on the poor.

For the brick alleyway, I decided to build a set.  The walls were made from large sheets of styrofoam that I carved and sculpted to look like brick using a hot-knife and heat gun.

My cousins Steve Hoffine and Jerry Hoffine…

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