(Sleaziest) Trailer of the Week- Piranha 3DD

Well, when the movie has a title like that, it’s not going to be too classy (especially when David Hasslehoff plays himself, and Gary Busey shows up in the cast as a lead).. Some people (even fans of the first -the 2010 re-make) might be rolling their eyes. You may have heard me refer to the original in this blog as “Goriest R-Rated Movie made to date”, “I have no motherfucking idea how this movie pulled off an R-Rating” and also mention that all I could come up with it that it was a mainstream horror/action flick with a built-in audience/fan-base. I know one thing: over the horror movies I’ve ever counted down the most obsessively and impatiently to the theatrical release date (usually not opening for goddamn months) Piranha 3D (2010) may be in the top five most anticipated, along with Final Destination 3**, and GRINDHOUSE. While I don’t think they’ll be able to top (or equal) the glorious 2010 film, it still looks like a hell of a lot of sleazy fun simply seeing them try to top it…

EXTREMELY NSFW New Red-Band Pirhana 3DD Trailer Below:

*top five limited to theatrical releases

**I even recall the exact moment I went from, Level 1 excitement (Definitely going to be there opening weekend or I am SO THERE!)  to Level 2 excitement/geek-out  (When the FUCK do tickets go on sale? Hell, I feel like lining up now if I could) escalating to Level 3. Level 3 constitutes snapping like that and losing my motherfucking MIND at the idea I’ll have to wait even another week to see it.  Just insert a string of curses that Tony Soprano would say when he’s more stressed-out and pissed-off than usual, mixed in with geek gibberish here;  whatever ‘language’ you think of, I probably said it out loud even if I was alone in the room at the time). For FD3, that *snap* when my excitement suddenly and completely blows my mind to geek circuit overload, temporarily losing all capacity of rational thought or articulation (other than wanna see it now NOW NOW NOW NOW!) happened when I heard the Final Destination-Formula Opening Disaster Premonition was a roller coaster. A roller coaster?  A ROLLER COASTER ACCIDENT/MASSACRE THAT WILL CLAIMS THE LIVES OF AT LEAST 6 CHARACTERS (and I was not disappointed, even though I couldn’t bring down my wildly high expectations, no matter how hard I tried to lower them)!   For Piranha 3D, those moments of escalation were (following the Holy crap, the news says shot for 3D? I’d be just as psyched to see it in 2D.

  • Level 1.= Christopher Lloyd plays an eccentric fish scientist, Ving Rhames a really bad-ass Town Sheriff, and Richard Dreyfuss has a cameo before the title card in which he might as well be playing a 25-yeas older version of Matt Hooper.
  • Level 2.=I read the news that Nicotero/Berger were doing all the effects.
  • Level 3=seeing the “banned” sizzle reel posted online at  ShockYa!, mainly comprised of scenes from the Lake Victoria massacre that were so gory, it never made it past being banned as soon as it was pre-screened for Comic Con 2010.

Background on that sizzle reel: Someone had snuck in, along with their snuck-in iPhone, and it’s clear it was NOT shown to anyone but a small group; the only audio reactions were from the guy who snuck in, filming secretly and thus trying not to draw any attention to himself by any normal-volume- level  comments. You can hear him quietly muttering through his teeth,  “Oh my god”, “Holy shit,” and a more harshly whispered “Fuck!” during the top three very, very adults-only shots, such as the girl in the string bikini who is sliced in half with a wildly-whipping power cable (which also conveniently cuts off the strings holding her bikini top) . I’m pretty sure they knew it would probably create much more buzz when the reel didn’t make it past the private screening, so they really stepped it up gore-wise to ensure there was no way it could NOT be banned for being too shocking and gruesome. And you know what? That PR tactic worked. like a MoFo.

Discovering The Host (Gwoemul)

…the memories are there, fresh as that night five years ago, when I forgot about everything that was not The Host for the two hours I watched, even the fact that I was sitting in a theater.

Five years ago on this very night*, I discovered the South Korean monster movie The Host. Five minutes ago, I accidentally deleted an elaborate, thoughtful post, because apparently I STILL haven’t learned my goddamned lesson about composing posts in RTF or MS Word format and ‘saving early and often’ before I post them.  I’ll add my post, because this is not only an amazing, flawless, highly entertaining horror movie, it has sentimental value for me on many different levels. For one, it led to me discovering that some of the finest films ever made were South Korean.

But enough of that for now, before I delete this too. Hey! Here’s the trailer!

Great Trailer- STILL Doesn’t Do the Movie Justice

Fun Fact:

Director Bong Joon-ho and the designer of the creature nicknamed it Steve Buscemi, based on the actor’s screen persona and the way he acted in the movie Fargo. ** (OK, the scene I linked to isn’t a great example, but I’ve seen that clip 100 times and it’ still gold every time.)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468492/trivia?tab=tr&item  :

Not-So-Fun Fact:

The event described in the beginning of the film is based on an actual event. In February 2000 at a US military facility located in the center of Seoul, a US military civilian employee named Mr. McFarland was ordered to dispose of formaldehyde by dumping it into the sewer system that led to the Han River, despite the objection of a South Korean subordinate. The government attempted to prosecute Mr. McFarland in court, but the US military refused to hand over the custody of Mr. McFarland to the South Korean legal system. Later, a South Korean judge convicted Mr. McFarland in absentia. The public was enraged at the government’s inability to enforce its law on its own soil. In 2005, nearly five years after the original incident, Mr. McFarland was finally found guilty in a court in his presence. However, he never served the actual prison sentence, and there have been no sightings of a mutant creature in the Han River …yet.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468492/trivia?tab=tr&item=tr0663591 :

Though one of my least favorite qualities in a person and especially in myself is cynicism, I actually figured something along these lines had happened before I discovered the actual facts. One of the main complaints on message boards about this movie (not a valid one, as far as I’m concerned, but it’s up there, sadly) is that it is “Anti-U.S. Military”. Riiight, because there’s certainly no history of the US Military (especially during the Bush administration) making cowboy mistakes that result in going to other countries and ruining them over mis-information that no-one bothered to do much research on, then making up some total bullshit fabricating information to save face.

…and that’s not the worst news.

More to come soon.  It’ll also help add a little flavor to this post when I dig up my copy of the movie to watch it, but as I said (or DID before the fucking post vanished, grrr), the memories are there, fresh as that night five years ago, when I forgot about everything that was notThe Host for the two hours I watched, even the fact that I was sitting in a theater.

Uh-oh.

*March 19, 2007 – which happened to be one of the absolute shittiest months of my life, other than the evening I watched this kick-ass movie.

**Oh, screw it. One of Buscemi’s funniest lines in the movie (and every line he had was funny) that I doubt other Fargo fans will mind watching again: