Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake #6 – Carved AKA The Kuchisake Onna 口裂け女 (AKA Slit Mouth Woman)

Oh, I’m going to be writing about Japanese urban legends later, believe me (along with more really creepy multi-media).

Would you like to know more about this creepy image, and find out the even creepier back-story? Then READ ON for The Kuchisake Onna 口裂け女 Aka Slit Mouth Woman

Would you like to know more about this creepy image, and find out the even creepier back-story? Then READ ON for The Kuchisake Onna 口裂け女 Aka Slit Mouth Woman

Let me back up a little. Urban legends scare the hell out of me, period, and that’s just the ones from the US.  I accidentally discovered in 2008, via the wonder of You Tube, Japan has some real showstoppers, too.  I’m a SME (subject matter expert) in several fields, a skill I kind of accidentally discovered through my passion for certain subjects. I’m pretty sure that all of them I can confidently claim are pop-culture-related. I don’t know how to drive a clutch, and it would probably take a very, very patient person to get me up to speed. I can’t even describe the difference between clutch and automatic (though I’m pretty sure there’s an extra pedal on the floor). However, I can answer almost any question about Elvis Presley’s life, music or personal. Ann-Margret, the same. My SME list has a few more (non-horror related) subjects that I actually even was paid or compensated in some way to give information on. Recently, I’m proud to say I recently caught a (rare) error Mad Men made during an episode.*

I’m an official subject matter expert on urban legends, but when I discovered this trailer, I realized there was a whole new set of international ones (many pretty fucking scary) I had no knowledge of.  I also realized I shouldn’t have started to intensively research them after dark.

When it comes to urban legends, my knowledge has grown since 1980 (when I heard the version I did of ‘if her dog didn’t lick the girl’s hand in the dark, then who did?’ and what I think is called The Dead Boyfriend and the broken-down/out of gas car). Actually, the ones I heard from the time I heard my first urban legend until a few years later weren’t so much of a ‘learning experience’ as ‘a reason to sleep with the lights on, and get no sleep during slumber parties’. Later, though, I started hearing different versions. When I was a Freshman in high school, I even attempted to write my own book of urban legends I’d heard, which ground to a halt mainly because A. I hadn’t acquired typing skills yet and B. I ran out of legends before I even reached ten to write down. Then came the Jan Brunevald books, followed by the internet, and by the time I was thirty, I had the skill of knowing every legend, how and when it originated, different versions, but especially which ones were true and which weren’t.

That last aspect has done some harm as well as good; in a social situation, I learned the hard way that when someone begins to relate a story, interrupting them by shouting out “No, WRONG! That’s an urban legend! I can prove it!” when they’re less than 30 seconds into their story doesn’t exactly win you any popularity contests. I remember biting my tongue when my family doctor began relating a story to me that he said another patient had told him about; this patient  (who  lied their ass off) picked up a really trashed, used, vintage Harley Davidson,  later got a call from Jay Leno offering 20 grand for the bike, and discovering the value was due to it being a birthday present from Elvis to Priscilla Presley.  Another time, when I worked at Amazon.com, I was in the women’s restroom and saw a Xerox of an email someone was sent warning about the poisonous asbestos found in tampons. They’d taped it to the inside of the stall to denote its urgency (and used a red Sharpie to draw several arrows to the subject heading and key words, and also to state HEY!! READ This!!! TRUE!!! in case you missed it, God forbid.) I couldn’t squash down the smart-ass in me that time; instead I went to trusty ole Snopes.com, found the “InBoxer Rebellion” section, printed out the page clearly providing evidence this warning was a pack of lies, then taped the print-sheet underneath the first, with the False status hi-lited.  Another time I’m fairly sure I damaged a blossoming friendship when I got an email sent to me telling an ‘inspiring story’ that was such an exceptionally stupid urban legend that I finally snapped and replied to all with a cut and paste of the entire Snopes page, with the introduction, “Sorry, but…”. To be fair, the email I finally responded to was the finale to a series of other email warnings (“READ THIS AND PASS THIS ON, IT COULD SAVE A LIFE!!!!”) about not flashing your head-lights because of gang initiations,  not checking for change from a vending machine because some sickos were deliberately placing HIV-infected needles in there, checking your seat in a movie theater carefully before sitting because some sickos were deliberately placing HIV-infected needles in there,  and not checking for loose change in a coin-return slot of public payphones because some sickos were deliberately placing HIV-infected needles in there,  and checking under your car during the Christmas season because some crazy criminals were deliberately hiding under cars in shopping-mall parking lots, ready with a scalpel to slash your Achilles tendon so that you dropped your purse and all your packages for them to grab and run off with while you collapsed on the pavement, bleeding and screaming.*

OK, how about if I just fast-forward to what I was going to write, and save the huge amount of material on urban legends (one of the first ten categories I made for this blog). I’m a subject matter expert on urban legends, but when I discovered this trailer, I realized there was a whole new set of international ones (many pretty fucking scary) I had no knowledge of.  I also realized I shouldn’t have started to intensively research them after dark.

Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuck...

Fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuck...

Here’s the first trailer for Carved; I ended up using two versions of it, and adding the one I saw first-the “channel” the trailer was on is gone now, but I was able to find the now-rare, long version I watched before the shorter one. The below version of the Carved trailer has English subtitles and good picture quality. Here you go!

Now here’s the first (now-rare) one I watched. No subtitles, but it’s here. This would have scared the fuck out of me even without the surprise ending I’ll relate to you below the trailer. Make sure you watch till the very end for maximum creepiness effect (it fades out halfway through…  but then comes back). The ending in the rain (I think that’s the rare part) made it worth including. I only wish I could find the original, which had subti– no, you know what? Scratch that. After a re-watch I just decided I’m fine with no English subtitles! I’ve got enough trouble sleeping as it is.

I distinctly recall the first time I discovered this trailer …and here’s why!  At the time, the only computer we had was in the office, an eMac. There’s not much lighting in there, and it’s one of the few above-ground rooms of our house that doesn’t have a lot of natural light. The window is small, barred, and has a curtain, since neither my neighbors nor I have any interest in making awkward eye contact through windows while we are both at home. At the time, it was also after dark, and I was the only one awake in the house (or so I thought). Right at the very end of the trailer, with the looong shot of the girl in the rain, our two recently-adopted kittens also made a discovery: if they both slammed themselves against a closed office door with the correct placement and timing hard enough, they could enter that same room after the door crashed open with great force, accompanied by a very loud noise!  They were too cute to yell at, but when I could stand up from the chair, I immediately went right to the bedroom, turned the light on, and hastily crawled into bed with my sleeping husband, all in one large motion. I didn’t even think  funny later, not funny now.

That's OK, I wasn't planning to get any sleep tonight anyway...

That's OK, I wasn't planning to get any sleep tonight anyway...

Okay, okay. If you reeeaaallly can’t wait to know more about this legend, here’s some good info. BTW, this isn’t even the scariest depiction/explanation for Kuchisake Onna. When I find that, I’ll post it in a hurry! But here’s a good start.

* Example: I can’t sing, and I’m fairly certain a large team of patient, expert voice coaches whom I offered millions of dollars to if they could ‘cure’ my tone-deafness would give up after about a year. I can, however, tell you in detail about The Ramones, rattle off the name of every album and every song contained on it in chronological order, as well as tracks that didn’t make it onto the record. I could tell you set lists, and pretty personal details about every member (OK, not so much on Tommy, but my husband can fill in the gaps), including time I was lucky enough to spend with them individually.

**Betty’s MIL pulled out a Seconal to bite in half and ‘share’ with her grand-daughter. Seconals were bright red capsules, not tablets. Ah-HAH, gotcha Matthew Weiner! Guess you didn’t pay attention during Valley of the Dolls (or read the novel more than once) like I did!

***actually, that last one kind of makes me want to check under my car the next time I’m returning to it carrying shopping bags, now that I think of it.

Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake #5- Session 9

 

They got the tagline for Session 9 dead on: Fear IS a place.

I recommend that, if you like this trailer,  you go ahead and see the movie. It’s actually best to go in clean on this one. The trailer doesn’t give too much away, but it definitely conveys the creeping sense of dread, building tension, and terror.

and if you HAVE seen the movie, this will remind you why it creeped you the hell out. So, if you haven’t seen Session 9, try to see it before I post my long-ass in-depth review of the movie AND even longer article on Danvers State Mental Asylum, the actual place where the movie was filmed (and scripted with Danvers specifically in mind as the setting). They got the tagline for Session 9 dead on: Fear IS a place.

 

Scary or Die – AWESOME NSFW Trailer

 

I’ve heard very little about this movie. The trailer below, though, had me as soon as Screaming Jay Hawkins’ I Put a Spell on You  kicked in. Add in the fact that it’s a horror ANTHOLOGY and I almost sprained my fingers searching for a release date.  Less than five minutes later I interrupted the Session 9 piece I was working on (which I would like very much to finish and post) just to put this up. Check THIS shit out!*

*I really hope it doesn’t turn out to be shitty. This ‘teaser trailer’ is worth a look, though! How the hell this has been floating around online for nine months, and this is the first I’ve heard of it, I have no idea. Perhaps if I went the official website and clicked on “About” I would know more.

 

Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake #4 – Shutter (2004)

…until I review [Shutter], I should probably just keep this short and…well, this movie  is anything but sweet.

I’ve found that this excellent, well-crafted trailer is equally creepy whether or not you’ve seen the movie. It showcases the most frightening aspects of the movie without revealing so much that you wonder if you should bother with the 90-minute version. The tags sound chilling in the first place, but if you’ve seen the Thai film Shutter (2004), at least one of them-

Sometimes…
they just want to be…
around us

will make your skin crawl. Watching this trailer again before this posting made the hairs on my arms and neck stand up, and it’s still light out. Since I got moving today while the sun was out, I thought, this’ll be a good time to post one of the seven trailers left on this list that really could keep me awake, so to utilize the nice, light day, which one should I pick? Shutter!  I thought, with absolutely no hesitation.  I’ll also tell you that if you have time for a movie and want a scary one, pick the original Shutter up with absolutely no hesitation (unless you’re already badly frightened and need to calm down). It’s a good one to go into ‘clean’, which is just what I did, having no motherfucking clue what I was in for.

Speaking of which, it’s difficult for me to write about Shutter without a really, really high swear count. So, until I review it, I should probably just keep this short and …well, this movie is anything but sweet. Keep it short.

Besides, it’s starting to get dark out.

 

fuck THAT place! No thanks, I'll wait out here.

Ten Trailers To Keep You Awake #3 – Grave Encounters

 

 

This feature is teetering on turning into ‘Ten trailers to keep ME awake”.  I find the trailer on You Tube, then watch it to make sure it still works and is the best version available, then get creeped out. I’m going to try to start loading and writing about them when it’s still light out, and maybe elaborating a little more when I’m not trying to relax and power-down into sleep mode at 5:00 AM.

Turn off the lights, gather round, get snacks. Then have a vacuum/broom/mop ready for after the movie when everyone’s snacks and/or drinks went flying out of their hands…

When ‘supernatural found footage’ genre films work, they work. When they’re scary, they are fucking scary This is one o the ones that absolutely, completely worked. So, I saw this trailer several months before the movie was released. You want to see something scary with a group of friends?  Here’s a REAL good one. In fact I’d recommend seeing it with a group of friends who all want the hell scared out of them rather than, say, watching it alone after dark, not fully cognizant of the fact that somewhere by the end of the first act,  you’ve been paddling your feet to back-pedal and get further away from the movie, ending up slouched WAY down on the couch.* Turn off the lights, gather round, get snacks, then have a vacuum/broom/mop ready for after the movie when everyone’s aforementioned snacks and/or drinks went flying out of their hands and sprayed all over the rec room during one of the (many) big jumps.

Not all the scariest scenes are in the trailer, either (another mistake some supernatural found-footage movies make).  That doesn’t mean you should watch the above trailer with the sound cranked up and your face inches from the screen, though, because… well, you’ll see.

*Guess who?

 

Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake #2 – Alone

Hey, remember Shutter? Not the crappy 2008 American remake with Josh Jackson (they at least could get a “Well, At Least They Tried …Sorta” award, since I’ve seen way, way shittier remakes of Asian horror movies). Nope, the 2004 original from Thailand, which remains to this day one of the most frightening movies ever made;  I also doubt that I’d get much argument from anyone who has seen Shutter. The movie Alone (the trailer to follow) is the work of the same creative team responsible for Shutter.

I don’t recommend watching this trailer for Alone (or the movie either) if you’ve in a jumpy mood…

That trailer will be showing up on this list,  believe me. Also, probably on my top ten scariest movies ever made list later on. I bring up Alone as the next trailer for a couple of reasons.

• It’s about conjoined twins (sound creepy yet?) and hey, two conjoined sisters=Two out of Ten on the list (yes, you can say it, I’m a genius). Seriously though, this list of Ten Trailers To Keep You Awake is, BTW, not in any special order of scariness; all ten are great if you’re worried you might fall asleep too early.

I don’t recommend watching this trailer for Alone (or the movie either) if you’ve in a jumpy mood…

Couple things, including what triggered the memory of the creepy, creepy, very creepy trailer:

I’m trying to just split them up so all the J-Horror, K-Horror, and T-Horror aren’t clumped together, and try to vary them in the list, and at least alternate between supernatural horror and non-supernatural horror. I could easily comprise this entire list of creepy Asian horror trailers, but like I said, variety and bla-de-bla. Things to keep in mind as of this writing…

  • I saw on the pilot of the series Monster Man (which I am happy to have discovered and is much more up a horror fan’s alley than Face Off) that Sean Cunningham is doing a remake (SIGH) called “The Alone. The FX shop needed a certain shot of the twins separated in a messy way (not in the original, but I try to support practical over CGI effects in every way, not to mention they look WAY cooler). I did notice that SC cast Thai twin females, just like the original. I don’t think he’s going to keep their names “Pim” and Poy”, but I could be wrong. I’m such a fan of the original*, and this writing/directing team, that even though they gave very little info about the film/project (no title, nor the fact it was a re-make) I realized the second they showed the conceptual art, it had to be Alone. IMDB’d it and was right.
  • I want to point out I have nothing less than total love and admiration for  SOTA FX–you can find hours of awesome entertainment on their official website.  Check out the flash intro, then enter the site and start the fun. They have a kick-ass sizzle reel!
  • That in turn reminded me how the trailer (let alone the movie) scared the hell out of me.  After I saw the trailer I looked high and low for a (legal) copy to rent/buy, and ended up watching the movie a couple of days later on You Tube.
  • I watched this trailer on my laptop, after dark, only one still awake in the house and in a dark room. I was smart enough to mute the soundtrack because I wasn’t feeling especially relaxed, and I knew what the team behind Shutter was capable of. I also had the common sense to NOT continue and watch the movie that night and to hold off till the next day, when it was nice and bright out. Still creepy as hell.
  • The first trailer I posted for this suddenly stopped working. Then I put up a version of the trailer in Thai-no English subtitles (my rationale was that you do NOT need them to have the crap scared out of you …or know what’s going on). It’s not the dialogue that makes this trailer scary as shit. Then I found a working copy WITH English subtitles, ta-dah!

So, to sum up, a great, very unsettling (that’s an understatement) unique film. If this trailer scares you, the actual movie Alone will scare the snot out of you.

From the movie “Alone”.

Again, I don’t recommend watching this trailer (or the movie either) if you’ve in an anxious or stressed mood, and if you even feel like you *might* be on the verge of a panic attack, you may want to seriously consider holding off till daylight.

I’ll do the review/full piece later,  but until then, here’s the trailer for Alone.

*Alone, and Shutter too. Just trying to focus on Alone and not start raving about Shutter, partially because I need to get some sleep tonight.

(pee pants)

Ten Trailers to Keep You Awake #1- The Divide (2012)

Thia is, as you probably figured out already, number one in a series of ten very, very scary trailers. These are ones that I regretted watching when I was home alone, and I deeply  regretted watching alone (or was I?) and after dark. I have amusing stories (that were not at all goddamned funny at the time) regarding the ridiculously bad timing I had watching some of it.

Grow up in the 80s like I did? Did most of the teachers at your middle/high school basically convince you that you would die in a nuclear holocaust before you graduated? Did they make watching The Day After pretty much required watching?

This movie is supposed to be brutal as hell, and though I haven’t gotten my copy yet or seen anything but trailers and clips, I’m pretty sure no-one is exaggerating. Here’s the first trailer I saw; definitely called an official trailer by several websites, including the official site for the movie. It actually appears to be the opening of the film. I know I got chills seeing it.

Grow up in the 80s like I did? Did you go to a school where most of the teachers at your middle/high school basically convinced you that you would die in a nuclear holocaust before you graduated? Did they make watching The Day After pretty much required watching so, at the very least, you could have a student assembly the next day so you could discuss it?  If so, this might freak you out just a tiny bit…

This movie is supposed to be brutal as hell, and though I haven’t gotten my copy yet or seen anything but trailers and clips*, I’m pretty sure no-one is exaggerating.  When the movie’s tagline is:

THE LUCKY ONES DIED IN THE BLAST

well, you get that gut feeling that maybe you should just rent the movie, not buy it. Also, that it might be gee, I don’t know, kind of depressing.  A little bleak, perhaps, and maybe I should use my common sense about the timing of watching it. Nope, I still ordered it so I could get it on the day it was released (April 17, 2012). I didn’t put it together until I was listening to the commentary that it was directed by Xavier Gens. He directed a little French horror movie called Frontiere/s, which I own but cannot watch after dark. Well, I can watch it after dark, it’d just be a really bad fucking idea if I wanted to fall asleep before dawn.

The above is the first trailer I saw- definitely called an official trailer by several websites, including the official site for the movie. It actually appears to be the opening of the film. I know I got chills seeing it. Maybe it isn’t as insomnia-inducing if you didn’t grow up until after the 80s.

Maybe.

*I saw it (review to follow) and it was darker than I thought. Then again, I didn’t put it together until I was listening to the commentary that it was directed by Xavier Gens. He directed a French horror movie called Frontiere/s (2008), just, oh, a teensy bit scary and gruesome. One of the most nightmarish movies I’ve ever seen, that’s all …which I own but to this day cannot watch after dark. Well, I can watch it after dark, it’d just be a really bad fucking idea if I wanted to fall asleep before dawn.

A First -Trailer of the Week is promoting a mainstream release!

Now, I ‘m trying not to get my hopes up for this upcoming horror flick (though I guess they’d rather we called the genre “Supernatural Thriller” or “Action Thriller”, oh please God no) that’s getting a mainstream release. I hope they give it the push they gave Insidious about this time last year (2011). Now, that’s going to be either a really, really long piece or a series of articles*. I distinctly recall (among other involuntarily actions that probably wasn’t a picnic for Rick, whom I only got to see Insidious with me by paying for both our tickets) my gut-reaction to the first HUGE jump about halfway through**- I let out a scream so loud I was dimly aware feeling my chin hit my upper chest.  I’d recently accidentally discovered, during a showing of Quarantine (the REC remake, watered-down, but close enough to the original when viewed in a pitch-dark theater) a new talent of mine: screaming like a top-tier professional Scream Queen.***

…His mother, Luisa (Pilar Lopez de Ayala), worries that her son’s fertile imagination is fueling the vivid and increasingly alarming dreams that disrupt his sleep each night (Intruders)

OK, where was I? I first discovered the existence of this movie several months ago when Entertainment Weekly magazine did a piece “grading” the best and worst movie posters of the upcoming year. They gave Intruders an F. I remember thinking, great, nice vague title that I’m pretty sure has been used before, plus –wait, that’s CLIVE OWEN? What kind of idiot covers up Clive Owen’s face on a poster when one of your target demographics is heterosexual women? Not to mention, even if Owen wasn’t sexy as hell, that  you don’t want want to market a movie with an established, likeable, A-list actor and quite possibly a box-office draw in his or her self, don’t make them unrecognizable.

I forgot about it until I saw a trailer, which looked like the movie had some potential. Then Fangoria did a feature article on it, and it looked and sounded creepy as hell-and also interesting.  I started looking for other trailers – or better yet, a red band trailer.

Here’s the trailers for you–you tube had a “red band” trailer (though it doesn’t seem especially red band-y) and the regular one back-to-back.

Here’s the HD version:

Apparently, Clive Owen’s character has never seen a single scary movie in his life, because none of us horror fans say things like,” Don’t worry. It definitely won’t come back,”  let alone, “It’s over. The nightmare is finally ove–” CHOP

 Then again, I was positive Eight-Legged Freaks would be beyond awesome; it was a no-brainer. Instead, they managed to fuck up a giant spider movie… So I’m aware I might turn out to be wildly wrong about Intruders.

Here’s one or two of the recently-released new promo stills/art. I don’t know what type of promotion the second is for, but my closest guess is that the art (not a photo, but created by an artist, the old-fashioned pen and paper-way before Photoshop, vectors and more technology came along) to be used as a bonus on some upcoming Ultimate Collector’s Set as a special limited-edition bonus (perhaps as alternate DVD art, or a small poster).  I know one thing:  it’d make a better (not to mention much cooler) movie poster than what is basically the equivalent of a 2-D version of Audience Repellant they’re using now. Click the hyperlinks above to see them.

Finally, here’s the official press-kit plot description:

In Madrid, Juan (Izán Corchero) is a ferociously bright 8 year old who loves to tell stories. His mother, Luisa (Pilar Lopez de Ayala), worries that her son’s fertile imagination is fueling the vivid and increasingly alarming dreams that disrupt his sleep each night. But for Juan, the gruesome faceless creature that enters his bedroom in the dead hours is terrifyingly real.

In London, Mia (Ella Purnell), an 11 yeared-old girl on the brink of adolescence, discovers the power of storytelling as she captivates her classmates with a disturbing tale of a blank faced ghoul called Hollowface who tries to steal the features of children as he craves contact with the human world [awww, the guy’s lonely]. Mia, too, becomes convinced that her story has crossed over from the realms of imagination into reality and that she has unwittingly unleashed a malevolent force into the world…

I’d consider seeing Intruders with an unknown male lead (though Clive Owen is a nice bonus, giving me a little more interest in going to see the film) anyway, because,  AS OF THIS CURRENT WRITING****, I’m excited to see it now that I know more plot details –such as an “Urban Legend ad/or An Old Ghost Story (or Folk Myth) That’s Been Around for decades”. The star in question of Ye Olde Folktale is called “Hollow Face”. and I think his staple terrifying goal is stealing the faces of their victims, preferably children.

*A featured piece about Insidious, that is. Writing about this gem of a movie reminds me that Tarantino went on my movie-related shit list (at the bottom slot, but still on it) when he had the balls to put Insidious on his “Worst Movies of 2011” official list …over The fucking Green Hornet, and? AND! The Hangover Part 2. (full disclosure: Green Hornet and Hangover 2 are on his “Other Greatest” List, since he only has 11 “Top” slots). Leave it to Tarantino to refuse to edit himself or not know when to shut up. I might not be one to cast stones on the “never knowing when to shut up” peronality trait (especially when I get all excited and geek out), but even hardcore Tarantino fans will admit he can be annoyingly self-indulgent at times. I still dig him enough to call myself a fan …but not only putting Insidious on his “Worst of 2011 List” (perhaps because it was PG-13 and thus only allowed one “fuck” per entire movie, and Cretin Quentin Tarantino didn’t care for the fact no-one got shot in the face) All that while giving honors to The Green Hornet and Hangover 2? No amount of alcohol in your bloodstream could make either of those movies entertaining or amusing.

**and possibly the biggest jump in the movie; while the entire last act of Insidious scared the ever-loving shit out of me, and had some other big, big PG-13-rated haunted house movie-jumps (think Poltergeist) the first one I did NOT see coming.

*** there were two moments from the last act (set in the scariest attic shy of the one in the Saeki family residence) where I screamed like it was my JOB. I do some voice-over work now, but it’s pretty rinky-dink (I do it freelance, which means way less pay, and haven’t gotten around to seeking out an agency yet). I might as well been called to audition as a screamer and told: “this is a very high-profile movie, our female lead/final girl just can’t sell it.  Give me the best, most terrified, loudest scream you can and we’ll give you $1000,00, plus you’ll have a contract providing enough regular work to pay off your mortgage and retire in a few years. Now, on my count, three, two, one, GO FOR IT!”  I overheard a guy several rows and an entire section away muttering, “Jesus, lady!”  I knew both jumps were coming, too. Oh, and about the original REC, (made in Spain–they should have just released that one) another entire novella-length post is being crafted, as REC is not only one of the ten (maybe five) scariest horror movies I’ve seen in my life,  it was on of the few, few, very few horror movies to give me nightmares. The cliche kind where you half-sit up in bed suddenly, heart pounding, like they do in TV and movies when a character is having a dream get very scary. OK, I wasn’t panting and covered in sweat, and/or sitting bolt upright and gasping for air, but it was a low-key version of that. That  horrifying, blood-curdling, disturbing attic monster still makes a cameo appearances in my dreams from time to time. In fact, I felt my pulse quicken much more fan I prefer it to just pulling up the mental image of that tall, stringy, freakishly unevenly-long-limbed albino THING crashing around that pitch-black attic as seen through a night-vision lens. Yet oh dammit, I can’t resist adding this youtube slideshow of fairly unsettling unused concept art for the final monster. Only one image of the monster was used (I won’t tell you which one) along with one or two other images of the ‘infected’ from the film. Helpful Hint: if you are in an easily-creeped-out mood, hit “mute” on your keyboard.

But I digress (even more than usual.)

****then again, Eight-Legged Freaks seemed like it was so awesome it was a no-brainer.  Greenish toxic waste seeps into a river leading down to a local “Exotic Spider Farm/Museum”?  I am fuckin’ ON BOARD. 100% sold.  WHOA! Look at all the cool shit in the trailer! The lead-in! Oh AWESOME!

Do you hate spiders?  (beat)

Do you …REALLY hate spiders?  (beat)

Well…  (beat)

THEY DON’T LIKE YOU EITHER!

OH HELL YEAH! Looks like some practical effects mixed in, and the CGI sure as hell ain’t bad! How could this possibly not be the most–(sound of record needle being yanked off)

Instead, they managed to fuck up a giant spider movie. Who the hell fucks up a giant spider movie? How? WHY? I’m still resentful over a decade later …and yet I still remember the sweet, pure adrenaline rush I got when I saw the first full-length trailer online (that I then watched half a dozen times back-to-back before I even sent anyone the link to share it). I got almost as big of a rush re-watching it when I was grabbing the you tube link (I say ‘almost ‘because now I know that the movie didn’t exactly deliver on the roller-coaster promise of this initial trailer). Since I posted the trailer HERE I watched it another dozen times.

There’s a second trailer for 8LF that’s  twice as long  (after they decided to bump the Campy B-Movie-factor up several notches), but I still think the first is a hell of a lot more fun.

Here’s the initial one that made me lose my got-damed mind: Enjoy!

Oh Eight-Legged Freaks trailer, you had me at EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS! Especially when the hero yells it at the top of his lungs while blasting away at them as all hell breaks loose.