Put Zombies Back – Very Entertaining “Drop DISH” Campaign

I was getting a little tired of seeing the “not available on Dish” subtitle before every episode or promotional clip for Breaking Bad. I guess some kind of good karma came around from my frustration, and THIS awesome spot (with some of the best gore/zombie make-up I’ve ever seen, I’m guessing Nicotero-Berger had a hand somewhere) lunged into frame. Check it out! Things have gotten very interesting (and creative).

If my cable provider tried to get between me and the new season of Breaking Bad, I’d be doing some serious biting myself.  Here’s a link to the Put Zombies Back website. It’s nice to get both sides of the story. Fuck it, I’m on AMC’s side after reading about it!  Also, could I just point out that squirrel in the video has some serious balls?

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Name That Frame! New Horror Boom Game

Soooo, I’ve been toying with this idea a while, and it’s time to get off my ass and start.  The title should be self-explanatory, but here are the details:

  • Every week (I’ll let you know if it ends up being on a specific day of the week consistently) I’ll post three stills/shots/frames —OK, you get the idea— from a horror genre movie.
  • If you can guess (via the comments section) what horror movie/TV show the pics are from corrects, I’ll put your name in a drawing for a free DVD.
  • I’ll do the drawing once a month, or after 4 weeks of Name That Horror Frame. If no-one guesses anything correctly (or if no-one even tries) I’ll just keep plugging away till someone gets them correctly. I have a HUGE supply of stills, no shortage there.
  • By “a free DVD” I mean one of a group of at least ten I have that I’d just like to pass on to another horror fan.  All I ask is you pay postage. I do NOT overcharge on postage, I’ll send it the cheapest way I can, or if you want it faster, tell me and I’ll adjust the shipping accordingly.
  • There’s no DVDs in there that I want to get rid of because they’re completely shitty and boring. A few I have set aside for the pile of DVDs are: Xavier GensThe Divide, and the director’s (downbeat) cut of The Descent.   I have to look and see what else I have around that I have duplicate copies of; it’s not that rare that I get so excited about a movie I accidentally buy it twice. Hostel 3 and Cabin Fever 2 are also in the mix.

Sound interesting? Let’s at least give it a shot. Below are the horror frames to name (which by the way I do not own the rights to, the people who made the movies do) for the week starting Sunday, July 29th. If you’re not sure and just want to toss out a guess if it looks familiar, nothing wrong with that.
I’ll be watching the comments…

#1?

Second frame…

#3?

If you’re not sure and just want to toss out a guess if it looks familiar, nothing wrong with that.
I’ll be watching the comments… Happy Monday!

Chills to Beat Summer Heat – Shutter (2004) Gallery

I’ve accidentally discovered a way to temporarily beat the summer heat – using horror media to send cold chills up and down our spines.

A sequence  took place in a scalding-hot steam oven, still didn’t feel warm in the room to me at all, though; I’ll take a wild guess that it was the horror, shock, and intensity of the of the scene that cooled me down.  Oh, and the scene was also probably the reason I couldn’t fall asleep till the sun was up; that entire movie [Frontier/s] is deeply and brutally unsettling, and the second half of the movie steps it up higher.

So! In early July I watched survival drama The Grey, starring Liam Neeson. It was after dark and the temperature was in the mid-80s; we had the ceiling fan going and a large standing fan aimed at us, but I still didn’t feel like having a single sheet over me. Even though our two cats love rolling around in the sunshine so much it seems to make them higher than a healthy dose of catnip, they lay around on the floor, chins resting on their paws, looking  simultaneously content and deflated. About an hour into the movie, I noticed that at some point between the opening credits and then I’d pulled the sheet up around me. In this case, it wasn’t the fear the movie produced (not that the movie isn’t scary, it’s fucking terrifying, that’s just not my point) but the fact the movie took place in sub-zero temperatures as the men trudged through the merciless snowstorm and struggled not to freeze to death or be eaten alive by wolves. It was a testament to the film-making that the Jack London-esque freezing conditions the characters were fighting through felt so real and pervasive that the temperature in the room had seemed to drop down to normal.

Well, surprise; turns out you don’t need to have the movie take place in Alaska to get this effect.  When I recently re-watched Frontier(s), halfway through the movie the uncomfortable warm temperature didn’t really bother me. One of the scenes involved a character who makes the fatal mistake of hiding from his attackers in a giant steam-oven, an attacker sees this and bolts the door, turns the steam on full blast, and the poor character is scalded my the steam and until the flesh starts melting off of him, then when the attacker FINALLY opens the door (after what seems like four blood-curdling hours later), he falls out and tries to crawl away, steaming and barely looking human. His eyes and hair and most of his nose are gone. A sequence that took place in a scalding-hot steam oven, still didn’t feel warm in the room to me at all, though; it was the horror , shock, and intensity of the of the scene that cooled me down.  Oh, and the scene was also probably the reason I couldn’t fall asleep till the sun was up; that entire movie is deeply and brutally unsettling.

Since Frontier(s) is pretty extreme and only for those with strong stomachs, though, I found some other ways to possibly cause cold chills. I’ll try* to get ten of them up before Labor Day.  So maybe you can check these out and possibly even feel like cranking the air-conditioning down a bit. It won’t raise your electric bill. You may want to grab something cool to drink; I noticed I went through a bit more water than usual. Not so much because I was hot, but because my mouth suddenly went a little dry.

Oh, you’re going to be seeing a doctor, Ton…

First up? Part one of a two-part gallery from the Thai movie Shutter (I took an insane amount of photos… all creepy). Well, if I can’t fix this glitch in the “Gallery” editor, maybe it’ll be one REALLY gigantic gallery–in which case part 2 may not be needed.

Oh, and I couldn’t add captions to show up under the thumbnails in a way that didn’t look clumsy, so if you go through the little slideshow, I added any captions, etc down near the lower left under “comments”. Preferably I’ll split it up, however, because over 100 photos is kind of a lot to page through in one sitting,  no matter how cool they are. Anyway, this gallery may make you colder if you’ve seen the movie.  Then again, it’s pretty hard not to get slightly freaked out by the images in Shutter to some degree… these guys know exactly how to scare the shit out of you. Trust me.

Look out below…

*notice I say “try to” as opposed to “will achieve”…

Red Band Trailer of the Week – [REC] 3: Genesis!

First, a fast heads-up. If you haven’t seen [REC] or [REC] 2, and plan to, this post could contain some spoilers. If you plan to see them, now would be an excellent time. Just don’t count on getting a full night’s sleep, and there’s a chance what sleep you did get won’t be free of nightmares!

 [REC] is an outbreak movie, not a zombie movie.  Just because the non-human attackers LOOK horrifying, very hungry, and suddenly come running up at you  (which should be a hint right there …. If you’re a fellow devoted Romero fan,  I’m positive I’m preaching to the converted on that note),  try to bite you, and if the infection is passed that way, DOES NOT MAKE THEM A GODDAMNED ZOMBIE! Okay, I’ll stop shouting.

Well, this one is great for many reasons. It’s another [REC] movie, but it’s not really a sequel; it takes place around the same time of the events in the first movie (someone at the wedding shows up with a dog bite that will sound familiar). I’ve even heard some of the film-makers call it a prequel (hence the ‘genesis’ added to the title, I presume). It’s definitely different–mostly in style– from the first two entries; the first half is shown as cut-together ‘found footage’ (via all the wedding professionals hired to make the wedding video, and possible some footage from other guests) and the second half does a totally new style for the series— regular shooting, non-documentary style. I’ve heard from those who’ve been lucky enough to see it early on that it’s still scary as hell, but has a more festive tone, with an over-the-top Dead-Alive vibe. DONE and DONE!  They had me at [REC] 3, so this is icing on the blood-soaked wedding cake. Check out the latest HD Red Band trailer below—it contains a lot of new footage AND gore!

Here’s the official English-language summary: A couple’s wedding day turns into a horrific events as some of the guests start showing signs of a strange illness. The action now takes place miles away from the original location and partly in broad daylight, giving the film an entirely fresh yet disturbing new reality. The infection has left the building. In a clever twist that draws together the plots of the first two movies, this third part of the saga also works as a decoder to uncover information hidden in the first two films and leaves the door open for the final installment, the future ‘[REC] 4 Apocalypse.’

I have absolute trust in Paco Plaza at this point.  I’d read that both the writing and directing were split between Paco Plaza  and Luiso Berdejo …now where did I read that again? Oh, yeah–on the tagline listed on the IMBD! Tagline: Two radically different films from Paco Plaza and Jaume Balagueró.  That’s catchy. I have to look into this more, since I’ve read different “intel” on the Spanish site. Also, the IMDB lists Plaza as the sole director, and only shows the writing credits split. I’ve also seen the tagline The Infection Has Left the Building, which definitely has more flair than the first one.

Well, at least she and Pablo got some pretty impressive footage.

Here’s some more shiny [REC] 3 goodies for you. If you’re anything like me and have basically been stalking the movie online for the past six months or more, as soon as it became official and there was a teaser trailer, you may have seen most of them. Or, you may be a big [REC] fan and heard about the new movie, said, hey, that’s really cool! and then patiently looked forward to the release of the movie in a rational manner (unlike very impatient me) and just seen the occasional news item when it comes up, then you’ve got some fun stuff to check out in preparation for the movie’s release date on August 3, 2012 On Demand and DTV, and September for theatrical release.  I assume the theatrical release is limited; either way, no way in HELL will I able to wait. I’ll probably be looking for it Thursday (after midnight, so I guess VERY early Friday) On Demand.

Here’s a very short clip that’s also very bloody. Oh, it’s in Spanish, but it’s not a really dialogue-heavy scene…

Wondering whether la Niña Medieros, AKA the Medieros Girl, AKA the Attic Monster, makes an appearance in this movie? Looks like we’re in luck (and good news: yes, Javier Botet, the original actor from the first and second installments, is playing her/it – so it will be creepy).  You can find out how in this possibly spoiler-ish clip. Well, it might not be TOO spoiler-y if you don’t speak Spanish. I thought it was a clever, believable way to make sure we fans got to see her/its return. I also love that Mr. Botet appears to have gotten third billing, right after the two leads playing Clara and Koldo, the very, very unlucky bride and groom. As you can see, I do not own the copyright to this clip (courtesy of fanaticosderec.blogspot.com).

Before I forget: speaking of spoilers*, avoid the Wikipedia page for the film, which gives a complete plot summary from start to finish. I didn’t even realize till I was halfway through that it WAS a complete synopsis rather than an elaborately detailed description to set up the plot.  You may just want to stick to the links I give you, but obviously, it’s your judgement call. I went into both movies knowing VERY little other than the set-up (especially [REC] 2, which I’d only seen a brief teaser trailer for before I watched it) and it turned out to be the right call.  I sure as hell didn’t want to know everything that happened from start to finish (though I knew it wouldn’t end well; real found-footage horror films end up with every one of the characters dying, or very clearly totally fucked). I got some big surprises and even bigger jumps along the way.

Angela, I’m afraid I have some VERY bad news for you and Pablo…

Here’s another bit of advice: ignore any review or comment from someone referring to the infected as zombies. The series is an outbreak movie, not a zombie movie.  Just because the non-human attackers LOOK horrifying and come running at you looking hungry (which should be a hint right there …I’ve seen exactly one movie that used sprinting zombies that enhanced the movie,  rather than hurt the movie. If you’re a fellow devoted Romero fan,  I’m positive I’m preaching to the converted on that note) and try to bite you, and if the infection is passed that way, DOES NOT MAKE THEM A GODDAMNED**  ZOMBIE! Okay, I’ll stop shouting.  It’s established in the first 15 minutes of [REC]2 that it is not a zombie virus, but a contagious demonic possession. Well, a lot of people filled in the blanks and figured that out during the finale of [REC], but I was too busy being scared shitless of the attic monster to pick up on what most people (who unlike me, weren’t so completely terrified that they couldn’t think straight) probably figured out from the newspaper articles and the recording Angela and her one remaining camera-man found that the threat was supernatural.

Concept art for The Medeiros Girl, AKA The Attic Monster, AKA That Thing That Shows Up For a Guest Appearance in My Nightmares An Average of Twice a Year or So

I will be adding more [REC] (and of course, REC 2 and REC 3: Genesis) links, pics, and other cool shit to this post later. I only got what I’ve written so far in one post because I had the brilliant idea of popping in my new copy of the DVD that came in the mail today of Frontier(s) around 1:00 AM, which made me very un-sleepy. In the meantime, though, I have good news and (possible) bad news. While stalking [REC]3 online, I stumbled upon an amazingly detailed, cool, fun [REC] series fan site. Bad news is it’s in Spanish, but don’t  let that stop you. I just said the hell with it and used a free online Spanish-to-English translator to translate chunks that I’d cut and pasted. It’s packed with information and photos and clips. If you’re a fan of the series, check it out now!

See anyone familiar in that mirror?

* and don’t even get me started on the stupid promo for the weak U.S. remake, Quarantine, which shows THE VERY LAST SHOT OF THE MOVIE ON THE POSTER. Even if you didn’t see the TV spots or trailers, that show the moment for the ubiquitous tag–on jump after the very end, you’d walk by the posters on your way in to the theater at some point. Really? Really? Not just the final shot, but one of the biggest jumps? Are you fucking kidding me? Would you show a shot of… OK, sorry, I said I wasn’t going to get started on the promo. Actually, don’t even get me started on the very unnecessary Quarantine in the first place. The sequel to Quarantine is acceptable, because they more or less start from scratch on the mythology (including ditching the found-footage format altogether) and it’s self-contained, and even has a few memorable moments. OK, rant over… for now…

**though the victims of the outbreak in the [REC] series are literally damned by God.

Carrie White Burns in Hell and other Classic Horror Jumps (Vote for Your Favorite)

Sometimes I get the brilliant idea (based on absolutely no evidence whatsoever) that if I remember the [jump] scene in vivid detail, I’ll sort of deconstruct it and it’ll lose some of the scare value. Well, 99% of the time, I turn out more freaked out then before…

We’re talking BIG jumps. You know, the kind you either block out after you see the movie because your brain is trying to protect itself from you hitting your head on the ceiling more than once, or, more likely, the kind how may have seen decades ago and will forever be entrenched in your central nervous system. With some jumps, especially those below, I started feeling panick-y just remembering the scene –mainly because I can completely recall the first time I ever saw it in the theater OR my home–and the feeling of my heart skipping a beat …or two. Some are still as fresh in my mind as if I saw them days, not years, ago.

“Slow ahead.” I can go slow ahead. Come on down here and chum some of this shit.

Only halfway through jotting them down, I realized I had well over a dozen and decided to split it into “classic jumps” (during the 70s and 80s) and “contemporary jumps.” I have trivia to add on almost every single one. Some of it, you’re probably aware of, but maybe one or two will be news to you. Sometimes I get the brilliant idea (based on absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support my theory) that if I remember the scene in vivid detail, I’ll sort of deconstruct it and it’ll lose some of the scare value. Well, 99% of the time, I turn out more freaked out then before. Every time I try it, I know it will almost certainly backfire on me, so I learned to do it a little less now… most of the time. I doubt I’ll ever completely learn my lesson.

Okay… there’s nothing out there on the wing of the plane… I’m seeing things… I’ll just gather my nerve and slide the shade up to double-cheEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

You can put your own answer down if you don’t see your most memorable jump here, but there’s a pretty fair chance it’ll show up in the next poll in the series (or, just comment away). Since the poll lists ten moments (and one of them is a two-fer) I allowed up to four repeat votes, in case you couldn’t pick just one.  I think I know which one will be the most popular –but hey, I could be wrong.  Let’s find out together, shall we?

Vote away! Even if you’ve only seen one or two of the movies, it’ll come to you which one made you jump highest, I can promise you that…

It’s a GOOD LifEEEEEEEAAAGH!!!!

*Writing this post at 4:00 AM was a terrible goddamn idea!

Final Trailer in “Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake” #10 – The Exorcist (1973)

My drawn-out list of Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake has come to a close–until Ten More Trailers to Keep You Awake, of course (think there’s only ten out there)?  I saved the best for last. Seriously, if you’re feeling jumpy and need to wind down to fall asleep because you have to get some rest …well, it might not be good timing to watch this. Perhaps wait till daylight, or when you’ve got work to do and feel yourself nodding off, and you’re out of coffee, would be a more practical time.

This is actively frightening and STRONGLY reminded me of why The Exorcist usually holds the top spot on many, many “Scariest Movies Ever Made” lists, and not just fan lists, but all kinds of print media around the globe. I have yet to see one complaint or someone taking issue with this ranking.

Not that the other nine trailers weren’t scary as hell, but the Exorcist was in the ten-item list for quite some time. I didn’t save it for last as part of some complex thoughtful advance plan; instead, every time I’d think yeah, need to put up the Exorcist trailer and finish the list already, my pulse would speed up. And just fucking forget posting it after dark when I’m the only one in the house still awake. So at 3AM, I got the bright idea to go find the specific version of the trailer I wanted, got the shit scared of out me when running it to ensure I had the right one (and I turned the “mute” on ten seconds in, too), then figured  since it was too late to turn back on the whole racing pulse-causing-insomnia thing, I’d finish what I started.

The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of …oh fuck it.

Before they re-released the movie in theaters in, I believe, 2000-2001, restored and re-mastered. they sold a special edition, which I ended up buying to see the notorious spider-walk scene that was cut. Middle of the day, sun out, hopped on my stair climber for my early workout while I watched (as was my routine at the time). Oh, the special features start with several original trailers? Awesome! Batter up! First thing I see is the below trailer. Huh, the 1973 TV spot, wonder how good th–

Then after my hand stopped shaking enough to work the remote to dial down the volume a little, I get…

Oh, by the way, that reminds me. After it was way too late, I discovered a fun fact: This last trailer above is rare due to the fact that was pulled from theaters out of concern that it would be too frightening for audiences (I fucking agree). Well well!  Isn’t that funny? Oh,  I totally understand; just maybe a little heads-up for those of us watching at home would have been nice, though.

Often imitated –NEVER equalled.

I have a TON of Exorcist content (some of it hard to find online), but I’ll try to keep from taking a sleep-aid by not sharing that in this post. Here’s what someone called an “Exorcist Trailer”, but it turned out to be a (well-crafted) fan-made montage containing 90% of the most horrifying scenes. If you haven’t seen the movie, and plan to, I advise you to skip it, too spoiler-y. If you don’t want to see the, say, the bloody crucifix scene (which still makes me wince every time; I think the Foley artists made it twice as brutal) or a line that sounds like but is not “your mother sews socks that smell”, or are easily offended, REALLY skip it. Now that the spoiler warnings are out of the way,  this should do the trick if you’re still sleepy. This is actively frightening and STRONGLY reminded me of why The Exorcist usually holds the top spot on many, many “Scariest Movies Ever Made” lists, and not just fan lists, but all kinds of print media around the globe. I have yet to see one complaint or someone taking issue with this ranking.

OK! That about does it for me watching anything else related to The Exorcist for tonight! Or any night for about a week after dark! Meanwhile, as a kind of palate-cleanser, here’s the hilarious pre-credits Exorcist parody from Scary Movie 2. Also very, very R-Rated, but it always makes me laugh when I get a little freaked out. Enjoy!

Wonder if James Woods knew the cameras were rolling from between 1.20 and 1.50? Heh. Hope that last clip brightened up your Monday a little! To be continued…

Well lissen, I gotta get going here…

Horror Short Film of the Month – T is for Temptation (NON-Claymation)

Remember that “ABC’s of Death Competition” I raved about in a previous post? This was an official submission, and probably the one I’d have voted on if I’d discovered the contest in time. I realize I already posted Best Claymation short film of the month, but this one’s live action. It’s flawless and very impressive. I think it’d probably get away with a PG-13 rating –or be very close–in terms of content. Also, doesn’t quite go in the direction you think it will, and I’m usually pretty dead-on (too dead-on for my own good, when my brain ruins plot-twists and reveals and spoils it for myself) at second-guessing plots in any horror content. I also hope it gets the attention it deserves. It was obviously created with care and concern and craftsmanship, and it all comes together perfectly.

…a fine work of film-making that REALLY knows what horror fan audiences want: story, scares, and some gore. A horror film can be pretty good when it contains 2 of the above (for example: good story, good scares, I can live w/the barest amount of gore possible).

I gave it a 10/10 on the IMDB page for the short film (which was written and directed by Michael Foulke, and trust me, he knows what he’s doing. Here’s the official plot description:

An ambitious, cookie selling girl scout who won’t take no for an answer may have bitten off more than she can chew when she knocks on the door of a serial killer.

The writer/director was even cool enough to send me a message when I raved over it and gave it positive feedback (after it blew me away) on the YouTube listing. Here’s how it went:

Me:  love it! Not sure where you found that actress, but she NAILED it. I’ve been on a binge of watching these “T” contest entries (unfortunately, discovered it after voting closed) since I found the movie’s site last night, and yours really stands out. Will feature it on my blog. Guess I’ll have to tell people who are too scared to watch it that it has a happy ending…

mfoul2422: Thank you so much for the kind words! I would definitely appreciate you featuring the film on your blog and I’m so glad you enjoyed the film. I found the young actress Ashley when she auditioned for one of my earlier shorts. Even though I ended up going with another little girl, I remembered Ashley and when this came up I gave her a call and asked her to come in for it. I thought she would be great for it and she was. Thanks for watching and posting it on your blog. It really means a lot!

So, a cool horror short with story, scares, and a little gore, plus a really cool director who’s clearly a horror fan himself? This deserves a look, and it’s less than five minutes (plus, I put up the HD version). It’s still got the top ranking on my list  (an official actual list is coming in a post soon) for the “T” entries in the competition entries.  Check it out!

Trailer of the Day- Grabbers (2012)

 

Grabbers apparently opens in the US on August 10th. Just the plot synopsis from the movie makers (though they already had me at “Irish Creature Feature”) sounds awesome:

Short Version: When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive. Starring Richard Coyle, Ruth Bradley and Russell Tovey. Directed by Jon Wright and written by Kevin Lehane.

Longer Version (from the official site):

Ciarán O’Shea, the handsome though washed up policeman of sleepy Erin Island, has a daily routine consisting mainly of hanging out at the pub with the local drunks and various other charmingly eccentric characters. But his day is about to go horribly wrong.

Teamed up with the unwanted help of Lisa – an uptight workaholic policewoman from the Irish mainland – they suddenly find themselves dealing with dead whales, decapitated fishermen and weird alien creatures or “grabbers”. Like a giant squid with tentacles, fanged jaws and a three-foot barbed tongue, they’re making mincemeat of the locals.

Faced with another imminent attack, O’Shea and Lisa figure out that the only person to survive the last onslaught only did so because he was so drunk his blood was literally toxic to the monsters. So there is only one thing for it: They have to get the entire village as drunk as possible in order to survive the night … a task that the villagers apply themselves to with gusto.

But one person must remain sober so for the first time in years O’Shea has to face up to things without a drink. When things don’t go to plan, an extremely drunk Lisa and a very sober O’Shea have to reconcile their differences and somehow save the day.

That sound like fun? It sure as hell does to me! Here’s the trailer, check it out…

And a clip that was recently released; ir looks pretty promising:

So far, all the buzz is good. The movie has won numerous “Audience Awards” at various competions.  As of now, there’s no official website, but a Twitter page has been created for all the latest news: https://twitter.com/GrabbersMovie . This one looks fun!

 

Heads Up!

Final Destination Fever!

I’ve always been a fan of the Final Destination series. Sure, FD4– which had the nerve to call itself THE Final Destination (without caps, but still) –was the weakest of the series. Short on scares, had pacing problems (uneven), I really didn’t care what happened to the characters (with the exception of the black security guard, at least they gave him a back-story and Mykelti Williamson made him likeable). Not only do they not try very hard to get us to care, but some of them–even the ones who were key because they escaped the disaster so they could get taken later by the Grim Reaper in some outrageous and/or creative set-piece (which, let’s face it, is what fans remember and usually see the movies in the series for) didn’t even get names, instead four survivors that get their classic FD ‘hand of death’ treatment are simply listed in the credits as “MILF”, “Mechanic”, “Racist” (OK, I can forgive that one),  and “Cowboy”.

Some characters don’t see it coming, and are in fact of the middle of a sentence when BOOM, out of nowhere, they’re decapitated or hit by a large vehicle, killing them instantly (but scaring the shit out of any other characters present at the time).

The leads don’t even have last names, so there’s no shout-outs to anyone in the genre. Furthermore, Tony Todd isn’t in it, and yeah, he was providing voice talent for Transformers at the time, but he had scheduling conflicts with FD3 and they still figured out a fairly easy and clever way to include him as the voice to set the mood and intimidate amusement part patrons fir The Devil’s Ride (“world’s scariest roller coaster”, think I’ll take a pass).  I will give it credit for buckets of gore (in 3D, which they take full use of from the first frame to the last) and a decent story. The two most rotten pricks in the survivor’s group get the worst deaths in the movie.

Which segues nicely into a poll I made up after a recent 2-day FD marathon (which also led me to tons of content when I write about the series again and again). Some characters don’t see it coming, and are in fact of the middle of a sentence when BOOM, out of nowhere, they’re decapitated or hit by a large vehicle, killing them instantly (but scaring the shit out of any other characters present at the time). What’s the least desirable death in the series? Which of these makes getting quickly crushed by a random heavy object sound like a cold beer on a hot summer day?

Remember, you can write your own answer… though I’m pretty sure I got all the really nasty ones. More content coming up!

*”…and you don’t even want to think about fucking with that mac daddy.” -Tony Todd as Mr. Bludworth in the original film.

Claymation Horror Short of the Month – Lee Hardcastle’s T is for Toilet

Wait wait whoa whoa whoa! Give me a chance to explain.

A little over 24 hours ago I discovered a movie that’ll be released in October from Magnet Releasing, called The ABCs of Death. Hold up, is that as sick as I think it sounds? Why YES. I read the description from the  twisted but very entertaining, and even addictive, official site for the movie…

FROM THE DIRECTORS OF
HOUSE OF THE DEVIL
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN
A SERBIAN FILM
TOKYO GORE POLICE
YOU’RE NEXT & Many More
COMES THE GENRE EVENT OF 2012

Twenty-six directors. Twenty-six ways to die. The ABC’s OF DEATH is perhaps the most ambitious anthology film ever conceived with productions spanning fifteen countries and featuring segments directed by over two dozen of the world’s leading talents in contemporary genre film. Inspired by children’s educational books, the motion picture is composed of twenty-six individual chapters, each helmed by a different director assigned a letter of the alphabet. The directors were then given free rein in choosing a word to create a story involving death.

Provocative, shocking, funny and ultimately confrontational, THE ABC’s OF DEATH is the definitive vision of modern horror diversity. Drafthouse Films, Magnet Pictures and Timpson Films are proud to present this alphabetical arsenal of destruction orchestrated by what Fangoria calls “a stunning roll call of some of the most exciting names in horror across the world.” 

They are not fucking around, trust me. The trailer alone was the goriest trailer I’ve seen in over a year. Maybe more, I’ll add it at the end of this post, so you have plenty of warning NOT to watch it if you’re eating something, are easily offended, and can’t stand violent trailers. Even  I was saying, out loud, ” Jesus fucking Christ!!”  at higher than normal volume for when my husband is trying to get some sleep next to me. I’m surprised my husband slept through my reaction.

Don’t take the adjective ‘disturbing’ lightly! Oh, and  several YouTube comments strongly advised “Do not watch if you’re high“. I didn’t feel the slightest urge to test this theory out, but I’m still 100%  sure it’s great advice. This is hands down the goriest claymation short I’ve ever seen…

So there’s that. Then I read about their contest for the letter “T”. It was an open call for short horror films lasting less than five minutes, the prize being the short getting to be included in this fucked-up anthology, with plenty of cool directors attached –the winner would be the 26th director. I am really sorry I missed voting on there, even the entries that I thought would be more appropriately titled, “T is for Torture Porn” had good production values, good effects, and it was clear that the directors took pains to craft the best short film they could. I have a dozen or so more entries I’m either going to post or include in a playlist on You Tube. There are a few ones less worth your while than other ones; I’ll try to limit my playlist to the ten best, entertaining, most effective ones  (okay, maybe twenty, but no more), not necessarily all of them. If by some miracle I can exercise enough self-control to keep it down to ten, I’ll post ’em here for you to watch.

I also watched maybe… pffffft …15-20 entries in a row, which did not have a beneficial effect on my sleep cycle. I had nightmares not about any of the images in the movie, or the movie itself, and I can only half-remember said nightmares. You may be familiar with those. I do remember it was one of those dreams that was so stressful and/or wretched that I made a deliberate, and successful effort to say, OK, this is horrible, I think I’ll wake up now. Even going without enough sleep I can live with, since it’s better than this God-awful dream. Unless you need to stay awake and can’t find coffee, I recommend NOT watching ten of the contest entries in a row after dark.

You Tube description : Very disturbing, not for children. Humorously creepy clay-mation horror that tells the story of a little boy who is a bit uncomfortable about using the toilet.

Don’t take that disturbing part too lightly! Oh, and “Do not watch if you’re high,” several YouTube comments advised. I didn’t feel the slightest urge to test this theory out, but I’m pretty sure it’s great advice. This is the goriest claymation short I have ever seen. Even though there were DOZENS of entries, at least half of them out-standing,  the below short is the one than won the contest call to be included in the movie. I assume the claymation gave them an angle–as well as it should, since it probably took a long, looong time and hard work to create, then execute the concept. I’ll share some of the finest coming up.

OK, you have NOW BEEN WARNED! Plus if this is too gruesome for you, DEFINITELY don’t watch the seriously Red Band gore-fest trailer that I’ll post last.

Nasty little twist at the end, too, that really nails it shut!

Here’s the goriest trailer I’ve seen in years. I think the last real jaw-dropper was a trailer for “Summer Massacre,” but I’m not 100% sure that’s an actual feature film that has now been completed. Again, don’t say I didn’t warn you! BEWARE …unless you’re a gore fan, or curious. VERY NSFW!

Well, I warned you! More shorts from the contest entries coming soon!